That's so dirty of me

New sheet, Black ink.

Fira P.O.V

"Fira, ever since you got back from town you never said anything. You're more silent." Fia's question suddenly made me realize from my daydream.

Shocked, "Has something happened? " Tanya Fia chased. I raised my head slowly, staring at her agitatedly. There was clearly a probing look that Fia had thrown at me.

I bit my lips hard, there was regret and fear that I felt right now

"I.. I'm. -"

"Assynolajet.. Gus Fansyah's? " Greetings someone cut my speech.

I am grateful, I admit it is far from my deepest heart. I'm relieved, for now.

"Waalaikumussalam, Fan, you just come in, I'm not busy. " Sir Alif answered the greetings from Fandi, brother of Alif.

Without waiting any longer the door was directly pushed inside, giving Fandi a way to get inside. From the expression of his face, he looked surprised by the presence of us all in this room until after a few seconds he could neutralize the mimic of his face and walk closer to Alif.

He brought his body closer to Brother Alif, leaning towards the ears of Brother Alif. They whispered, looking serious.

Brother Alif subdued his lethargic gaze, then turned to look at me softly. He looks disappointed.

"Today we'll suffice it to get here, I have a sudden affair with some office staff colleagues. We'll talk about this next time, Razi, we need to move fast, there's a special guest today." Said brother Alif ended the gathering this afternoon, he briefly saw me, then a few seconds later displayed his sincere smile.

"I'm sorry brother, this is all because of my carelessness. " My inner self was sorry when I saw Alif's lower back disappear from my sight.

I'm looking down lethargic.

Afraid of what to do.

Everything seemed dark and horrible in my mind. I'm sorry, no, even I'm so sorry.

"Fira, are you all right, deck? " Task brother Dira is afraid of me.

I looked at her softly, gave a slight smile and shook her head strongly.

"Fira is fine, brother. It's just that Fira's head is a little dizzy and feels uncomfortable. " I answered honestly.

Brother Dira nodded in understanding, he touched my shoulder slowly.

"Rest. " His advice was gentle as he walked out leaving me both with Fia.

I breathed a sigh of relief, at least today I can think. Looking for a way out with the problem I had a few days ago.

"I'm disappointed. " Fia said in a sad tone, I turned to look at her confusedly. Is Fia still unable to accept Zahra's change?

Ah, I did too.

It's not like I had in mind. I thought it was what it looked like, but it wasn't like that.

Fia averted her eyes, looking at me softly. It's weird, the look is so deep and makes me uncomfortable. Does he know anything about me?

"I saw her that day." His words sound sad.

I bit my lips scared, what did Fia see? It's har-

"He was so fragile and hurt. "

The deg!

Is possible?

"And I'm sure the wounds he has in his heart must be getting deeper."

"Fir, "

"I never knew if he was that bad, Fira. " She said hurt.

Heh, I shouldn't be surprised by what Fia said to me. He's right, I'm evil. But doesn't Fia not know what I'm thinking?

Why could he conclude that everything that happened that day was because of my crimes.

"You don't know anything, Fi. Everything I do is not what it seems. " My defense doesn't accept.

Fia smiled, wryly.

There was anger there, he covered it up.

"Persis, Zahra did too. Everything he does is not as it seems. " She said flat.

I let out a rough sigh, he was clearly mocking me.

"He's different, he's hard. It has to be rude to want him to listen. " I'm stuck.

"You don't know anything about Zahra. You forget, I'm his best friend, I knew him long before you knew him. "

I was stunned, Fia made me realize something.

"I'm disappointed, you, "Pointing Fia to me.

"Act beyond your limits!" Connect Fia coldly.

Author P.O.V

Fira was surprised, as soon as her eyeballs were smashed. There was disbelief painted on his facial expression.

"I'm your sister, Fi-"

"Because you're a brother, I. I'm disappointed. " Cut the Sissy Fia.

"Don't tell me you know him, know his bad and good side. Nah! Not even at all. You don't know her at all." Fia said hurt.

He could not withstand the tightness he had covered these few days anymore, he was saturated.

"You can't even tell the difference when he's laughing, you can't tell Zahra apart when she's really laughing because of her happiness or the theatrics?! "

Fira was silent, she didn't know what to say anymore. Fia was right, everything Fia told her was true. He knows nothing about Zahra.

"I'll wait for that day to come, I hope you don't let us all down. " Disconnect Fia while walking past Fira who is still sculpting.

After Fia's departure, Fira immediately sat down limp. He had already regretted his actions that day, but the fact that Fia said about him today made him even more regretful.

"Oh my God, what should I do?" Confused Fira desperate.

 

\*

 

Zahra opened her mouth wide in disbelief. In front of him lay two suitcases that he brought from his home to the boarding school yesterday which of course by force.

Two suitcases is not something that Zahra is too concerned about, also the shape that almost more can be said as a closet is not the thing that also makes Zahra stare in disbelief at the wheeled object.

But the thing that makes Zahra stare in disbelief is how the contents of the suitcase is something that Zahra really dislikes or in other words in 'hate' Zahra.

Zahra closed her eyes, it felt like a dream for Zahra. Finding things that had never been thought at all by him made Zahra have to swallow her bad taste raw into her mind which from the beginning came to this praiseworthy place has indeed been chaotic.

"Aishis.. " Erang Zahra is frustrated.

His unceasing hand took out and ransacked the contents of his suitcase violently.

But what Zahra got was exactly the same thing, nothing else.

"Damn it! Why is my suitcase so weird?. Clothes that are often used by mothers go to the market? " Task Zahra sarcastically to herself.

"God, Lord Zahra, why are his clothes disfigured like this?" Suddenly Marwah came while carrying a tray in his hand.

He immediately moved to put the tray on the edge of Zahra's bed and rushed to pick up and collect clothes scattered everywhere. At present, indeed in the room there is no one but the two of them because the other Santriwati are performing the prayer of Ashar congregation at the Masjid As-Sauqi.

Zahra threw away her face riled up, there was an expression and sigh of anger there. Every now and then Zahra ruffled her hair in frustration as emotions were ready to explode at this moment.

He glanced at the trays at a glance, gulping down his coarse salivation. He could not deny that he was really hungry. Since coming home from Umi's house he only drank water, it was only a few sips. Besides, nothing else comes in.

And right now, everything feels different. There was a harsh demand that had shaken him earlier. He's hungry.

"Ekhem.. " Stop Zahra to call Marwah's attention.

"Yes, ma'am." Marwah asked Zahra's response without stopping her activity of collecting Zahra's clothes.

"This food.Who did it? " Doubt Zahra. Zahra gulped his salivary brusquely, condemning his stupid question.

Good thing here only two, if the rame will be taken where this face? Inner Zahra.

Marwah is still busy doing her activities.

"That's for Zahra, you have to eat. You see from this morning the stomach mbak Zahra never get more intake than drinking water." Answer Marwah firmly.

Zahra nodded her head knowing.

Without waiting any longer, Zahra immediately walked towards the position of the tray. Opening the hood of the tray that covers the tray.

Zahra P's. O. V

I nodded my head knowing.

After hearing Marwah's reply I immediately moved towards the tray it was in. Walking ria for food relieving hunger and thirst.

Haha..

I will always remember today, my image is completely gone.

Oh, calm down Zahra.

You're the only two here. No one saw this ridiculous incident.

The marwah?

Oh, comeon.

She's no different from a plain girl kind of kindergarten. He does not care about this situation, just look at the moment he is more busy picking up useless clothes.

Haha...

Oh, come on. he's totally innocent. My mind is relieved.

I noticed the hood that covered the tray. Well, at least cleaner like this.

I moved to touch the saji hood with a gentle gesture of caressing-aish.. Ignore.

My hands were raised with the veil of serving to give my beautiful and pretty eyes a look at something beautiful in the first place

WHAT THE ****!!!

What the fuck?

Believe it or not but for sure I'm not a duck, oh ok should I repeat again?

I'm not a DUCK!

oh, come on.. What kind of place is this?why is everything so so annoying!

Do you know what's hidden behind that fucking hood?

Hell, behind it is a plate of rice full of tofu and fried tempeh and do not forget there are three eggs.. I mean three quail eggs that swear by whatever I am like a homeless man squirming at this sight.

Beside the perched plate with the sweetness of a small bowl that I believe is a vegetable soup for whatever sake is crazy! I hate the stinging smell of vegetable soup.

Ih, disgust.

Oh, SHIT.

Double SHIT!!!.

What do they think I'm a duck? Yes kale I have to eat with a serving of this big?

Well, even though I never eat a week also whose name is eating with a portion of a piece of gini I can. Where's the rich side dish again, hell.. It's really torture!.

If I'm at home, surely Umi and sister Annisa will make me eat-ah, shit!

Oh, come on, forget all about the past. You are already in the future. Open a new sheet, with new figures of course.

There is no longer a good-natured and understanding Umi.

There are no more Abi and Razi who are hard and binding.

No more Annisa, the first lead from the destruction of all this.. Ops.. Maybe it's just me who's the unlucky carrier.

There are no more Andrini and Latifa characters, who apparently hide a secret that really hurt me.

There is no longer a goddess who is chatty and smug.

No more Fia characters who play as friends and people who understand me the most.

No more Alif the prince who managed to make me embarrassed because of my own carelessness.

No more Fir-not figures. I think he's just a passing figure, but a poison to my life.

And... There is no more fragile Zahra. There is only a new Zahra with a new place, a new environment and new characters.

Right, new sheet.

I should go back to being little Zahra, if I can. It's okay to start something new with something new.

It's hard, but it has to be tried. If I have to fall again, I don't care. Maybe it's the best. And if it really had to fall, then I would completely shut myself down. Letting my own world float. Maybe it's God's wish.

Well, at least I should try it.

"Sir Zahra? " Call Marwah sounds worried. I immediately woke up from my daydream, and turned to look at her.

I looked at him deeply, didn't I tell you that it's okay I didn't try. Though difficult.

I smiled for the first time, for me in this place. I just showed my smile to my old best friend. Other than all of them, none.

Marwah looked in shock, it was clearly visible from her face.

"God, could Zahra tea smile? " Tanya does not believe .

I nodded awkwardly assuring her innocent question. Is a phenomenon like this an amazing thing?

Oh, sorry.

I forget.

From the beginning of this place, I have behaved badly. Oh, come on Zahra. Isn't it okay to start it all over again? It's okay no.

So be little Zahra, live it again. No one will care because you are only surrounded by new characters. Those old figures will not know and will never know.

"God willing, Zahra is truly beautiful with a smile.. Marwah teh more impressed with nbak Zahra.. " Ocehnya was endlessly praising me.

It feels a little strange, maybe because it's the first one and I'm still not used to it.

"Emmm.. Why is the rice portion so big?" My question sounds plain.

Hearing my plain question, Marwah immediately threw her gaze towards the tray, or rather towards the plate containing rice with large portions.

"Yes yes mbak, according to Marwah this portion is very suitable for mbak Zahra.. " The answer sounds sure.

What the???

What did he say?

The portion of a mountain gini is very suitable for me?

Are you kidding?

Oh, sorry.

Are you seriouslly?

With a large portion of gini?

Hells.. So he meant, I'm fat?

So he indirectly said that I was fat?

G. E. N. D. U. T's?

Did two days here really make me fat?

But, kan.. Hell. I've never consumed anything in this place. Even since I was forcibly dragged to this place I have never eaten anything but a lump of bread that I ate for breakfast.

Wait a minute, ever since I got home from the club I didn't eat. Even from the afternoon, before leaving for the club with sister Annisa.

Ouh, Shit!

Am I haru-

"Sir Zahra? " His call brought my ambiguous inner debate to a halt.

I woke up and immediately stared at her, asking for an explanation.

"To..napa? " Tanya hesitated.

I'm puffing my cheeks, it might look funny. Bodo is great, no one cares either.

"Do I look that fat? " Tell me weak.

Marwah raised her eyebrows funny, looking to think hard.

Look, even he can't say anything.

"Mbak Zahra is not fat really, even mbak Zahra looks slim." The answer was trying to convince me.

I'm slim?

Haha..

He's not lying anymore, is he?

Ah, he's just plain acute level. So, he could lie. The Theory of Zahra.

Haha..

A smile of happiness I can't hold anymore. Ah, it feels so weird.

"Keep if I'm not fat, why did you say that the portion of rice segedek mountain gini is very suitable for me, what try the name if you actually want to say I'm fat. " My annoyance. Again my little habit that I lost a few years ago I show you here. Inflating my cheeks that people think are very 'chubby'.

Ah, alay, right?

But yes, it is from birth that I am beautiful. To say what else, this is God's will.

"That doesn't mean Marwah says you're fat Zahra, but because health workers say you've never given food to your body for a few days, so today you have to eat a lot and take medicine. " The reply of someone who suddenly appeared from behind me carried a tray similar to Marwah.

Ah, ja.. Wasn't she the weird girl that interrupted my nap?

What's he here for?

Oh, I forgot, he's sleeping here, next to my bed too.

"Assynolajet.. " His greetings are cheerful as soon as I get a response to my surprise and Marwah.

"Vaalaikumussalam.. " Reported Marwah sounded very polite and friendly.

I shut up and just responded with a small smile.

"Lho, where are you here? you don't go to prayer at the mosque? " Tanya Marwah was confused.

"Ih, Marwah's tea guy's forgetful. I told him I was getting stuck, so I couldn't go to prayer. " The answer sounds spoiled.

"Hehe.. Sorry, I forgot, Dir." Pinta Marwah apologizes.

"I'm sorry, really.. Just calm. " the answer.

"Eh, this is me bringing a side dish from Umi for Zahra. He said it had to be eliminated. " His words thrust a tray at me.

I just bengong myself see the interaction of the two of them, what else when the strange girl- uh, I mean Dira thrust me a tray that said contains side dishes from Umi.

I accepted it awkwardly, in fact.

"Thanks. " I say thank you, English. But that's just that's all.

Dira nodded in spirit and gave me a sweet smile.

I put the tray next to the tray that was carried by Marwah.

Because I'm impatient, what else from now on my stomach always demands impatiently then I just open the hood of the meal and-

"Wahh.. Fried chicken.. " I shouted spontaneously.

Simple right?

This was my favorite dish from childhood. No one knows or they may all have forgotten it, because the last time the sweetness of fried chicken made by Umi was at the same time

Holy hooch!

How can I go if I keep remembering the past-diving.

"real right.. " Dira muttered in a whisper but I could hear.

Is there anything hidden? As usual, it was strange. Full of surprises and mysteries. But, whatever it is. I don't care, maybe it's just my hearing that's wrong. Yeah, could be.

"Mbak Zahra likes fried chicken? " Tanya Marwah is excited.

"Yes, I'd rather eat fried chicken than a grilled egg. " Answer me with spirit.

"Te..lur chirping? " Tanya Dira sounded doubtful.

"meaning mbak? " Continue plain Marwah.

Ah, these two are too innocent or what the hell?

Oh, maybe it's because I'm too smart, so they're a little hard to understand.

"ohs.. I mean this quail egg." Show me to relax.

They both follow my directions.

Tacit.

There's no response whatsoever.

A few seconds later..

"Haha.. " The laughter of the two of them exploded simultaneously .

"Is there something funny? " I asked innocently, I swear to whatever it was just some time I adapted to the nature of little Zahra, I felt as if I were like a 'duck child separated from its mother. '

"You're a really funny tea Zahra. " Answer Dira, the strange girl on the sidelines of his laughter.

"Huh? " My response is award.

 

\*

 

"Sir Zahra doesn't change clothes? " Task Marwah to me after finishing cleaning my bed.

I shake lazily.

"Why? " Tanya Dira who has tidied all the clothes that I have carried in the closet that has been provided by the boarding school to the students and students.

"I don't have any clothes.. " I answered honestly.

Dira and Marwah look at each other, implied there is confusion there.

"I don't like to wear these clothes. " I said to answer their confusion by pointing to the body of Dira who was wearing clothes that he said were named gamis.

"Don't like it? " Return Dira asked.

I nodded quickly confirming Dira's question.

"Mbak Zahra why makek if you don't like it? " Tanya Marwah innocently managed to make me feel embarrassed.

"This is from Umi, it's like the uniform I wear also not returned Umi.. Well, so I'm gonna have to pack it. " Obviously I'm eliminating and breaking strange thoughts that might have been spattered in their innocent brains. Aih, Zahra's theory.

"When do you pack this shirt? " Tanya Dira was curious.

I'm speechless.

Thinks.

Right, until when am I gonna hang on to this shirt?

Oh, maybe until Umi returns my uniform.

"Until Umi returns my uniform. " Answer me lightly.

"Umi will never give her back, as long as you know. Umi must have thrown it away. " Say Dira broke my thinking.

Right too, Umi must have thrown it away.

I'll bring an atm. Just buy it, right?

"If so, then I'll just go buy some new clothes. " I don't want to lose.

"Sir Zahra, here tea is no trade. Here tea area free trade. If Mbak Zahra wants to shop, then Mbak Zahra will have to wait for a holiday. A time when we were all given the opportunity to go home to our parents. After all, clothing sellers only exist in the city of Mbak, here anyway does not exist. " It is clear that Marwah is long.

I'm whin.

Shock.

Mum.

Don't know what to say.

Ah, shit!!!

Double Shit!!

Motherfucker!!

Don't tell me this place was built in the middle of the wilderness.

Oh, God.

I can't really say anything right now except..

Honestly, I'll get tired of living this way.

TUUHHHHHAAANNN...

SERIATE...