About the Heart

Disconnecting

"We love each other" I explained.

"I love you with all my heart, but you don't" she said, which made me recall everything that had triggered our quarrel.

"I love you," I'm making the most of a loving expression.

"And love him too" he said, which unfortunately was a reality.

A fact I did not deny the truth for some time. But I deny it for now. I've decided to love Dion with all my heart. He is trying and will keep trying to make her the only one.

"Why silence?"

I was silent. Shut up to find the most appropriate answer to be accepted by him.

"You admit it?" it was again with a cold expression.

"Don't you know how and how much I love her?" my answer will surely increase his anger.

"Didn't you choose me? Do you not know if the dignity of the woman lies in her loyalty?" again he struck me with his statement that cornered me.

I was a little upset to hear his statement. As if I had betrayed him. "You mean I'm cheating?"

"Is there a name other than cheating for what you're doing?" dion's words are getting bad I hear.

Patience, Sa! Be patient! Be patient! Be patient!

Duck. "I was just kissing. Is that you can't forgive? I didn't want to do it either, I got carried away at the time," I was obviously full of guilt.

"Your kiss is wrong, but what's more wrong is the feeling you're still keeping for her" said Dion, who made me feel even more guilty.

"How should I make amends?" tanyaku.

"Kiss, me!" pinta Dion surprised me.

Attempts to erase the trail? He did it again? I still can't digest the motive behind his command line. Kissed her? Over where? On lips? Isn't that a challenge in our relationship. He would break the rules he made himself.

"Are you going to give her that kiss?" he asked as I shook, not moving from my position.

Since when do you want me to go wild, Di? Do you want to frame me? Am I now a cheap woman in front of you, who will easily kiss just any man.

"If he takes everything that should be rightfully mine, then what will you give me?" his words grew louder, truly making me a depraved, a traitor.

I'm still intact, Di! Mas Rud never touched me more than that night. Even during courtship he never did. That night was the first time. The first one should be yours but I gave it to her by accident.

I left my sitting position. Whether I could get a whisper from where, I slid into Dion's lap and then poked both my hands around his neck.

The cup!

I pecked his lips continuously cornered my indecent scene with Mas Rud.

I found a look of surprise that a moment later he managed to master so that he could behave normally again.

"Who are you looking at?" ask her cold snobs.

I pulled my face, spacing three fingers from his face. "You!"

The cup!

"You!" my answer.

I know what he meant to ask that. She just wanted to convince herself that I kissed her without the shadow of Mas Rud. I did it consciously, that's what he wanted to make sure.

Dion took off my hand on his neck. "Why are you wild? Did I fail to tame you?"

I put my hand on her neck. "Because you lured me wild."

I stared at her bead-filled eyes which began to melt her cold gaze. "Give me a chance to prove to you that from this moment on I just want to love you."

"What if I start loving other women?" inquiringly.

"Who? A sheala? That spoiled woman earlier? You like model women that way?" my story non-stop.

"She's a sweet and adorable woman. I'm an independent man, I like spoiled women who lean only on me," Dion returned to stalking innuendo.

"If that's just looking for a labile ABG, it looks like you like young leaves" I muttered.

"I'm anti-child let alone aunty, I like the mengkel," explained Dion, I don't know what he meant.

Keling? That means his age. What does Shala mean? or Arni? Or are there other women I have never known?

Haish!

"I want you but you want him," again he brought up my misplaced feelings.

I slowly pulled myself out of his lap. Choose a straight sitting position with the body leaning on the sofa. My gaze focused forward, speaking without looking at him. "If you do indeed continue to bring up my guilt which you consider an unforgivable betrayal, fine, I accept we break up."

"Thank you for the decades you've spent loving me. I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy. I was wrong, I don't deserve to keep fighting. Tonight I will return to Jakarta, you do not need to take me and Mama."

Rise up and pass without expecting any more. Maybe Dion's love is at the end of time. His patience had run out and there was no more stock he could make up an excuse to keep me by his side. Oh, I'm late to realize. Too late to throw and too late to hold the hand that is already in hand.

*****

I leaned my body behind the door. Tears flowed, bringing the story I had to save. Wanting me to get lost in season two to be in love with her, so that I can no longer go home, plunged into endless deposits of the past. This is how a hurt heart looks like.

This clear thread won't stop exploring my cheeks. A story about a heart that no other heart can understand. About the pain of feeling if you have to share it with other feelings. And about the love story I had to end.

Why am I so bod*h? Never realized I was happy because of you all along. Always look at him who puts the wound when you are the one who treats it. Always hope for the past when you are the future that will always make me happy.

I sat on the floor. Hugging both legs I bend. Regretting all my failures in sorting out the taste. I thought I'd be happy. Happy with loving Dion even though there is still a residual taste for Mas Rud. Turns out I was wrong, Dion couldn't accept the happiness I was thinking.

Regrets always come too late. Suffocate. Something I should have realized earlier, now it's just a dream, a beautiful dream that I just wasted.

I put my head down on my knee. My eyes were getting pampered by the tears that were increasingly rushing to drain the wound. This taste is probably the last taste I gave birth to because of you.

I lifted my head and ended up leaning on the door leaf. Trying to strengthen my heart, accepting all the consequences of my own chosen cause. Removing tears, wiping wounds in order to be strong to face the day. Take care of all my bones, stand up. I went to the closet near the bed. It felt heavy but I forced it to open and take without leaving the clothes hanging there. I move it into my little suitcase, like a heart, and I will shift it from loving to having.

Injured!