I WASN'T...

Farewell

I ran down the hospital hallway that I was very familiar with. Aisle with white walls and some instructions, such as APAR location, first floor plan, and ER location.

My breath was stingy, my chest was painful, but I stopped my running pace before meeting with Rena's parents. Right now, they must be feeling sad and angry.

When I arrived at the end of the hospital hallway, I stopped. I tried to breathe a lot of air, filling my chest cavity with oxygen. My hands squeezed the jacket I was wearing, desperately enduring the pain in the chest. I saw two middle-aged people I knew.

Rena's father looks neat in his black suit, maybe he came straight from his office after getting word from the hospital. While Rena's mother, only wearing pajamas. Her hair was shredded and her face was without the slightest make up. The two of them turned to the door of the operating room many times.

"Debi?"

I looked up to hear my name called. Satya walked quickly to me. It looks messy with disheveled hair. He still wears a basketball team uniform, complete with a school sports jacket.

"Lo is okay? Your face is pale!" he asked while holding my arm.

"Rena.." I answered slowly. I'm still trying to control my breath. "Due... How's it?"

Satya did not answer. He just returned my gaze with pushy and somewhat red eyes. Looks like she's been crying. We kept each other quiet for a while. "You want Rena's parents?" ask Satya at the end.

I just nodded. Satya immediately helped me to stand stably again. As soon as I could deal with the excruciating pain, I walked back slowly. I need to remember my own limits. There's no point in me getting into the ER right now because of a heart attack.

Rena's mother was crying while sitting down. Both of her hands covered her pretty face. A pretty face that was passed down to Rena. "Night, Oom, Auntie!" i greet. Rena's parents looked over as soon as they heard my voice. "How's rena?" add me, even though I know what the answer is. I just want someone to say that Rena is okay, even if it's just a lie.

But there is no answer. There is no such calming answer as my hope. Aunt Nami is crying again. The pain he felt was contagious to my body.

"Still in the operating room" replied Rena's father. He adjusted his suit to cover the uneasiness he felt. Oom Reka rubbed his forehead and said, "Debi, can I take my wife a break in the waiting room?"

"I don't want to, Pa! My son is inside, fighting for life! How can I rest!?" Aunt Nami suddenly got up and shouted hysterically at her husband. Oom Reka urung opened her mouth again, seeing the determination of the heart that Aunty Nami emitted. The man realized, there was no point in asking his wife to obey him at this moment. They were both worried, both unable to rest.

"Oom Are you thinking Aunt Nami has dinner? I brought you some bread," Satya went forward to hand over the conscious parcel. But no one accepted. Aunt Nami kept crying, while Oom Reka looked at the operating room door.

I gestured for Satya to follow me away from there. Satya put the parcel she was carrying next to Aunt Nami without words.

When I think we've walked far enough away from Rena's parents' hearing radius, I open up the conversation. "Gue doesn't know the full story yet. What's the matter exactly?" ask me.

Satya shifted her eyes. His hand moved to the back of his neck to rub his nape. I just saw him this time, he looked worried. "Due... Accident."

Not knowing why, I caught Satya's guilty look. The short answer added to the suspicion I felt. But I chose to take everything away. I want to hear Satya explain directly about what happened. Why did Rena get to this. In fact, I want to know why Satya didn't tell me about Rena. It was my mother who told me that Rena was in the hospital and she wanted me to join her in praying for Rena's safety.

At first glance, Mother told me that Rena's condition was not good. He is on the verge of death. Rena had surgery immediately that very second when Mom called. Plus, I said there's not much the hospital can do. Rena entered the operating table because Rena's parents insisted. They believe their son could have survived if the bleeding on Rena's head was stopped. The doctor in charge of Rena is willing to perform the operation, but does not guarantee the results.

"What's up, brother?" I can't wait because Satya speaks a thousand languages.

Satya drowned. "Because of my accident."

I'm choked. My throat felt very dry as soon as I heard the confession from Satya. "What?" ask me, hoping my ears are wrong. Wishing Satya just wanted to calm the chaotic atmosphere.

Satya scratched her forehead. "Rena.. He suddenly ran away. It happened so fast. Then there's the truck" I'm holding Satya's arm, asking her to stop talking. Apparently Satya is not delirious or joking. I can't imagine what happened from hearing Satya's story. "Gue's sorry..."

I don't know what to answer. My mind is full of images of Rena's face. The Rena I've known for as long as she's alive. Rena always accompanies in difficult times though. Rena's my only friend.

I looked around, looking for a seat because my legs were limp. My heart was pounding irregularly, a sign that I was working harder than usual. I have to give my heart some time to rest. This reality is so sudden and I can't handle it. My head is throbbing pain.

"Well all right, Deb?" Satya. He sits next to me.

I have to calm down. In this emotional state, it is not good to make a decision. It's not Satya's fault that Rena suddenly ran. It's not the truck's fault if he shows up just as Rena is about to cross.

My hand crept into the bag, looking for a pill that I should be drinking at a time when my heart rhythm was irregular. Once I found the pill, I downed it. I leaned my heavy head against the wall, then closed my eyes. In my heart, I kept praying that Rena would be saved and given a chance, just like God gave me a chance to live.

This morning, I met Rena. I still see him alive. Her beautiful paras were untainted by anything, perfect as ever. His haughty nature has not changed one bit. Even if he is angry, it can still be corrected. My mistake will only be our laughingstock later. I kept praying, hoping that Rena would come out of the operating room with her sweet smile.

"If Rena wakes up later, I'll apologize to her" I murmured in despair. I remembered Gilang's words asking me to apologize to Rena immediately. However, due to an unsubstantiated fear, I put it off. I opened my eyes, trying to deny the reality that was in front of me. I tried hard and determined not to cry. My consciousness had to stay awake until I heard the news of Rena's state.

"Son?"

I opened my eyes to hear Mom's voice. The emotions of sadness instantly overwhelmed me. I bit my lower lip, still trying not to cry.

"Son, are you okay?" ask Mother. I still wear the nurse uniform. Looks like he just finished his shift. "Quiet, yeah!" My mother sat next to me. Her warm hands gently caressed my head. I could feel such great affection from him.

"Night, Aunt Linda!" greet Satya.

Mom returned her greeting with a knotty smile. "Satya, don't you go home? You daritadi here. Already eaten?"

Satya smelled discordant. He seemed a little happy that someone was worried about him at a time like this. "In a moment, Tan.. Wanna wait for Rena."

"Now all we can do is pray. Rena is trying in there," said Mother, as if I could see the pain I felt.

"Rena's gonna make it, right?" i'm ascertaining. But Mother herself did not dare to answer. It is impossible for you to dare to answer things that concern the matter of life and death of someone. For my life alone, I still have to fight desperately.

"Come on, we're with Rena's parents! They'll definitely need our support." ask Mom. I nodded in agreement. My mother helped me to stand up, and we walked together to where Rena's parents were waiting.

Just as we arrived, the door of the operating room opened. A man in a dark green uniform came out accompanied by a twenty-year-old woman in uniform like Mother.

"Parents of Rena's Patient?" call her to let Rena's parents come closer.

We all approached the doctor. None of us started a conversation. We were silent, waiting for what the doctor in charge would say about Rena.

"We've done everything we can. But the injury that Rena experienced was fatal. Rena's chances of living, not long."

"No way, Doc!" snapped Satya. "So when I took Rena to the hospital, she was still open-eyed when I called! Rena doesn't like that!"

"Sir, please calm down!" the female nurse behind him advanced. "Here the hospital, it's not good to talk so screaming!"

Aunt Nami collapses to the floor. His face was pale. Both of his hands drooped limp on his sides. "My boy.. Gosh darn.. My son.." he muttered softly. He could feel a huge hole appearing within him.

I squeezed Mom's hand. My head is getting heavier, while my chest is hurting. The medicine I was taking had no effect.

"Sorry, I have to take Debi to the ER," Mom realized that I'm not okay. My mom is headed straight for the ER.

The pounding of my heart that was hunting buzzed in my ears, feeling stifling. "Mom... Pain, Mom.." lamented as I endured the pain. Would it be easier if I gave up?

"Come, come! We're going to the ER! Hold on a little more!" pinta Mom with a trembling voice.

"Aunty, I'll help you, okay?" Satya suddenly crouched down in front of me. I had no choice but to accept Satya's help to carry me to the ER. "Debi," call Satya. He glanced at me. "Gue please! Keep your consciousness!" the door and start running towards the ER.

***