Not Just a Shadow

Chapter 64

“You will remain my priority dear, be my wife.” I just shook my head, he turned my body, clutching me tightly.

“I love you Deck, I don't want to let go of you, I don't want to lose you.”

“Mas still has our memories as well as mine, and will soon be the past. Wise Mas, where is my lover who used to always be firm, authoritative, responsible with all what has been his decision?”

“He's gone because you want to be no longer by his side. Her fragile heart is back.”

“Don't make me a bad person in our story Mas, in our story let me remain a strong and independent woman like myself before I knew you. Remain a wise and kind woman, not hurting anyone. And we end our relationship with the word ‘maybe we are not mate’ may God has planned something more beautiful than all that we have passed.”

“I don't want to miss a soul mate as good as you love,”

“Maybe we are not a match in a husband and wife relationship, maybe our soul mate is only as a friend. Sisters might be the right name for us. So if Mas still wants to keep the friendship with me we will turn this relationship into brothers no more than that.” I let go of his embrace which had started to stretch.

“Why it's like this, this scene is so heart-draining. Flooding at every corner.” I rubbed her tears without a sound.

I kissed his lips, Mas Ferdian added deepening my kiss while making me start to lulled back.

“This is my last kiss as a lover.”

“Emuach.” I kissed her cheek short.

“It was as a welcome to a sister. I'm sorry I've been bothering you all this time Mas, draining your pockets a lot just to fill my salad.” His fingers closed my lips, stopping my speech.

“I know you don't use it much, Dika gives a report once every six months. And you didn't ask anything from you at all, even I felt I wasn't of any benefit at all. Until I feel I only take your time to serve me.” I shake my head, clasping his hands patted the back of his hand, we are still standing.

“Do not say such a thing. You gave precious days full of colors in my life that are black and white Mas. And this is one reality that we have to live in the future must be full of smiles. I will remember the beautiful things between us, the maturation you taught me I will remember. I hope, Mas will also remember my sweet words only, and forget the bad things I once said.” I exhaled my breath.

“I'm back, good rest. Take good care of your health, live your marriage like any other marriage. Do your duty well, give the rights that are appropriate Mbak Rin get. Greetings to Mbak Rin and say sorry.”

“Promise never avoid me if I want to meet you (maybe my expression looks I am reluctant to answer it) I promise as a big brother!” mas Ferdian's face looked begging full of spoiled gazes. I felt that her heart had started to melt with her determination just now that was so strong as to marry me.

My gaze was filled with questioning to make his face seem more spoiled waiting for my answer. It made me publish a smile.

“Hemm.” I nodded with some hesitation, he did not question at all why I gave him the advice to do his duty as a husband even though Mbak Rin met me secretly. I started to think maybe, Sister Rin was discovered before Mas Ferdian came here.

“The husband of this wife seems to be adding to the test of my patience to hold back.” My inner self after confirming Mas Ferdian's request.

“Hopefully they will not vulgarly indulge the affairs of his inner needs in me. O Allah strengthen the servant if this is a test of patience from You.” I was still staring at him, Mas Ferdian was still holding both of my hands.

“I say goodbye Mas, the day is really already night. I don't want you to worry, because lately I've never been home late.”

“Wait, Mas between you.”

“No need Mas, I will not burden your heart with a sense of urgency on my parents.”

“They are also my parents, Dek.” I just smiled knotty.

“I take a taxi, Mas just rest. The business here is done right? Come back soon, Sister Rin must have missed you. Don't add to your sin just because something doesn't matter.”

“You will still be an important part of my life Dek!” his words were full of emphasis.

“Thank you,” I greet and kiss the back of his hand.

“Have you thought you were going to attend our wedding? The recipe is not yet in place, maybe soon. My father-in-law wanted that. Before that happens so Mas begs you we can get married first, this is the reason Mas meet you.” Tired of discussing this, I pulled Mas Ferdian from the doorstep and I walked out just like that. I didn't hear the steps that followed me, I wiped my tears flowing nonstop.

Arriving at the lobby I accidentally saw a face like Mr. Febrian sitting on the sofa as if waiting for someone. I passed by without saying hello, I hid my face to be invisible to her. I couldn't think what else I was going to say when he asked me if I was here. I breathed a sigh of relief when I met him at the exit, no one called me. I sat in the front of the hotel. I took a deep breath and exhaled it, trying to calm my heart.

“Ra, relax okay!” I said to myself.

After my heart calmed down a little, I stood up only to realize that the shadow of my body had covered the shadow of someone made me immediately turn my body around.

“Pak Febrian,”

“Should I ask Ra?” I just kept quiet not responding. She reached out her hand to me, I looked at her not knowing what I was going to say or how I should behave to her.

“Why? (ask Mr. Febrian who still sees me just looking at him ) I will drive home.” I welcome the hand that is still waiting for me. I can't think of what Mr. Febrian would think when I would welcome his hand.

I got into his car, Mr. Febrian let me open the door. Pairing my seat belt for me, I just kept motionless or did not refuse. I don't know what's on my mind. I still stared at the man who was turning forward entering his car, sitting next to me turning on the engine of the car.

“Why Ra, it's not the first time you've seen me. Or maybe you've been fascinated by me?” ask with a smile. Trying to melt the atmosphere.

“Look like that, my face is currently?” I replied with a question, coming out of my lips, with a smile and still looking at him.

“It seems not,” he replied disappointedly, but displayed a smile on his face.

“I won't ask you anything Ra, I assume I didn't see you from where you came out. And what were you doing when I found you.”

“Thank you. Just drop me off on the highway, close to my hallway.” I said without expression.

“Should it be like that?”

“Maybe it would be better like that.” Reply again.

“I'll keep driving you home, at least you won't lie to your parents much when they ask, and they don't worry about you much.”

“But I can deal with it myself, I can still think realistically.”

“If you do not give me a pleasant answer with the past, at least you follow my current advice. Just like you are now, even if you are sad you will still show a calm face and smile full of peace. So do your parents, even if later they do not ask what you take but they are still worried behind you. Want to question and give you a solution but they will still hold back because they respect you who have grown up, let you choose your path not to regret in the future.” I just kept quiet, didn't say anything.

In the end I just followed Mr. Febrian like a buffalo shuffled his nose alone.I no longer forced my desire to go down in the alley near the house. Hers again, my tears flowed while I was still beside her. Makes me confused to wipe it.

“Don't cry anymore, everything has happened like this. There is no point in wasting your tears. There are only two things you can do to deal with your situation, the first you can be Ferdian's second wife, according to Rinna's permission. Or second, continue your life to marry me even if one day there is a possibility of you meeting but I will make sure you meet when your feelings are completely mine. If you choose the first option, you will still be hurt even though there is happiness in it. Think carefully, everyone would expect to only get married once.”

“Thank you, sorry.” That's the only word I can say. Mr. Febrian's car stopped right in front of my house.

The house feels lonely, do not know also the neighbors around have deserted. No door of the house was open.

“To avoid discomfort it is better not to stop by, sorry to have been impolite. And thank you for driving me home.” I told her, when she held the handle the door would come down when I was ready to go down.

“Think carefully, I just want to see you happy Ra,” I wink when I look at her, I see sincerity in her gaze.

Next episode, then,