I WASN'T...

Longs

I left Mother standing still at the door of my inpatient room. Today, I finally got out of the hospital. There were not many restrictions that my doctor ordered while I was at home. In addition, I began to be able to exercise lightly that raised his level defensively every month. Soon, I could run.

I walked quickly down the hallways of a fairly crowded hospital. When I arrived at the main door of the hospital, I saw Satya and Gilang standing nearby. They waved at me as I approached them.

"How are you?" Gilang grabbed my hand. Her tears began to melt. "I haven't seen you for a long time. Last time I looked, you were unconscious in the ICU. But after that, Mother forbade us to come again."

Ooohs... Turns out Gilang was one of the people who made a fuss in the waiting room that time. But, long time no see Gilang, it feels like he is growing up. Appearance neat like office employees. Or, she purposely dressed up because she wanted to come here?

"Lo is beautiful" said Gilang while grinning.

"Gue also feels that I am beautiful" I replied in a haughty tone.

"It turns out you're still playing, yeah!"

I just answered with my tongue out. "Yeah, go!"

"Lo sure you can be strong?" Satya spoke up. The worry he was hiding made me calm.

"If I'm not strong, there are you," I replied lightly.

Then we went to the place where Rena was buried. Along the way, Gilang kepo how I spent the time during the treatment period. Then, they continued to tell me about themselves as long as I did not exist.

The wind swagged my cheeks gently as soon as we arrived at an elite cemetery. Gilang and Satya guided me through several steps, towards a tomb located at the top. Not far from us, a grave guard officer was mowing the grass, so the fragrance of the grass filled the air.

My eyes turned back to the front, watching where we were going. A tomb roofed with violet flowers, became our goal. From up there, I could see the surroundings clearly. A place like this is Rena's favorite place. Being at the top and being able to see 'away'.

I looked down, saw a very beautiful tomb, covered in carved flowers in gold. Her tombstone bears the long name Rena, complete with a photo of her.

My feet are limp. I fell in front of Rena's grave. Without feeling it, conscious tears that I hold, spill just like that. An unusually great longing, gushing out from my chest.

"Rena.." I groaned slowly. It feels cramped every time I say his name. The memory of Rena is still etched clearly in my mind. How his behavior, how to pull the hair to the back of the back, even the laughter I still remember. There's no way I can forget Rena. We've been together since childhood, and will stay together until I die.

Gilang sat down next to me. "When that time.." he opened his mouth, made me set my breath in order to control the crying, ".when you tell me that Rena is angry with you, I contacted Rena."

I looked towards Gilang. He managed to grab my attention. "Lo talked to Rena?" I asked for an explanation.

"Yes" replied Gilang slowly. "Gue asked what the problem was."

"Rena must be mad you called her. I'm like a crook," I'm raking tears that keep pouring out.

Gilang shook his head slowly. "Instead," he answered. Gilang rubbed Rena's grave. "He's crying."

We're silent. From the corner of my eye, I knew that Satya was also listening seriously. "Why is Rena crying?"

"He regrets having fought with you," Gilang spoke in a slow tempo. The wind makes my feathers stand up. I stared at Gilang who was caressing Rena's grave, as if it was Rena herself. "Rena crying. Long time."

"She also said, I'll apologize the same tomorrow. He doesn't want your friendship to be ruined just because of a trivial matter."

The picture of Rena embedded in the gravestone, glittering reflected the afternoon sunlight that was getting down in the Western horizon. Rena smiled inside that frame. He's wearing his school uniform. I remember, it was the first photo we took on our first day of high school.

I smiled at how excited Rena was. He plans to subdue half of the men attending Pelita Private High School while learning to take over one of his father's small companies.

"Rena also said she wanted to apologize that night" Satya added, her voice sounding bitter. He held back his tears.

"Rena is a good friend. He was angry, but it was just a momentary emotion. He still loves you." Gladly patted my head, giving me the spirit I so desperately needed.

I came back crying. The word 'if' is no longer useful. Rena has left this world. I can't hold her or talk to her anymore.

Satya wrapped a hug on my shoulder, letting me sink back into her chest. A warm feeling gives comfort and calm. Unexpectedly, Rena's heart was pounding again. The fragrant body of Satya makes her heart rate even more passionate.

I pulled my body because I was feeling hot. Satya even made me unable to continue my crying. My concentration is because of it.

"It's quiet?" satya asked, finding me to stop crying. "As much as you love Rena, Rena loves you so much."

"Do you think Rena would donate her heart to me?" finally the question came out of my mouth. Actually, this question started popping into my head ever since I knew the truth.

"If you become Rena, and on the verge of death, what is your decision?" Gilang even turned the situation upside down.

"Gue willingly," I said quickly. "Gue's willing to give my heart to Rena."

"So much with Rena," said Gilang softly. "No need to think strangely. Rena's a good-natured person."

I lowered. Yes, Rena has been kind to me for a long time. Rena's constant beating heart, I'll protect. I want to continue to feel the presence of Rena here.

In my heart, I whispered to Rena. Asking for her forgiveness has hurt her, thanking her for being my life-saver, and expressing how much I miss her. Rena, a friend who will never be replaced.

"Lo so want to meet Rena's parents?" ask Gilang.

I thought for a moment. As long as I was friends with Rena, I rarely met them in person. "Gue doesn't know how to find it."

"Yesterday, Satya and I went to Rena's house" replied Gilang. "His parents are at home. We've asked them to take the time to meet you today."

"What time?"

"About two hours."

There's still time. I don't want to leave the side of Rena's grave. I still miss it, even though I can only see him from the photo on the tombstone.

***