About the Heart

Depth of Taste

The shadow about Mas Rud's gaze was constantly playing on my head. I could feel that the look was very deep. There is a secret that is kept tight, wanted but not revealed. I felt a warm embrace of his hand, not a hug filled with the desire of possession. I don't know what message he wants to send.

After the photo session, I decided to take a break, go back to my room. Dion is still with his extended family. Time has left at 13:00 since fifteen minutes ago. Just as I was about to close my eyes, suddenly the phone ringing undoes my intentions. Number not recognized. Somehow my mind was immediately fixed on Mas Rud. This finally makes me upset, have to lift it up or let it go. Twice the phone was dead, my heart was relieved when it didn't ring for the third time. But apparently it didn't last long, because the phone was ringing back.

"Sa," her voice so gently swept through my hearing.

I close my eyes. Strengthen my defensive fence to make it stronger. "What's wrong?" I asked, I finally got that question to tell him.

"Are you sure you're going to marry him?" that was the sentence he chose to ask.

Even though that sentence is still not 100% I found the answer. "Yes," I replied without a companion.

Let the word "yes" stand on its own as I hope that Mas Rud also has a firmness for his future without me. He had to spend a long time with a woman who could make him happy. And I will spend the rest of my time with Dion, the one who loves me and slowly I love him even more.

"Are you willing to marry another woman?" look at Mas Rud who made me want to answer no but I can't do it.

"Brave yourself, Mom! I'd feel guilty if you kept going like this. Please tell me if we are not fools," I said withholding wounds.

"Are you going to be happy with her?" asked Mas Rud who made me even more raging.

I want to answer that I'm happy with Dion, although happy would be more perfect if I was with him, but I can't say that. Let me lie, I think everyone will be happy. Let the wound be mine and hers. One day it will heal on its own. "You'll definitely find out if I'm happy with her."

"Run to me if you're not happy! I left you and he took care of your wounds. I realize that he is more worthy of your heart and yours. Forgive me for making the wrong decision and being late to realize my mistake" he explained in a sad voice.

Wrong decision making? What the hell is going on? What kind of confusion makes him wrong?

"I'm back in Jakarta now, can you come out for a minute, I want to see you! Maybe this is the last time we can meet," Mas Rud asked.

Without waiting for a second to pass, I immediately scattered myself to get out of the Dion residence. Not minding my disheveled appearance. His last sentence, which stated that this might be my last chance to see him, left me with nothing else to think about unless I had to see him.

My steps stopped when I saw him waiting for me. Standing with black glasses that covered his sense of sight. My feelings are raging, there's a feeling I can't explain. I stared at his face, slowly opening his glasses. I found a faded red hue there, a tear she was trying to hide. There were no words spoken, only eyes that spoke to each other. Stopped for a moment, lulled by eyes staring at each other. He put his glasses back on. Turning a step and getting away from me, it disappeared behind the gate.

The huft!

I breathed my tired breath, tired of having to deal with the complexity of feeling. May the decision to end each other, be the first step to the happiness of all. Let time make this the last time I can see it.

*****

I know you're tired, struggling with a hard feeling for you to decide. Although I am happy that you have made a choice for me, I know that there is another side of your heart that has not yet fully accepted me. There is still him who is so difficult you remove from your sight.

Standing in front of your room, intending to ask you to fill the spaciousness of your stomach, it turns out that I heard you talking to someone over the phone. I shouldn't have eavesdropped, but I accidentally heard a sentence that made me stop to walk away.

"Brave yourself, Mom! I'd feel guilty if you kept going like this. Let's just say we're not fools,"

I remember the results of my hearing. "Think if we're not fools" a little messed with my mind. Was I wrong to be present in her heart? Am I the one who made their soul mate's rope intertwined? Is ...?" my mind had to stop when I heard the door handle was about to open. Rewind the steps and pull over at a hidden corner.

I saw you step fast even a little run towards the exit of the house. Not minding your slightly messy appearance. Still with the kebaya that we used the couple and the hair that you have stalls. I'm sure you're in a hurry to ignore your makeup. For as long as you, I've never seen you this mess.

Curiosity makes me walk in your footsteps. Keep your distance so you don't notice my presence behind you. When you stop the steps on the terrace, then I stop also my steps behind the glass window. Follow your point of view, and I find out who made you this way.

Rud

That man! He is always the one who can make you ignore everything, and may also be able to ignore me.

I rubbed this shabby face with both my hands. It feels like my confidence to have you one step away is fading. Especially when I see the eyes of you guys fighting each other. There is such a great taste that your stupid lips cannot convey. Do you still hold such a great feeling? Is that not the rest of the feeling? Is that a still intact taste that you keep?

*****

She had disappeared from my sight, but I was still nailing where I was standing. There was a rumble that made my defense collapse. Still vividly imagined the look of the face he showed me. made me no longer able to think clearly, even had I wanted to chase after him, said do not leave me. But my legs seemed to weaken, flashed if now I could not make that decision. There is a man waiting for me on his throne of love. Waiting for my coronation as queen in her kingdom of love. I'm stuck! Caught by the love of the past and the future.

"Pursue it if your heart is still his!"

*****

The love story of Dion, Rosa and Mas Rud deserve to be called "The Mist Towards Marriage" like this author's memoir?

Or will Mas Rud be the second husband to Rosa? The opposite of the author's themed novel "Second Wife of Lord Krishna".