That's so dirty of me

Still In His Shadow

Zahra POVs

"Come on, Marwah help you." Bargain Marwah to me.

I just nodded obediently, not wanting to argue and dispute his offer of help.

No. gabe.

Really, no.

I can't accept his presence by my side, much less think of him as a friend.

No, I really won't do it again.

But, it's just.

I just want to rest, my body tired and limp. Need tranquility.

"Mbak Zahra, if you feel tired of telling Marwah huh? Marwah doesn't want Zahra to be sick anymore." The chatty sound worried.

I was silent, not wanting to respond or just nodding to his request.

My mind is busy thinking about it.

How hypocritical of himself.

Didn't I ever promise that I would forget all about them, especially about 'he'.

Hahaha.this is hard.

Real hard.

Damn why should 'he' be my first love?

Why not the other?

Which I easily get because of my charm that can not be rejected.

Why 'him'?

What makes me this sad?

I'm in love!

Damn, my love clapped one hand. My first love, which was supposed to be the sweetest experience of my life, became the bitterest experience of my life.

Oh, shit.

It's very painful.

"Sir Zahra is tired?" Marwah asked which made me instantly attracted from my subconscious.

I was still silent, with my eyes still focused on the path I was walking on.

"We better rest first mbak, Marwah is afraid mbak Zahra why else.." Take her gently as she puts her right hand on my shoulder.

I didn't refuse and followed where he was pointing me. He sat me on the edge of a small sidewalk that is not broad it looks narrow because indeed this path is also not so broad.

"Mak Zahra is still dizzy?" She asked worriedly while sticking the back of her right hand over my forehead with a worried expression.

"Alhamdulillah.this is much better." He said thankfully as he lowered his hand from my forehead.

This girl is stupid.

It's too plain and I don't like it.

Maybe the cover does look plain and soft, but in it is not necessarily as smooth and soft as it looks on the cover.

Well, I know that.

"Sir Zahra why stay quiet? Marwah was afraid that Zahra's father would cover up Zahra's pain by not talking to Marwah." He sounded worried.

I let out a breath of air, this girl really wants to play with me.

"Mister Zahra.."

"I said it, didn't I? you don't have to worry about me and never say the things that make me" I was silent for a while.

'Feel precious and after it's dropped.' My mind hurts.

"That makes me uncomfortable." My words continued my words.

Marwah looked surprised to hear my remark, it was I could see from the expression on her face.

I snorted in annoyance and turned my attention away from his face and returned busy looking at the path that was in front of me.

"Sir Zahra must drink.." His words sounded cautious while giving a bottle of white drinking water that Umi deliberately gave to me before leaving her home.

"No." Answer me indifferently.

"Mother should drink.." He said in a lower voice, as if he was afraid of me.

"No." I repeated my rejection.

"But Zahra har-"

"No." Cut me fast with the flat expression I made.

I stood up from my seat and walked on my own regardless of the call of Marwah.

"Sir Zahra khos.khos.." He called my name with his breath.

I glanced at her with a flat expression for a few seconds and refocused my gaze towards the front.

A few meters in front of me there is an intersection, at the intersection that is straight with me there is a building there is a group of men who do different activities.

Someone sat focused with the book on his lap.

Some sit jokingly with their friends.

Someone stood up while chatting

Deg

Suddenly my steps stopped.

I stared intensely at the shady shoulder of the man.

There stood a man who was surrounded by many people.

Nope.

It wasn't because he was being approached that made me stop my steps.

Really not because of that.

However, the man was very similar to someone I knew.

His posture, his height and his shaded back were very similar to 'he'.

Well, the man in body form from behind is very similar to 'he'.

I'm certain.

Even very sure.

No, I'm not making up.

Really 'he's 'very similar-

Ah, true.

It must be just my feeling.

It's not 'him'.

If it's 'him', what's 'him' here for?

Chase me?

Searching me?

Hahaha.joke what is this Zahra.

Isn't it obvious?

'he hates you!

"Mbak zahra why?" Tanya Marwah broke my daydream.

I woke up, then smiled wryly while shaking my head. Expel the stupid thoughts that had disturbed me some time ago.

'He's not Razi. ' My mind is refuting.

"Come on.. " Take me to try to calm my mind.

"Come mbak.. " Greet her with a sweet smile.

I smiled bitterly and walked back towards the intersection that was in the direction of the princess dormitory or rather towards my room, oh maybe not.. I mean towards the shelter room, more precisely.

"Dad, it must not be Razi. "

POV Author

Zahra again continued the journey towards the princess dormitory accompanied by Marwah who had taken care of him some time ago. Zahra was visibly riled up, she occasionally threw her gaze in any direction. Sometimes also imprinted a smile of bitterness shows the condition of his heart that is in a frenzy.

"Dad, it must not be Razi. " The inner Zahra is vibrating.

Meanwhile, in another place, the man who had seen Zahra turned his body and stared at Zahra's departure with his own face.

Her red lips made a charming thin line, she smiled thinly without any intention of taking her eyes off Zahra's back until it completely disappeared from her sight.

"Zahra, sister misses. " Inwardly sincere.

"Come, Ustad. " Take the man who was standing next to him.

Razi turned his gaze towards his interlocutor.

He smiled, then nodded.

"Yes, let's go. " Take Razi as he walks towards the office center.

 

\\*

 

"Zahra.you're okay, right?" Ask a girl as soon as Zahra gets to the dorm room.

Zahra was silent, unresponsive.

Marwah realized Zahra's situation was in a bad state, immediately voiced to answer the questions of his friends.

"Alhamdulillah.mbak Zahra tea is fine. Mbak Zahra currently does not want to be disturbed and must rest because Zahra's energy has not fully recovered. "

Santriwati who heard Marwah's words nodded in understanding and did not want to disturb Zahra with their questions.

Zahra rolled her lazy eyeballs and immediately laid her body on her bed mattress. Not to forget also a warm blanket that has been folded neatly on the side of his mattress directly in the sambar Zahra and submerged his body in a blanket.

 

\\*

 

"Assynolajet..Zahras? " Who a girl greeted Zahra as soon as she saw Zahra had woken up from her slumber.

Zahra wriggled comfortably, she blinked her eyes lazily. I was reluctant to open my eyes because I was still sleepy.

The girl smiled sweetly, without the slightest hint of her intention of distracting her from Zahra.

Zahra rubbed her eyes, making her vision clear while she was sitting on her.

"Jeez Zahra you're so sweet, so envious. " The girl chuckled at Zahra's childish behavior.

"Lo who? " Task Zahra to the point after her consciousness fully returns.

Zahra looked at the girl with her cold gaze, spreading her aura of dislike.

Given such a look, the girl smiled again. He did not even flinch in the slightest with Zahra's cold expression.

Zahra felt that the girl sitting in front of him was mocking him.

Even when Zahra gave her cold gaze the girl was not afraid, it looked fine.

Usually not like this, Zahra knows very well if he shows the cold side to others then the person himself keeps his distance from Zahra. Not only did he keep his distance, but even the bright light moved away from Zahra.

"I'm Dira. " The girl named Dira replied, sounding friendly and enthusiastic.

Zahra stared flatly at Dira, this time the aura of Zahra's dislike was completely Dira felt.

"It turns out, it's not bullshit. You're really good at mask-playing. " Inner Dira.

"No. " Say Zahra cold.

Dira widens his eyes in disbelief, does Zahra know anything about her?

"Truly, I am Dira. " Bela Dira tries to believe that Zahra is Dira.

Zahra again held her hunting breath, rolling her lazy eyeballs.

"Ck, I never got your name. That's not important. " Answer answered Zahra more coldly while throwing her gaze outwards.

"really? " Tanya Dira fishing.

"Hem. "

"Then, what makes you think it matters.? " Tanya Dira relaxed.

Zahra averted her eyes and turned to look at Dira.

Zahra felt like Dira was trying to pull herself into a circle.

"Are you testing me?" Inner Zahra asked.

Zahra examined Dira's expression which clearly illustrates that he was 'playing'.

"Right, I'm testing you." Inner Dira answered the probing expression that Zahra showed. Dira seemed to know what Zahra was trying to convince him of himself.

"Is that important? " Tanya Zahra is sarcastic.

Dira smiled then nodded his head strongly.

"Sure, it's important. " Answer Dira.

"Why? " Task Zahra inside.

"Either.. " Answer Dira relaxed.

Zahra held her breath in frustration against Dira. Dira's different.

Zahra could sense that Dira knew something about her.

"Do I have to repeat it again? " Task Dira with her potent tone.

"What's? "

"What makes you think it's important.? " Tanya Dira repeated her question which still did not answer her question.

"What care lo? " Tanya Zahra sharp.

"If I told you, what would you do, huh?"

Dira blinked and opened his eyes in disbelief, Zahra really made him amazed and sad.

"Good mask." Batin Dira.

"Let's go, I just want to know. " Answer Dira tried to keep her expression that had wavered some time ago.

"Go away, I'm tired. Need rest. " Stop Zahra wants to lay her body back on the bed.

"No, I'm not leaving. Take it easy, I know you're very tired, so get some rest." Say Dira with a smile that can never be lost from her face.

Zahra stunned. Dira inexplicably made her absolutely sure that Dira was actually hiding something.

"Ck, basic drama. " Cut the original Zahra.

"What do you really want, huh? " This time Zahra's tone did not want to be denied.

"Friends with you. " Dira answered quickly and sounded enthusiastic.

Zahra smiled obliquely, displaying her disappointed face.

Tired of playing the game Dira.

Zahra let out a rough breath and looked at Dira.

"Who is that really? " Tanya Zahra sounded desperate.

"Dira, isn't that clear? "

"Lo it-"

"I'll sleep on this bed, right next to your bed. "cut Dira happy.

"And from today on, we are friends. " Continue his enthusiasm.

Again Zahra had to throw a rough breath, clearly visible on her face was a look of disappointment there.

"Are you mocking me? " Tanya Zahra is sarcastic.

"Waws.. Zahra now you pack 'I am kam-"

"You think this is a joke? " Cut Zahra seriously.

Dira was silent, not wanting to cut off Zahra's words.

"Friends you said? "

"Is such a relationship so easy for you to establish, huh?. Once he trusts you, considers you a family, then you so easily leave him!. Don't you know? That being in a relationship like this is not just a mere cradle of words, but trust as well, if you forget!" Zahra snapped with emotions that she could no longer bear. The tightness that he had been able to endure he finally let out as well.

Dira blinked his eyes in shock, this was not what he thought. This is far from his plan.

"Zahra Ak -"

"Oh, I'm sick of it. You better go." Break Zahra cold.

Dira shook his head strongly, he did not accept Zahra's decision.

"Zahra I'm han-"

"I beg.. " Please Zahra with her own eyes. It was obvious that an expression of disappointment was etched plainly on his pale face.

Silence, "Alright. " Say Dira gave in to Zahra.

He did not want to force Zahra for something that impressed him badly in the eyes of Zahra.

Well, establishing a friendship with Zahra does require courage and a strong mentality.

Given Zahra who had dropped many times in a friendship relationship, Zahra had to think long to start again.

He's ill.

This word was more than enough to describe him at this moment. With a variety of conflicts or problems that had shaken him make Zahra inevitably have to keep a distance with everyone, without exception.

Well, Dira can understand that. However, Dira still cannot understand why Zahra can only let everyone look at her wrong Or why Zahra did not say directly what her heart was all this time?

Why did Zahra choose silence for all this mess?

"You're worrying me even more, Zahra. " Batin Dira was sincere as he walked away from Zahra.

Meanwhile, Zahra could only bite her lips in worry.

I don't know, nobody knows what he's thinking and worrying about right now. But certainly on his face that looks pale, printed clear expression of worry and disappointment.

He's fragile.

 

\\*

 

Dira continued to walk through the path surrounded by shady trees, the gentle wind blowing and the safe and quiet atmosphere slightly reduced his mood.

"Hardheaded. " She muttered to herself.

"You're really stubborn, Zahra. " Set her.

After arriving at his destination, Zahra walked into one of the closed rooms.

"Assynolajet.. " Greetings Dira politely ask permission of the owner of the room.

"Vaalaikumussalam.. " The owner gave Dira permission to enter.

Inside, Dira found some very familiar people talking.

"Sit, Dira.. " The order is polite.

Dira immediately nodded obediently and moved to sit on one of the empty parts of the sofa.

"Thank you, Gus.. " Talk Dira sincerely to Gus Fansyah.

Gus Fansyah shook her head strongly, refuting something.

"Call me brother, I'm your brother Dira. Not anyone else." Deny Gus Fansyah does not like.

Dira only understands and does not dispute his brother's objections.

"All right, my handsome brother." Reply Dira chuckled.

"So, how? " Task a girl of her age who is sitting next to her.

Dira sighed heavily, then shook his head resignedly.

"You're right, Fia. It is very difficult to approach. " Answer to Fia.

Fia was not surprised, even she understood. Because he was very understanding of Zahra's current feelings.

"Then what about his situation? Is he okay? " Task a man who had just been silent to hear their conversation.

"Sir Razi, take it easy, Alhamdulillah Zahra is fine. He was able to return to the dormitory and was currently resting in his bed. " It was clear Dira made everyone who was there breathe a sigh of relief.

"Thank God.. "

"Sir Alif calms down, as long as Zahra is under Dira's watch, he will always be fine.. " Say Dira teases Alif.

Alif's face immediately met with red and etched a beautiful smile on her red lips.

"Aamiya. " Say Fia assures.

"Zahra can never be okay, as long as he keeps shutting himself down. " Smuch Razi said.

"Therefore, we must work hard to get Zahra back, as it was. " Say Dira spirit.

"It's confusing." Said Alif with a bright look.

Everyone who was there immediately looked at Alif, asking for an explanation.

"Is it because I rejected her love and Fia who revealed her identity made Zahra very bad like this? Isn't this unnatural? " Tanya Alif asked for an opinion.

Razi was silent, in his heart he asserted Alif's confusion. However, this confusion he chose to be buried and solved by himself. Until he really knew, what made his little daughter go out of her lap.

"Have we missed the others? " Tanya Fia was also confused.

All were silent, until one of them made a sound.

"Fira, ever since you got back from town you never said anything. You stay quiet more.. " Say Fia asked Fira who had just sat down and quietly heard the conversation.

Fira was a little bearded to hear Fia's words.

"Has something happened? " Tanya Fia chased.

Fira bit her lips strongly, there was regret and fear emanating from the look on her face.

"I.. L'm.. "

Seriate...