About the Heart
Go away
"So, when are you getting married?" papi asked as soon as I returned to the living room and sat down next to Dion.
Scroll Dion from the corner of my left eye. I can see his face glued to his smart flat. I don't know what he did, but what caught my senses, he just swiped the screen over and over again.
"Sorry, Pi, it looks like this wedding plan can't go on. We ... break up!" obviously I was with the rigor I forced.
Catch the tears that were preparing to break down the barrier wall in the corner of my eye. Strengthens bones to support this fragile body.
Papi looked surprised, as did Mami and Mama who were in this room. Dion, he's so relaxed, he's not responding to my confession.
He stood up and walked away.
"Non't go anywhere! You guys don't get carried away by emotions. Solve your problems! Not breaking up the solution to the problems you face," said Papi blocking Dion's departure.
"He chose, Pi. Dion would not have forced Rosa to persevere if she herself was unsure of her feelings. Maybe this is best for us, Pi."
Dion walked over to Mama. "Dion will still be Mama's son even though Dion and Rosa are not matchmakers" Dion said with a genuine smile. "Tomorrow, Dion will anterin Mama and Rosa return to Jakarta."
Mama rubbed Dion's head with great affection. "Can't you think about it, again? Mama sure you love each other."
"Sorry, Ma" said Dion, lowering his head.
I don't know what's on his mind. She was completely speechless when I said break up. He's not trying to keep me. He's not the old Dion. Dion the chuckler asked for my status as my lover.
I was so absorbed in my daydreams that I didn't realize when Dion had left this room.
"Ma, we're going home tonight, all right?" I was so moved sitting next to Mama.
"The fire won't let you go home without Dion's wife status. Let him go through the night thinking. Now don't think too much about this, take a break, "Papi's advice calms my feelings a little.
My mom grabbed me in her arms. "You must be Dion's wife" said Mami, wiping away my tears.
I cried in Mommy's arms. It is sincere to have to let go of the affection of those who already consider me as their own child. "Mi, Rosa can't walk alone tonight?"
I feel like I want to make myself happy. Rejecting all the knocking flavors to plunge into my heart. A heart that has been filled with pain that is splashed with salt water. Clearing the chaotic mind with an uncertain heart story. I've ended it but they're convinced it won't just end.
"Let Septian deliver, yes! Mami can't take you off on her own, honey," Mami's solution that makes me shy.
About Septian? Yeah ... Even though I think he knows everything, but I still don't feel good. "Rosa doesn't feel good to bother Om Septian, Mi," I said.
"Watch him Ommu, even though he's more than mature for marriage, but he still looks the same age as Rendra. You will not look the same way Om-Om, even can-can be counted the way with your girlfriend," said Mami melted the atmosphere with her guyon.
*****
Riding his antique CB motorbike, Om Septian accompanied me around. Enjoy Jogja at night, stay beautiful with its elegance. Along the road we passed a lot of young couples who were busy joking with laughter. In fact, many young people in their early twenties spend time in angkringan which is lined up along the eye of the beholder.
Om Septian turns his motorbike in a crowded parking lot with the hustle and bustle of young couples. A cafe in the old pendopo, this is where Om septian invites me to enjoy the time. Swap lara with different flavor dimensions.
"You want a song, right?" tanya Om Septian when Tri Asuaka began duet with Nabila Maharani singing Fiersa Besari's song "The Wrong Time".
"Don't, Om," I refused subtly.
It's better to just enjoy, feel every line of sentences from a song that happens to be very representative of how I feel this time. Prepare your heart to cry again, lamenting the same story with the song they brought.
🎶🎶🎶
Don't ask me how I feel
If you can't switch either
The past that haunts you
Because this is really unfair
(Is this how you feel, Di?)
Not that I mean to hurt you
But it's not easy to forget
Long story I've been through
Please convince my body
(My heart began to melt, feeling how much the song really represented how I felt)
Just go, you go away from me
Let me kill feelings for you
Although heavy stepping
My heart is not ready to be hurt
(Is this what you're doing now, Di? Leaving me, leaving even if you're hurt too.)
Give our story a little time
The universe sent you for me
At the wrong time
Life is a choice
But the heart is not chosen
When only half of you are present
And half for him
(Here, is this how you feel? When I'm still wishing for my heart, for you and for her? The more the tears flowed even though I tried hard to stem it.)
Just go, you go away from me
Let me kill feelings for you
Although heavy stepping
My heart is not ready to be hurt
Give our story a little time
The universe sent you for me
We are ...
(Di, is it worth it if I beg you? A last chance. The chance to get your heart back.)
🎶🎶🎶
"Sa, are you okay, all right?" ask Om Septian after seeing me cry.
I lowered my head, mending the increasingly messy heart after hearing the song. Wiping away the remains of tears that decay even though again he decays back. "Om, don't worry about me. I'll be fine, really," I put my heart in front of him even though I know I look very fragile this time.
"I don't think it's the best for you, I know you're both hurt" Om Septian said, handing me some tissue.
I turned my gaze back to Tri Asylum. "Perhaps breaking up is the best path for us right now" I'm honest.
"Huh? You broke-up? I thought it was just a fight" Om Septian widened his eyes.
His expression spoke if he was very surprised to hear my confession. He stopped his shavings on the drinks in his glass. Twisted his body to be able to clearly read the look on my face. Determine if I am joking or not.
"Yes .. we broke up an hour ago," I made sure.
"I'm a dream, aren't I?" Septian doesn't believe it either.
"Why don't you believe it?" I just broke the confusion.
"Dion was able to survive 10 years without status, the yes period of marriage that in front of his eyes he just failed?" Om Septian looked further.
"The reality is like that, Om. But anyway, I was wrong. I realized, but I seemed to be late" I said, playing with the straw in my glass.
"No ... no ...!" Om Septian is seen picking up his smartphone and contacting someone.
He walked away when I vaguely heard his phone ring being picked up by someone across the street. "Wait, right here!" his orders.
I returned my focus to the singing of Tri Asylum and Nabila. Their duet got me swept away, let alone the look of Nabila's eyes. As I can read, that there is actually love for her duet opponent. Love that should stop at "Love Girlfriend People". Because everyone knows that Tri Asylum has tethered his heart to Dianita Sari. Well ... It seems like I have a similar story to them. The Injured Love!
I feel Om Septian is back in the chair next to me. But my focus still did not turn to the loving eye twinkle of a Nabila. Only then did I realize that the eyes were speaking, revealing the contents of the heart without having to utter a word. It would be fitting, if yesterday Dion could read what was in my heart and Mas Rud even if only by looking at our eyes.
"You don't intend to talk to each other?" reprimand Om Septian who had just sat on the chair opposite our table.
Om Septian in front of me, then ...?
I turned my gaze to the person beside me who I thought was Om Septian.
The deg!
Dion's?
My lover? My ex-lover? Or what is the status of our relationship. Why is he here?
He looks so stiff. Sitting up straight and looking straight, focusing on what.
"You're not a kid anymore, not shy about deciding on a problem with emotions?" Om Septian opened up again the conversation to lure us into speaking.
It failed! We're still silent. I don't have a word to defend this. I have confessed my mistake and pleaded for a second chance. But Dion could not accept, so we still need to continue this conversation?
"You can't go home if you can't make up. Talk from heart to heart!" Om Septian left his motor key on the desk and left immediately.
*****
