About the Heart

Choices

Me, Dion and Mr. Aryan looked at each other. Each heart rages. Mr. Aryan with curiosity that surrounds the vastness of the mind. I don't know what kind of shackles are bothering me. Various anxieties united, calling out and turning into roars. Increasingly makes the mind unbecoming. As for Dion, how his heart aches I can no longer guess. I'm sure everything Mr. Aryan has in mind, the anxiety I feel and the calmness he has to keep showing is coming down to him.

However, Dion tried to always seem calm. So that I also contracted and did not get carried away by anxiety. He took a breath and threw it away slowly. With the rubbing he gave my hair, this man revealed the statement to Mr. Aryan.

"We're waiting for the urine test results."

"Is there a problem? Why do you need a urine test?"

Dion scooped his face slowly. The breath he had set, now try to master again. A thunderous roar in feelings, he tries to pay attention to hearing. Arrange sentences so as not to scatter and exaggerate the anxiety that has been packed.

"His blood pressure is high and his water is low. We wait for the results of the urine test to find out what next steps can be taken."

Mr. Aryan nodded his head. "Calm down, there's gotta be a way out."

"Make it easy, Sa. Fear not! Your blood pressure could go up again."

The head can nod, but deep down there was a was that was getting heated up. I'm easily groggy getting out of control if the situation is like this. My mind can no longer be sorted, where is anxiety and where is fear. Everything blends in and I can't get them to escape anymore.

The silence created between the three of us made the feeling even more tempestuous. Only Dion's touch gives it tranquility. Caught up in a word. As the mood grew, the call of my name returned, making the nervous even further away from the word dim.

Footsteps seemed to stumble, the road not far felt so fragile. Heart rate spurs, making the mind more erratic. The doctor who looks serious makes the tension rise straight. I looked at Dion with a thousand flavors that opened his chest. Just by grasping we give each other reinforcement.

"Dok, I'm flinching. Just found out when I went to the toilet."

"Then, please lie down! I'll check the opening."

According to the doctor's orders, I followed the procedure. Lie down for a while and endure a bit of biting pain. Go back to the table after the examination is over.

"It's opening three, ma'am."

We looked carefully at the doctor's explanation. The first experience with pregnancy left us with little understanding of labor issues.

The doctor ordered the nurse to check my blood pressure again. 150/110.

"After this, please follow the nurse to perform Nonstress tess (NST) with cardiotocography or CTG, to measure the fetal heart rate while moving in the womb!"

Again I just agree. My mind was no longer able to digest it properly. What the doctor said I did. I was taken into a room, there was a device that said it would show a beat and I had to press a device if it happened. I don't know, my brain can't remember much.

After passing the specified time, the test is completed. I went back to the doctor's office. He found Dion talking to the woman in the white coat. I sit back. The doctor read the results of my test that the nurse had just submitted.

Doctor Sitta paused his sentence. Me and Dion just kept quiet without any intention of interrupting. Letting go of a smile, I knew that the middle-aged woman wanted to reduce the anxiety that was clearly plastered from our faces, especially my face.

"Quiet, Mother."

Dion clasped my hand and his eyes stared softly along with his soothing smile. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Muffle the worries that come with great power.

"Do I have to give birth to a caesarean, Doc?"

The doctor smiled at her smile. "Mother has three options for the birth process of the baby, you."

There is a little relief that targets an anxiety-soaked heart.

"It can be spontaneous but there is a risk, Mom. Mother's blood pressure is high, it is feared will rise again if the opening is complete because of the straining process. If it happens it is very dangerous because it can damage the nerves and even risk death."

Blank.

"Or the mother chooses a normal delivery by induction. But if the drug we give does not react until the time limit we specify then proceed the vacuum process."

Induction and Vacuum? Removing the relief that had come. I've heard that if the pain is induced it exceeds the straining process during spontaneous childbirth. Putting that aside, I grew even more shocked as the vacuum also caught my sense of hearing. The shadow of the baby's head being pulled with a tool and the shape changes that are the consequence, and the impact on the aspect of intelligence makes me more hurt by misgivings.

Tears began to peep at the corner of the eye. However, I held on with all my might. I had to toughen up even though it felt already shackled by the spreading anxiety. For the sake of a baby that must be born safely, then I must not be weak and must be a strong mother.

Dion kept clutching my finger.

"However, if all that doesn't work out, then the last path is caesar."

My mind is getting deeper. Imagining induction and vacuum alone has been so disturbing my calm, especially if you have to face surgery. I don't think I can imagine.

"All options are in the hands of Father and Mother."

I looked into Dion's eyes. To look at the mind through the gaze. What choices will he drop. Me? Baffled. Spontaneous birth, of course the very thing I wanted. But the risk is too great to scare me. The worst thoughts about death come crashing down. If death picks me up, then who will take care of my baby?

Other choices also linger. The pain of induction and the horror of vacuum make the choice even more difficult to determine. What about a caesarean section? That's more stressful. The shadow of a slashed stomach, ah .. I am not strong. Especially if you have to feel twice the painful process, give birth to a normal that failed and finally operated on as well. I'm not in power.

My mind is increasingly pursued by the best decision to be made in the quickest time.

"I give you fifteen minutes. Please Father and Mother think carefully. Please see me again if you have a decision."