About the Heart

A Honesty

H-5 Before the formal marriage registration process took place, Dion and I agreed to spend the day in the apartment. Last night's bachelorette party made me have to pay back for the time that was supposed to be for her. This whole day, he asked me to accompany him, chatting from heart to heart, he said.

"Mas, last night was really the same Aryan?" ask me to start talking while watching the fish channel fly.

"Hm," Dion replied with a brief mutter.

"angry? The answer is 'that's it, anyway?" I asked again but by looking at his face.

Dion led me to fall on his lap, but he usually laid himself on my lap. Slowly she stroked my hair. "I want to be honest, do you want to listen?"

I raised my head. Curious about the honest word he chose. What kind of lie did he make that he wanted to make a confession? All this time, I thought Dion was a man who never lied.

"I will listen, speak" I said softly.

"Yesterday, you said you didn't want to see Rud again, sure?" asked Dion with a little stammer.

"Of course" I replied with complete confidence.

"What if Rud asks you to meet him just once?" dion's question further cornered me, as if not believing my words.

"I told you, Mom, I won't see her again even if it's her last day of breathing" I repeated the promise that night.

"If his life is in your hands, how is it?" ask Dion again, which makes me even more nervous.

I pulled myself out of his lap. Sit facing him and stare closely at those black eyes. "What exactly do you want to say about Mas Rud?"

Knowing Dion for more than ten years makes me know when this man is speaking at a level of calmness or is falling into turmoil. And this time I knew very well that he was not in a peaceful position. There was something stuck in his heart about Mas Rud, I'm sure of that.

"Mas" called me again as soon as he saw her just shut up without answering the question I was asking.

"Rud amnesia .. and .. you're the only one he remembers" Dion explained with a paused sentence several times.

I looked gently at her eyes which she was subduing. I peed with both hands. Lift it up until we see our eyes meet. "Are you afraid I'll go see him, hm?"

Dion's lips still clenched, but his eyes said yes. From the spotlight I can read a fear that he tried hard to hide. He will no longer be able to lie to me, pretend to be ordinary even though he is upset at the level of a god. I was smart enough to read his heart.

"Bring me away from here, if you're afraid I'll go see Mas Rud!" I asked while holding his hand.

Dion shook his head. "How far would you go if your heart was still here, all for free. I don't want to force you to love me."

"I will force you not to let go of me" I said as I clasped his fingers.

"He needs you" Dion continued to reason that I should leave him.

"I need you" I said back.

"You love him" Dion's verdict pretentiously told me with my heart.

"I love you," my silencing sentence to her sentence continued to corner me.

"Don't you see me with your heart, honey? I'm not Rosa now whose feelings are swaying. This Rosa before you is the one who swervingly rejected you during the ten years of your life journey. And now Rosa, who has dumped you so many times, will force you to love me until you get tired of hearing the words of love I say" I explained wholeheartedly.

"Darling, I was wrong for always wishing you were with him. But I don't want to be wrong for the umpteenth time. Ever regretted that you left, apparently not enough to make me learn. Don't let me regret it for a second time, honey. Let me by your side!" I pray in regret for the past.

Dion looked at me with a pus. Her tears fell one by one. Flowing to form increasingly swift tributaries and lead to stuffing that is unable to string words. I'm wiping the crystal clear. Both entangled by the freezing of words, only the eyes are intertwined. Speaking through his spotlight that can't let go of each other.

Hugs, feel the warmth to remove the coalesced frost. Locking your mouth to talk to each other in love. A heart that is closed to a heart that has hurt.

"You are my husband, Mom. Give me a chance to serve as your wife. Don't make me a bad woman who leaves a husband for an ex" I said with a close look at her eyes.

Dion rubbed my cheek. His face drew closer and swept his lips against my forehead. "You are the best wife for me. We're gonna have a colorful day together, honey."

A smile on his lips. I reply with no less sweet. We both carved happy.

"Darling, I'm happy you've decided to vote for me. However, something stuck in my mind" Dion said with a finger link on my finger.

"What's up, Mom?" I was filled with curiosity. Isn't the joy of my heart the hardest problem for him. I made a decision, then?

"I want to be selfish but my conscience is incapable. You must meet Rud, give him strength. His life journey was too painful to deal with on his own. You're the solicitor," Dion's pinta, which I can't understand with my mind.

"Mas!" I cried with a slightly raised tone.

"We can't be happy on top of his suffering, it's against my conscience" Dion said with a stern look, either fretting about Mas Rud or about me and being clear about him feeling as the caretaker for the next continuation of Mas Rud's life. Though Dion did not have to endure this, Mas Rud's feeling, the man's life was his own. Just because Mas Rud's feelings for me and I are his, Dion thinks he has a hand in everything.

Ah .. I can't understand the angel's heart.

"I don't want to!" my firmness.

A feeling I painstakingly let go of, where I might come back. I'm not Dion with his angel heart. I am the human-hearted Rosa. Often controlled by cursed demons although not infrequently paddled on the straight path.

"We go together" persuaded Dion gently.

"No, Mom! I don't want to hurt you, anymore" I said.

"This time I want," said Dion tenderly.

"Mas, don't lure me into playing with fire. It will be you who will burn, "my firm reason continues to reject his will.

"Again, for the sake of humanity," he persuaded again.

"Once no, forever no!" I decided to leave him.

Sorry, Mas! Don't re-ignite the taste I've extinguished. My decision to choose you should not be swayed by his circumstances in the name of humanity. Let me hurt him just as he hurt me. Allow me to make you happy even though you will never be able to match the way you have been happy for me all this time.

*******