That's so dirty of me

A faint point

Zahra P's. O. V

It's been a week I've been here. In a place I hated, at first.

And what about now, do I like this place?

No, I don't like her. It's just, I learned to accept the fact that my place is indeed here. I have no place but this place. Where am I supposed to go home?

To home?

To school?

To my best friend?

Hell, they'll never be able to accept me again. Other than this place, well at least I'm grateful, that I still have a place to return to, at least it's better.

Well, at least it's better.

"Zahra, where are you?. This is the time to pray magrib tau, later to be punished you know. " Call someone.

Well, it's Dira.

The strange girl who suddenly possessed became a person close to me. No problem, at least he cares about me. Since this one week, he and Marwah have never been separated from my days. They taught me how to pray, pray and teach. At first it felt strange, because I was still not used to it. But being with them made me comfortable and well, I did not reject their presence.

Nope.

Not that they became my friends or friends.

Don't get me wrong, they're just my acquaintances.

Yeah, just my acquaintance.

"Come, mbak. " Take Marwah as she wrestles spoiled on my right arm. Oh, mercy. A week here allowed me to truly understand his true nature and behavior. It's very spoiled.

Wh why?

Hasn't she been so innocent and shy all this time?

Well, at first I didn't expect it. But after a week or 7 x 24 hours I was with her, made me amazed and well..

Marwah and Dira turned out to be the same, well of course they are both women. I know it too. But I mean they both have the same habits and behaviors. Ridiculous and strange .

Okay, I started to realize it on the third day I was in this place. This happens at night, some time after all the santri and santriwati sleep. I was not sleeping at the time. Let's say I can't sleep, it's probably because I'm still not used to it. Make that.

I wandered into my subconscious, fantasizing. My side job besides complaining and cursing in this place. Until my daydream suddenly came to a halt after a hand hugged me tightly.

Grab

Ah, it's Marwah's hand.

I was tense from being too surprised.

Hell, I'm not tacky. Just sorry.

This hug is still nothing with the hug that I often do-forget.

Okay, just get to the point. I'm still not ready to receive an impromptu hug from Marwah. It's not important.

At first I thought he was just dreaming or delirious. But it turns out I was wrong.

Shortly after he hugged me, he started saying things that made me feel like vomiting.

"Mbak Zahra is beautiful. " I'm quiet.

"Mak Zahra is getting prettier and sweeter when she smiles. " I'm still quiet.

To be honest, this made me feel amused, because Marwah said it in a whisper.

I think understandably, maybe he was afraid to build another. Well, reasonable.

"Marwah likes Zahra more and more. " His voice whispered right in my ear.

What the hell?

I didn't hear wrong, did I?

Likey?

Haha.. Hey, Zahra. Think positive.

Remember, it's not what you think.

Calm down Zahra's.

Calm.

Marwah moved more and more flanking me, hugging me tightly.

I had to hold my breath because of Marwah's embrace .

"I want to be honest. But.." He was silent for quite a while.

"Don't be angry yah mbak, because honestly this feeling suddenly appeared so in the heart of Marwah mbak." The next thing scared me.

Hell, feelings?

I didn't hear wrong, did I?

Yes, I'm sure.

Obviously, he said he wanted to be honest with the feeling that suddenly appeared in his heart.

Shit, I didn't say anything wrong, did I?

Yes, yes, yes.. My mind is crazy.

But, you know what?

Anyone would think macem-macem kayak gini if it was in my position.

Original, I feel scared anyway!

Yeah, just a shadow. A feeling?

Fellow kind?

Oh, double shit.

I'm still normal well, even though I was just rejected by Si-he-ah yesterday, forget it.

But, that does not mean I have to commit myself to making a relationship with similar beings.

Anjir, this is an innocent child. Plain-plain fucker.

In the end, all this time he wanted to deket the same me because there is a hidden purpose. The damn thing again is this hidden purpose vow for what makes me sick of plush want to vomit.

"At first Marwah thought this was just ordinary comfort, just like the comfort of Marwah to other friends. But it turns out that everything Marwah thinks is wrong, Marwah's feelings to that mbak-"

MOTHERFUCKER!!!

I'm not strong anymore, bodo very you want to say what.. Bodo. The important thing is that I have to escape from this heaven-faced hell. Poetic sock, bodo is very. I'm serious, no kidding.

"Please dear old"

"Dog, you turn yah?!" I shouted spontaneously and immediately stood away from Marwah who looked very shocked.

Even in the dark, I can still see his surprised expression.

Great right?

Who else dong Zah-yeah

Aish, focus Zahra! Focus up!

Suddenly the lights came on, and it was seen that everyone who was asleep in this room woke up because of me.

Ah, shit.

It's Marwah's fault, not mine.

"Sir Zahra ken-"

"Damn it! " My parents are upset.

Everyone who heard looked surprised.

"Lo hasn't been normal all this time!. Lo priedeketin me because of the feeling of the devil lo!! " My anger.

K. E. P. A. R. A. T

I am very emotional this child talking about.

"Zahra, what are you talking about?" Tanya Dira who hugged Marwah. While Marwah who had been hugged Dira cried ria in her arms.

"Ask your friend, not his same me, ***!." My Umbrella is getting worse.

Dira raised his eyebrows in wonder, maybe he was still in the mood of his shock that found me still cursing rough.

"Marwah, what tea can Zahra continue to be angry like this? " Tanya Kaila who has been sitting next to Marwah and Dira.

Not only Kaila and Dira, even almost all of them have circled Marwah. Race to ask questions.

Hell, it's like they're acting that I'm wrong. Ah, goddamn.

"Marwah did not say anything about Zahra. Marwa"

"Dog, keep the expression you said to me earlier what huh? " My murmur cut off his speech. Requesting explanation.

I saw Dira and Kaila take a rough breath, snorting.

"Goddesshemale.. Zahras. Keep your words, even if you are angry but please control your speech, do not let you curse or say harsh words. If until the disciplinary officer hears or knows it then not only you will be affected, but all of us Zahra. " Certainly Kaila was flashing the rules of this place.

I was breathing rough, no matter what.

"Gue does not care, whatever the rules of place** this I do not care. I just want to move rooms or if I don't want to get out of a bastard like this paradise. I'm going out. " My words confirmed my desire. They all looked at me horror. Dira Included. He looked at me with a look that I could hardly understand. This kid is getting weird.

"This cannot be allowed, we must resolve this matter peacefully. Do not involve things that smell of violence like this. " Depart Dira voiced out which was immediately accepted and approved by all of them.

"Marwah, what did Zahra mean?. Can you explain?" Ask Dira to Marwah carefully .

Marwah scrunched her forehead, confused.

"Due, drama. " My voice is igniting.

Marwah stared at iu unsettled, clearly visible in her eyes was holding back her cries . It was clearly visible in his eyes.

"Marwah is really sorry if Marwah's words hurt Zahra's mother, but honestly, Marwah does not know with the words that Zahra meant." Marwah sounded trembling.

I look at him panted.

"Don't be a plain loedi in front of me, you can't go anymore. I already know your real face behind your plain pretentious mask. " My answer is fierce.

"But Mar-"

"Lo says you like me and the taste you experience to me is different from theirs!. Lo-"

"Masyaa Allah.. So did Zahra hear all that? " Cut Marwah sounds cheerful, back. He looked at me sparkling, implying that he was happy.

What the fuck?

Did he think that I would return his feelings?

Oh, big no!

That's not going to happen, sorry.

"Yes, I heard. Everything was. " Answer me upset.

Hearing my answer instantly made Marwah smile. He looks happy.

Hell, it's as if he was thinking that I was going to make

"Mak Zahra doesn't sleep? " anything sumringah.

What the fuck.

"Yes.. Th-yes, I didn't sleep. Ever since you hit me. " I answered nervously.

"Mbak Zahra's.. " Call the cheerful Marwah while hugging my body tightly. Strange, I could feel that this girl was very happy. I feel relieved.

"Marwah dear mbak Zahra. " She said as she tightened her embrace on my body.

"Ehh.. " My response was spontaneous.

"Mbak Zahra is a special person for Marwah. Mbak Zahra is the sister figure that Marwah dreams of. " It definitely makes me look.

Original canticles.

Mum.

"Huh? " I said spontaneously.

"Yes, mbak Zahra is the figure of the older brother Marwah has been waiting for. Can Marwah think of Zahra as a sister? " Task her for approval.

Shit!

Double Shits!

So all this time I misunderstood?

Huh huh?

Ouh, motherfucker!

You fucker!

If I'm ashamed, I'm ashamed! I accused Marwah of not being clear and I shouted again to make everyone wake up.

Anjir, facial.. Oh. face, where do I hide yourself.

"Mr? " call him softly.

"sorry. " This word immediately slid out from my lips. Guilt suddenly made my heart cramped. Getting into it made me angry with myself.

"Sir Zahra, kena-"

"Of course, you can think of me as someone you consider a big brother. I'm not mad. " Say me quickly cut his words.

A smile of happiness instantly rose on his innocent face. Oh, this is my fault. Make decisions without listening and find out the truth. This is the umpteenth thing I do, even dul-forget. The past doesn't need to be remembered, right?

"Mbak Zahra's.. " His words called my name while crying.

Not wanting to stay silent, I immediately returned Marwah's embrace tightly. Channeling my guilt that once accused him with my mind that is not-no.

He was surprised, I could feel his body stiffening as I hugged.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have to say anything rude. I shouldn't have to curse you. Everything that happened shouldn't have happened. Sorry." I said sorry, sincere. Long I waited for his response, he just nodded slowly in my arms.

And that's a small part of the weirdness of Marwah.

But it's okay, I like the way. It looks honest and sincere, at least that's how I feel.

Now Marwah and some of my roommates have arrived in front of the As-Sauqi mosque. The mosque that I have visited for a few days at a certain time.

Beautiful, as the name suggests.

"Come on Ma'am." Take Marwah and the others as they enter the Mosque.

Me and the others went straight up to the second floor. Which is intended for students or women. Remembering the bottom floor has been filled with men.

We also performed the magrib prayer calmly, well even though I did not really do it. I have not been too familiar with the prayer readings, well so I did it as I could. Following my shortcomings.

After the completion of the prayer, we immediately carry out routine activities that must be done in this place when the completion of the magrib prayer. It is reading a holy book that we all refer to as the Qur'an. I studied it at home. As a child. However, after growing up, I forgot about it. At school, I studied it, just that I didn't care much about it.

I did not open the Qur'an as Marwah said. But I listened to Marwah read it. Don't ask me why I did this, of course the answer is because I have forgotten how to read the Qur'an. It wasn't that long ago.

When the prayer time finally came, we all immediately prayed after muezzin declared his iqamah.

After completing the prayer as many as four honest rakaat felt very heavy for me to do. But with patience I was finally able to finish.

We all went downstairs to a stand reserved for all of us. Well, food stand. We had to wait in line to get a ration of a plate of rice with a side dish that was not how I thought. But what to say, I have to adapt if I want to be alive.

I was waiting in line, I felt uncomfortable. I felt like I was being watched by someone. Well, his aura was very pronounced.

I glanced in all directions to look for the whereabouts of the person, until I stopped at a single figure. He was standing under a place that was not exposed to light. I can't see his face clearly. However, his posture reminded Razi. A man I miss very much.

Long time I looked at the person gradually the face of the person was getting clearer in my eyes..

"Razis? " I don't believe it.

Right, it's definitely my sister. I can't go wrong, I know my sister's posture and face. I know him very well. Even to this day I cannot forget the shadow of his face from my mind.

Because I did not want to lose track of it, without me realizing my feet had stepped forward to where the figure was.

The closer I got, the more I could see his face clearly.

Getting close..

Getting close..

Getting close..

He made me even more convinced that he was

"Zahras.. " Call someone who's been holding my shoulder from behind, making my move instantly stop.

"Dira.. " Say me when I find out that the one who called me is Dira.

"Why daydream, come on, I'm hungry. " His speech was spoiled while pulling my hand away from the place.

I walked in Dira's footsteps, occasionally glancing back. Looking for the figure I was hoping for was Razi, my handsome prince. But his real figure had gone. Lost somewhere.

I sighed, maybe it was just my illusion. Right this might be my illusion.

                            ***

I still remember it, though it's unclear. But the look in his eyes and posture is very drawing my brother. I am sure but also doubtful.

"You haven't slept Zahra? " Task Dira who is already lying on my right side.

I nodded slowly.

"I'm not sleepy yet. " I answered honestly.

He nodded in understanding and moved down from his bed, staring at me intensely after which smiling gently.

It's always been this way. Strange isn't.

He always had an expression that I was so hard to guess, he was weird.

"I'm going to the bathroom, do you want to come? " Tanya is friendly to me.

I'm shaking.

"Alright, I'm out first, assalamualaikum." His pamphit gave his greetings as he moved out of the room.

"Wa-Waalaikumussalam.. " I replied with a murmur, answering his greeting. Lousy.

"Gus Fansyah's..!!! " Shouted the girl I knew named Siti while running excitedly towards the room.

All who heard the contact immediately stopped their activities and turned to Siti who was breathing hunting.

"Gus Fansyah?. What happened to Gus Fansyah? " Pursue Kaila responds to Siti who is still gathering her strength.

I chose to be quiet, not to interfere. It's better to hear their conversation, because I honestly don't know who Gus Fansyah is. The artist?

"Gus Fansyah's.. " Siti Voice slowly.

All were silent waiting for the connection from Siti's speech which was deliberately hung.

"Come on, don't worry us ." Vina protested with her pouting face.

"Siti don't be so convoluted dong." The Tia and Ifa protests simultaneously.

I shook my head in disbelief, the city girl with the boarding house turned out to be the same. Especially if it is related to a male creature.

"Gus Fansyah decided to return to the boarding house and stop serving in the city." Saying Siti splashy who immediately responded even more excited by others.

Ck, so gus Fansyah is not an artist anyway.

"Where do you know, Siti?" Kaila asked impatiently while shaking Siti's enthusiastic body.

"Chairman of discipline, mbak Nabila who spoke directly to another disciplinary officer. They all even want to hold a graduation ceremony gus Fansyah in Egypt yesterday, but Gus Fansyah still did not approve it, considering he still takes care of his move from the city to the boarding school. " Siti is clearly with sparkling eyes.

Oh, so Gus Fansyah is an Egyptian graduate. I remember Alif..Alif is also an Egyptian. Eh, the school in Egypt is not only Alif. But many.

"Alhamdulillah.. There's opportunity. " Vina said thankfully which was immediately greeted by ridicule and cheers by the others.

After a few minutes, Marwah entered with Dira trailing him from behind.

After arriving in front of me, the two of them immediately sat himself beside my bed.

"Who is Gus Fansyah? " Task me starting a conversation.

It looked as if Dira was showing her strange expression again, it was common.

Marwah just nodded her head.

"Gus Fansyah is the son of the owner of this boarding school." Obviously Marwah made me even more curious.

"But why is the news of his return so crowded about? Even they blatantly worship the existence of that man?" My question sounds plain.

Marwah opened her mouth, but had not had time to say her words, Dira immediately issued her answer. 

"Gus Fansyah is an intelligent and authoritative man, he deeply inherits his Abinya nature. In addition, Gus Fansyah is a man who is the target of girls, because his handsome and assertive figure is a special attraction for women. So no wonder, the news of his return was very warmly welcomed by the boarding school. " Obviously Dira with her pride. I nodded in understanding, understanding Dira's explanation. But I'm a little confused, it's probably just my feeling or something. But for sure when Dira ended her explanation, I was like seeing her smile thinly. Maybe you could say more about the grin.

Ah, she's a strange girl. I shouldn't be surprised by his expression.

"Did Zahra want to compete? " Tanya Marwah looked at me innocently.

A competition?

What the fuck.

"meaning? " Tanya I don't understand.

"Ikut Andil is looking for attention Gus Fansyah. " Dira clearly answered my confusion.

I nodded in understanding.

And ended up shaking .

How could my filthy self be with a man like him. Surely I've been crossed off the list of women of his type.

He wouldn't see a woman like me. Don't look, just glancing at it feels impossible. What else is chasing him is not just a few people, but almost all santriwati are after him. Competing with them made me lose badly, I'm not like them. I can pray and teach. I even have a dark past, forcibly banished to this place by those I call family.

Miris right?

So, broadly speaking I won't interfere. What else is the matter of love, enough have I fallen. I don't want to repeat the same mistake. Clap that hand, it hurts.

"Zahra's? " Call Dira to break my daydream. It pulled me from my abstract nature.

"I'm kind.. " Say me softly.

Then move on to pick up a sweet folded blanket. After my body was almost covered in a blanket, I lay my body down slowly. I was tired of thinking about things I shouldn't have thought about.

"Good sleep. " Disconnect me while closing my eyes.

I feel my bed is back to how it was, maybe they're gone.

However, a few minutes later I felt a warm sweep at the top of my head softly.

"I know you're not okay.. Have good night. " The words sound sad. Well, again Dira was acting strange.

And this time I was really confused, why he acted as if he knew me. It was as if he knew my life.

Dira, who are you really?

And I really do fall asleep too.

SERIATE...

****Its okay, this is my first citation on this app since I first started writing here. Many of the readers are always complaining I am up irregular or slow. Requesting an accelerated up or so on.

Well, right, readers are human too. Sometimes boredom must come, but turned again I am also human. I have many weaknesses. I try to keep pace with the demand for readers to get up faster on the sidelines of my real-world busyness. In fact, I was willing to temporarily stop writing another book for the sake of this book because of the many requests. I also deliberately wrote more than 3000 words to fulfill your wishes, some even up to 5000 words for one episode. Wh why?

because I know, maybe I do not have time to write tomorrow.Tomorrow and tomorrow again so I deliberately write a lot.

But yah.turns out you don't understand.

So, I don't know what else to say. I'm tired kawan😊.

Author****.