That's so dirty of me

Dulled

"Richihhh.."

"Richihhh.."

"Astagafirullah, the body of non hot Zahra. Non Zahra's sick huh, non?"

I was surprised to find Bik Imah who was standing behind me with a worried expression.

I rubbed my nose that felt moist and tight so as to give me space to breathe air into the nasal cavity and channel it into my body.

"Hm, don't make it, Zahra doesn't hurt just Zahra's nose anymore hives so sneeze like this.." My elak denies my worries.

Well, right now my body feels warm and my body is carefree indicating that my body is currently in an unstable state.

"Non Zahra better just come in, it's almost been 5 hours non Zahra sitting here. Moreover, this tea again non rain, the air becomes moist and the disease is very easy to attack humans. Non Zahra is still a child, non body still can not accept this condition.." The advice of Bik Imah meant to bring me into the house.

Right, maybe it's been almost 5 hours I've been waiting for them. Exactly waiting for the return of abi and umi.

Nah!

I'm not a spoiled or whiny girl whose parents can't live. However, it's just that this may be because I am used to living in abi and umi work, which sometimes they come home or do not make me strange like this.

Quiet at the door with certainty that I do not necessarily get.

That'sthat's all.

But I am relieved to do so, even though I know for a fact that what I am waiting for will never feel my longing.

"Non Zahra from this morning has not eaten anything, aunt is afraid if non Zahra why.." He again clarified his concerns.

I smiled, inwardly regretting my foolish actions to him. But somehow I wish that stupid thing would happen.

Well, I wish if I was sick.

Wh why?

"Non Zah"

"Abi, umi." I shouted excitedly as I ran to greet them on the terrace.

"Assalamualaikum, dear.." A brief greeting abi ignored my welcome while running into the house. Apparently in a hurry.

"Assalamualaikum, dear.." Salam umi grabbed the top of my head and rubbed it short as it passed leaving me inside the house.

I smiled faintly, then answered her softly. "Getishalight." Answer me muttering.

Bik Imah looked at me softly while walking towards me.

"Mr and mistress seem to be in a non hurry, probably because of the office work that is piling up.." Say bik Imah intends to remove my frame.

Again, I smiled thinly. These tranquilizing words are words that are common to me. This is the umpteenth time I've heard this. "Dad.maybe." I murmured weakly. Don't be naive, I can think even deeper when it comes to emotions.

"Come on non.." Take Bik Imah while leading my body to follow him.

While walking, I took off my hand, Imah from the end of my shoulder while giving an apologetic look.

I don't know why I'm like this, I'm sick.

I stepped towards abi and Umi's room which sounded like a fuss.

"Abi, are all Annisa's belongings ready?" Tanya Umi sounded worried.

"Yes umi, I've prepared." Abi replied sounding no less worried.

"Umi has often said that if we should have seen Annisa and Razi more often then this kind of incident would never have happened twice." Umi sounded desperate.

I saw from behind the door, Abi bowed his head, he looked helpless.

"We'll never let this happen again." Abi promised as he walked closer to Umi and hugged her.

After all things improved, I ventured into their room with my sneeze that I couldn't stop and just kept coming out.

"Mom, abi.." Call me to tell them my current situation.

"Yes, baby.."

"Zahra rasa"

"Are all the documents for tomorrow's meeting ready?" Ask abi.

"Yes, everything is ready."

"Why baby?" Ask umi to me.

"Umi, Zahra"

Dergdd...

Dergdd..

Suddenly the phone umi rings indicating there is an incoming call.

"Hallo, Assalamualaikum.."

"Oh, yes.how is he now?"

"Gosh, Annisa's been taken to the hospital?"

"Well.well we'll leave soon.iya waalaikumsalam." This cover sounds very worried.

"Abi, let's go now. Umi's scared!"

"Yes.ayo calm yourself first so that we can survive to the goal.." Entertain abi while bringing the body of the umi into his arms.

I chose to be silent at this sight, I was confused what was with all this?

Umi cried in the arms of abi with soft lips umi who kept whispering the name of sister Annisa.

Sister Annisa?

What happened to Annisa?

Why can Umi cry like this while saying the name of sister Annisa?

What did Annisa do to Umi?

"Eye." Call me in a weak voice because of the condition of my body that I feel is getting unstable.

I approached umi and abi with slow steps, probably because of my weight that I could not bear at this time.

I approached them intending to complain about how I was feeling right now. I'm sick and I need them. "Umi, head of Zah-"

"Let's abi, poor Annisa there waiting for us. He must be scared right now that he only finds Razi by his side." Take Umi while taking the items that have been packed.

"Zahra same bik Imah first yes son, don't be naughty and listen to the words of bik Imah." Umi's advice as I kissed the top of my head gently.

Ah. I miss this warm sweep.

"Let's go, baby.." Pamit abi while rubbing the top of my head lightly.

Then, abi and umi passed by leaving me alone here.

I feel sad and lonely.

But somehow every time I intend to express it there are always obstacles that come.

I'm disappointed.

It always ends like this.

"Umi's..Abi.." Call me weak.

Without me noticing the warm liquid flowing gently from my cheeks.

"Badan Zahra is sick.." I hugged my chest. It hurts and feels uncomfortable here.

Then, I brought my right hand to touch my head which felt dizzy. "Zahra's head is also dizzy.." The world seems to be circling here. I don't like this pain.

Why can't you

felt it?.

I'm alone and sick, but you see me as if I'm fine.

"Miss.non.non Zahra.." Sayup-sayup Kwu heard the voice of bik Imah calling me.

Sound worried.

"Non.non Zahra wakes up non.." Calling him again sounded more worried than he had been.

My vision was blurry, I couldn't see clearly because suddenly the world was spinning so fast.

My eyelids also felt heavy, very hard to blink.

Well, it's very difficult.

Then everything went dark.

 

\*

 

"Mrs.abi.." I screamed unconsciously.

I looked around, oh I was just dreaming.

Nightmares.

Eh?

But where is this?

This is not the boarding house.

Then where is this?

Endless spacious room with white shades.

Lho?

Where's my high school uniform?

Wasn't it before I went to sleep that I was still wearing it?

Why am I wearing this weird dress?

Hem, if I remember this shirt is very often used umi and Annisa when at home.

Oh, yeah.daster!!

Mom-mom-mom-mom-mom-mom-mom-mom-shirt!

But why is everything so strange like this?.

As I stood up from my current position intending to find a way out, suddenly far ahead of me stood Andrini and Latifa who were already putting on a dislike expression, in my opinion.

"Ann?"

"Latifa?"

"You two are here too?" I asked enthusiastically as I walked up to the two of them.

"Don't approach us, Zahra!" Shouted Andrini with a face full of anger.

Hearing Andrini's angry cry made my steps instantly stop.

I looked at them a little scared, "Why?" Ask me scared.

"Because we don't want to be friends with a KILLER!!!" This was Latifa's reply, now she was staring at me as if I were a monster.

The deg!

Whatisthis?

I'm killer?

They say I'm a killer?

Butwhy?

"How can you guys talk like it-"

"Alvin!"

"Enough Alvin is the victim of your greed, Zahra!"

"What?" Ask me not to understand.

"No!, you guys just misunderstood!" My shout ran after Andrini and Latifa who somehow the faster I ran towards them the farther I was from them.

"No, I'm not a killer. Please, please listen to my explanation. You'll never understand if you don't listen to me!" I sobbed.

I begged them to listen to me. But instead of agreeing to my request, they just stay away from me. Lost from my sight.

How'this?

They'll always think I'm a killer if I don't listen to my explanations.

I fear.

"Zara.." Call someone who is no stranger to me.

The fia?

Is that really him?

Well, it's not wrong anymore. That's Fia, my best friend.

"fi-"

"Don't ever think you're my best friend!" Cut Fia with her cold expression.

Whahuh?

Why did he become so strange like this, how could Fia say such a foolish thing after all that we had been through together.

"What do you mean, Fi-"

"Of course, after everything you've done to them, how can I still call you a friend?"

"They?" I was confused as to who they meant, not wanting to lose Fia I immediately brought my steps closer to her.

He stared at me, making me spontaneously stop my steps. "Don't come any closer!"

"I feel disgusted if you approach!" Said Fia while walking away from me.

"No, Fi!"

"What do you mean by them?" Ask me to scream.

But Fia got further away from my sight and disappeared.

"Fia!"

"Fia!"

"Fiaaaa!"

Please explain to me, "They"?

Who's "They're ", Fi?

What do you mean by them.

"Zara.." Call someone while touching my shoulder gently.

"Fira?"

"Listen to them."

"You mean?"

"They don't need you!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't approach them, if you approach them they'll get hurt by you."

I shook my head in despair, I didn't understand what Fira was talking about. Who he meant. "I really don't understand!"

"Don't do anything stupid Zahra, cut out all this stupidity!" Fira said coldly as she moved away from my sight.

Oh, myGod!

What the fuck is all this?

Why are they all saying things that I don't understand very much and make me confused.

Confused!

I'm confused, what should I do?

When I wanted to explain everything why did they all stay away?

Isn't what they want the truth?

Then, why when I wanted to say everything they just stayed away!

What's the matter?

"Zara.." Umi's voice?

Did ya?

Is this really umi?

This is the voice of Umi!

I really am not lying.

This is umi's voice.

Whereabouts?

Where's dia?

I've missed him. I miss him so much.

"Eye?"

It was true that the sound was the sound of Umi.

"Zara.."

"Umi, Zahra misses you, umi, Zahra is scared in sin-"

"It's your fault, son." Umi's speech cuts off my speech.

The deg!

Huh huh?

Did I hear wrong?

Nah!

She's my umi.

He wouldn't be so evil as to say such a cruel thing.

Well, true.

Maybe I heard it wrong.

"Umi, Zahra is not"

"Understand dear.."

"They never hurt you, but you're the one who hurt them all. Because you're too selfish, ZAHRA." Cut the umi as it passes leaving me alone who still does not believe what the umi say.

"Me?"

"Is all this my fault?"

I don't know, what kind of life I've been through.

Really, a bad joke.

"Zara.." Call a young man from a distance.

He waved his hand at me, as if asking for my attention.

I saw the figure of the young man that the longer I saw He became clearer.

Deg.

The alif?

Is that really Alif?

He was as usual, handsome.

I ventured to walk closer to him, but not a few steps suddenly my steps stopped.

Well, it turns out there's another girl next to Alif.

Wh who?

Who her?

It turns out she is Annisa.

It was really Annisa.

**tik

Tik**

I'm crying!

This suffering really hurt me.

I'm sick!

Whatisthis?

Is this God?

Enough's enough!

I don't want to see anyone else!

Stop this, I don't want to hear any more words.

It's paining.

It's so sick!

I'm afraid!

I'm afraid of hearing another bad thing, well I'm afraid.

Help u!

Please whoever is here tell me exactly what happened in this strange place?

Please get me out of this place!.

"Zara.."

Suddenly a sound that sounded quite heavy and soothing resounded in this place.

"Why don't you take another step, Zahra?" Ask the voice without responding to my surprise.

"Who?" Ask me timidly.

"Zahra, hurry back. " Brother Razi?

This is indeed Razi's voice, but who is the owner of the first voice?

"Step Zahra."

"No! I don't want to!

I'm scared!"

"Go home, brother misses. "

"Sister Razi, brother where brother.please Zahra. " I'm screaming out loud. Run wherever I step, you hear me?

My sister misses me.

"Step Zahra, you have nothing to fear." Another voice, whose voice is this?

"No, you won't understand. If I take one step, someone will get hurt and I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."

"Step Zahra, you have nothing to fear."

"I'm scared."

"Everything is so scary to me." Then this heavy voice continued to resound, no more the sound of Razi's brother. Lost, Razi's voice is gone. I fear.

"Step away.."

"No!"

"No!!"

"No!!!"

Brakkkk

"Aaww.sick." I said in pain to find my head hit by the wall on the side of my bed.

Oh, it turned out to be just a dream.

Dreams in dreams, huh?

But why does it feel so painful. This is like real?

Still very much felt, to this day.

Tik

Tik

I cried?

Whatever!

I don't care anymore, which I know is very sick. I couldn't hide it, it hurt too much for me to bear.

"Mister Zahra.." Call someone while hugging me tight.

I was stunned to find that someone was hugging me warmly.

Who is this girl who hugged me?

"Mister Zahra.hiks..hiks.."

She cried?

Butwhy?

Is he crying for me?

And this voice is like a stranger..?

I shuffled up my sitting position more comfortably while trying to see who this girl was.

Oh, it turns out she's.

The marwah!

Strange girl who always approached me all day, she always asked me what I needed and I complained in this place.

It's strange!

But isn't that natural?

Well, I'm the new kid in this place. So, of course I will ask a lot and be confused with this place.

Well, he's right.

I still don't know this place, so it's obvious he's approaching me.

"Mister Zahra.hiks..hiks.." Call Marwah while tightening her embrace on my waist.

"What's wrong?" I was confused to see this strange attitude.

He didn't answer my question and still cried.

"Tight." I spoke because I found it hard to breathe.

"Well.." The response of Marwah still did not understand what I had said.

Hitting his hand slowly, "I can't breathe.." Answer me honestly.

I felt his body slightly bearded and moved to release his embrace from me.

I can finally breathe smoothly.

"Sorry, ma'am." Please don't dare look at me.

I was silent to his apology. This is strange, why do I feel if this girl's apology sounds so sincere in my hearing?

Right, he was the second person to apologize to sound very sincere in my hearing after Fia.

At that time, I still remember it. His apologies and the sound of his crying that I thought was fake turned out to be the proof of the truth.

Fia and Alif are one family.

Stupidly I did not listen to his explanation first and concluded that they both had a relationship. Once again, I lost the people I loved after her.

But why did he never tell me that he and Alif were family?

And also Fia once said that night if his daily life memamg using clothes like Annisa and Umi used at home.

But, I chose disbelief and considered him a liar that night.

Well, and now he's gone for me.

He left after my identity was known. Why has he been hiding his true identity from me?

What secrets are actually being hidden.?

Heh..

It's always like this.

Ended up losing because of my own carelessness.

"Badan mbak Zahra feels warm, mbak Zahra sick yah?" Tanya Marwah broke my daydream.

I cringed, "Sick?" I asked as I fumbled over my warm body.

Why didn't I realize it earlier? the one who has this body is me. It should be the owner of the body who realizes it first than anyone else.

Hem..

"Em, maybe it's just a common cold.." Answer me the Marwah question as I see it.

"But this is de-tea"

"Just a regular cold!" My words cut off Marwah's words to affirm my words.

Marwah was silent.

Feels awkward.

Glance around, "Eh..what time is it?" Ask me to melt the mood.

He looked at me with a strange expression and moved to grab something from under his pillow.

BUSETTT!

Is this a healthy child?

Seriously though?

He keeps a wall clock in his suitcase under his pillow.?

Not wrong then?

That's a wall clock why not hang it on the wall?

But what's even kept under the pillow??

"It's 2.17 minutes later, and then we go to the tahajud prayer time.." Say it with a soft face.

It was like he could read my mind and say "It doesn't matter." or "It's not the wrong thing.." with the smile he gave me.

Ho..ho.it looks like my brain is starting to slide!

"Oh.." My response was short.

Tahajud prayer?

Hah, not at home not here anyway. Bizarrely.

"Let's.." My screams hurt.

Well, it's like there's a hard fist hitting my stomach. It felt pulsating and very painful.

I felt my stomach hurt, it might be able to relieve the pain.

"Goodoo, what's wrong with Zahra?" Shouted Marwah hysterically and made the other children wake up from their sleep.

OH MY!!!

Kok this old child ngeselin also well, duh where this hand itching really well want to punch the face of the Marw-

Ao!

It hurts!

My stomach is getting sick.

Suddenly the lights were turned on and some awakened children instantly moved towards my bed.

There was clearly an expression of worry on their faces.

"Goodoo, Zahra why are you tea?" Ask Kaila.

I grimaced with the pain that hit my stomach. I put on a smile that was clearly forced.

"I'm nothing.." Answer me as it is.

"Nothing what, your face pisans pale tea.." Kaila sounded very worried.

"It's okay. Marwah, anterin me to the bathroom yuk.." My breakup doesn't want to be pushed anymore.

I pulled Marwah's hand to get out of this room, well here is not provided a special bathroom in each room.

But the bathroom is specifically outside the room.

"Me?" Marwah sounded like she was asking in my ear.

I turned to face him while furrowing both my eyebrows.

"Mbak Zahra tea sounds different if you use 'I' "Obviously it looks happy.

I narrowed my eyes, thinking for a long time until I finally realized that I had done it.

"Oh.cz...Ao..sick! my stomach hurts!" My ringis while hugging my stomach tightly.

"Goodoo, is Zahra tea okay?" Marwah asked sounding worried as she touched my trembling shoulders.

"I'm nothing.." I answered briefly as we entered the bathroom because we happened to have arrived in front of the bathroom.

When I got to the bathroom, I closed the door.

I lay my body on the cold floor while leaning against the side of the door.

"sickness.."

My ringis is in pain.

Is this the end of my life?

Could it be that God is tired of seeing my behavior that is so intolerable?

I'm afraid!

I was afraid to leave this world when everything I did hurt them all.

However, if this way they can forgive me then I am willing to leave. If it makes them happy, I will.

If in this way they will realize all their past mistakes to me, then I am sincere.

"Umi's..Zahra loves umi."

"Zahra apologizes if Zahra always makes us cry. But Zahra did something stupid like this because Zahra was willing to make us realize, realizing the small mistake that made Zahra had to be like this...Zahra's sick."

Honestly, I regret all my mistakes as a child who was disobedient towards his parents. However, if they had realized it from the beginning then I would have been as they wanted me to be. And it's not Zahra they hate.

"Sir Zahra?" Call Marwah.

It hurts!

My body while being hit by various things. It's paining.

"Mbak.mbak Zahra is fine right?" Her question sounded worried again.

"Saaakkky!!!" I cried spontaneously because I could not endure the pain that was eating away at my body.

"Mbak.mbak Zahra open mbak.buka mbak.." Marwah shouted hysterically from outside.

Tsk...

why is he so cute?

"Sir Zahra opens the mbak.." His sobs are harder.

I don't know, right now I really don't care. I think my body is already at rest.

It's time to go home.

My vision is blurry, not so clear.

My breath goes up and down. Enough to make me shed tears.

Ahhh.maybe it's time.

"Gus.gus Fansyah please Zahra Gus.." Shouted Marwah I heard sayup-sayup.

"Zahra?"

"Zahra di da"

The alif?

How stupid are you Zahra. At a time like this you still think of him, you idiot.

Thats impossible.

It's just your payoff, Zahra.

"Zahra.please suck-"

Ah, my eyelids are heavy.

Damnit.

I'm not strong anymore.

Darkened.

SERIATE...