I WASN'T...

UGD

I woke up to recognize the distinctive smell that filled my chest cavity. My eyes blinked a few times due to the glare of the lights. The warmth was coming from my right hand.

"Sister.. Satya.." My voice came out like a whisper. Satya's face was immersed in the folds of her hand. It turns out that the warm feeling I feel comes from the grasp of Satya's hand.

I took a deep breath, then slowly breathed. This body feels very tired, like running endlessly around the soccer field ten times.

I look around. The same place. I ended up in the ER again. What time is it, huh?

The curtains of my bed room were opened a little. Mom came out from behind it. He was surprised for a moment to see me staring back at him. Quickly he put his index finger in front of his lips. Mom stepped silently around the bed.

"Night, Honey!" mom whispered while she kissed me. "Easy?"

I nodded. I don't need any explanation. I don't need any explanation either. He will be relieved as soon as he sees me awake and still breathing.

My mother sat on the left side of my bed. Smiled at Satya who was still asleep. "He fell asleep" she whispered. I was intent on answering, but it felt like there was no energy left, even to pull out a single sentence.

Silence approached us. I was still waiting for my energy to return, while Satya's snoring made me smile to myself. Mom also kept quiet, giving Satya more time to enjoy her dreams.

Satya is still wearing her school uniform. The smell of perfume and sweat that I remember this afternoon, I can still feel at this time. I remember, when I was going to ride the angkot to go home, suddenly my chest pain like being stabbed a thousand needles. The burning sensation spread to my back and left hand. Then, I fainted. The last face I saw was Satya's panicked face.

He definitely didn't come home after I went to the hospital. I can imagine how Satya was confused. Satya has never been alone in facing the unconscious me. Good thing he took me to my hospital. And fortunately again because I was on the afternoon shift.

"Geez!" Satya suddenly jumped up, waking up from her sleep. I and I were shocked to see him move suddenly. I almost got a second attack. "Sorry!" great-grandson Satya.

Mom laughed hearing that. I'm busy regulating my heartbeat to get back to normal. "Satya's son what dream was that startled?"

Satya smiled shyly while scratching her head. "Dream of tweezers, Tan."

I chuckled softly at the answer. My mother laughed when I reacted. "Makasi, yes, you brought Debi here. Thanks to you, Debi survived."

"More times, I'll drive Debi home every time I go home to school" Satya said.

"How, Deb?" My mother asked my opinion.

I shook my head slowly. "No.usah.. Can be alone.."

"Gue has nothing else to do but go home from school. I have a lot of time if it's just for anter lo to come home," Satya insisted.

"La..tihan?"

"I can set the time. Just relax! If necessary, I don't become a core team, it's important you're safe!"

Hhh.. That way again.. Guilt and anger immediately ambushed me every time someone behaved like that. Rena also insisted that I want to shuttle me since Elementary School, even though the direction of our house is opposite. Rena even refused to take tutoring because she did not want to separate from me. Rena sacrificed a lot of things, especially her time, just to take care of a human like me.

The same guilt and anger I felt as soon as Satya's words came out of her mouth. I know, well, that they're just worried about my situation. Thenwhat? My life is not worth the time they spend. They should be free to enjoy their teenage years.

"No.. I can sen.self."

Mom rubbed my head. My mother must also be worried about my situation, but I do not want to stress. My position is difficult because of me. It's all my fault. I can't even take care of myself. At this moment, I want to disappear. Seeing a lot of difficult people, my strength evaporated quickly.

"It doesn't need to be every day" she replied. "If Nak Satya is free, Nak Satya can take Debi home. If you are busy, don't force it. Debi certainly also wants Nak Satya not to feel too responsible just because you are friends. He also applies the same to Rena whom he has even known from childhood."

I breathed a sigh of relief, happy to hear Mom explain my heart clearly. I don't want to be pitied even if I feel sorry. Yes, I am indeed as arrogant as that, but soon will die.

"You don't have a shopping bag, son?" Mother grabbed Kak Dika's innate deftly and put her on the table. "Your clothes are stained with oil."

Brother Dika does not heed Mother's speech, instead stirs me tightly until it feels tight. "My dear sister, you're finally awake! Wanna eat? Thirsty? Want what? Say the same brother!"

"Now.. Breath.."

Brother Dika took off his embrace. "Say, dong!"

"Satya, it's night. You better go home. Don't worry your parents" Mother suggested.

Satya looked at me closely, as if making sure that I had indeed passed the critical period. "Gue's.. Naw.. What's.."

"When you go, take Nak Satya to dinner before you go!" Mother handed two packs of rice into the hands of Kak Dika. "Satya's son, tomorrow you can see Debi again, even if Satya Nak is not busy," she added.

Satya finally left with a look like a discarded puppy. I wanted a photo of him at that time, it's a pity tired of winning against my lust.

"Rena?"

Mom sat back in her chair. "Rena doesn't know you're here yet. But your phone keeps ringing. Looks like Rena sent a lot of messages. Call me a few times too."

"Lifting mother?"

Mom shakes. "Your condition is stable. I don't think it's necessary to get Rena here. The ER gets excited when he comes."

Right said Mother. If Rena comes here, the ER will be crowded by nurses or patient waiters who caper. Better calm down like this for a moment.

Again, I breathe a lot of air. Grateful to still be able to breathe, as well as angry at yourself for distressing others. If after this Satya feels objected and avoids me, I will not be angry or vengeful. My condition is not good. I'll always bother the people around me. My ego has kept me going all this time. Ego to continue enjoying life.

"Well, there seems to be a fuss outside. I'll take a look, okay?"

Sayup-sayup, I did hear a noise in the distance. However, moments later, the voice disappeared, replaced by the sound of foot clattering and the driven ER bed wheel. The bed stopped right next to my room.

"Mother measure the tension first, huh?" mother's Voice.

"It's okay, isn't it, Sus?" a woman asked.

"Mom.. Hungry, ma'am." Whine for someone whose voice I know so well.

"Ouch.. You're so weak because you're hungry?"

"He's got low blood sugar, Sus! Sometimes I forget to eat!"

Mom clucking. "Don't Mom bring food to your house? Why not eat right?"

"Lu.pa.."

It's galangilee! That's the brain stone, Gilang! So, he made a scene earlier? He forgot to eat until he was weak and fainted?

***