Just A Wedding

Chapter 61

Daydream - Arin daydream.

I'm laying back at night. For me, a very long night. I know I'm not the one he loves but why is this heartache so heartbreaking ? In every corner of my heart, I thrashed with all my might to call his name gently from the bottom of my heart. I wish he would remember me. Remember us who are also his. Remember me, remember Tough, remember my pregnancy. Will he also feel what I feel ? Anxious to be at the peak of longing, sekap themselves with the word called "want to meet ".

It's so unfair, why am I the only one with a sense of unreasonable longing, growing so much that I don't know how to reduce it even a little bit. I can't escape the longing that made me feel like this.

I miss him with all the grief we've been through together, in his arms, in his arms. I miss being surrounded by the glittering glare of her netra. The glint - the glint of netra that radiates throughout this room. Being in the confines of his power turned out to be the thing I am most craving right now. Seeing him succeed with all his power over me, now a memory I have planted beautifully in my heart. I inhaled the air looking for the distinctive aroma of his body that smelled fragrant when we were together. Hearing the roar of his heartbeat made a rhythm in my dreams.

Please don't throw me out of your memories and dreams. I now wail in the throbbing breath bearing the weight of jealousy.

Tonight is like a thick news that is torn by longing in jealousy. It was as beautiful as a falling flower. All of this is my passion for him. Spilled in a courtyard full of flowers.

I miss the charismatic figure of an adult man full of bullets in his hands. Not the flowers and poetry that were meant for me but the bullets he was willing to spill destroyed my heart and soul. And stupidly I was, I smiled looking at. That much I was afraid of losing him, even though I realized it was a big mistake. Didn't he offer to us, so as not to let each other go ? Was he not the one who promised to be faithful ?

I longed to embrace the body that was ready to stab me with a little dagger, even though he knew in my chest there was a million longings and love for him.

I want to change this morning tonight. I want to enjoy this longing in the darkness God created. Send the birds back to their cages. Bringing news of the return of a loved one. Meet and embrace the longing created by distance. I wanted to enjoy this longing, the tightness of the sip on the chest with a roar of pain and loneliness that struck. Sucking out cries resisting the urge to meet.

Missing him is like longing for dusk at night, trying to be cool at dawn. Trained to see real light.

Missed him waiting for the fall of the dry stalk in the spring. Not one branch gives hope because it rejoices with his life.

My prayers were spilling out - like tears in my eyes that carried the torrent of rain all in my little body. Tucked - slip a prayer for him. I lift up to heaven his name. It was not the arrival I expected, but the deep regret he felt because of us.

I really miss him, because it has given me happiness that cannot be bought with treasure and time. Very deep and beautiful. But why only temporarily ? I was forced to retreat from reality. Truly he is real I embrace and can I embrace but active imaginative. Moved away and passed away as I began to realize I needed him in my life. Not to fill the void, but as a less complement to me.

Is he avoiding me because he wants me to find him ? As he told me at the time. Did he not contact me because he wanted to know the amount of longing I had for him ? But the faint feeling he showed me drove me far away - away from him.

Should the bundle of loyalty that he gave me I cut it down left nothing, pass and disappear from his life ?

The time loop in my memory binoculars rolled as if I wanted to stop all forms of my pursuit of him. Won't wait anymore even though lament miss moaning and slicing. Although the desire to meet more than the spoken pinta.

I'm used to losing. My heart is trained in letting go. I'm sure I can be without him and I don't hope anymore.

Is it all my fault ? Why in the beginning I can not be a puppet character Dewi Tunjungpura who rejected Arjuna for his lover Raden Setyaki ? Why did I receive his proposal ? I should have stayed faithful waiting for Henry to come to me.

Is this so-called rice already a porridge ? Is this what you call a soul mate ? Is this what is called destiny ?

As far as I know, I'm not his missing rib. He was with me just to get rid of his loneliness. To a friend in his solitude.

He has a story along with feeling with other women besides me. Can't I be present tucking in between them even though I'm near them.

Yes, I must rise from all the paper buildings that he created for me. I realized I was not the woman he wanted to be by his side. Although there is hope but the hurt is much higher. I have to live for myself and for my children. I didn't expect him to repeat it to me. Come by, come back and pass again without giving me certainty.

I picked him up with a little Tough body that fell asleep with a smile. The tough face reminds me of him. How can I hate him if there's his face in the face of Tough. Smile, eyes, nose and all belong to Mr. Satrio who is refined without any difference by Tangguh.

My nights are long as I wish he had told me. If the heart is indeed created by the substance that leads us to be merciful. I also wish he had also for me, for Tough and for our baby.

Out of the thirty days that I have only asked for two days out of all. Out of the twenty-four hours that turned around I only asked for fifteen minutes to talk. Will he marry me for what I ask ? Not allowed by Mbak Asri even though all the time poured out for him. Or I'll have to pull myself out of this triangle story. Rearranging my life with a new sheet with my children only. It's just the three of us. I have to stand alone with my Tough son and my future son. Letting all his stories in his absence become one of the drama characters in our lives. I am tough and my future son.

Seriate......