Miss To Move Diary

The dilemma....

After washing the dishes, Eva and I headed to the dining room, and Aisyah came over, saying that my brother called me to join in front, including Eva.

I think they're still chatting. I chose to sit next to Brother Aisyah. Eva chose to sit down leaning on the sofa chair.

Eva played my phone replying to some chat from a friend of mine in Noveltoon.

I could see it, because Eva was leaning right in my chair.

When I turned my face, our sight met.

'Deg,,,, 'Deg,,,,

I don't know why I suddenly felt awkward for him.

I threw away my face, too, Mr. Kavin.

When he was going home, he handed me a small paper bag, which he took from the car.

"Success always, happiness always, may your steps forward be pacified by Allah."

Her speech.

"Aamiin, thank you sir." My reply.

He said goodbye and passed by his car leaving the perkarangan area of my house.

***

Arrived at grandma's house, already gathered my brother's brother. I arrived late at my grandmother's house, having to finish some work.

After eating together, chatting and joking, my mom came up to me as I sat outside receiving a phone call.

"Mama is getting older, I don't know until when you can be with your children."

"Mama's children will stay with you." My answer.

I noticed my mom's face, her skin started to wrinkle, but she was still beautiful. Mama is of Indonesian descent, but her face looks mixed.

The same father who has mixed blood.

My mother smiled to see me. There was a look of worry on his face.

"Mama does not want to force the will on the child of the mother's child, but on the other hand the mother will feel more secure and calm if the child of the mother's child is already with their respective partners. Mama didn't want to when you got married as an orphan. Son, just imagine that mom is no longer powerful."

I was listening to my mom. My heart is tight, bitter, pain mixed.

"Quite an orphan you're holding right now. But if this is what makes you happy, mama is happy, and always wishes kindness to your children."

My tears are melting, it hurts to hear my mother's words.

"Ma, Yevn asks for forgiveness for being a child who is a disobedient, Yevn asks for forgiveness for hurting my mother. Yevn's guilt on father is still Yevn felt until now. Yevn could not realize his father's wishes, and that was a regret for Yevn. Yevn really doesn't want to disappoint you." I grabbed my mom's hand with both hands.

"Mama is very happy and proud of what you have achieved so far. Whichever you choose, mommy accepts he's a good guy. Mama won't force you anymore, mama just asks you not to drift with your past.

Let him go quietly, son, kill the deceased. Let go, we who live keep improving and making good or bad choices. Would it be fine if you were still drifting in grief?"

....

"Wood, Eti's son, your old SD friend, remember?"

Ask my mom, I nodded back.

"His mother is looking for a soul mate for him." Said my mama.

"But now it's not the time in soul mate ma." I frowned.

"His own Bayu request is like that." Mom's words stopped.

"Bu Eti met Mama once, asking you. Mama can't answer." Mom's words surprised me.

****

I returned to a dilemma with a reality. A choice I cannot make.

Risky's sister sent me a message, saying happy birthday to me. Then he tried to convey his feelings to me again.

It was a hard time.

I tilted my head, and I saw a paperbag on the nightstand beside my bed.

Long time I just stared at the small paper bag of maroon color given by Mr. Kavindra.

I grabbed the tiny package, watched it closely. Realizing something I got back dizzy and put it back in position.

I chose to close my eyes, and let go of all that was fruit I thought.

.....

The clock shows at 01:37 in the morning, when I look towards the clock as soon as I wake up from my sleep.

Always like this, waking up in between my sleep. Some days I usually just closed my eyes at that hour, but later went to bed early, but always woke up early.

Suddenly I thought of doing tahajjud.

After greeting, and honoring Rabb, I remembered my mother's words the other day.

I want to continue with the istikharah, once I stand up and recite the intention, I cannot continue.

My body suddenly trembled and my heart was beating very fast. I can even hear it.

I couldn't go on, asking God to answer me for what I had to make.

Accepting her as a candidate for priest, without having any taste for her, my tears melted.

My feelings for the deceased, my dear to him are still the same, not even wavering.

....

"Yevn, I can't take part in fieldwork in District X. Are you coming?" Eva asked as soon as she walked into my room.

I turned to her, then continued wearing my ash pashmina veil.

I was still thinking about Eva's question, while standing towards the nightstand beside the bed, picking up the veil brooch I just bought yesterday.

When I opened the drawer, I saw a small paper bag I hadn't opened given Mr. Kavin.

"I'm not coming, too, Va. Later we will meet the same brother Teguh. Think of the reason if he asks." I close the drawer.

Ever since my meeting with Mama, I've become increasingly unprepared to meet the polar man.

Although he was out of town, I was worried if he came home early.

"Lu why weh? Nightmare, kesambet duda ntar." Reproof Eva as soon as she finished locking the door of the house.

"Fuck," I answered.

I drove the car to the office. On the way Eva and I exchanged views about the reasons we were going to take asking off down the field on Sis Teguh.

"Nobody can replace, his name is already in the cantum, other colleagues have already taken his share. Would you like to be replaced with an intern? Sure safe?" Said Brother Teguh.

Finally I will still go down the field, I can not trouble Mr. Teguh anymore. Moreover, this is my own fault, avoiding work to avoid personal problems that I should not do.

***

In District X, me and the group from the district attended the meeting room. There we saw District X welcoming us warmly.

Reportedly Mr. Kavin has not entered because it is still outside the city.

I am so relieved by what I heard.

.....

Seriate...

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Stay tuned for invitations from Yevn and kelang2 huh..