Just A Wedding

Chapter 1 introductions

Just A Wedding

My name is Arina Dwi Renata. Physically, I am small with a height of not one hundred and fifty centimeters, aka only 145. Weight is only 30 kilograms. You can imagine I have a body posture as a Junior High. I graduated from S1 at a state college in my city. Now I work for a private company in my town. I have ordinary days. My dream is also not grandiose just to build a household in peace and happiness. The reality is not as beautiful as my dreams.

When all my brothers and sisters were married I never got married. Every time I come out it is always a soft ghibah material for the ghibah fighters. How not ? At the age that has entered the head of three never married and never seen to have a boyfriend. Where - where always with my mother who accompanies.

We often listen to the answers to questions

" When you get married, you choose the man who loves you, what about the man in charge?"

"You choose to marry the one who loves you what do you love?"

This is the answer to all the questions I used to hear. I chose to marry the man who loved me. At least that's my opinion. I choose to marry a man who has a always responsible nature.

Of course, everyone's answer is always different depending on the destiny they live. In this story, the answer is only in terms of my view and also because of my experience.

Living the childhood of a family is simple and maybe even lacking. Makes me live not thinking too much about the material. Enough to eat makes me happy. Mother made food - small meals left in stalls and in the cafeteria - school cafeteria near the house.

Born, raised and raised from a broken home. Makes me always tell myself to stand on my own feet without having to ask for and lean on men.

Seeing a mother who was struggling economically after my father remarried. He had to work hard to finance our children to still be able to go to school even to college.

Seeing my brother willingly stop working. Being an ordinary housewife, because it follows the husband. Raise their hearts. In the middle of his household trip turned out to be disappointed and had to fight again. Became the economic backbone of the family because her husband cheated on her. His property was depleted by his mistress

Seeing my sister have a small family. Life is happy even with circumstances that rise and fall, because it still bears the cost of the needs of her husband's family.

Three examples of households above. Makes me steady my heart to keep working, after I get married.

From everything I learned, that's where I always hope and pray to meet my soul mate later. A man who can accept me for who I am and who is responsible.

I don't know who's wrong in this marriage. Me or my husband ? Let the person judge from their own point of view. I am only living my destiny that has been outlined for me.

From the start of a wrong marriage and must end with me "leaving it ". It was a decision that really made me have to be strong to live my days and raise my two children.

Meaning of leaving my husband. It doesn't mean leaving my real husband. Not leaving him for divorce in the hammer knock of the judge. Not leaving him because I ran off with another man. Looking for a better man than my husband physically and psychologically. But I left him in everything. In my mind. In my actions I might even teach my children to live without their fathers. Learning not to know the word father. Learning not to miss their father. Learning does not involve the father in all activities. My children and I want to be happy in our own way.

Some may think I'm stupid. Why survive a chaotic household ? The answer is because of my children. I can't separate them from their real father, from their biological father. In my mind I was afraid to give stepfather to my children. Lots of thoughts in my mind. What if I get married again ? Can my new husband accept my two children who are not of his flesh ? That's why I chose to shut myself down not to look for other men, even though my home life was ruined. I'm happy to have a beautiful, handsome couple of kids who make my days happy.

When asked "Will I be able to live my days? " the answer is difficult. Raising two children in difficult economic circumstances. Pretending - pretending to be happy. Pretend like I'm in good shape. Pretending to always be able to withstand the turbulent emotions to rebel in the midst of society that views divorce as a disgrace. Pretend you can smile every day. If there were a body gesturist looking at my photos, it would be easy to guess that I was depressed. If I just pretend to be happy. You might even guess that I'm tired of pretending to be happy in my married life.

If I could hold the status of widow. If I could suffer for the word divorce. If I had not been afraid of the one-eye view of people, who always say "it must have been because of an itchy widow. " If I had dared to say to my children, that I would choose to part with his father. If I could explain to my children what marriage means and what separation means. Maybe I chose to divorce my husband.

But the truth is I can't. It turns out that it's hard to make being real standing on your own feet. In hope - empty hope. In my little heart. I hope I can stay with my husband. Raising our children. Aging together in one roof, like a married couple in general. Sit together in the afternoon enjoying the evening by brewing tea and enjoying biscuits. Go shopping together to the market, discuss cooking besuk what?

Every time the delusion came to my mind. It is my heart that is sick because of all the delusion. The reality I face is far from that. Far from the word real husband and wife.

The choice I made was to leave him. He became a rock when he was in front of me. Being a banana tree while in bed. speaks only potluck. Without any discussion. Without a word but, no, then. I never text or phone with my husband. I just answer the phone from him and just answer the messages that come from him, no more than one sentence said Y and T only.

Connect,...............

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Sorry if there is a typo and in word processing. because it is still a beginner.

until we meet the next story.