Just A Wedding

chapter 21

" So you're getting married to a two-child widower ? You ever say look for singles ? Or don't - don't you keep om - om ?" cerocos mas Ravi bertubi - tubi to me. I just kept listening to Ravi's anger.

" Rin. It is hard to wait a year. You don't want to call me, apparently you want to marry that old widower,"

" At least Mr. Satrio has a divorce papers" I told Mas Ravi.

" I'll soon have divorce papers too. What to be proud of from the divorce papers,"

" He asked me to get married, unlike Ravi who told me to wait,"

" Rin........can't you wait for a year ?"

" Yes I can't wait. Do you know how I felt waiting seven years, but see how I ended up ? Married to another woman. I'm tired of mas. Can't you see my sacrifice ? I wasted seven years of my time with mas,"

" Yes I understand. Sorry...." in a very low voice Ravi held back the word "sorry - his "me. There was a feeling of guilt and regret for him. I tried to stare at the bright brown netra Mas Ravi. The eyeballs filled with tears, unable to spill in front of me. There was a higher feeling than having to cry in front of me. I know the nature of Ravi mas, he was always good at controlling his emotions.

Ravi and I were still sitting there after our fight. We similarly divert our emotions and this talk by playing our own phones ourselves.

This afternoon after work we sat in the cafe we used to go to when we were together. If it wasn't for Ravi's coercion, who threatened me would have met Satrio. I won't see him again. I don't want to sit here like I am now. Never mind to meet, to reply to Wastapp's message - his or take a call from Ravi mas, I've been reluctant to do so. For me, I have lost my love for Ravi. Covered by my greater pain in her heart. It's been enough of my heartache to be hurt too deeply. I don't want any more heartache than I felt when I found out Ravi was married. I've been trying to turn my attention to my future. I also want to be happy with my partner.

" Come with me.." Ravi roughly pulled my hand after putting two hundred thousand on our table.

" No.... I don't want to........"

" Come along........."

" Where are we going ?"

" To mother's tomb,"

" Do what ? Don't be weird - weird mas,"

still I followed him from behind while my right hand was tightly held by Ravi.

Netra Mas Ravi glassy - glass. Drive a car and sometimes hit the driver. There was a sense of sadness seeing his attitude like this. Is it true that Ravi still loves me ? Is it true that Ravi still has the fear of losing me ? I pat my prasangkaku on Ravi mas. I remind myself that Ravi has become the husband of another woman. Maybe Ravi now still feels disappointed, like a child who lost his favorite toy. And that's me, yeah I've only been his toy for seven years.

" Traitor to you Rin............Cheating you Rin.......I hurt Rin.."he insisted hard on me. His face was red and held in anger. His breath was stinged - stinging as it raged.

" What are the names for me ? I learned a lot from Mas Ravi. Learn how to leave the one who loves us" I replied tired of all. All the circumstances I've been through.

" I'm Rin's man......I was married only temporarily until Hanin gave birth,"

" Ooohhhh only temporarily......Then why are you so friendly ?"

" Didn't you see Hanin's pregnant ?"

" Rin. Look at me.....I'm sick, Rin," wailed Mas Rapi but still with his loud voice.

Our debate stalled as it had already reached the front of the mother's burial area. In front of my mother's grave. Mas Ravi shook my hand loudly saying sacred sentences like people do kabul ijab.

" We're officially married,"

" This marriage is not legal. There are no witnesses,"

" We got married in front of Rin's mother, as I promised my mother,"

" It's illegitimate mas, I have no guardian,"

" You're an adult, you don't need a guardian,"

I was tired of arguing with Ravi. I let Ravi do anything. I'm really scared of Ravi. We were together seven years. I've never seen Ravi's mas this angry. His manners, today changed one hundred and thirty degrees.

" This is the dowry...."

" No, I don't want to, man,"

" Receive ...." Weighly I received money in envelopes that I do not know how much.

" You can't marry that man, you're officially my wife,"

Ravi's car was very slow. Actually there is a sense of compassion in my heart slipped like water flowing slowly but very fast then filled to the full until it spilled from its place. A few months ago, I also experienced what Ravi is experiencing now. Jealousy, anger, uncontrollable grudges become one. As if to scream why life is playing tricks on me. I saw that Ravi's eyes were still glazed - the glass was holding back his anger and tears.

" If I hadn't married Hanin, I would have married you by now........I'm going to propose to you Rin.." Ravi's raucous voice can be clearly heard.

I also could not hold back my tears. Anyway seven years I'm with Ravi mas, until fate separates us. The further I got with Ravi, the more I met Henry and now I'm getting married to a man I don't know.

.......................

After praying Isya', my sister Arsita called to tell me that this morning mas Ravi met him at his house.

" I told you all that Ms. Arin is getting married one more month to Mr. Satrio"

" It's okay - what dik Ar......."

God, what will happen to me after this. Why did Ravi come when I was getting married. The past that I've taken as a memory why come back ? And what should I tell Henry if I meet him ? What would Henry react if he knew I'd already chosen to leave him to marry another man ?

God, was my choice wrong ? Of the three men who filled my life, only Mr. Satrio was easy to reach, which did not hurt anyone. Mas Ravi is married however a relationship will inevitably involve feelings. I don't want to ruin anyone's household. Henry, the man, the hope of his parents. The child in the field will have a bright future. I don't want to ruin a mother's hopes. Only Mr. Satrio would ask me to get married without the word "Wait for me".

O Allah, let what will happen to you will happen according to your will. I closed my black netra. Looking for a very beautiful dream to meet my mother. Being a little girl again complaining to her mother.