That's so dirty of me

A Choice

"Sister.." Zahra's voice sounded hoarse.

Razi quietly waited for further remarks from Zahra.

Slowly Zahra raised her head slowly, revealing a beautiful face that was flushed red from the fatigue of crying.

"Aren't you going to stay away from me?" Ask Zahra pilu.

Deg

Razi was surprised by Zahra's words. Even without realizing it his body spontaneously retreated backwards.

"Ap.. pa you mean deck? " Panic Razi.

Zahra smiled wryly, rubbing her rough face with her trembling hands.

"You're satisfied, aren't you, after making me look stupid like this, you decided to leave me.. Hixes.. " Tears of Zahra are back. Zahra looked disappointedly at the pale face of Razi who was still in shock with Zahra's words.

"You have even neatly laid out all these plans well. Unbeknownst to me, you've prepared your move to a land far beyond my reach. And amazingly, your identity until now is able to hide from me. You're not my big brother, hiks.." Zahra said as she looked at her trembling hands. Then after he was satisfied he looked at her, he pointed his trembling hand towards her chest. She cut her chest shirt. There's a pain mixed in there. And this is the umpteenth time that Zahra feels this kind of feeling when it comes to Razi. Even tonight it feels a little different, more painful and certainly more crowded than before.

Razi even until now still can not say anything, he was silent and sick at the same time hearing the cry and the sound of Zahra shaking. He has wounded the only angel who always adorns the night of his tahajud. And he wouldn't be foolish to conclude that Zahra deserved to hate her.

"Jawab, brother! tell me clearly that you're not my big brother.hiks.." Pinta Zahra with pleading voice. Even his voice now sounded very hoarse due to fatigue crying.

Razi did not budge, he still did not make a sound. Razi just moved to sit himself facing the balcony of his room which showed the darkness of the night sprinkled with a very beautiful starlight. But unfortunately, the atmosphere tonight actually does not support at all the scenery presented by the Almighty. On the contrary, there are tears of disappointment that fall to earth without the approval of the Most Romantic.

Razi hugged his knees silently, giving a glance towards the balcony precisely the star-studded sky blankly.

"Hiks!. I want to hear it directly from you, not anyone else. " Once again Zahra's voice pleaded, more demanding than ever.

Razi nodded silently, implying that he was as wounded as Zahra.

"True, big brother is not your big brother. Brother doesn't know where you know it from and maybe it's really not important for now, but obviously brother isn't your big brother and you're free to hate me. It's perfectly natural for all this." Razi answered trying to sound strong and calm. He was still staring at the sky and did not want to distract him at all, especially if he had to look into Zahra's eyes it was certain he would not be able to and would not be strong.

Zahra silenced her mouth with both her hands. He muffled the sound of crying that immediately exploded when he heard Razi's reply, but in his silence Zahra gave a strong coil.

No. gabe.

No, Zahra really doesn't hate Razi. He was just shocked to hear it directly from the main culprit.

"sorry. " Razi's voice is sorry.

Her eyes were already inundated by her own tears, just blinking, then those tears would instantly come out and drip.

"Sorry big brother is not a figure like the one in your shadow. Sorry, maybe you're too mean to hide all these secrets from you for years. I'm sorry, you deserve to hate it and you'll never ban you from it. " I'm sorry Razi is so sorry.

He can't see Zahra getting hurt like this and the stupid thing that makes Zahra like this is herself, the loser.

"Don't cry, brother please. You can hate your sister but please, don't cry. Brother can't see you like this. " Pinta Razi while drowning her chaotic face in the arms of her knees.

Zahra shook her head again, took off her own hand and moved closer to Razi's position, only coming closer to nothing more.

"I don't hate you. " Zahra's voice was hoarse, this time his cries were no longer heard. He can control.

Razi was silent.

"Even if I want to hate you, I can't. I can't. " So Zahra revealed her heart.

"I.. " Zahra's voice hangs.

"I'm just tired and disappointed. " Said Zahra.

Zahra rubbed her face slowly, very nervous it felt to face Razi directly.

"I'm disappointed, you know? It's a very important thing but you steadfastly hid all this from me. Moreover, we only met face to face a few years because of the distance apart, it made me upset. " Zahra's Story.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. " Razi's voice was regretful behind his knees.

Zahra groaned in annoyance.

"You-astaga don't cut my words first!. And also, don't be like this, you look like a girl if you hide like this. Show me your face, if you feel like a man. " Anged Zahra.

How not, Zahra is currently wanting to be serious but seeing Razi's attitude like this makes her disturbed and feel uncomfortable.

Razi hesitantly raised his face slowly, but did not look at Zahra but instead looked back at the dark star-studded sky.

"sorry. " Razi's voice apologizes.

Zahra rolled her eyes lazily.

"Did you remember I said I wanted to marry you when I grew up. " Support Zahra seriously, her eyes dimmed.  It is a feeling hidden there.

"At first I thought it was weird, especially when I became the uncontrollable Zahra just to regain our attention and a childhood promise. I'm willing to get scorn and mockery from people because my attitude is different from yours, it's okay as long as I can get a response from you. "

"Until I finally met Alif, I decided to love him just to kill that strange feeling, but I really couldn't do it. I assumed that Alif was my first love, but it turned out to be wrong. My first love was my own prince. The prince who always looked after me from afar without my knowledge. You know, the day you slapped me, I felt so guilty. How can I make a mistake until someone I love does it? I hate myself. "

Razi tightened his embrace against his knee. Slowly without realizing it the tears kept dripping without a sound.

"I love you. " Zahra's voice was nervous. Afraid he touched Razi's related hand hugging his knee.

"I.hiks.I love you." Reveal Zahra again. He looked at the handsome face of Razi who was still unmoved and making a sound.

"Do you hear me?" Zahra asked for an answer because she did not get any response from Razi.

"I'm men-"

"Zahras. " Call Razi cut out Zahra's sentence.

Slowly he took off the touch of Zahra's hand from his hand and moved towards Zahra, sideways.

At her level, Zahra's beautiful face that looks reddened by fatigue crying.

"You're mistaken. " Razi's voice made Zahra look at him in wonder, asking for an explanation.

But Zahra chose silence to wait for the continuation of Razi's words.

"You're mistaken, deck. " Razi's voice was soft, he didn't want to offend Zahra at all.

"The feeling you were talking about was not a feeling of love, but a feeling of affection for a sister to her brother. " Continue Razi made Zahra groan unacceptable.

"A brother's affectionate extortion to his brother?" Zahra asked in disbelief.

"Haha..where can you conclude everything like that?. Do you know what? I almost thought that I had a mental breakdown for having these feelings towards you!. That's because I didn't deserve this feeling because I still didn't know who you were, I was so tormented back then!, I was like a madman!. " Anged Zahra did not accept.

Razi silenced Zahra, never thinking that far.

"And you, you easily judge the feelings I feel just because I didn't know the truth all this time?. Don't you think your words hurt me?. I'm disappointed! " Stop Zahra while getting up from her seat, intending to get out of Razi's room. But before Zahra actually did it, Razi first acted quickly. He grabbed Zahra's hand firmly to make Zahra's body and fell in Razi's warm embrace.

Grab

Razi hugged Zahra's warm body which without waiting for long Zahra immediately replied, although surprised at first.

"Hiks.you're evil!. I've said it over and over again that I love you, but you're evil not believing it!. You even doubt it!." Isak Zahra was heard again but muffled in Razi's warm embrace.

Razi shook his head strongly, he did not mean so but the fact that he had chosen Alif was proof that Zahra did love Alif and accepted his proposal. If Zahra really loved her, shouldn't Zahra have rejected Alif's proposal?

"Sister didn't mean it, deck. " Razi's voice sounded hoarse.

Zahra was still engrossed in her activities, crying in Razi's arms while tightening her arms around Razi's body. But he kept listening to what Razi said.

"Don't lie to your heart, deck." Razi's voice was soft as he stared at Zahra's beautiful face.

He touched Zahra's tired wet face crying, slowly rubbing Zahra's face gently.

"Sister does love you, deck." Honestly Razi while smiling warmly.

He removed the naughty hair of Zahra covering Zahra's pretty face.

"To have you, brother cannot. You can't be selfish and hurt other feelings. Brother doesn't want to impose the same flavor on you, deck. " Smuch Razi said.

Zahra shook her head strongly, she grabbed Razi's hand and clasped him tightly.

"I don't get it wrong, that night I did accept Alif's proposal but Zahra did it for brother!." Deny Zahra.

Razi frowned confusedly.

As if understanding Razi's intentions, Zahra continued her remarks.

"Don't you remember that night?" Zahra asked impatiently.

"Which one? " Bewildered Razi.

"That's.when brother.."

The Flash Back On

"Sister Razi! " His call sulked making Razi's short daydream instantly disappear. Zahra walked up to Razi in a deliberate step. Looks funny and sweet.

"Where are you going, anyway? Zahra kangenh! " Her king hugged Razi's arm spoiled.

Razi was happy with his spoiled behavior, but immediately realized something. Everyone stared at Razi strangely, including Alif.

No, this can't be. Inner Razi

With great difficulty Razi collected his voice and gulped his gulp roughly.

"Zahra, hey. "

"Sit down between Umi and Abi. You can't be like this. " Razi's warning carefully did not want to ruin his mood.

He shook strongly.

"Bad brother! I don't want to talk to Zahra anymore, huh? Big bad brother! from this morning you never met Zahra, Zahra was kangen same sister!. But it turns out you don't want to see Zahra, Kesel!" His complaints sound hoarse.

Jesus, why does Zahra look so sweet when sulking like this?. But what was it, his voice was hoarse! Oh, my God, this must be because he's holding back his tears.

"Zahra dear, brother does not want to meet with Zahra. But I'm really busy, baby. So you can't meet you, deck. Hey, already. Don't cry, sister's daughter is prettier if she's not crying. What's more when she smiles, she looks so beautiful like that. Okay, then after the show's over, brother's gonna see you. But on one condition, sit between Umi and Abi obediently. Understood?"

The Flash Back Off

"What big brother remembers, big brother promised me after all his finished big brother would go straight to see me, so from that without thinking long I immediately agreed to Alif's proposal so that I could talk again with my brother. That day I was very tormented because I never met my sister for a full day, but again my sister reneged on my promise. After the show was over brother was never seen.and that was because big brother must have been very hurt by my carelessness, right?" Zahra.

Razi is confused and speechless with Zahra's carelessness in making decisions, really still the same as his little Zahra nature.

"How can you act like that, deck? " Tanya Razi was both shocked and annoyed.

How not to be upset, just because the trivial affairs of half his life were pawned. Ck.

"Easy, it's because of brother. " Enhance Zahra innocently.

Razi smiled wryly, rather bitterly.

"But brother can't, deck. " Smuch Razi said.

Zahra was again confused by Razi's attitude.

"Marriage is just counting the days and it's impossible to cancel it, all the preparations are 90 percent ready, deck. " Razi obviously made Zahra shake her head in disbelief.

He held his hand in Razi's.

"Then what if we get married on the wedding day. We talked about all this with Alif and the rest of the family that I don't love Alif and only love ka-"

"Sister can't, deck. " Razi's tears slowly rolled down his cheeks.

Zahra shook her head in disbelief and dropped her embrace on Razi. Hugged Razi strongly.

"Hiks.. " Isaac Zahra is not strong.

Razi stroked Zahra's long hair gently.

"Sister can't act selfish, deck. There's a heart that's gonna hurt here. And you know exactly what it feels like to be heartbroken. Enough, big brother, not the others, because it feels like it will be very sick deck. " Razi's breakup was firm on his decision.

"Agoist? What big brother did not realize is that right now big brother is acting selfishly by making me hurt. I'm gone, isn't that selfish? " Tanya Zahra did not accept.

Razi smiled wryly and shook his head slowly. It took a lot of patience to convince Zahra.

"Sister would never have done this if your priest would have been someone you didn't know, but he's Alif. Sister cousin sister. I know very well he is a good person and in shaa Allah is able to lead you to the path of Allah. I also know that he loves you very much. And a sincere brother would be it, deck. "

Shake slowly, "I can't, brother." Please Zahra reject her.

Razi remained silent. He could only cry for now.

"I can't, brother. I just love big brother.hiks.. "

Razi loosened his embrace, slowly reaching Zahra's shoulder. Zahra helplessly let go of her embrace towards Razi.

Razi stared into Zahra's bead, channeling a longing that was never conveyed.

With tears she rubbed Zahra's beautiful face gently.

"Listen," Razi ordered, locking Zahra's bead.

"Son't love you." Razi said while smiling sincerely, looking happy because at this time he was really able to say it.

Zahra nodded in spirit despite the bad feeling she felt with Razi's words.

"Trust me that the only girl sitting here.. " Pointing Razi to his chest.

"For 10 years it was you. And as far as distance and length of time are in our way, the one sitting here is still you and brother will make sure of that. "

"Sister.. " Call Zahra happy.

Razi did not respond to Zahra's call, smiling, he slowly brought his face closer to Zahra slowly until their lips met.

In the tears Zahra closed her eyes happy, this was her first kiss and it was done with the person she loved so much.

While Zahra closed her eyes happily, Razi instead used this opportunity to stare fixedly at Zahra's blushed face with her glassy feelings.

At least this is the last one. Inner Razi.

After a few seconds, Razi finally removed his face from Zahra's face. Just a kiss, nothing more.

Zahra was seen blushing with a flushed face holding in shame.

Razi smiled, stroking Zahra's face for the last time.

"Sir, you must go to a place that can restore your heart. Take care of yourself, deck. Love your husband and be devoted to him. If God allows us to meet again then it is a meeting to tighten the divine rope. Brother is happy if you are happy.."