Love For The Actor

No chance to apologize

Hearing that my mother was gone, I just stayed petrified, my mind seemed to stop thinking my mouth was locked, I didn't know what to do and said, this body feels frozen, my tears aren't dry yet for my eyes I lost my mother again.

“Mbak is okay?”mba Nur asked with a probing look.

“When mom died. Mbak Nur?” I opened the sunglasses I was wearing.

“Eh ... who?” he approached and looked at my face from a close distance

“Ririn …? Oh my God Tea, where have you been?”

I hugged Mbak Nur, venting a tightness inside my chest.

“Mbakwas. Mother kap-”

“Sini, follow mom into the house,” he said staring right-left.

Come into her rented house, and she told me everything about how mom died, mom got breast cancer.

Even already stage four, the disease gnaws his body until thin, Mbak story makes this chest like in sayat.

“Your mother always waits until the end of her life, even her eyes next door do not want to be closed perfectly, when she died,” he said later.

My tears didn't stop to flow hearing Nur's story, my mother died so tragically.

“How about Om, mother's husband, is he not there, when mom is sick?”

“Hmmm .. don't ask, the man left your mother when he was sick”

“Then how did nasp mom?” ask me with a vibrating voice.

“Rin, your mother suffered so much when you left, for months she was sick no one saw her, and no one took care of her, she only has you, kan”

I was silent, my mother was gone forever, she was not a good mother to me. But anyway, she was still my mother, her loss at this time made this heart fall again, right on the day of my son's birth, it turned out that day my mother died.

‘Why is the life I live so hard?’ my question is in my heart.

“What mother tormented on her last day?” I asked, hoping that the poor woman would not go through the pain of her last moment.

“Mother, died no one saw Rin, she died in the hospital, she was found the nurse was already in a cold state, then her eyes next door could not be closed”

My heart aches more and more to hear all of Mbak Nur's stories about my mother.

“It was so sad,” I said not stemming the roar of my tears.

“Pak Virto who took care of his funeral,” said Mbak Nur, making me shocked.

“Whataa? Virto?”I just don't believe it.

“He who always comes here sees Ms. Rin, if there is no husband, your mother will not be able to go to the hospital and get free treatment, most of the neighbors in the rented house thought Virto my husband wasn't an affair.

'Mas Virto? Why didn't she tell me that my mom was sick, was that why she forced me to go home , did she I not want me to be sad?’ my question is in my heart.

“Yes she takes care of everything from starting your mother is sick, when we ask you where, she only answers work abroad”

While sitting telling a story, suddenly the father of the driver came to the rented house of Mbak Nur.

“Mbak, is it still a long time I wait?” ask with a tired face.

After hearing the story about my mother's death and about Virto, I hurried home. I was afraid the man would come and find me there.

“Rin, a lot of what I want to tell you, come another time” said Mbak Nur, he's a neighbor of the mother, next to the rented house of the mother, he admitted that he often takes care of the mother when sick.

Mbak Nur is close to mother, he is also close to Virto, which is why, I am worried about my arrival in Virto as well.

“Mba Nur, please don't tell Virto that I'm here”

“Lah ... do you guys have any problems?”

I just nodded, not wanting anything bad to happen, I decided to go home. By-by what I should have wanted to give to mom, now, I give it to Mbak Nur.

I'm saying home.

But before going home, I took myself to the grave of my mother TPU public grave Pondok Ranggon which happened to be not far from the contract Mother, just across the highway.

I hurriedly got into the car, accidentally not greeting the rented neighbors first, fortunately my disguised appearance made me unknown to them. If only they knew I was Ririn, in an instant the news would have reached Virto's ears.

“Pak, we stop by the cemetery , may you sir?” tanyaku rubbed the water that returned dripping profusely in these eyes.

He looked at me from the glass, saw me cry the driver's father felt sorry, but he had been upset because I confessed for a while, apparently because forgetfulness can be up to half an hour. Then he took a deep breath and turned off the app on his phone.

“Alright Ma'am, I have turned off the application, later pay without application only, let mbak have for free time,”.

“Good sir thank you,” I said, again my eyes can not stop crying.

Thinking about all this made this chest hurt again, not to mention the trauma of losing the eye that died right in my lap.

It turns out that my mother was more tragic, died alone there was no family who accompanied her in her last moment. Even she died on the same day, when I gave birth to my son, according to Nur, she died in the afternoon and I gave birth in the morning.

“I'm sorry mom, sorry because I'm a bad boy,” my sobs are unbearable anymore. I don't mind the driver anymore. He just kept quiet, let me cry out the sadness in this heart.

Even when he arrived at the cemetery, he still gave me time, he stopped his car on the block where mom was buried, after five minutes of stopping, he just spoke.

“Mbak we have arrived,” he said reminded.

I looked up my head, staring at the graveyard line as long as my eyes looked, TPU Pondok Rangon, where my mother was buried.

Walk through the rows of graves and arrive at the new house owned by the mother.

“Mother, have a new home, mother no longer need to think about the rent money every month, mother rest in peace,” I said squeezing the land is still reddish in color, on top of the mound of land still seen sprinkling some flowers that have dried.

“I'm sorry mom, because I was never a good kid for mom, I'm sorry because I wasn't there when mom was sick,”, without a sprinkling of flowers, because I forgot to buy, because from then on, these eyes just cried regretfully.

I was not given the chance to give my best to my mother, not given the chance to apologize. It lost its second in two months.

“Mother ...! I'm married and that guy seems to love me, because I've given birth to a handsome boy for him, he's good Mom, even though I used to hate him. Mom don't worry about me, that guy is good believe me,” I said speaking on the red dirt mound. Mother rest in peace pray for your grandson yes,” I said again. Didn't want Virto to come. After saying a few words of farewell to mother, I hurriedly left and got into the car, I did not want Virto to find me. Although he was very meritorious all this time to pay attention to mother, I thank him for that. But there was no intention of seeing him again. It is precisely in this sad moment that I miss Farel, that I want to pour this sadness on him not for Virto anymore.

'I want to see Farel, I want to pour all this sadness on him, on my husband. But how? how'd Marisa find me?

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