THE SHADOW OF THE PAST
The BML Part 35
#SHADOW_MASA_LAST
The Part 35
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"Beck."
Vivian appeared after the door of my room opened, I tidied up my scattered files on the bed.
"Saiy, haven't you eaten yet?" tanyaku later.
"Well, but if you're hungry, there's food, right?"
"Yes, I don't know what Nini's cooking."
"I made you drink first."
"No need to bebz it already has water, cuzz was ready to hear everything."
"Where do we start?" My speech.
"Sir Andre?, I know you from semester 1 until now it's been 8 years, there's no name on the list, suddenly that instant."
"Andre Firman Sudrajat, my husband."
"What?" Vivian was surprised to hear me she shook her head.
I told my dark past, my mistakes, my stupidity, and how the Sudrajat family separated me from the Word.
Ahh even though it has been a long time I still say those times.
"I went back to meet him when we handled our clinic rental problem, it was his, and it went on, several times asking him to leave but there's always a reason he's back."
My story begins with the Word of mass shadow that always shadowed my life until now.
"He doesn't know your son is still around?" Vivian asked, I nodded.
I'll show my Armand photo to Vivian.
"Bebz, it's like a photocopy of his mas Firman." Vivian shut her mouth seeing the similarity of the two of them.
"You don't want to tell Mas Firman?"
Tanya Vivian later.
"I did give birth to her, but I have no rights to her, and I'm afraid that if Armand finds out, her psyche is disturbed, she's still very young, I don't want to hurt her."
"I can see her, hold her, but I can't say I'm her mother."
Vivian hugged me, calming me down who was beginning to feel how tight my chest was.
"And he wants to come back to you after Rangga's gone?"
"Yes, he said many times, I refused, but he always came again, even he wanted to leave his wife for me, and I didn't want that."
" He seems to love you so much, he seems to be indifferent to the world, his mind seems to be just you."
"Mas Firman aka Mr. Andre, as a whole Perfect, perfect as your companion, and you already have children, but he is not a single man anymore, he has a wife whatever his feelings for his wife, he has, it does not close the truth he is a married man, and his family, it is very evil, even though they have changed but the wound cannot just disappear, I personally do not respect the Sudrajat family."
"You love her?"
Vivian asked then, I fell silent, then nodded slowly.
"Aiihh bebz, consciously or not you still love him, it's just a matter of how much only you know."
I looked towards Vivian, what it was like, but she was right, I could never really get rid of the Mas Firman in my heart, let alone when I saw Armand. We once loved each other.
"Rangga, you still hope he comes back?" Vivian sternly looked at me
I snuggled, Vivian doesn't look like it.
"Bebz, I wonder why Rangga changed like that, he's not like the Rangga I know, he's like a loser" Vivian said later.
"Hmm if you're still expecting it why don't you ask her back?".
"Have, he's gone anyway, the last time I called him he wouldn't pick up and reply to my message, I hung him on my birthday." I explained about Rangga, Vivian's eyes were round.
"Your pride is that you're a bebz, what's wrong with Rangga, I'm still upset with him, he knows you're pregnant?"
I'm flirting, I don't seem to be venting, but I'm being interrogated.
"Where's your phone." asked Vivian later.
"For what?" I asked, taking the phone next to me and giving it to Vivian.
"Rangga, what are you calling it?" Vivian opened the WA app on my phone.
"SayangQ" I replied.
I saw Vivian typing something, she was waiting.
"Well read." he said again.
"I read it anyway." he continued.
He showed me the writing sent to Rangga.
[Sweetie, where are you? I want to see you, I'm pregnant with your child] Vivian wrote.
There was no reply from Rangga. Vivian called him, long time no lift.
"Hallo Rangga."
Vivian then presses the loudspeaker.
"Yes, who is this?"
There was a voice of a woman, Vivian and I looked at each other.
"Not wrong with the number?" vivian asked without a sound, I answered the number correctly.
"Who is this Hallo?" ask the woman again.
"This is Rangga's number right?" ask Vivian later.
"Oh Mas Rangga, what's really needed?"
"Can I talk?"
"His Stiffness is booby, who are you?, phone nights"
"Who are you?, where is Rangga?" vivian's voice was rising.
"Haduuhhh mas Rangga is still bobok, sauces exhausted maen already ahh, disturb aja"
And Pangilan closed, I covered my open mouth with both hands
Vivian tried to contact again but was not picked up.
"Unfortunately, Rangga .. " cried Vivian growled, and I was still stunned, I couldn't think of anything.
It's been 10 o'clock more, and a woman who picked up Rangga's phone, and said Rangga was sleeping after playing.
I looked at Vivian who looked very emotional, and I, I seemed to have lost some of my life, thinking I was already incapable.
Vivian hugged me, crying I couldn't. I just fell silent, I didn't want to believe it but what conditions can I make the basis until there are women who pick up Rangga's phone at night, I can't find it.
"Bebz, I don't know anymore, what's wrong with Rangga, he's not the Rangga I know, bebz don't be like this." Vivian shook my arm.
I just nodded as a signal I was okay, but not so.
"My neighbor No comment, sorry bebz, I can't anymore, but it all comes back to you, if you still want to with him, I'll help even if I don't respect it anymore.". l
"Tomorrow we go to his office? Or to the apartment?" Fresh Vivian.
"But that's not the voice of the old woman, is it?" Ask Vivian again.
I nodded, it wasn't Karina's voice, then who else.
"Oh yes, my lady, I want to talk about her bebz too."
I looked back at Vivian.
"She seems to be in love with you, it's not like she is, it's true, you realize that too right?"
I lowered my head, I felt an excessive amount of attention from Wira, even though I considered it the same as to Vivian and the others. The ones that make me comfortable.
"Lody who has known Wira for a long time, he asked you to Lody, sorry I like the story about you to Lody, uh Lody told Wira. Lody also realized that heroes have a taste for you."
Vivian started to tell stories again.
"Said Lody, Wira had never been dating, she type is not easy to fall in love, but when she was on campus she was a big idol, many were chatty, a lot, uh make no mistake in the clinic a lot of tablets who affect him, the clinic members are also many, but that's it, like you."
It's natural that many women are attracted to it, it's undeniable.
"I'm the same Lody, prefer that you are the same Wira, he's good he's sincere and he loves you." continued Vivian.
"It's not a saiy match, it's a complicated matter of my life, isn't Febby Wira's boyfriend?"
"It doesn't turn out, said Lody was his cousin's sister, so it looks like that."
"Saiyy, I'm getting dizzy, really, what are your suggestions?, what should I do?" I'm going to Vivian.
Vivian scratched her head, her face looking confused. "I'm also confused bebz."
But at least I don't feel alone, even though I'm increasingly unable to determine my direction.
"Saiy, I want a doraemon tool pinjem that can make me disappear" I said to Vivian, his face was hesitant to laugh but my face was serious.
Our conversation continued until midnight.
-----
"Bill"
Siska welcomed me, we got each other cupiki, I sat down. Vivian sat next to me.
"Who are you looking for?, the hero doesn't exist."
"You know, when the day you say you want your control anther."
"It's only fitting Vivian's been sleeping at home." My reason.
"Tomorrow to go up first." pinta Siska, I also went up the basket.
So remember when you brought Karina here, and Rangga. ahh who is that woman.
Thank God all good, it has been 18 weeks on the screen has begun to look there is a tiny creature in my womb.
And for the second time I went through my own pregnancy without a husband, the difference is now I have many friends who love me, not wasted and so the ingredients of ridicule as before.
"Bil, are you okay?" Siska asked, I woke up from my daydream and wiped my tears.
"I'm overwhelmed." I closed.
After a little chat, I also say goodbye because other patients have been waiting a lot, Siska gave me a copy of the recipe that I had to redeem to the Pharmacy.
---
Vivian and I walked slowly down the hospital corridor, too much is going on here. How are Karina and Kyla now. If the baby is healthy, I hope he is okay.
"Mba Nabila"
Someone heard my name, I stopped looking for the direction of the sound.
It turns out that Vania, the finance staff at Rangga's office.
"Mba. mba Nabila." she looks cheerfully close to me.
"Vania, how are you?" reply with a smile.
"Yes Allah mba long time not met, but once still dating often met, pas Marikah even never met again."
I used to pick up Rangga for lunch outside.
"Hamil Baby?, Thank you good luck mba".
Her speech. "Hmm means the news is not really yes" he continued.
"What's not really I?" I'm confused.
"Sorry, is it okay Vania's story?". She hesitated, I nodded.
"There are rumors that Mr. Rangga split with mbak, because of the actors, there are those who see Mr. Rangga with other women, but Vania does not believe, Alhamdulilah is just gossip"
"But Mr. Rangga has a problem what the hell mba, sorry yes Vania so thought, should be happy again yes, but Mr. Rangga was not even that spirit, until it had to be moved that way." vania's voice wasn't as happy as it was.
I was still silent because I was confused as to what to say.
"Kasian mba Nabila, should be fit pregnant gini awaited by his Mr. Rangga eh even far away." Vania told me without looking at me.
Vivian followed Vania's story.
"Far away from the move, so can't go home often. Mba Nabila is patient." Vania looked at me, I tried to smile.
"Will you go home? Sorry, so have an old chat with Vania here, Eh later greetings from Vania and friends if it fits Mr. Rangga home." continued Vania. The character is always a rame alias chatty.
"Yes later I say, thank you, mbak first." pamitku, then kiss the right and left cheeks.
I grabbed Vivian and walked back.
Means Rangga is not in this city anymore, there is no way I asked where he was moved, because as long as our Vania is fine.
"That means no need to go to the office and Rangga Apartment, yes, he is not here." said Vivian then as if she knew what I was thinking.
Vivian drove me to Boutique, I stepped foot gamang, the burden of this chest has not reduced at all, even feels heavier.
Slipping my body gently into the chair, I took my phone from the bag.
I saw at half 9, Rangga should have held his phone by now.
Doubt I open it and I gather my strength to call him back.
My voice was answered but there was no sound
"H a. hello" I said.
"Geez mba, what the hell is bothering me from last night." back up the voice of the woman who raised it.
"The ladder exists?" Much
"She didn't want to talk to mba, I told you earlier, mba pregnant with who's a male friend mba a lot, she said like that, already don't bother us anymore."
Then the phone was closed. No, Rangga is not like that, I try to convince my own heart.
My daydream was scattered by the knocking sound on the door, Sintia appeared and Mas Firman behind her.
"So this is a report from mba Asri, for her Online Sales." Sintia put some report sheets on my desk, and then came out after greeting mas Firman.
"You sick?" Ask the Word who is sitting in front of me.
I was flirting, like a confused person.
"Truly?, your face is pale Bil" he continued.
"Mba Ajeng how's he doing?" I didn't answer the question.
"It is still not stable, if it has improved, the plan is to return to Singapore" replied mas Firman.
"Keep even here, mba Ajeng certainly need mas Firman next to him". My words were expressionless, remaining bitterness last night and just now.
Mas Firman saw a plastic containing medicine and vitamins on my desk.
"Should control?" Asked then, I replied with a nod.
"Don't you ask for anther?"
"Dianter Vivian, he stayed home last night" I replied.
"Everything's okay, right?"
I replied with a nod.
"Mas" pangilku
"What's wrong?" He asked her to bring her face closer.
"If you can't accept the intention of the Word above Bila" I said later
The face of the Word changed. He's down.
"If you're sorry, this is all wrong, it shouldn't be like this" I said.
Firman is still silent.
"I'm sorry Bil, you shouldn't be in this situation, let alone pregnant. I'm just afraid I'm missing another chance, I'm afraid of losing you for the umpteenth time"
Say the Word without seeing me, there is a bitterness in that voice.
"Mas just want to fight for our love, mas sure can make you happy, mas want to make up for our lost time these 10 years"
"This feeling has been with me from 13 years ago, it's not a moment, you're my first love and my last love Bil, nothing can ever replace you in my heart"
There were tears melting on the handsome face of Firman, My eyes too. Our eyes clashed with each other, we spoke without words, only through the gaze of the eyes, there was a sense of tightness and pain there, which we could not describe through words.
We're victims of social inequality, where possessions are the benchmark, and things get so late, we have each other's lives with a companion, different mas Firman remained faithful but I have steadied my heart to Rangga.
"This gas is not our chance to be together, we are just forcing ourselves, If you know in your heart you never have the heart to let mba Ajeng fight alone, mas is not such a person"
I said, I hold the hand of the Word
"Mas do not start everything with mistakes, I believe in God's destiny, not life, death, a person's soul mate has been arranged by Him, if indeed we mate later, surely we will be together, surely we will be together, And if later we are not a match that is also all His will, we can do anything other than accept with a spacious chest".
Firman fell silent, I hope he can understand.
"Mas adani mba Ajeng for Bila, he needs more presence mas Firman"
My love for him.
"Bil, we're so close without being able to hold each other, we love each other without being able to have each other, it's not fair?"
Firman smiled blandly, I was the same.
I also cry for him, no matter what people say, I can't deny my race to him is still there.
"Mass has to Promise, mas can't be like yesterday anymore" I asked
"That's because I love you too much Bil"
"If you know, but if we are meant to be together, there will be a way for us" our hands look to strengthen each other.
These tears do not want to stop, the pain is overcome. The hand gently wiped my tears, I also rubbed the wet face. We smile, smile full of wounds.
As usual, Firman rubbed my head, before he passed and disappeared behind the door. My tears flowed again, for what and for whom. My chest feels tight..
