Not Just a Shadow

Chapter 34

"I know I'm guilty of this, I'm less assertive in my attitude. But how bad I am at being wrong about this. I always try to be tolerant of circumstances but why does happiness seem to be not on my side? Can't I feel happiness?" I thought in between filling my gallery with Mas Ferdian.

Ferdian smiled handsomely in every moment we took. At the point of my unconsciousness for thinking too much about how I should deal with Mr. Ryan later when I meet.

"How should I behave?" the question came up and just came out of my lips.

" O Allah Hira, why do you say that. You are only ruining a beautiful moment right now. You should have been able to hold back, he had already started smiling You instead started again!" I regret my own words.

When Mas Ferdian looked at me starting to respond to my question, I started to tremble a little bit in fear of what would come out of his lips. I know it hurts a little. "After this I will be really firm Mas," I promised in my heart to listen to the advice he said.

I thought about what he was saying and predicted how I should mentally prepare myself for Mr. Ryan. But at the end of Mas Ferdian's words offended me. "Do you want to find a backup?" his words interpret me as the safest place finder of any kind. As if I was just looking for enjoyment and ease in living life. I knew that even though it wasn't her heart's intent, because she realized I never asked her weirdly. But his words hurt me for a moment.

I let go of his embrace, I moved away from his body that had been holding me warmly. I'm all for myself, I've tried to be sweet and even spoiled to take the initiative to start a physical touch that I've been warning about not breaking down my pride as a woman. Avoiding judgment as a woman....

"Darling," Mas Ferdian stepped closer to me, I still ignored him. Ease the pain in my heart and hold back my tears from escaping from its dam.

Mas Ferdian held onto both of my shoulders, I avoided him stepping forward from where he stood. From a place far enough away I accidentally met the bead of Mr. Febrian's eyes that turned out to look at me. "His eyes seemed to worry about me." I thought. It was seen Mr. Febrian enjoying black coffee with Mr. Ryan, who was sitting back to my eyes. I did not heed Mas Ferdian's appeal that I could not catch in my busy mind by digesting Mr. Febrian's gaze.

" Dear, are you really angry? Sorry for the words, come on, let's make a beautiful moment, huh? We're not going to talk about that. Smile dong,"

"How could I smile after listening to Mas's words, did Mas hold back from saying that?"

"Absolutely not dear, Mas just irritated to see you close to.... "

"Who with? Just a chat!"

"Yesterday?"

"Yesterday? Meanin?" Mas Ferdian showed me the photo in the chat he opened.

"Oh Allah, it is not in my desire, is it? Mr. Ryan gave me a headset, made me hear a song. Along the way I also overslept until this town just woke up."

"So you suddenly got here because of that photo? And we fuss because of that basic reason? Aye!" Mas Ferdian hugged me tightly from behind who still ignored him, from earlier I turned back to him. Mas Ferdian said his apology sticking his chin on my shoulder felt his breath on my cheek seducing to observe the look on my face.

"Not that reason alone, Mas did want to come with you yesterday was willing to slide. But suddenly there was no plan and there was an impromptu meeting. Mas try hard to finish it immediately and speeding glide after you! Don't be mad anymore, okay? please.." I looked at her face trying to post cute seduce me.

"Mbak Tari is not my place to complain about all the problems in my heart Mas, Bang Ryco who became the light in my dark. But I haven't told you about you proposing to me yet, sorry." My inner self answered the question she was protesting.

"Why is your gaze full of worry? Has Adek not forgiven Mas?" Ferdian pressed his hand against my stomach, kissing my cheek.

The gaze of Mr. Febrian who had survived made me keep my cheeks away from the lips of Mas Ferdian who continued to attack me. Shame me, like I did something embarrassing in front of the person I wanted to be.

"Why?" Ferdian felt me move away. I immediately looked at him so that he would not follow my point of view.

" There's nothing, Mas, shame many people have started to pass you by!" I tried to divert from being suspicious of what was actually making me a little uncomfortable.

"Why shy, I'm spoiled with my future wife." I just smiled smirkily impressed forced to smile.

"Mas not tired from standing here?"

"Buck!" as if cutting off Mas Ferdian's talk.

"Let's find someplace more.... " Mas Ferdian held me tight.

"Au." he lamented that I had pinched his waist so that he would not continue his words.

"Why dear, all day you often pinch Mas. Are you worried, huh?" I flicked my lips, disapproving of his words.

.

.

" Deck, can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Had the old Mas not contacted you, would you have questioned Mas's seriousness?" asked Ferdian suddenly in a quiet place without anyone passing by.

"It will definitely hurt."

"Mas seriousness will you ask, even though Mas still sends you money every month?"

"Mas himself knows, I don't expect zero-zero in my salt, even though every day I chase zero-zero." Ferdian looked deeper into me, rubbing my cheek with the thumb of his left hand cupping my face.

" Why do you ask like that? Does it have anything to do with my indecisive attitude towards Mr Ryan? Are you worried about that? Or Mas wants to die. "Mas Ferdian's lips have landed without cue.

"Mas will settle your business with Ryan, that's his second choice. Hows it? You haven't listened to Mas talk until the end, you've been indifferent."

"Will it be a wise choice?"

"Which choice is it, 1 or the second alternative? To be honest, I just want the second one. (I glanced at him sharply, I smelled words of emphasis here) Mas does not want you to meet him directly. Especially discussing matters of the heart!"

" Mas give me advice or demand that I follow Mas's orders. Let me meet him in person." Mas Ferdian glared at me sharply making me smile, hoping he gave me a little self-esteem.

"But.... "

"Mas trust me no?" his look disappointed me. Made me cut out the sentence he was going to say.

"Can you make the fear in Mas's heart disappear?"

" Fear why? All this time did Mas see or find me in a relationship with another man?" I close my face against my chin my hands rest on her thighs sitting cross-legged beside me.

" What should I do and in what way should I remove the fear in your heart? Am I embarrassing myself less in front of you? To what extent should I do it?" my mind's been sightseeing everywhere.

seriate,

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