Just A Wedding

chapter 23

" Is he there ? Did he grow up ? Ma'am Arin didn't eliminate him, did he ? henry asked, holding me.

I just shook my head, kept crying Henry said softly to me. He leaned his chin on the top of my head. His hand kept hugging me not giving me a cavity to fight. I also let myself in Henry's warm embrace. My little body seemed to feel calm in its arms. This empty soul seemed to be filled with ....aaaaaahhhhhh I could not describe with words when I was in Henry's arms.

" If he existed, we would not be like this. Ma'am Arin didn't do anything to eliminate him, did he ?"

" no. I want him to exist too. It turns out he's not here for us."

Henry fell silent then many times Henry kissed the top of my head.Is it possible that Henry also felt what I felt ? Warm in the heart when we embrace like this ? Could it be that Henry also felt how unwilling to let go of this hug ? With his hand Henry raised my face.The forced smile he gave me, but that smile was able to bring me to the fact that life is not as easy as we smile sincerely at others. The smile showed Henry would be strong with all reality.

" I love you, Ma'am. I love you so much, Mother."

A feeling that made me float Henry gave me. You can change everything in just seconds. Her hard body gently led me to give up and say "yes" to every touch Henry gave me. It turns out I wasn't just weak in math when I was in school. I am also very weak to face the men I am now with. Let me take a moment off the norms and morals I hold. Right now I just want to be with Henry to bring together everything in our hearts. If love knows no logic. Why do I love him ? Give everything but have to marry another man ? Didn't I do marriage with another man based on logic because we couldn't be together ?

Let only me and God know about my acts of worship and my sins. I know, and I know it's a sin. But can't I be with my loved ones even in different circumstances, even though in my small heart I still cry over everything I do. But I'm so happy to do it all with Henry. Like a child who is happy and agitated when flying his kite in the air. If all we did was worship. My heart must be happier than I feel right now. There is no anxiety, uneasiness and fear of sin that still accompanies us. . Well.... I will keep remembering it even though it is a sin. I will remember him and consider this all the other side of my life. Let it be a beautiful story that I keep for any time.

I let this man have me completely before my husband. This time it wasn't just Henry who wanted it openly, but I also wanted it maybe even more than Henry wanted. Right now I feel and maybe Henry also feels there is no age limit for us. There is no social gap as our limit. Everything we devote here, our longing, love and revenge, because we have to face reality that is inversely proportional to what is in our minds.

" I love you, too, Henry," I stared very deeply at Henry's neutrals in search of shade, seeking refuge. Henry looked at me for a moment then smiled very sweetly. Probably the sweetest smile Henry gave me, and then kissed my forehead long and soft.

It's not allowed by anyone what I'm doing with Henry right now. But can't I make a defense. I can't have my own reasons. I can't be with Henry for a moment before I walk away from his life married to another man. Can't I be myself even though I know there are binding norms. Blame it on me for lacking understanding of his love and sacrifice. Blame it on me for taking the sins I will bear for granted. Blame it on me who doesn't know to take care of myself and my soul for having reason to do it all for love. Blame it on me who loves too much but does not think my future what awaits...duka......hurt.....by the man who will be my husband. Oh God, I've all given you. You know what is in my heart. What I want, what I hope.

We sat in a cafeteria after returning from Henry's garden. After seeing the sunset. We walked along a path full of tabebuya trees. Leaving everything there then returning to our lives as it was. I'm with my wedding plans. Henry will continue his studies abroad.

As usual Henry always ordered his favorite asparagus crab soup. I just ordered my favorite fruit salad and avocado juice. This dinner was so different as a farewell to our relationship. The three-stalked white rose that Henry had deliberately picked up earlier for me was so beautiful in my grasp. I do not want to escape even maybe until the withered I will keep as a beautiful and bitter memory in my life.

" Why is it just a wedding ceremony ?"

" Satrio asked me that."

" Marriage is still marriage even if it's just a ceremony," writing nominally in cheque Henry said again looking at me.

,"Buy what you need. But don't bed sheet for Ma'am Arin's wedding bed. It hurt me so much,"

" Don't I can't take it."

" I'd rather not see Madam Arin's wedding just be together."

" Satrio sir asked him to say it's the second one."

" But this is the first marriage of Madam Arin ? "

" I don't want any trouble with Mr. Satrio. He said he felt bad for his children and his ex-wife, "

" I don't know either" I replied listlessly.

I don't know what Henry's really saying, however, this is my first marriage, why is there no event more than what Mr. Satrio wants ?

Without me noticing Henry spoke up somewhat raising his voice.

" A moment..... a moment, said Ms. Arin. Mbak is married to a widower and already has children ? Ma'am Arin left me for him ?"

" Henry, come on. He's my only hope now"

" I'm not sure about Arin's life, though,"

" I don't know either, but Dita said she's a good person,"

" So Ma'am Arin knows from Dita."

" Yes his friend."

" Friends om her means ........"

" Yes, we are sixteen years old."

" So Ma'am Arin prefers him over me who is young ? " Henry was surprised when I told him about Mr. Satrio. His hand returned to give the check he had already written his nominal. Henry's long breath was clearly heard by me, exhaled violently as if he wanted to stomp his hand on the table. Back, I could only look at it and see it without knowing what I should do.

" If it is indeed the decision of Ma'am Arin married to him. Honestly, I'm not going to come to Arin's wedding I can't afford. But marry well, don't be like this,"

I just kept quiet and looked at Henry's face, that's all I could do. I don't know what Henry had in mind I only saw eyeballs that moved sharply and sometimes Henry squinted his eyelids without smiling.

I'm back I'm refusing Henry's check. I feel bad about everything. What's on my mind may not be the same as Henry thought. I didn't sell myself with this check.

" Satrio has given one million to our event. So it is not good to exceed the money he gave. He wants a simple show"

" What is a million..........? Ma'am Arin....this is something wrong with the future husband Mbak Arin ! "

" Henry ...have it.....I ........." I can't continue my words.

Is this really all ? Or just my feeling that Mr. Satrio .......................... O Allah, all that will happen to me by your will, I believe you are a strong servant.

seriate...............