Just A Wedding

Chapter 53

" Do you like the atmosphere here?" Mr. Satrio opened a clean white curtain in this room. Let me see the view outside the window. The sounds of birds were brightly lit with each other. I nodded in agreement that I also like this place. My eyes are not out of the view out there. Seeing birds flying freely according to their wishes and abilities to float. Looking at Pine trees with shoots - twisting branches - contorted grooves in rhythm from the wind. It feels like what I see offers beauty.

" When I was married to Dik Asri I had a honeymoon here and in this room."

He walked over to me who was standing facing the glass window of this room. Mr. Satrio always associate all with Mbak Asri. I want to run away as fast and as far away from him as possible who has given me a lot of sorrow in my beautiful days. I want to run and talk loudly....I want to be happy without him as my husband. I'm happy to have Tangguh as my son.

" I brought you here so that you too felt I treated you the same as Dik Asri. Please allow me to officially remarry with Dik Asri." pinta Pak Satrio in a low and soft tone of voice. His face was swept away by deep uncertainty. As if wanting to hit all but powerless because it has a weak point. Yes...His weak point is not to dare to strongly oppose both his parents. Now he asked my permission to obtain the convenience of getting the blessing of his parents.

" Perced me. I wouldn't be able to live a household like that."

" Can. You're not stable yet."

" It led me to a difficult choice. I can't hold on mas. If I was strong yesterday. Look at me now I'm at the nadir point that you created."

"That's just your guess, brother....... It's because you feel the most among us. The most hurt, the most humiliated, the most wasted. Try to put aside such feelings. We can be happy."

" What made me happy. Isn't it ?"

" I've tried to make you happy with my abilities . Sorry if it didn't live up to your expectations. You don't accept the kindness I'm offering."

" My decision is already unanimous. I'm getting a divorce."

" Don't take action when you're in an unstable and emotional state. Try to calm down first, after that take the best."

The atmosphere throughout this cold afternoon and night, grew colder due to the drizzle. But unable to cool and cool me. The strong Mr. Satrio does not want a divorce from me, but still wants to marry officially with Mbak Asri.

I'm like a glacier cave formed by geothermal heat. This hot feeling, this feeling of jealousy, this feeling of betrayal, this feeling of humiliation flowed through the volcanic vents. This tightness, this feeling of pressure, this anger delivered hot water to form a glacier cave that is fragile and prone to collapse. From the hot anger in the heart, but still must look calm above, not only calm but required to be sweet even though my heart is cold as ice. I am fragile and unstable like a glacier cave in my heart. I'm tired of all. I want to end it all and get back to my original position. Mr. Satrio with Ms. Arin. While I'm with my own life.

We, Satrio and I were in the same bed under the same blanket. And he kept holding me as if I was the only woman he had, but not me. I realized I was the second woman in his heart. There was another woman who filled the full space - the space of her heart.

Giving me the warmest hug in order to melt my heart out of emotion. Giving a different touch. As if to state, all he did was also out of love, because he wanted to make me happy, because he wanted us to stay together. As if he wanted to prove what he did not just because of obligation.

" If there is no other way. I'm sorry if I hurt you so deeply. I will still be officially married to Dik Asri" he said again reassured me. This time his speech was accompanied by a hard hit but veiled with the word "if" which indicates he remained firm in his stance but had to do all.

" I want to have my own mas without any other woman, what is my excessive desire ? I just want to love me, no other woman. Too high my expectations ?"

" Aaaaah that's impossible, even you are present among us. You're here after I've been with Dik Asri."

" i would not have been present in the life of Mas Satrio and Mbak Asri, if not the mas who asked me to get married,"

" Why not refuse ?"

" Maaaas, so I'm wrong ? "

" It's not blame but you should have been able to resist if you didn't want to ?"

" Yes. I'm sorry so sorry, that's why I want a divorce," I've endured to behave accordingly. As much energy to hold back the tears that move to seduce to get out of the roof of my tears. Hoping not to fall gushing, hoping not to be spilled because on the brink of urgent fullness. Expect to be restrained with all manners and soft words that are alluring. I cried in silence as he knew and knew. Looked at me with guilt but succeeded with his words thrown at me. Mr. Satrio played my hair and looked at me with a blank look, a meaningless look. Netra he seemed to float away looking far away somewhere.

" Please do not be hurt because of this problem" repeated another pinta by him. This time it was a request that I found very unreasonable. I am also a woman with a heart. I am also a woman who wants a husband. And I'm not an actor in this situation. I came because I did not know that he was still in a relationship with Mbak Asri. If they, Mr. Satrio and Mbak Asri after divorce are married again, in series. Who is wrong and blamed ? But on top of all this trouble I want to get out of the never-ending loop. I am tired .. I am tired. I just want to settle down with my tough kid. Am I too high-wishing ? Am I being too selfish to ask for a divorce from her ?

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