THE SHADOW OF THE PAST

The BML Part 21

#Infant_Masa_Lalu_21

Rangga chased me out.

"When.. Nabila wait" shouted Rangga. I stopped my steps.

"I accidentally made him fall" I said, my eyes glaring at Rangga.

"Yes I know, but you should be more careful" he said later.

"Ladders, I didn't mean it" My emotions were already unbearable, I turned around and got away from it.

I walked out of the hospital, my chest still pounding. I set foot without purpose.

My unstoppable emotions took my steps away from the hospital.

I turned my leg into a cafe. Just ordering a cup of coffee, I sat by the window, taking my eyes off. My heart hurts amazingly.

My tears were reluctant to come out, but the tremors and sebah in my chest could not be muffled. The bitterness of coffee without sugar seems to still be sweeter than the bitterness of my day now.

"Bu Nabila" I heard someone greet me, I turned my head, it was Doctor Wira.

"Only?" she hesitated when she saw my face. I immediately took a deep breath to dampen my emotions.

I smiled and nodded.

"Oh yeah, if so, I'm waiting for a friend" he said.

I'm back to snuggling.

I threw my eyes out the window. I don't know how long my daydreams wander, until finally Doctor Wira comes back to me.

"Mom Nabila okay?" tanyanya doubt.

"I'm sorry it's too bad, but .." she didn't continue her words.

I who had not said a single word felt uncomfortable as well. Why should I get stuck with this.

"The lie will be sure, if I say, I'm fine" I said to him.

Doctor Wira, who had been standing, finally sat down in front of me.

"Yes, Mom's face does not describe it" he said carefully.

I smiled wryly, then sipped my bitter coffee.

A moment of silence, as there was no chatter.

"Are you getting comfortable with the place you are now?" tanyaku.

He answered with spirit. It didn't feel like our conversation just flowed.

"If I may, can I call Mother by name alone, we are not far away from her age" he asked, "just outside" he continued.

I also smiled, said Doctor Wira about 2 years above me,

My phone vibrated, Rangga called me. I just let him down and lifted up.

"Kok is not lifted" asked Wira because more than ten times Rangga called me,

I'm just dodging.

'What's up here, like there's no car in front"

"Streetings" I replied, Wira looked at me in wonder

"Street, from..?"

"From the Light of Mother's hospital" I replied again

"Seriously ? The hospital here is far away" he continued, looking in disbelief

I just realized, it was fitting that the soles of my feet felt hot and sore

"The victory didn't come?" I asked, I did not see the presence of his friend.

"Here, yes, obviously do not see, than you were daydreaming, so I am samperin" he replied. "just worry to see"

"Worry why?, worry about my trance?" I laughed in my pain.

The little laughing spirit listened to my words

"Can I take you home later?" Ask the hero later. I doubt he asked me that.

"I ride ajek ajha, ntar ngrepotin you again" I refused.

"Absolutely not troublesome" he said with a smile. I'm dodging.

We split up in front of the cafe, he waited for me until my cab came.

"Pak road Cempaka 59 yes" I told the driver.

"Yes mba" he answered kindly.

Rangga car keys and house keys carried in my bag, I asked Wawan mas to drive him to the hospital when I got home.

Rangga tried to call me back, but I didn't want to talk to him.

My head hurts so much, a sad Sunday.

Karina, Karina my fault is indeed so weak to face you.

Just because I have an experience like you. My pretentious weakness became a hero, who did not want any other woman to feel with my pain just yet.

But we're not the same, that's my stupidity.

"Honey, pick up the phone" Rangga's message came back in. I read it in the notifications,

and back just I see.

I'm laying my body down after the shower, it's only 5 in the afternoon. I was lazy to look at my phone, I went downstairs, Nini was just looking at me.

I sleep on the couch and turn on the TV, I rarely see TV.

"Mba, have you eaten?" Nini approached me "Nini cook Rica mentog, usually mba Nabila like"

I even forgot I hadn't eaten all day, I got up and sat cross-legged on the sofa.

"Mbak isn't hungry yet Nin" I said.

Although this stomach feels sore but I have no appetite at all.

"This brings you here, huh?" Force Nini, I looked at her, I couldn't bear to let her worry about me, I nodded.

"A little ajha Nin" I asked.

I've always loved Nini's cooking, but today it feels different, probably because this heart is being cobbled up and sick.

I went back to my room when I heard I was looking at Adzan Magrib. Only by resting on you, Lord, can this servant's heart be calmer. I did not move I lafadzkan dzikir waiting for the prayer time isya, always make me comfortable and more calm.

After praying I just opened my phone.

Hundreds of calls and messages from Rangga, and many other messages that I ignored all day. I just saw the bottom chat, saw the message read Rangga immediately called me.

"Dear Assalamualaikum" he said as I picked up the phone.

"Waalaikumsalam" I replied without love.

"Darling, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be like I was I'm really sorry" he said later.

I just fell silent.

"Darling.." again.

"So lazy to discuss" I said "yes, I'm sleepy, my head is dizzy to rest first, assalamualaikum" I closed.

I read the other chat, there bebebz, Sintia and some others.

Tucked also Dr Wira among them.

"Have you got home?" The chat was sent since this afternoon.

I reply one by one, apologizing for slow response. And shut down my phone.

I closed my eyes, may the dream still give me sweet things in my sleep.

---

I just finished taking a shower when Rangga was seen sitting on the bed.

"What's the matter here? I asked, my tongue was used to loving her, so I forgot to be angry with her.

I saw it was so fucked up.

"Go take a shower!" Ask me before he answers my question.

Rangga rushed to the bathroom, I prepared clothes for him, although not much but I always keep them in the house Cempaka.

I immediately changed clothes when Rangga took a shower. White shirt blends black blazer and black pants.

I see my body reflected the more days it looks thin. What is this name eating the heart.

I covered my makeup with soft pink lipstick, and sprayed the perfume back.

Rangga came out with a towel wrapped around his body, the smell of soap and shampoo smelled on my nose.

Usually I am immediately tempted by a situation like this, but not for today.

Rangga came closer to me, I could see his half-wet hair which made him look even more dazzling.

I'm still sitting up my hair.

He applied deodorant and sprayed perfume on his body.

I still busied myself with the catokan in my hand.

Rangga looked at me in the mirror, ah any anger at him. But this love is too great for her. But I don't want to fall asleep.

I chose not to make eye contact with him.

"That's your shirt" I said so he wouldn't keep looking at me.

"It's a shame I'm sorry" he said again, cupping his bare chest.

"Not to be discussed anymore" I said

Rangga still cupped his stairs.

"Yes I'm sorry" I said insincerely.

Rangga approached me, I immediately stood up and put my stuff in the bag.

"I wait downstairs" I said as I passed.

I waited for Rangga to eat. Nini had already prepared toast and coffee on the table. Nini chose to avoid Rangga, she paid shopping to the market.

"Breakfast first" I said.

Rangga sat in front of me.

I brought bread for him.

"Darling I'm really sorry, I'm just afraid the baby's why-why" said Rangga again.

I put back the bread I had bitten partly on the plate. My appetite was gone.

I immediately went to pick up the bag I put on the sofa in the middle room. Rangga.

"Honey" Rangga held my hand.

I turned my body to face him.

"I don't want to discuss matters of the heart early in the morning, because I don't want to ruin my feelings today" I said, then pulled my hand.

He could definitely see the anger in my eyes that he had never seen.

Rangga's car blocked my car, I asked him to come out first. For a moment we went together and as usual separated at an intersection.

I should have gone to the boutique instead of the clinic, but my confused mind took me to the clinic.

I got down and walked into my room. Not many have come because the clinic is open at 10.

I saw Laras making a drink in the pantry.

"Ras, coffee yes, a little sweet is okay". My love for him, my life is already bitter I don't want to add to it with bitter taste anymore.

I opened my room, put the bag on my desk and leaned back in my chair. I closed my eyes.

There was a knock on the door, Baras appeared with a tray filled with drinks and then put coffee on my desk.

I see there's still one cup on the tray.

"Who's the Race?" much

"Coffee for the Hero Doctor" replied the barrel. I just listen to her answer.

Barrel slammed and disappeared behind the door.

Not long after my door was knocked back, I felt there was no message anymore.

"Lake in!"

A hero appeared from behind the door, with a smile on his lips.

Her voice pointed at the chair as if asking if it was okay to sit. I also nodded.

"Morning tumben" he asked, opening the conversation.

"It's wrong to work, I should have called uh stray here first" my story

The little laughing hero.

"Are you early in the morning too?" ask her.

"I am already ordinary in the morning, understand that no one takes care of it at home, if there is a mbak Laras here, can ask for help buy breakfast all together" he said while raising eyebrows

"Eat it mopet halalin, so that someone can make breakfast" chirped me later

"The problem that wants to be halted does not exist" he replied with a face made melas.

"Ih... This must be a mode for girls, ngaku single, joblo when his girlfriend is a lot" he timpalku, Wira just laughs at me.

"Seriously Bil, have a sister girl who is not like you?, can be recognized" he said

"My sister's a boy all" Anyway why do I answer seriously the question of the Hero.

"Look at you to laugh again" he said suddenly.

"Eitzz stop Doctor Nice Prawira, don't confuse my mood with yesterday's thing" I crossed my two index fingers.

"Okay .. sorry"

He looked at the clock."I went to the room first, thanks for laughing this morning" he said with a smile.

The hero went up and disappeared behind the door, I prepared for the boutique then, All at my planned production site today.

My trip passed through the hospital where Karina was treated. Surely Rangga was waiting for him there. Imagining them both makes me lose concentration.

Srttttt the sound of my car tires creaking because I braked suddenly, my chest hit the steering wheel. My heart was pounding almost I hit my front car which was slowing down because it was about to turn.

My God, I was still shaking and in shock, I almost thought.

I took a deep breath, the car behind me was honking. I slow down my car giving way to the car behind me.

I chose directly to the Boutique that was closer to my distance now. Mr. Yon greeted me, I immediately boarded my room. I didn't see Sintia on her desk. Maybe he's next door.

I immediately set my heart and feelings.

I put my mind to work, this way my emotions can be distracted.

It doesn't feel like it's finally until night.

Sintia has said goodbye to go home already at 7 now. The side is still crowded usually quiet after 10, because the Boutique is closed at 9 pm.

I pray before I go home.

After this morning Rangga has not contacted me again until now.

She must have been busy with Karina and the baby in her belly.

I'm getting tired, but I'm not giving up. When what do you want???

I myself am confused by my race, I know Rangga loves me very much and vice versa, but will it remain the same if later Karina's child is born, Rangga is too soft-hearted, too soft, to Armand alone he was very dear, let alone his own son.

I still haven't moved from my prayer mat. My head hurts thinking about everything.

I tidied my face and put it back in the drawer. Hurry up and clean up my desk and tidy up my things.

----

I drove my car without a purpose. I stopped my car at an outdor-style cafe. Lots of people, there are singers too.

I chose the table a little sideways, a little dimmer the lighting.

Fit in with my mood.

Just order a cup of coffee and french fries and enjoy the love songs sung.

Things I've never done, not really. Most people make money until they forget to entertain themselves.

It seems fun too. On some tables looks like a young couple like dating, very late like me.

I was focusing on the song that was being sung. Until I heard there was someone calling my name.

I looked at the origin of the voice. The guy with with the black Ripped jeans (torn pants) and leather jacketed, a hat covered his head.

No one thought he was a doctor.

"Well, are you here?" tanyanya.

"What are you doing here, too?" askaku. These few days I see him often.

"Have a coffee with friends, stay there" he pointed at a table. There were about 5 guys there.

"Alone ajha" he asked later. I just snuggle.

"You want to be won?" ask again. I'm dodging.

Instead of leaving he sat down, he opened his hat and put it on the table. The hair that was normally misted was combed back now slightly decomposed covering part of his face.

"And I said to be alone, why is it still here" I murmured.

"Let no one be tempted, please if you want to continue enjoying the song"

"Who also wants to seduce mom" I said again.

"Bil, your face is like a schoolboy, don't believe it, wait"

What the hell is this guy, I don't understand.

He stood up and sat back away from his shirt.

I still did not understand what Wira meant, until a guy greeted me and asked to get acquainted with me.

"Only alone?" sapana.

I nodded innocently. He extended his hand.

"Bryan" knows.

Doubt I raised my hand.

Until Wira came back to my desk and caught my half-stretched hand.

"Sorry for a long time" he said later. Then sit next to me.

"Oh sorry bro, kirain." said Bryan saw Wira. Wherever it moves away.

I looked towards the Wira whose smiling smile was looking at me.

I just realized I was supercharged once.

"Do you understand what I'm doing here?" Said later.

I just laughed, laughed at myself. I'm like a girl out of a pingitan. I'm used to that color, but there are so many colors outside. My life was too monotonous.

"Like to see you laugh like a gini" said Wira later.

"You come here often?"

"Lumayan, good place to hang out, and fit in a bag" replied Wira

"Doctors think of pouches, hmm mengumpulin money for mating huh?" My god.

Hero laughs.

"Yes, at least I can answer when asked by the father-in-law, already have what ajha kok dare to nglamar my son, just answer, already have a house sir, car sir, have a car, this sir, sir, auto's welcome, right"

I laughed at the songong style of Wira, not really thinking.

"Yes deh. ya deh. ready sir Doctor, anyway later if you marry I will give you a special gift" said I.

"What?"

"Em. aa.. I give honeymoon packages to Bali" I promise.

I haven't had a honeymoon with Rangga. Fates..

"Who's the guy?"

"Yes your wife, Bambang" I said anxiously.

The hero laughed again.

Take it off when chatting with Wira, momentarily forget the anger and sadness in this heart.

I saw it was 10 o'clock, so fun to talk did not feel it was night.

The hero drove me to the parking lot.

"Be careful" he said, I nodded and smiled. I drove the car away.

About 11 and a half hours I arrived home, seemed to have all slept, I immediately walked up the stairs to climb into my room.

I turned on the room lights brighter, I put the bag in bed and immediately cleaned myself in the bathroom.

Feels fresh after taking a shower, I put my body in bed, I grabbed my phone in my pocket.

Huff has a lot of incoming messages and calls that I've ignored.

Rangga also did not come home, he was waiting for Karina in the hospital.

A message came in from Dr. Wira, asking if I had reached home. Immediately I answered and thanked you for waiting for me earlier.

I put my phone on the table, tried to close my eyes. My heart nano-nano feels.

Mixed up.

I can't sleep, I'll turn on the tv in my room. Chanel is nothing interesting.

I stared around my room, my gaze stopped being photographed at my wedding and Rangga. I walked closer, I stared fixedly at that face.

Rangga ..I'm fragile, I'm tired, my faith in your love begins to erode, my hope of aging with you begins to fade.

Are you going too? left me in pain for the second time after the Word..

Our story will only be a memory.

Everything we have been through has become meaningless

Rangga I can't be strong enough to survive, if you start rocking yourself

It hurts so much, it slices my heart, it rips my race, it erodes my asia..

My tears melted I could not hold. Until I am strong enough to survive, I will be a winner or just a neglected woman..

I went back to the grievance, closed my head in an abortive manner, may my good will come soon, to quell all turmoil.

------

"Sintia, you handle the office first huh. Brother there is a need outside the city about a week, if it is not important not to try to contact brother"

That's my message to Sintia.

I told Vivian the same thing.

I packed up my stuff this morning, just one medium bag and one backpack.

Seriate..