THE SHADOW OF THE PAST
BML Part 28 - 29
#SHADOW_MASA_LAST
#BMLpart_28_29
LinDa Vin's
Vira ...
I know you just want to cheer me up, and you can do that. I'm comfortable with you as a friend, I don't have any thoughts about you or anyone else right now.
But I can't walk on my own, I need you, Vivian and others, so that I don't sink into my sea of grief and enjoy myself in this pain that must have brought me down.
This closeness just goes by, flows like water.
I can't avoid you, what's my reason. And I don't want to be alone.
"Hayy, dreamy ajha".
The woman flicked the tip of my nose slowly, I looked at her and smiled to hide all my anxiety, even though I knew she could still read it.
"Mba Bil, eat it I ready ya" said Nini approaching.
"You're bribed?" Tawar.
I'm dodging.
"I can be alone, little ajha Nin" I asked Nini.
"Small kok?, must eat a lot, right not just for yourself"
The hero took the plate that Nini's hand held all onto the plate and left nothing behind.
I eat slowly but still can not afford only half of the nausea to vomit. I nodded, unable to continue eating. I gave my plate to Wira, she got me a glass of warm tea.
"Good morning" said 2 nurses who entered after knocking on the door of the room that was already open.
"Home home?, take it off first huh this" asked the nurse kindly then took off my infusion, I closed my eyes as the nurse was about to pull the needle on the back of my left hand.
"Why you?" Tanya Wira saw my expression.
"Fear" I replied. He even laughed.
This is the first time I've been lying in a hospital bed.
"This is my first tauk" reason.
"It doesn't hurt, does it?". Say the nurse while covering the needle marks with a round plaster.
"This is the cure, the drinking rule is in the package yes" The other nurse handed the package of medicine in her hand to the Hero.
"Thank you, good luck always, we'll excuse you" he said later.
"Thank you Sust" said Wira and I.
Nini seemed to have packed up, Wira helped me get up, I was still sitting on the edge of the bed with my legs hanging.
"Nin, where are my sandals?" I see no footwear underneath me.
"Oh yes forgot" Nini nyenggir while reassembling her bag. He pulled out a package and moved towards me.
The hero took it from Nini's hand, when the girl was about to open it.
The hero opened the sandal pack and put it on my feet.
Nini stared at me, her eyebrows raised, her lips moved without a "wow" sound".
"Look" Wira helped me down.
"Slowly" he said.
"I'm not okay bambang don't let it"
He led me like I couldn't walk on my own.
"You know, if the road likes to whine, that's why I worry about ajha" I just grin, he's right.
I constrained Nini, walked out, Wira followed us.
I looked around, how Rangga and Kyla, how their blood might not be the same, if Kyla was not Rangga's child.
If it's true, how devastated her feelings, then who's Kyla's child, but Karina is so sure it's Rangga's child.
"Mba. look out for the stairs" Nini exclaimed to me, she realized I didn't see the road.
"That's what it's like to wander down the street" chirped Wira behind me.
And he's right. No objection from me.
"Wait here ajha, I'll get the car first" Pinta Wira said.
I was waiting for him in front of the Hospital Lobby.
My eyes gasped as I saw Rangga's car, moving out of the hospital. My chest was pounding faster again. Then he's still here for Kyla and Karina.
My daydreams spread as the Wira's car stopped in front of me. Nini opened the door for me. Wira's car drove me away from the hospital.
"Dream again"
The spirit touched the tip of my nose.
"Emmm.. Doctor sir, if that kid must have inherited his parents' blood type?" ask me to Wira.
"Yes, of course, inherited his parents' blood type"
"If it's a child, its mother B its father O may not be her blood type AB?" tanyaku later.
"No way, if mother B father O child can B can be O impossible AB, if AB it comes from parents who are blood type A, B and AB" he explained.
I'm speechless. If Kyla Rangga's son why it could be different, then what Rangga feels now yes, after knowing that their blood is not the same, but he was still with them.
"What's wrong, suddenly ask blood type" asked the Wira later.
'No, want to know ajha, it's also science" I replied.
There was not much talk all the way home, until the Wira's car arrived in front of the fence, Nini went down and opened the fence. The hero put his car through the yard.
He came down and opened the door for me.
Nini took the goods out of the Wira's car, and rushed into the house.
"Thank you, Doctor, a lot of help" I said.
"Don't hesitate to call me, I'll go back first yes, you take care of yourself, Assalamualikum" he said.
I nodded and said hello to him he got up and got into his car.
Nini went out and closed the fence, I went in and sat on the sofa.
I took my phone in the bag Nini put on my front desk.
I opened it and saw the incoming messages and messages, none of Rangga's name. I put it back on the table without opening any other messages.
In my deepest heart I still hope for him, but to beg him again I cannot, I am not a flawless human being, I ever wish for him. But what's wrong if I ask him to fight for me now.
"Beck"
Vivian's shout broke my reverie. I wiped the water point at the corner of my eye.
A smile spread on that beautiful face. He put a fruit parcel on the table, then kissed my left right cheek.
"Yuk room, all I want to take a shower" I asked. Vivian took me up the stairs.
I opened the room, Vivian opened the curtains and windows.
Her gaze stopped at the wedding photo of me and Rangga that I still displayed.
"I took a shower first"
"Yes bebz" Vivian walked up to my bed, and sat there.
Feels fresher after cleaning my body, Vivian looks busy with her phone in hand.
"Bebz, the hero didn't come home last night, take care of you?" Vivian asked, putting her phone back in her bag.
"Yes, nemenin Nini take care of the night shiff" I replied.
"Eh bebz, cooking is not real at all, the attention to you is very over"
Vivian fanged me.
"Basak anyway, same ajha kayak you to me saiy" closed me, although it also crossed the truth.
"It's natural that bebz, I'm from the same era with you, after all I'm a girl, don't pretend not to know, maybe not not to feel if the Wira there is a taste, right?".
"Saiy, Wira already has Febby, don't think weird ah". My sangahku.
"Surely his girlfriend?, Wira ajha never said anything about Febby, do you know pa ponakan's sister, like his face.
Really bebz, I often see you fascinated by that, your insensitive ajha" Vivian stood up and approached me who was still drying my hair at the dresser.
"Your feeling ajha saiy, he is indeed the person to you is also often confused"
"No, I'm sure, he's got your sense of power".
"Would you keep going?"
"Yes nothing, uh but bebz, you have no feeling anyway, like it's really comfortable if you get her"
Vivian's soul appears. I smiled wryly.
"Saiy, the wound here is still wet, purulent "my hand pointed at my chest. "I don't really have any thoughts about my love right now. I just want to take care of my son here" I stroked my stomach which still looked flat.
"But I don't want to be alone I need you and the others to be with me". My speech.
Vivian hugged me.
I was once alone in almost the same condition as this, much more painful even.
That is what makes me strong as I am now, more bitterness than I have ever felt and fullness I was satisfied.
But now I'm not alone, and I don't want to be alone.
"Bebz, it's okay to stay"
"No papa saiy, I'm good enough" I told Vivian.
"Yes already, notar if not here tomorrow again, today pas many promises also because the eitts do not have to be ushered down tired up and down"
Vivian sat me down when I would get up from my chair.
" Yes already hearty yes" after cipika - cipiki Vivian went out and down.
I'm looking for my phone, I still left it downstairs. I rushed down.
Still hoping, always. I don't know what's wrong with me, what I really want, I still hope Rangga comes back, the taste gets bigger after I know there's a seed in my heart. The feeling I want to deny, the feeling I want to cover from people around me.
No, only the Word whose message I have not yet answered. Mas Firman ahh you like to get a chance, and you like not to waste an opportunity. I know enough about your stubbornness and stubbornness, you never fulfill your promise to stay away from me. Many times I asked but there was always something that brought me back.
I'll just put my phone down when I hear a call coming in. Mas Firman's..
"Assalamualaikum mas" salamku
"Waalaikumsalamam, Bil, you're okay right?" There was an anxious voice there.
"I'm sorry, if you haven't responded to the message mas Firman" I said unsatisfactory.
"It's normal hehehe, it's okay for me you don't reply to my message, as long as you return the feeling in my heart"
"What the hell, where is it now?"
"Raga mas is far stranded here, but the heart of mass is highest there with Nabyakan"
"I'm matiin if you're not talking gini, don't like ah" I said annoyed
I don't know what's wrong eating Word.
"Yes, I'm sorry, mas even so kangen right, want to see your face if it's all over again"
"Ihh "
"Many things you want to say later, uh have been on the phone again yes, da Behak"
Mas Firman hung up the phone, it seemed like his crazy back and I felt like it would continue. My farewell to Rangga was like opening the way back.
-----
"Mba If, there's a handsome Doctor mas downstairs"
Nini knocked on my bedroom door. I'm still facing my laptop screen.
"Yes, it's down again"
I went out and down the stairs, Wira was sitting in her usual place. Looks like he hasn't been home yet, Wira is still wearing a shirt.
"Just come home?" My broom
The smiling woman saw me
"Dah eat not yet, eat first yuk" asked me
"Well, did you eat yourself? The vitamins don't forget to drink, do they?"
"Yes, Doctor, everything" I replied.
The thought of still looking at me makes me misbehave.
"See that's so"
I rubbed the eyes of the Hero with my hands.
And he just laughed.
"Can't you?"
"Not"
"How important is dong to be?" Asking with a smile, his question set me up. I'm speechless.
"Alah, seriously this I ask" continued Wira.
"Auk ahh" I can't answer the question, even if I know what it means.
The hero just smiled, saw me misbehaving.
"I'll wait for the answer" he said later.
"I'll make you drink first, okay?" I tried to divert the conversation.
I left him, although the hero did not answer.
I came back with a cup of coffee for Wira and a cup of tea for me.
And put her on the desk. The hero put down his newly held phone.
"Bil, what are your future plans?, you told your husband, uh I mean your ex-husband that you're pregnant?" Wira asked suddenly, her face looking more serious.
"I'm sorry I didn't want to interfere" he continued.
I'm dodging.
"Rangga doesn't call me anymore, maybe he doesn't care" I said bitterly.
"What really happened Bill? Only a foolish man can leave you, and not love you".
I fell silent, I was lazy to tell you I didn't want to bring up this pain.
"Sorry, I opened your wound" Wira said later.
"It's okay, yes I shouldn't have avoided this matter, and hidden it from Rangga, I just need time, this wound is still so sore".
"If Rangga wants you back?" His gaze changed as he asked that.
I was silent, between wounds, hope, love, doubt, all melded into one. Between the desire to return, but this self-esteem was so stepped on and torn apart, when Rangga removed me from his life.
"I can't answer it, it's too early to think" I replied.
"Is there still room in your heart, for another love?"
The question of the Hero felt deeper, he tried to dive into my race.
I smiled bitterly.
"Isn't love supposed to make us happy, but why does love hurt me, can I still believe in love?". I looked far away, as if through the garden wall in front of me.
"It is not love that makes wounds, it is man, man that is in the name of love, because love is white, love is love, love is sacred, love will never hurt anyone".
"Have you ever felt, when the love we felt was ignored and unrequited happiness as we wished?" I asked Wira to let her understand my pain.
The hero smiled, but not the usual smile adorning his lips. Then I nodded slowly.
"Not unrequited, just not yet, because I'm sure one day I'll get the same love back from her, just a matter of time, because I had to treat the wound first before I put my love in her heart"
We were silent for a while, I never spoke as seriously as today with Wira.
"Sorry yes, a little in our chat today" said Wira, I turned to her, her look had returned as usual.
"Until it cools the coffee" he said again while sipping the coffee I had made.
"You know I like coffee?, you know what coffee I want most?"
The hero still holds the cup in his heart.
"Coffee items" I replied slowly. Hero whines.
"Wrong, the coffee I want the most, Kopingin is with you forever"
"That's not funny"
"Indeed it's not funny, it's serious Bil from here" said his hand pointing to his chest. "Can?"
"What the hell not"
The hero just laughed, he made me misbehave.
"Ok you owe 2 answers" he said later.
"By night, I go home first yes, take a break. I just snuggle.
"No need to drive, I already know the way out of here, but there's one way that I don't know, can you help me?"
"Where's the road?" Seriously response.
"Road to your heart".
"Ihh" I pinched the laughing arm of Wira.
"Add 1 yes, so 3 questions, I wait for the answer". Her speech.
"Assalamualaikum good night, may you have a good dream" . Say it while it passes.
The hero managed to stir my heart with various flavors, today's chatter was a little heavy, a lot of implied meaning, a lot of questions that he wrapped up in a joke.
-----
Not wanting to linger his rest, it started yesterday I returned to my routine. My work is waiting, 4 days is enough to restore my body, if the heart is not asked...
"Sister, mommy this is for sister, but eat her ajha siangan ya". Sintia gave me a package that morning.
I opened it immediately, hmmm fruit.
"Thank you, until thanks also to my mother" said I cheerful.
"Emm sister.."
Sintia was doubtful
"What's wrong?" tanyaku later.
"Emm .. Kak Rangga already know not yet if sister is pregnant?" Ask Sintia carefully.
I'm dodging.
"If according to Sintia, it is not necessary to tell Kak Rangga, why also. He was very evil to his sister, at most he was also busy with his daughter from that woman".
Sintia was still so upset to Rangga.
"Sintia believes without Rangga's brother, Kak Nabila can really, Sintia will continue to support her brother". Said the dimpled girl.
I replied with a smile.
"Eh brother, Mr. Andre is sister's boyfriend yes first, I think it is still very attention, Sintia inget fit brother went first, he confused nanyain to Sintia mulu".
This kid has a kepo soul too apparently.
"So?, didn't you say yes?" My God to Sintia, I cannot answer honestly, let the past be mine.
"He's not just calling, he's coming here, if nothing else is impossible". Further again.
"Sint, you are long-time rich Vivian Temen big brother, lest you catch the kepo virus from her" I laughed
"Ihhh Sintia was curious" Sintia blurted her lips, but it was already very similar Vivian.
"Eh brother, if you meet Mr. Andre tell you to retreat a little!"
"Why indeed?" I'm confused.
"Once the handsome is gone"
I laughed, Sintia eleven twelve turned out to be the same Hero.
It will be the keinget of Wira.
"Who knows CLBK Sintia support, Ganteng, tajir, attention again fits brother" continued Sintia.
"Sintia's back at the table now, don't talk about it again kasian kasian later he" said I stopped Sintia.
Synthetics are just smiles..
"His attention, until I was afraid Mr. Andre sprained" his god, then rushed out of my room.
Yes yes yes, I can not deny that the Word is indeed very charming, there is nothing less than it, he looks so perfect, and I also had to make mistakes to Rangga because of it.
Rangga, ahh everyone closest to me is now so upset with you, people who used to support our relationship, now all antipathy to you.
Wouldn't my challenge be more severe if I followed my desire to return to you?
Honey, why don't you fight me, why do you think my anger rejected you when it was a final decision, why don't you understand me.
I hate this taste, the suddenness, the intenseness, the desire to return. Rangga why should you?.
I tried to throw away my thoughts, I didn't want this to torment me.
I turned my attention back to the pile of files on my desk.
----
"Kak Sintia quick return permit there can be business" he said.
"And it's time to go home Sint, it's almost 5" I told him.
"Hehehehe can't keep brother overtime". Say again.
"No papa, my sister is not evenings".
The girl passed by, with a sweet smile.
----
"Beck"
Vivian emerged from behind the door she had just pushed. Surprised me.
"Haiy.tumben"
"Yes, want to kidnap you" he said later.
"Much work?" ask again
"Lumayan abis holiday yesterday, it's okay continued tomorrow.
Vivian appeared suddenly, I just finished praying magrib, and will return to continue my work.
"Where are you going" I asked Vivian, after I cleared my desk.
"So, you want to know ajha" Godanya.
"Ye, sudden tumben-tumbenan, don't tell first". My speech.
"Bebz, so the phone is held, do not be stored in the refrigerator, I WA was to pick you up abis magrib, not read until now"
"Yep, sorry"
"Ordinary, not surprised"
I laughed a little, seeing Vivian upset, my habit is rarely open the phone.
Vivian took me in her car, somewhere, I asked her repeatedly she didn't say it.
He turned his car into a Resto, Ihh want to take a meal with a secret event to make me kepo only.
"Come in" Vivian nagged me, the atmosphere of Resto was not too crowded, she invited me to the side back Resto, but why it was dark.
"Ngapain sih saiy" I asked later.
"Not in front of you" I said again.
"Udah here ajha, sit down" she asked, I sat half-groping, only the light from inside illuminated a little.
"Dark saiy, no matter here" I asked again.
"The Happy Birtday Nabila!!!"
My heart was like it was going to be dislodged.I was still dumbfounded when everyone was swarming towards me.
A song they sang to me.
"I'm a birthday?" Show me to myself.
I forgot and don't remember at all. I'm overwhelmed, totally surprised .
"Bebz happy birthday" Vivian hugged me, then wiped my tears a sweet prayer she said to me.
There's Lody, Atika Doctor, Sintia, Jenny, Angela, Sandra, Lovely
The hugs and prayers from them really moved me. I can't speak anymore.
And Wira, she was the last to say congratulations to me.
As for his prayers, he not only prayed for me, he prayed for himself, he prayed that he would be given a long life so that he could continue to take care of me. He is different.
"Saiy, what the hell is so fad" Vivian rubbed the Cream on top of the tart onto my face, and she laughed as she pranked me.
"Yes, vengeance is more cruel" I said. I take the cream with my finger and will return my best friend's sniff, but he takes refuge behind the Hero.
I almost fell down, good thing the Hero caught me.
"Be careful "
Ah like a soap opera scene, I immediately let go of the hero's hand.
"Thank you" I said slowly, Wira poking cream in my finger, she turned her body and quickly rubbed it into Vivian's face.
"Wira" exclaimed Vivian.
I laughed with satisfaction at seeing him as happy as I was.
He laughed, the others laughed too.
Like our behavior, let us be happy.
It looks like the waiter is arranging the food on the table, I don't know who's planning all this but I'm really moved by their attention to me.
The hero pulled me a little away, he helped me clean my face with a tissue.
Sometimes our gazes collide.
"Udah" he said to make sure.
"Thank you" I said again.
"Thank you only?"
"Ih pamprih." I said half spoiled.
The hero just laughed.
Vivian came up to me and Wira, I laughed seeing her scornful face.
"Wira cheated, watch out" he protested to Wira, we just laughed.
Me and Wira helped clear the cream on her face.
I looked at those cheerful faces. I'm lucky to have them.
Vivian took me back to the table.
----
"Wira anter bebebz me yes"
pinta Vivian on the Hero. The show was finished at almost ten. Everyone has gone home. There are three of us
The hero looked at me, I agreed.
"First bebz, tomorrow's kadonya yess" said Vivian, she hugged me, back a prayer she said to me.
I waved my hand as the car passed me and Wira.
The hero opened the car door for me, a moment later it was beside me, behind the wheel.
His car drove slowly leaving the resto parking lot, and then drove moderately.
"It's always nice to see a smile and laughter on your face" Wira said.
"All because of you" I replied.
"Truly surprise, I ajha do not want" I continued.
Smiling hero.
"Vivian rules everything, salute your friendship"
"All of you, my encouragement, without you not knowing, may still lament my fate".
"All love you Bil"
I turned to Wira, her presence was enough to make my day colorful.
"Me too" I said.
"I am too" he said
"Also what?"
"Also love you"
"Ihh. What a funny hick" I snorted.
The hero just laughed.
Resto not far from my house, not too long ago Wira's car pulled over in front of my fence.
"Bil, happy birthday, my prayer is still the same as before" he said when his car stopped.
The hero gave me something wrapped in gold-colored paper.
"What's this?" My toot.
"It's nothing, accept yes, don't refuse" he said.
I raised my eyebrows. There is no reason to reject it.
"Thank you" I said again.
"I went down by myself, Nini was waiting"
Nini's been waiting for me in front of the fence.
"Beautiful dream" he said as I descended, I just smiled.
Wira's car drove away leaving me and Nini who were smiling to tease me. He is a big fan of Wira.
---
I saw a bucket of roses on my desk when I got to my room, from whom I thought, I picked up the card underneath, I opened the envelope with the picture of the flower.
Happy Birthday Dear, For the first time I have no right to kiss you on Your Birthday.
My prayers are always for you, always,
Forgive me for incising such a deep wound in your heart.
Ilove you...
Stifling.
A song is tucked in that card.
[The horror of this love
drown me in the deepest sorrow
empty heart felt
you left me even though I wasn't willing
My fault to this day
I still hope you come back
Maybe someday
you find happiness even if you're not with me
if you don't come back later
remember me all your life]
I sat on the bed, my tears could not be contained. Why do you always make me cry.
I'm learning to walk without you, not forget you, because there's no way I can forget this deep love and hurt, and the seed of love you planted in this womb.
Even our wedding photos haven't let me down. Although seeing your smile makes me more hurt, but I can not shake my longing for you who are always present in the quiet of my heart. The raga that always misses your warm deck, and your soft caress.
This love tormented me so much, made my chest tight. More than once I have asked you to come back, and you are still gone, now only take the word I have received, how I can answer you, how can I hold you.
Why don't you come to me yourself, meet me and ask me to come back again and again until the pain fades. Why don't you understand too. I just want you to fight me again. Why did you give up so easily.
This feeling tormented me so much, I gave up.
I took my phone from my bag, I found her name, I threw away my ego, I called her..
Honey pick up my phone, I tried to call her many times in WA and the usual post, come in but not picked up. In WA was written 'online' but why not lift my pangilan.
Shaking my hand typing a message.
[Rangga, pick up my phone].
Two blue lines, meaning he read them, but didn't reply.
Back I tried to push the pangilan, still not lifted.
Honey what this all means, are you playing me, what's my fault with you.
My chest feels so claustrophobic, I just want to say the longing I feel, I just want to take you back, I just want to tell you about the fruit of our love,
I step on my own pride, I put on my feet not on my head and I will defy the world for you, but what are you doing to me now?
I'm silent, enough Nabila, it's enough you shouldn't be begging like this.
Kuseka my tears, strengthen my own bath. I rushed to wash my face and change my clothes, shedding my tired body and soul. Enjoying my own night and the cloudy heart that dwells in the dark embrace of the night, asleep in the arms of dreams.
I was injured again and again...
