That's so dirty of me

Wounds

Fia P's. O. V

I walked through the corridors of the school in a hurry. I don't want to go after the killer teacher to beg for my job to be accepted, I am also not in a hurry because I will get a punishment from the killer teacher and I am not in a hurry because I am chasing a lover who is cheating with others. But this is because of Zahra. Well, because of yesterday's incident I knew Zahra wouldn't be okay. Moreover, the lesson of the first hour until the fourth hour Zahra passed, he did not enter the class. He went through class hours and chose to be outside the classroom, this added to my concern for him. This must have been very difficult for him to live, considering that Zahra's days at home were not as happy as those at school. I know, actually Zahra was never happy. I also know that the laughs and smiles he always showed in school were a mask. I know Zahra, I know what you've been hiding all this time and I also know that all this time you've only been playing.

I circulated my gaze throughout this corridor, deserted indeed, for I deliberately went out or skipped the lesson hours just to look for him. I began to despair, confused about where else to look. All over school I went almost all the way. However, it seems like something is lacking, I started to think and yes, I remembered it.

"Ah, why don't I think about the back garden of the school well?, just try it, who knows he's there."

I started to enter the back garden of the school, the green and beautiful trees made this place very shady and soothing.

So, no wonder most students who are heartbroken or out of love spend their days in school just to remember the past in this place. I started walking through the park, hoping to find the figure I had been looking for all this time.

And sure enough my guess, it turns out Zahra was sitting alone on a special bench to relax. The soothing breeze made Zahra's pretty hair fly waving.

I chose to watch his activities from a distance. He seemed to be crying, Zahra was crying. I thought it would finally be this way.

"Why Zahra?"

"Why do you never listen to me?. Why do you always do things that end up hurting you, Ra?" Sighing tired, I knew the end would be like this. I don't know what makes Zahra smile but I try not to hurt her if she can't make her smile.

"Why?" Didn't I tell her it was all a trap?

I don't understand your way of thinking, "Even if you get what you want to do, but that's it, Ra?,"

"Do you get it?" I don't know what makes you smile but by doing this you must be hurt, your parents must be angry with you.

"Can you feel it?,"

"Do you have it?" I don't know, but you must be hurt.

"Now, Ra?"

"You've got nothing at all, nothing but emptiness and a sense of alienation that you've got, you just get the sense that you're alone here!," Well, the wound must be very deep, i'm certain.

"Why, Ra?"

"Why?,"

"If you'd listened to me, none of this would have been like this. You're stupid Ra, you're stupid." I sobbed.

I really feel sick seeing Zahra like this. With the days that Zahra has been through all this time, I know that she's never been okay.

After a long time of silence like this, I began to dare to meet him. With a certain step I set foot to go to the bench where Zahra sat.

I sat on this bench, right next to Zahra. I looked at Zahra's shady face, there was a wounded look I got there. He just looked ahead and didn't notice my presence.

I also ventured to touch her tiny hands, grasping them slowly so that Zahra would not be too surprised by my sudden movements.

"Why, Ra?"

"Ra, your parents must be angry because you opened your identity at school?." Ask me, turning my eyes to the front.

I felt movement from Zahra, maybe she was staring at me. He breathed heavily, his breath hitting my face, feeling warm.

"You mean, Fi?" Zahra asked, pretending not to understand.

"Udah deh, Ra, you don't have to use lo-gue here, they don't come with me anyway. I'm here by myself Ra, so just calm down."

He was silent not to reply to me.  I felt movement from him, now he turned his eyes forward. His look looked empty.

"Why don't you tell them if it's my fault, it's my fault that I'm willing to follow their trap. " I'm sorry, because of me he had to endure the pain.

There was no response.

1 minute

2 mins

3 mins

"You're wrong, Fi," He finally started to make a sound. I frowned confused but held back to make a sound.

"You think they were distracted by my attitude yesterday?." He asked in a soft voice, ah, perhaps more precisely mellow.

"What do you mean, Ra,?"

"Are they so angry that they have to act like this to you?, why don't you"

"But it's not what you think, Fi. " Zahra is making a weak voice, this is getting me confused.

Suddenly Zahra's sobbing sound rang out, she looked helpless at this moment. What Zahra was trying to explain, I still don't understand. Why did Zahra have to cry?

"Ra, I was confused, "I complained about my inability to understand the explanation.

"What do you mean, Ra?"

"They're not angry, they're not bothered by the problems I'm creating. "

"Pbu-"

"Because they don't care, Fi, because they ignore me, Fi!. All this time I've been trying to get them to see me, but it's still not enough.. " He sobbed deep.

"Don't get me wrong, Fi, you think I was acting recklessly even though I knew I was in a trap?"

"Ra, you-"

"I don't, Fi. Precisely because I knew it was all a trap that I dared to act like that, because what, Fi?. " He looked at me sadly, he smiled, but the smile engraved on his thin lips seemed very painful.

"Because I want them to be angry with what I'm doing, with them angry I can tell that they're not ignoring my existence, but what, Fi? " Laughs sadly, he looks at me.

He turned his gaze to look at the sky, "That's all for nothing. It's still not enough to attract their attention, Fi, imagine if you're in my position, it hurts so much.. "

"Try to think carefully, I live in a good family but why do I grow up with a bad attitude, think, "

"Sigh, it's because of them, Fi. I'm doing all this to get their attention, baby, all this time what I've been getting isn't the attention I expected. But except for a pity, I don't like it, I hate that kind of attention. " I was silent, hearing Zahra's outpouring of heart. Right, I don't know what Zahra's thinking, I still don't understand him. So let him today convey what he feels, I am ready to listen to him.

"I also want to feel what the other child feels, the affection and warm feeling of the family, I need it too. But baby," He looked at me.

"I didn't get it. "

"Zahra, sorry-"

"Fi, if you want to turn back 10 years ago, the first thing I want to do is not let her go or if it can't then I want to go too with her, I don't want to see her change, it hurts Fi, it hurts so much."

"I'm sorry, Ra." I said sorry. I really don't know if Zahra's in trouble for this.

"I'm alone there, I'm very foreign in their eyes, especially him. Indeed, I was part of them but their attitude and attention showed that I was nobody in that place, sometimes I thought whether I was their child or adopted child, because, because, I always feel so distracted."

"Do you know, Fi, sometimes I'm jealous of you guys who can always joke around with your mom and dad. I was so envious, I thought to myself, can I be like you, can I laugh like you, do you know? I want her."

"I, I'm so hurt by what I'm going through right now, Fi. It hurts so much, Fi, I'm really sick in there."

"I sometimes get bored with this. I thought that what I was doing all this time would never pay off, sometimes, I thought to just stop doing this, but, this heart, Fi! the heart rejected it. He wants me to keep doing all this."

"Do you know, Fi, sometimes I want to tell them that there's no place for me by their side?is there not even a place? is not.hiks "His speech stopped because of his bigger stuffing.

"Are you very hurt?" I asked slowly.

Zahra just nodded.

"Is it really painful, Ra?" I asked again as I clasped his trembling hand.

Zahra nodded slowly, again.

"Do you know, Ra?" Ask again.

Zahra once again shook her head.

"I hate you so much right now, Ra!" Say it slowly.

Zahra frowned, not understanding. Seeing Zahra's expression like that made me want to laugh. He was very cute with such a frown.

"Why?" Ask stammered.

I sighed heavily and let go lightly.

"I don't know a weak Zahra, I don't know a crybaby Zahra. The point is I don't know you now!" Smile at him.

"Because I only know Zahra who is strong, arrogant, graceful, authoritative and unyielding." My steady speech made Zahra blink faintly.

Zahra wiped away her tears quickly, she smiled at me.

"You're not alone, Ra."

"There's me who will always keep you."

"Thanks, Fi." His words look relieved.

"Udah, ah, than we cry here mending us to the canteen aja yuk. Hungry for this."

"Look, I'm hungry too."

Zahra and I finally walked to the cafeteria. We laughed and talked about funny things. I am happy to see him now without sadness.

I know, Ra, it's not just you who feel pain, it's him, Ra. He is also very confused about your changes.

But I will follow your will, Zahra. I'm not gonna open my mouth and shut this whole thing until they're gonna realize it right away, including him. And until that time really comes, please hold on.

Seriate...