THE SHADOW OF THE PAST
The BML Part 32
#SHADOW_MASA_LAST
POV RANGES
(Nabila's Birthday)
I just came by this afternoon, after a week of headquarters meetings. I went straight to my apartment, the journey from the airport was a bit slow because there was an accident, so the line was opened and closed.
I expressed my intention to meet Nabila this afternoon, I don't know I'm not ready to face his anger anymore.
Today is her birthday, her first birthday after we got married and also the first birthday that I can't say sweet words to her and see her beautiful smile and twinkle her eyes.
Stupid me, how many times did Nabila ask me to come back, but why is my heart so blind. I chose to leave him. How deep is the wound I have scratched in the heart of the woman I love most.
Asri picked up my phone too, I told her I wanted to ask her for help. I'm heading to a flower shop. I asked the keeper to arrange a rose for Nabyakan.
A song verse simply describes my current state and my expectations. I tucked it inside the envelope with the picture of the flower. Honey give me one more chance. I want to go back, I want to fix my mistakes, I love you so much.
Asri was waiting for me outside the fence. Only to him I wish that Nini since Karina was, seeing me she wouldn't. I don't blame him all for his affection for Nabila.
"Assalamualaikum" salamku
"Waalaikumsalam mas"
"Asri mas ask for help yes, you give it to Nabila".my request
"Mba Nabila has not come yet mas".
"Yes, please just put her in her room, thank you for helping me".
"Asri must help as much as Asri, oh yeah mas how are you?"
"My news will never be good if I'm not with Nabila" I replied.
"Why did Rangga leave Mba Nabila?" Asri's eyes looked disappointed.
"Mba Nabila suffered greatly" he continued.
"Yes mas has made Nabila's heart broken, Mas wants to improve the situation so that Nabila can receive me back"
Say it with a million regrets.
The girl smiled and cried.
"Thank you for the help, go first, assalamualaikum" Pamitku .
Asri just snuggled she sobbed.
----
I went back to my office, my days were so hard, the problems with Karina and the breakup with Nabila left me unable to focus on work.
A decision will determine my steps tomorrow. My performance, which has been declining for some time, has knocked me out. The company asked me to choose to move out of Java or I resigned. Everything I pioneered is now gone.
If Nabila still wants to take me back, I will stay, start a life again as long as it is with her will not be difficult for me, but if she does not want me to go back away from her is a choice.
I pack my things, no matter what steps I take, this room is no longer mine. I'd better pack it now, I'll stay goodbye tomorrow.
Return to Nabila or go away from him, it will be answered soon.
----
The screen was not out of my sight, I waited for him to start after the magrib, no news, if Nabila had not returned.
A little bit of my phone voice woke me up, Karina why else would she, I opened it, she sent me some photos of Nabila.
[So soon Nabila Move On, she's making out with a new guy right now].
Karina wrote, My chest is claustrophobic, I never imagined Nabayakan with another man.
They look so close.
It's a shame that you've really been waiting for me.
Ahh I don't want to believe Karina just like that, I built her up from my seat. I took the keys to the office car in security, my car is in service, I deliberately headed to Nabila's house, if that new photo means Nabila has not come home at this time.
[Asri what Nabila has come]
Long time no reply. I clapped the car across from Nabila's house, behind a car parked in front of the pavement.
At 10 hours more visible fence Nabila house open, looks Nini out then look to the end of the road, then enter again. Not long after a car stopped, pulled over the fence, I could not see it, I saw a glimpse in the dimness of the streetlight as it passed through me, it's the same guy in the photo.
I have never felt this much pain, and what I have done to Nabila, I have rejected her many times, still deserves my heartache. Doesn't he deserve to be happy too.
My phone rang, Nabila called me, she must have read my letter. He must be angry with me for daring to ask him back, I still remember his anger at that time, especially if there was another man beside him, surely he would ask me not to disturb him. I couldn't hear his anger and rejection.
I let the call keep ringing. Opened the message without my sangup replying. I'm fucked..
----
Once again, if I could. This morning I was waiting for you across from your office. I'm getting myself ready to meet you. I round out my resolve, let you throw me out, but I just want to say I still love you.
That's a conscience to Nabyak.
My chest is pounding, it seems like this is indeed a worthy reply to my stupidity. For my selfishness doesn't care about your heart and your feelings. He's another guy who's been photographed so affectionately looking at you with his million loves, the same guy who drove you last night.
And that's the same guy, who came to see me, 2 days after Vivian had me in a store.
The man I don't know at all, the man who claims to have been a bit too presumptuous to interfere in our affairs, the man who claims to care so much about you, the man who doesn't want to see you crying, he said, the man who claimed to be in love with you to make me jealous back then, the same man who asked me to come back to you, but did not make my decision even though I loved you.
And you look so comfortable with her, is there still a chance for me if she's there next to you.
I gave up, baby...
--
"Assalamualaikum Ma'am"
"Son Rangga" Karina's mother greeted me with tears as usual. I don't see Karina, it's better.
"What's Kyla's condition" I asked
"It has begun to improve, son mother apologized as much as possible, because Karina nak Rangga and nak Nabila to have to separate like this, mother was very embarrassed. I don't know what to say anymore, already know that Kyla is not a real child nor son Rangga still so care".
I let out a deep sigh, no matter how much my heart hurts, Kyla is still just an innocent baby. And I still love him.
"Already Mom, the important thing is that I keep the health in order to keep looking after Kyla, I said Kyla, maybe I will not see Kyla again. I was moved out of Java. From tomorrow I leave town, I'm sorry if I've been wrong"
The woman was getting sobbing, Karina's father who had just entered stroked his wife's shoulder to calm down.
"I'm sorry, this please accept don't be rejected, this is for Kyla, please don't tell Karina, this is for Kyla" I said. I handed him an envelope containing his ATM and PIN.
I also went out accompanied by this crying sound Karina who sounded increasingly hardened.
It all happened so fast, I haven't had a beautiful marriage with Nabila, it's all gone, years of relationship it all means nothing, I love her but I hurt her too.
Honey I'm gone, leaving you for your happiness, maybe that's all I can do to get back to me. But this love will never die only for you, for the rest of my life.
