Just A Wedding

chapter 40

For two weeks Mr. Satrio was at my house. I was always scared to be by his side. There was no sense in me to balance him or respond to what he did to me. His actions that were beyond normal limits made me tremble with coldness.

It's been almost a week. Every time I remember it, my body instantly limp and break out in cold sweat, nausea and dizziness. I'm usually a loyal listener of Dita when she tells me about her kiss with Rian. Not for the moment - right now, as soon as Dita told me my body immediately limp and break out in cold sweat. Shadow - the shadow of Mr. Satrio who arrogantly vented all his anger on me. Wreak dislike on me. Wreaked his disappointment on me. Wreaking out the words that were not conveyed to me, so that it made me afraid. Cold faces without smiles always decorate when we are together. No thank you or kisses for me every time she finishes her release. Just shut up and then turn away from me. Letting me cry because I was insulted and hurt. As if getting more powerful and more victorious over me, seeing me shed my tears. Trying and trying I hold it so as not to look weak in front of him, but in vain. I'm not a weak woman, I'm strong and I try to be strong. I don't know why every time he does it. I always tremble with fear. Not because of physical torture, but because............... He treated me not as the woman he loved but intentionally did it to me. He did not do it on the basis of love that led him to want to make himself and his partner happy because of a beautiful worship. He did not do so out of a desire to connect. He just wanted to show "this is me who is your owner". Once upon a time he accidentally hugged me warmly and quickly changed with his arrogance. It was as if this body and life were attached to him. Without pity, without pity, without love. The glare of his eyes that glittered - lightning when together we showed his hatred and contentment to see me groaning because of the pain he gave. A thin smile on the corner of his lips just to show that he was happy with what happened to me. In my small body a lot of bruises not because of the blow but because. There's no polite word for that.

My uneasy feelings become even more if I accidentally see a romantic drama. Let alone more scenes. The scene of an actor and his actress being close to each other has frightened me. All remind me of him, Mr. Satrio my husband.

My whole life I've been forced and forced to do this. When I was with Henry, I also resisted with all my might but did not cause this kind of uneasy and anxious feeling. But why does the coercion of Satrio make me so terrified ?

Was it because of my time with Henry, I was in a state of despair ? Is it because Henry did it out of love ? Is it because a little in my heart is also carried away by emotions, I also long every time I see it even if only in my heart ? Is it because of Henry's eyes that say, if he did it on the basis of love, not just out of sheer desire.

Why is it different that I felt when Mr Satrio did it ? Is it because he doesn't love me ? not out of desire but out of wanting to see me cry.

I can't forget even if it's been a month's spin more than Satrio's pack staying at my house. I just remember this month I haven't had my regular guests. After work I bought a pregnancy test. I followed the advice of the dispensary clerk preferably in the morning directly after waking up doing his test.

My feelings were mixed when I saw line two begin to form. There's excitement, there's anxiety, there's fear. He was present at the wrong time. When I chose to stay away and separate from her biological father. Wasn't he present not because of Love ? But because of his father's resentment, disappointment and anger. Is this baby called the fruit of my love with Mr Satrio ? Mr. Satrio never loved me. I also did not do it. We do it all because we have to. On the other side of my heart. I smiled, hoping that with this fetus my condition and Mr. Satrio would improve.

I wrote a WA message informing Satrio of my condition.

I

Assalamualaikum, I'm pregnant with my son.

I deliberately chose this sentence that I think is right. I hope he is happy with this news.

Mr. Satrio

The reply to the message from Mr. Satrio was like an arrow shot right at the feeling of a wound in my heart. That's not the answer I want. Many times I wanted to make peace with my circumstances, my marriage, but in vain. Back and repeated. The answers and statements from him that I think hurt my heart. Is my assessment of him too much ? Am I being too baper ? I reiterate, I only need men who love me sincerely. I just want a husband who loves me and my future son. I just want my husband to be happy with the news I've given him. I wrote a sentence for him.

I

Are you glad I'm pregnant ?

He did not wait for the answer he gave me.

Mr. Satrio

Yep. Children are trust, not only quality but quality as well.

Mr. Satrio

We have Adrian and Adry. I don't want to add any more.

What else should I write for him. Like there is no more expression in my heart, as soon as the answer to the message from Mr. Satrio I read. I can't continue this chat anymore. Again, is my desire too high ? I just want to give him some happy news. I just want him to feel as happy as I am. I remember how he treated me in bed. Feelings of fear and disappointment slowly came to my heart. Wanting hard and loud, I shouted. I don't want this kid to exist either. He is not the fruit of love. She made me sick even more when she remembered how she was present in my womb. My heart that was split in two between being pleased with his presence and being saddened by his circumstances. But is not it true said Mr. Satrio. I want this kid to exist too. But why is there even a little more hatred tucked into my heart with his presence.

Today I really don't want to go anywhere where just lying in the room and contemplating all. I also had permission not to go to work. Today the upheaval in my mind is unstoppable. I'm in a dispute with myself. I fought with my own soul. I was at war with my own thoughts. Between desire and hope. Between reality and destiny. Between surviving or letting him go of my life.

seriate...............