Miss To Move Diary

Whispers

This morning I had a special day off from the office. They can finally get home after a few days of leaving.

Last night was a long night for me. Tired, tired that felt could not prevent me to do a washing schedule today. 😌

I need to get all the work done quickly. Wash, clean the house, cook for lunch, continue with ironing clothes.

....

I pulled out the blanket and played my phone as soon as work was done, while waiting for my laundry to dry.

I stared at my phone screen with a mind that floated somewhere.

He was really serious about his words. He finally gave up and chose his own path.

It's the best, I can't promise her anything. Even a little taste.

How could he be sure of me while I who have this heart cannot be sure.

Suddenly his shadow appeared, when he came that night.

He was present when I was really claustrophobic, and felt destruction. When I felt a deep slump.

"Jeez Yevn, you hugged him, how could you do that. While you have to stay away from her." Mumbles.

"Ah no, I didn't hug her. I'm not wrong, and it's not my fault. He's the one who pulled my head to his chest, not me." I'm not wrong." I'm monologuing.

I feel crazy about this. And again I'm so embarrassed.

My mind went back to the air.😅

How did he get to see me that night? Is he still following me? Does he worry about me?

Was he destined to be there that night, when I really felt empty and,,,,

***

I was devastated tonight. My thoughts seemed to voice me to catch up with him, overtaking the current owner of my heart.

I held back the sound of crying so as not to be heard until it came out. I locked the door from the inside. Eva's in her room, and I don't want her to realize my fragility tonight.

I curled up beside the bed.

Hugging my knees, shutting my mouth tightly and screaming took off my cries as hard as I could.

I'm tired, I feel so tired living this way.

I'm tired of holding back reality. Tired of pretending and lying to the world that I'm okay.

The sound of the voice came back, promising happiness by meeting him. I met the lover I missed so much.

Eva knocked on the door and called me earlier. But I couldn't turn my mind to the sweet promise of this voice.

I call His name, I call His asthma. 'Ya Robb, look at this servant of yours who is so fragile. I have no power with this longing.

Someone hugged me, held me firmly. Covered me with his affection.

"Istighfar de, Istighfar, brother here, this brother."

I shed my tears in the arms of bang Vhen. I let go of everything once I found out brother's here.

Eva stood next to me and cried.

I don't know since when bang Vhen arrived home. What's clear is that you must have been on the phone by Eva.

"I'm scared bang, Yevn's scared." My sobbing.

"Sstt, shhhtt, you are strong, you are sure. Remember, God does not test a servant beyond his limits." Brother.

"Yevn is so fragile, Yevn is broken."

.....

***

I woke up and felt my head hurt.

I am honoring Him, asking for forgiveness for my longing and disappointment.

Ask for courage and patience.

....

I prepared breakfast on the table, Eva and bang Vhen were already sitting around the dining table.

I told bang Vhen that I was going to go home to my mother's house and also visit my father's grave.

I didn't mention that I would also visit Arfan's grave.

I don't think I need to mention they already know.

"Abang's coming," said bang Vhen.

"Why what?" My toot.

"Go home to mom, I know." Bang Vhen.

"Sir Aisyah, how is it?" Ask again.

"Later you ask, what will your brother do." Reply bang Vhen while devouring his breakfast.

"I'd like to come, too, hiks hyks." Eva said earlier in pecans. 😅

"Well, come on." Bang Vhen.

"Ga osah, work there, find money." My words made Eva pout.

Bang Vhen laughed at my words.

"Your boasting yes. Mentang can take two days off from the office." Eva was upset.

I just laughed so much bang vhen.

"Yes, I haven't checked yet. Ah yes, thank you sir." I said to the interlocutor across the phone.

"....."

"Thank you, thank you very much sir. Give my regards to him."

"....."

"Wa'alaikumsalam." I close the phone.

"Yevn, there's a new cafe open on the beach. There ajalah. Bang Vhen coming? Take Ayesha, all of you." Eva's speech greeted the laughter of bang Vhen.

"Oh, eat what you think." I answered while opening an incoming message that I had not been able to open.

"Yeeeee, it was just the nelfon's money." Her speech.

"What money can talk. If there's money to say, I'll run away first." My answer.

.....

****

I locked the door from the outside, Eva was in the office. Bang Vhen was waiting in the car with Aisyah's sister, picking me up to go home.

"Here is the star, great success." Aisyah's sister greeted me.

"Ah, what the fuck. How's brother doing?" I asked while getting in the car.

"Okay, thank God." Reply to Brother Aisyah who is sitting next to bang Vhen.

I sat in the back wearing earphones listening to musical instruments.

Arriving at my mother's house, I hugged and kissed this great woman.

A woman who has raised her children with great affection and patience.

Ma'am Siti prepares drinks on the table. Mama took out our favorite pie her son's son from the grill. Mom's pie is the best.

I smiled looking at the pie in my hand. As soon as I remembered dad, I remembered that we used to enjoy mama's pie together.

I used to feed my father and make him jealous bang Vhen.

Father's laughter was vividly drawn, the memories warmed my heart.

After the sublime I took the car to my father, met my father and told him a lot.

I used to grieve myself so that I could freely tell stories and spill my longings on them.

Coming home from my father's grave, I headed straight to B's funeral where Brother Arfan was.

My steps stopped in front of the tomb gate.

I stopped a long time ago, I saw the gate and the surrounding cemetery.

It feels like home to me. I set foot on the grave of Brother Arfan.

.....

After returning from the tomb, I went straight home.

I'm headed for the kitchen intending to connect my pie.

Deg, uh,,

He's right here.

What the hell is he doing here?

Bang Vhen, Mama and Mr. Kavin were sitting around the dining table, chatting and enjoying lunch this afternoon.

Mom called me to eat, I said.

"Where is Aisyah bang?" I asked while filling the rice into my plate.

"Meet her friend." Answer brother.

"Sir Kavin, when did he arrive?" I tried to melt the atmosphere between me and him.

"Not long." The answer. Unchanged, he's still an iceberg.

The day has shown five o'clock past. Everyone is ready to go home.

I'm still in my room, wearing my hijab. Bang vhen called me several times since I was in the bathroom.

As soon as I was ready to get out of the room, and I saw my mom sitting in front of the house with the polar man.

My dear brother and his wife have left me. Really build an afternoon sleeping tiger. 🙄

"How could Yevn have come home among men, I mean among Mr. Kavin, ma. Mama's not worried about this mama's kid coming home with her?" I whispered to my mom.

"Mama knows him. Wa'alaikumsalam, heart hearts on the way." Mama's words ignored.

The polar man approached the mother and said goodbye.

I resigned, know this I will not be with bang Vhen.

On the way,,

.

.

Seriate,

.

.