Miss To Move Diary

Crazy one?

My head hurts, my body feels very weak. I opened my eyes slowly because my head was so heavy.

All white, am I dead?

Where's daddy? where is Brother Arfan?

My head hurts so much, I touched my head.

I'm wearing a breathing apparatus.

Visible transparent hose with a needle stuck on the wrist and clear water flowing through a drip tube hanging on the iron pole beside the bed.

Am I still dreaming? The same dream?

Where's Brother Arfan? Where's dad? Why isn't Arfan here reading God's love letter?

My head hurts a lot, as if it were on a puncture and overlaid on a very heavy object.

Someone came inside to open the door to my room. I could not see the clear look on his face, my vision was still blurry and blurry.

But I know, it's a woman, mama walked up to me, and rushed up to me as soon as I found out I was dead.

Mama stroked my head slowly, rubbing my hair with trembling hands. Gratitude to the power is unceasingly spoken from the lips of this tough woman.

I still haven't been able to interact much, everything feels hard for me to do.

Mama moved to the exit, and entered with bang Vhen and sister Machel.

Their eyes look moist and wet.

Bang Vhen was even still with flowing tears. Machel hugged me, just like my mother, she was unceasingly grateful.

Now bang Vhen is seen standing up pursed to the base of the nose with tears still flowing. One hand clutched his waist.

I keep seeing him, though,

"Abang,," Call me in a soft voice. Brother's shoulders swayed as he let go of his cries.

Brother immediately hugged me, clasped me tightly and continued crying.

"I'm sorry brother, deck, forgive brother." Her speech.

My tears melted through the end of my eyes.

My suffering is not over, and will it be over?

The poor girl who failed an attempt to end her life. And now could only see her increasingly pitiful self.

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.....

Today my condition is getting better, and I will be able to go home soon.

I play my phone, write the story I've been told, even if I'm stuck, I just want this to be remembered either after my condition improves or I disappear.

Someone walked into my room, I saw her smile etched thinly, I greeted her by throwing my smile at her.

"How are you?" He was sitting on a chair beside the bed.

"As it seems," I replied casually.

"You always look different from the truth." He said it with a little laugh, but what he said was a statement that had its own meaning.

I turned towards him, his gaze was shady yet he had a sharp look in his eyes.

I swigged the saliva.

"Look funny, poor stupid girl loved by many, the stupidity of the girl is no better because there are worse than her." I threw it with the sentence alluding to it, but in reality I was just talking about myself, because that was basically my goal.

"Is that how you refuse my presence?" Mr. Kavin looked at me.

I was surprised by what he said, not expecting him to say that.

"I did force the will to be with you, accepting all the consequences of not knowing until when you could see and accept my presence, despite having a husband and wife title, I could accept. But not if you have to take a road like this, never thought, even a little never crossed will happen like this. Life to you doesn't mean anything." Mr. Kavin continued to comment, conveying his heart.

I could only quietly hear her words.

"If this is so hard for you to accept, for you to live,,,,"

The sentence stopped, what will he say?

",,,,it doesn't need to be like this. " Say her.

Silent,,,,

I faintly heard the sound of bang Vhen and the others noisily outside.

"....Yevn doesn't need a psychiatrist/psychologist, he needs us. Vhen ga agrees, brother, Vhen ga wants Yevn to know your idea."

There was the sound of bang Vhen holding back his emotions. He held his voice, but he remained until he was heard inward, because of the silence between us.

Mr. Kavin looked at me intently, I was still fixated on not being able to breathe. Quickly, Mr. Kavin stood closer to me, closing both my ears, I was glued still in his arms.

My mind ran so fast without direction, that I could not find the tip of the base. The debate between bang Vhen and brother Machel outside subsided after I heard someone open the door of my ward.

Am I so bad? people think I need a psychologist. I closed my eyes, digesting what had happened. I don't want to cry, especially in front of this guy.

"Yevn, Yevn, yeah,,.. Breathe, hey, breathe." His voice echoed, restoring my consciousness that was chasing after the fruit of erratic thought, until I took a deep breath.

.

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***

Today I came home from the hospital, arrived at my house, and my mother stayed with me.

I went straight into the room, laid my body on the bed, the last thing I remember, I was in the room when I was downing a lot of sleeping pills, intending to end my life.

God is still giving me life, breathing oxygen, I chose the wrong way to die...

Eva came into my room, sat on the bed, and put on my phone. I saw him open the Noveltoon app with my account. I'm letting.

"Rahmad still won't let you join MT?" My toot.

"Hmm,,," Eva answered briefly.

"Are you comfortable with Rahmad?" Ask again.

Eva dropped her hand which was holding my phone, looking as though she was serious about my question.

"We created it, not who and where? Because whenever and wherever we look, we won't meet." Answer Eva.

I was silent about what he said.

"Are you comfortable with Mr. Kavin?" This time it was Eva who threw me the same question. It sounded strange when he mentioned the name of the polar man correctly.

I didn't answer, only able to remember the moment when I and the polar man met each time and didn't communicate at all.

When I'm with friends, colleagues, when I feel down, when I tell him about the deceased, when I'm devastated, when I feel the loss, until I know what it is, like a longing.

"I'm going to sleep, the hospital is not a good place to be." I said as I pulled a small pillow to cover my head and ears.

"A habit, if asked even avoid." Eva sounds annoyed.

"Oh yes, if you go back to your room, don't forget to lock my door" I said.

"Well what? I'm a prison cell guard?" Eva grunts.

"Did bang Vhen and mom agree with Machel's sister's idea to take me to a psychologist?"

I speak in my heart. Until I picked up the dream that did not manifest itself.

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My phone rang, I grabbed it, I saw the name of the caller on the screen, Sis Teguh.

"Hallo, Yevn." Heard his voice greeting me.

"Hi, brother." I smiled to myself.

"How are you doing? You said you were anemic?" Said Brother Teguh, making me a little surprised, maybe from my family who reported like that.

"He, yes, I'm better, brother, still told to rest, sorry I'm troubling the team." My speech.

Brother Teguh laughed and understood my situation. He also sends greetings from other friends.

"Don't ever have a silly thought again,"

Said Brother Teguh.

I thought about the words he said. Does Teguh know what happened.

"What brother,,,," My sentence stopped as soon as someone entered with his cry.

"Yevn,,,,! Ehloha.." Said Eva who immediately threw her body beside me. Eva grabs the phone still connected to Teguh's sister.

"Sir Strong...! Waahhh, how many days have I been playing kangen aja yes sak." Said Eva who put my phone back in her ear.

There was the sound of Teguh's brother chuckling across the phone.

I was made a scene with Eva's blunt behavior.

"Upss, sorry, lion's mom." Say Eva with a cry.

"Yevn, I'll close the phone first. Ready to go to the county building." Said Brother Teguh.

......

I looked at the ring attached to the circumference of my ring finger.

Is our relationship coming to an end?

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Seriate......