THE SHADOW OF THE PAST
The BML Part 25
#Infant_Masa_Then
#BML25
Now I'm just preparing to explain my family and Rangga to my Armand.
For their sake too I survived to this point. Our marriage has not been 1 year. And they know that Rangga and I love each other, how I can convey all these things without hurting them.
There is no way, there will be injuries. This news is not what they expected of me.
After the Ashar prayer, I decided to return to Sintia, which still had many questions.
----
The night I saw my phone, Vivian called me dozens of times, Wira too. And her mama Rangga, as sharp as that turned out to be an old man's premonition.
[Bil, call mom please pick up]
[Mama's feeling bad, are you all right? Rangga's phone has not been picked up yet]
Sent this afternoon.
I don't want to reply, it's nothing, I'm confused to answer.
But still I can't bear it.
"Assalamualikum ma" my regards as mama picked up my phone. I'm stuck in my chest.
"Waalaikumsalam dear, mother-in-law how are you?, mama called you from earlier no one has responded, where is Rangga?"
Glek. My tongue is muddy, my chest is getting congested.
"Sorry ma, Nabila was there a meeting, just held the phone, Kak Rangga is still busy like ma, earlier If the phone has not been answered" sorry ma I lied, let Rangga himself explain.
"I don't know, lately mom's feeling bad. Thank God if you are okay, yes if you are tired. Tell Rangga to call mama later when he comes home, Assalamualaikum"
"Waalaikumsalam ma'am"
Now I really cry. I can't imagine how they would feel if they knew what happened.
As strong as I am still an ordinary man, this love is too deep for Rangga, the mouth can be easy to say to let go. Not so with this heart.
"Saiy, I'm not okay a bit not feeling well, I go to sleep first yeah"
Send, I'll send it to Vivian.
"Sir Doctor I'm fine" I sent to Wira and Lody.
I closed my eyes, tired of soul and body.
-----
"When.." Rangga was surprised to see my arrival to Serayu, there are files that I have to take. But that's not what I came for.
"You want what else? Mas Rangga has not chosen you, still ajha comes, basic do not know shame"
Karina looked at me with her sinister face.
I went to the room, without caring about them. I packed up some of my files and put them in the map. Rangga followed me to the room.
"Sa." her voice sounded choked.
"Bil" he continued.
I walked closer to him.
"Rangga, I apologize in advance, by not diminishing my respect, what else would you like to drop your pride as a man, but this place is my right, I'm renting it myself with my money".
My speech.
"Oh yeah" I walked up to get my bankbook and ATM card from my bag and smashed it at the table.
"That's money from you, the money you give me every month, I've never used it" I said.
"That's your right Bill" replied Rangga.
"All right, I'll take it" I put the book back in and atm it. I'm just saying it doesn't feel right to enjoy Karina.
Rangga gave me the money even before we got married he left it to me.
"I want tonight, you all go, I don't want you here" I said.
"Bil. I.."
I closed my ears. I don't want to hear anything else. Rangga went to pack his things.
Until he came out I still covered my ears.
I heard Karina's noise. I just stayed in my room until they were gone.
By the time I got out everything was empty, and deserted. Like my soul now.
Looking around me, my tears were flowing, remembering everything that had happened in this house.
Rangga I love you, but I can't fight for your love anymore, you don't choose me to be a part of your life, you don't choose me to age with you as you once promised.
When life goes on, adversity gives you nothing, are you not sufficiently tempered with all forms of pain. Believe that there is happiness waiting for you..
I tried to convince myself.
-----
Start activities as usual, after days of moping.
Come Nabila spirit..
I prayed in the third of the night, that God would protect me and give me strength to walk through my days...
There is no need to explain to everyone who has been showering me with questions for a few days. Enough with the smile that came back I sincerely glanced at my lips.
-----
"Sister" said Sintia that morning.
I stopped in front of him. He looked at my face, looking for the cloudy face that had been struggling on my face yesterday.
"Even dumb, oh yes brother has not finished checking his financial statements, 2 more days yes" said I. Sintia is just mangut-mangut. I rushed into my room too.
Barely touched my work for some time.
Getting back to immersing yourself with day work feels faster.
It was noon, Nini had brought me provisions, no need to go out.
Take a short break to pray and eat. Back to work.
At 5 o'clock I finish my desk, my body is easily tired now. I came home first from Sintia.
The job I brought home was a wish. After that, I could not endure my sleepiness.
-----
At 8 I arrived at the clinic, I didn't come here for a week. At the end of the day, I don't want to remember.
I heard someone playing the guitar, like from the Hero Room. Sure enough, he was always morning.
I knocked on the door, and there was a voice inviting me in.
"Bil" he said when he saw me, he immediately stood up and leaned his guitar against the wall behind him.
"Haiy" bro. The hero still stood looking at me.
"Assalamualaikum Doctor Wira" I said again.
"Girishal"
"What the hell is that?" I look behind me.
"Eh kok stop anyway, play again dong" asked me and then sat in front of Wira.
The face of the hero still looked confused.
"Bil, are you okay?" Ask doubtfully.
I smile.
"I thought you knew?" tannya
"Tau" I said, "I'm bales"
"Yes, but you don't tell me what the problem is"
"Family problems, cooking is to be told"
"Ajha, can you?" I'm lazy to discuss my personal problems. What else we haven't known for long.
Not felt until almost 10 hours, we chatted indistinctly. The hero comforted me enough that morning.
"Working" exclaimed Vivian who glared into the room of Wira.
"Babtz.. " Vivian looked at me, like the look of the Hero this morning.
"What a look like that" I said
.
"You've got us thinking"
"My room is yuks" take me to Vivian" Mr. Doctor wants to work".
"Don't be a manyun anymore" Wira told me. I'm just smiling.
Vivian and I talked about the cooperation offer, the opening of an out-of-town branch. We need to do a lot of research and research that we have to do
------
That afternoon I just finished a meeting with a client at a restaurant, starting to enter was already quite disturbing my heart.
I looked upstairs. I was sitting there with Vivian, when I stained Rangga. Still lingering in my memory his smile and laughter, his kisses can still be guessed by the vibrations.
This feeling is so torturous to my heart, I can't deny its presence. I didn't realize that love was still so great to her, no matter how deep the wounds had been inflicted on my heart. I couldn't hold back my tears, which suddenly shot out from both of my eyes.
I wiped it off before anyone saw me.
"Crazy"
The spontaneous moment made me look up.
"You're a nangist" surprised when Word saw there were still tears. He then sat in front of me.
"Why you?" Ask later.
I stroked and cleaned the rest of my tears with both hands.
"It's okay" I replied, forcing a smile.
"I'm sorry there was work in Kalimantan some time ago" he explained without asking.
"Why are you crying, because of Rangga?"
Ask later.
I just smiled, smiling wryly.
"We've separated" I said later
"Because of the pregnant woman?"
ask the Word. I'm nagging.
"A moment, actually I don't want to know but.it's kind of weird, you guys love each other, all of a sudden there's that woman among you, if Rangga loves you how she can relate to that woman"
"If you don't understand it either, Rangga himself does not remember it, when Bram bullied him" I myself can't explain what happened.
"Bram.. Great Bramantyo?" Deuteronomy
"Knowing you?"
Mas Firman was snuggling.
"My friend went to college, oh yeah I first met that girl when she was with Bram, it didn't seem like a good girl"
"Are you sure Rangga sangup did that?" ask the Word.
I'm dodging.
"If Rangga realized it could not be sangup, but he was drunk at that time" I explained.
I never get drunk, so I don't know what to do when someone gets drunk.
"No matter what her background is, but she didn't pick me when she was faced with two choices"
"He chose Karina?"
"He didn't pick that baby"
"Having given birth?" I'm nagging.
"Surely it's Rangga's son?"
I'm speechless.
"His daughter or not I don't care anymore, which obviously she doesn't choose when she's faced with a choice. It's enough to make If aware, Love Rangga on If not as big as When you think, what should When striving?"
"Are you sure you parted with him?"
"Mas, he who can not with Bila, he who does not choose when, mas know the pain is extraordinary, more than that, self-esteem When really stepped on, if really, when a Karina can get rid of Bila from Rangga"
"What other reasons can make if you stick with Rangga, nothing" I continued
Mas Firman was silent. We were silent for a moment.
"This is how it feels to be dumped a second time" I said bitterly
Firman looked at me with deep guilt.
"Bil, I'm sorry I ever cut a wound in your heart"
"Maybe it's my way, when it has to be this" I strongly told myself.
I also say goodbye to the Word must go back to the office. He took me off with a smile.
---
I need a lawyer to help with my divorce with Rangga. I don't have time and I don't understand how to take care of it.
Be careful I spoke to Sintia that day, but still she was so emotional. Hearing my story. Many times he had tears streaming down his cheeks.
Sintia hugged me tightly, it was still hard for her to accept this happening to me.
I asked for a lawyer's reference that could help me when she calmed down.
"Sepupu mas Fendy is a lawyer Kak, if you want Sintia to tell you later"
"Can, make an appointment later, when can I see him". Saying later.
"Are you sure?" I'm nagging.
"Ah sister Rangga, Sintia still can not believe this" disappointment was so pronounced Sintia.
Sintia knows very well the journey of my love and Rangga, know how we go through all things together, know how we support each other. It wasn't easy for him to accept the end of my story and Rangga let alone me.
----
"Satria" knew him
"When" I welcome her cries.
"Please sit down" he said, I also pulled a chair and sat in front of him.
We went straight to the heart of this meeting
"Sintia has a little story, here it is not a matter of custody and property gono-gini, so it does not seem convoluted. Just bureaucracy and empowerment" explained Mas Satria to me.
"For what administrative files do I need to set up?" Tanyaku later.
Mas Satria explained all about the procedures, documents that need to be prepared and other things. It's complicated, too, with its bureaucracy.
I listened carefully, what Mas Satria said.
"Well quite time-consuming, if for workers like this adek it must be difficult to take the time" he added again.
"Have you thought carefully?" Further.
"I prepared the Documents first, after I was ready to call back" I said.
Aditya Satriya, Sintia's girlfriend's cousin. I handed over my divorce to him. There was nothing more to maintain, after that day even Rangga did not try to contact me at all.
At 2 o'clock, I drive my car to the clinic, I have an appointment with Vivian to Jenny's house who has just given birth.
The car is not yet visible, I parked my car next to Lody's. I rushed to my room, waiting for Vivian to come from buying a gift.
There was a knock on the door, Lody and Wira. They're picking something up for Jenny.
"Two later?" ask Lody
"Not the same Angela" I replied.
"Still find their gifts" I continued.
"Bebz" I was surprised to hear Vivian's scream, her face reddened she looked very emotional and angry.
I looked at her with a confused face, as well as Lody and Wira, Angela following Vivian into my room.
"You think what the hell I am" he asked later, with a trembling voice. I'm still stuck not understanding
"Saiy what's wrong?" ask me then, stand near him.
"You said you were okay with Rangga, who was the woman with him?" His shouting. My chest is pounding, Lody and Wira are still here and hearing everything.
Vivian can't control herself, I'm still silent. Lody and Wira looked at each other then came out, Angela came out.
They left me and Vivian just the two of them.
"You are outrageous bebz, I suspect you are not okay, and answered today. I met Rangga at the babyshop, and that woman, she brought a baby. I couldn't hold back my emotions for Rangga, but the woman confessed to her"
Unrestrained emotion was evident in Vivian's tone of voice. Her crying exploded later.
"Why?, what's up? " he continued.
I can't cover it anymore from Vivian. It takes strength to reopen this wound.
Vivian hugged me, I couldn't hold back my crying, I shed everything I held for so long in my best friend's arms.
"I want to grab the woman, I want to squeeze her mouth" said Vivian again, if Angela does not hold me, I've ruffled the woman"
Vivian's emotions have not subsided.
"Bebz next time please, don't mind yourself this big deal, I'm your best friend right?." I nodded slowly.
People around me know it all by themselves. What's going on is actually.
We stopped going that afternoon, my emotional state and Vivian were not possible.
I was just getting ready to go home, when Wira came into my room that I didn't close.
"Wanna go home?" Ask. I'm nagging.
"Please Bill, I believe you can get through all this" Wira said later.
"Thank you Doctor, I'm strong because you've always supported me"
"I'm always with you, whenever you need me I'm there for you"
"Thank you, don't worry, I'll bother you later" I said.
"Report,..." The hero did not continue his sentence, I was still silent waiting for him.
"What?"
"Not so" he said later.
I also stepped out and followed me.
"Be careful, don't take the car" he said.
"Thank you" I said. The hero smiled, I walked towards the back parking lot.
Vivian came out with Angela earlier.
--------
[Copy of yuk]
The message came in, that night at 8. I'm still with my laptop that I turned on but I just stared at it without being able to do anything.
[I'm sleepy].Report me.
[Well, I've been waiting in front]
I rubbed my eyes, in front?. I washed my face and ran downstairs.
Sure enough when I got to the front fence Wira was sitting on his bike.
"Ngapain there?" I asked after opening a little fence of my house.
"Find me a coffee" he walked up to me.
"Oil drizzle yes" I held my hand a blast of patio wind carrying a speck of water.
"Enter ajha" I continued, I opened wider my fence. The hero leads his motorbike into the house.
"Get in" I said as we were cleared.
I rarely get guests at home, Wira will sit in the living room seat.
"The back of ajha yuk"
Ask me, he's stalking me. I took her to the back garden near the dining room.
"Who are you here?" Ask later.
"Many, sit down "my answer, and let him sit down.
"Like birds?" Tanya Wira saw many birds there.
"Mas Wawan, my brother in front is also a lot" Wira mangut - mangut heard my answer.
"I'll make you drink first, okay?" My wife rushed to the kitchen.
"Have you eaten yet?" I'll be back soon because my water isn't boiling.
"You cook?"
"No, Nini's cooking"
"When you ate, you came home from the clinic"
I heard my kettle was whistling. I went back to the kitchen.
"Who's mba?"
"Memen mba" Nini looked up at the park.
"Cowok huh?"
"Yes, Doctor Wira, works at the Clinic" I explained.
Nini settles to see the Hero who is weeping birds in the park.
"Beauty yes" he chirped later.
"Heyy, don't frown, there's a boyfriend already" I said, Nini seemed to be singing her lips.
"Well, there's a boyfriend. It fits the same with mba Bila"
"Hushh, Ngaco.." My muscle to Nini, the girl just smiles.
I immediately went out, I put some coffee on the table, Wira came up to me and sat down next to me.
"At his coffee" I bargained.
"Still Hot"
"Yes, later if it's not hot bambang"
The hero laughed hearing me.
The silent hero had his eyebrows raised, like sharpening his hearing.
"Is there a baby crying?"
"No ah" I replied.
"It's serious" the girl's face looks tense.
"It was very clear earlier, the baby was crying" he said again.
"Your feelings are the most" my sangah.
"Seriously, I was horrified earlier"
I can't bear to also work with Wira, I can't help but laugh at the Wira's experiment.
"Yes yes, that's the baby Mba Aminah Wawan's wife" I explained with the rest of the laughter.
"Hmm understand me apparently, beware of revenge more cruel siti"
I can't stop laughing, at first glance a smile on my annoyed face Wira saw me laughing off.
The chat continues, until about half 10. I expelled him too.
"That night, visiting time is over". My speech.
"Cock it off, the feeling of just sitting down"
"Don't play with that feeling"
I pulled the lazy hand of the Hero up from his seat.
"Oh ah"
The hero grabbed his phone on the desk and walked after me.
"Thank you for the coffee" said the hero as I drove him in front of the fence. The rain has disappeared.
"Yes, be careful, go straight home don't crawl into the night"
The hero smiled, and put on his bike after saying his greetings.
I immediately locked my fence and rushed in. The sleepiness that was lost now I can not resist. Immediately I lay down this body and fall asleep.
----
"Mas, this is the document I requested yesterday, I've completed it"
Mas Satriya opened the blue map, then checked the contents.
"Yes already" Satriya nodded her head.
"How long does it usually take?" tanyaku later.
"This will be suing adek, and if based on the reasons for the lawsuit, it can be fast, a month can be completed.
Especially if there are no demands on the two parties anymore does not take long anyway" he explained later.
"Later to register the file immediately, let the process begin faster" he added.
"I'm sorry, this is outside of my job to talk, just as a man, not to think about it than I see and a little Sintia story, still hard to believe, a good husband does that" continued again.
"But the truth is" I replied.
"Mas can I ask for something" I asked Satriya.
"What is deck?" reply with a question too.
"My name is just a pencil, Nabila, Bila or Nabil, don't deck, sorry my mas is unusual" I asked.
"Oh that, well deck uh Nabila"
"Thank you ", I said.
I drank the coffee I ordered. I don't know it all feels so bad in my heart.
Still can't believe we're going to have to face a second farewell. But what I was waiting for, Rangga seemed to have been engrossed in enjoying his new life as a father and forgot me so quickly.
Why else would I linger enjoying this pain.
"Bil "pangil mas Satriya saw me daydreaming.
"Yes" I replied a little surprised.
"No eating messages?" tanyakanya.
I'm just dodging. I saw the clock in my hand. It's 11 in the afternoon.
"Mas, thank you for the time, I'm ahead yes, there's still work. If there will be less or what, directly mas info yes"
Pamitku, the sturdy and brown-skinned man smiled.
"Surely, be careful"
We shook hands before I left my desk.
I walked towards my car, next to the cafe, Someone held my hand from the side. My steps stopped for a moment.
I turned my head, my chest immediately thumped, Rangga still held my hand, I immediately shook it .
"What's wrong?" ketus.
"Who is that guy?" Rangga asked back.
"Why, how important it is for you to know who he is" I said.
Rangga pulled me into his car.
"Darling, can't we talk anymore, we'll find another way out"
"What else?" my many.
"You don't even want to know that from then on, you don't care about me anymore"
"Darling I'm sorry I was confused, I couldn't choose"
"But you've chosen, and it's not me"
It feels like my heart.
"Darling, I love you so much you know that"
"You know, your words hurt me more, you played with my feelings, you said you loved me, but you couldn't fight for it" I looked at him with all my heart.
"Are you also able to choose me, if you are asked to choose between Armand and me?" tanyanya.
"Don't defend yourself, don't expect to cover up your weaknesses. It won't be the same" I said.
"Understand my position? You know I'm tormented by all this, too"
"Then what do you want?"
Rangga.
"I just want to be with you and my son" he said.
"Is that possible?" I asked him, Rangga was silent.
"One more chance, and I won't give it back forever, my whole life no matter what. You want to continue our story?" I went to Rangga.
Maybe everyone will say I'm a stupid woman but I just want to give my love one more chance.
"Will you come back with me?, will you age with me?, will you return to be my priest? Like you promised me"
My tears were unstoppable, and I stared at them. My chest feels tight. Waiting for an answer that will determine the course of my life.
"I'm glad I want to, but I can't part with my baby". Rangga could not help his crying. Same as me.
I nodded, I got the answer I wanted.
"Thank you for everything that has ever been between us, thank you for our togetherness during these 6 years, thank you for all the love and thank you for this wound" he said.
I got off Rangga's car, these tears I can't hide. I ran into my car.
This wound is deepening, but at least I've given my love a chance.
Seriate..
