I WASN'T...

Sad Reality

I'm surprised I'm not playing. Satya suddenly grabbed my hand as I walked alone from the toilet to return to class. From behind, I could see how tense Satya's expression was. His hand was not so tight. I could have brushed off Satya's hand, but I didn't. I don't know the reason, but my feet follow where Satya takes us.

"What's up, brother?" ask me, when we arrive at the library. This place is quiet as always. Ibu Indah might have returned to the teacher's room, since her desk was empty at the moment. "Son't skipping class?"

Satya stop. He didn't take off his hand and kept his back on me. My feet feel stiff. I dare not move or ask anything else. I know I'm not a good person to lie. A little talk in a situation like this would be more beneficial to me.

About ten seconds later, Satya finally turned around. The face that used to be relaxed every day is now changing. His laughter did not sound as much as yesterday. "What's up, brother?"

"Lo can come to my game?"

I nodded. I can't promise. I could have another heart attack tomorrow and it would take me a long time to recover. Anything can happen at this time.

"Gue has prepared a special bench for you. Ear coverings too. I'll make sure everything's safe for you."

I answered with a smile. He's this stiff, just to let me watch the game?

Waitaminute!

"Gue take Gilang, will you?"

I must not forget my purpose. Satya dragged me to the library during class hours just to take me to watch the game, not a natural thing. Rena does not exist. My status is Gilang's girlfriend. This is not commonplace.

"Why?"

"Why what?" I pretended to be stupid, putting aside the sad look on Satya's face.

"Why should there be him?"

I tried hard to display an expression of 'not understanding'. "Obviously there must be him."

Satya pulled her hair back. A dazzling gesture that would make the women melt upon seeing it. "Gue just needs you during the game," Satya sounded desperate. "This once. It's just you."

My head almost nodded on its own. I almost melt and drown in its charm. "No way, brother." I pulled my hand. "If I'm going anywhere, I have to get permission. Satya's own sister knows, right, what is Gilang's nature? He can ramble if I watch another guy's basketball game."

"Rena herself..." Satya seemed worried for a few seconds, "I can't believe you're dating."

"Why?"

"Because you guys didn't show mutual love before. But you guys are suddenly dating."

"Anything can happen, brother. I die tomorrow, I can."

"Don't say such a scary thing!" suddenly Satya yelled at me. "Gue can't imagine you're missing..." Satya. I had to turn my head to check if she was crying or not. His last voice sounded desperate.

I touched his arm so he could come back. I can't possibly calm her down if she cries here.

Satya raised her head. "Gue likes you, Debi."

A reality hit me in the head. My tongue felt faint, while heat spread across my chest.

"Have been since. Since the first time we met. I always liked you."

My eyes blinked, not believing. That long?

"Gue doesn't understand why you assume that I like Rena and always try to make me and Rena close. That pisses me off. In fact, my childish attitude in front of you, does not make you understand."

"Look at you as Silang, I'm going crazy. I can't concentrate on learning. I have no passion for basketball. My life's fucked up."

"Ja-don't, Brother! Don't like me!"

"Gue can't stop liking you." Satya's tears fell down her cheeks, describing how grievous her heart was at this moment. It can be hard to express feelings that make us appear weak in front of others.

"Gue couldn't possibly like Satya."

"What's the reason?"

"Gue's dating Gilang, sister."

Satya shakes. "Lo hasn't been sure of him in a lifetime. Give me one chance" he asked. "Gue know, I sound greedy and immature right now. I just can't help my big love for you, Deb. I love you the same. I don't want to end up like this."

"Where about Gilang?" ask me. As much as possible, I am calm. I can't offend Satya. I didn't know he liked me this big. "Say will be as hurt as Satya's sister if I go."

Satya fell silent. His eyes glanced with dim eyes. There is no spirit that usually flows. "If only I had advanced first, would I have had a chance?"

I tried so hard to shake. "From the beginning, I had no thoughts of crossing the boundaries of friendship with Kak Satya."

"So.." she replied weakly. He seems to understand and believe all the lies I tell. "Gue won't be able to behave normally in front of you anymore. Sorry for that." he said, then left me alone in the library.

I fell down as soon as Satya closed the door behind her. My feet feel weak. Yesterday, I tried desperately to deny Satya's feelings. However, Satya came and confessed to herself when I was not ready.

Everything is too sudden. This fact is too hard for me to bear. Satya liked me that long? When you first met?

Then, what should I do now? I can't just avoid it, especially in front of Rena. Rena will ask the reason for our actions. If he knew everything, he would be sad.

I took the smartphone in my ash skirt pocket, and contacted Gilang. After the first ringtone, Gilang's voice instantly sounded. "What's wrong? It's still lesson time, right?"

"Fet me."

"okay! Wait where are you?"

"Flying school." I hung up the phone as soon as I knew my position. The heat and pain in my chest grew. This is no good!

I tried so hard to get back on my feet. My steps feel shaky. Most of the energy, I use to withstand the pain that is getting bigger and bigger.

When I arrived at the school gate, I saw a motorbike speeding from a distance. I thought there was a wild race, but it turns out the person sitting on the passenger bench is Gilang.

"Lo is okay?" Cross jump from the back of the motor before the motor completely stops. "Shortly, briefly!" he held my arm while he darted towards him coming earlier. "ah! That's his car!"

I'm looking at it. This time a car approached. I understand what Gilang is doing. He didn't know the way, so called out to the shallow ojek in front of the compound. Then during the trip, he called an online taxi so as not to have to wait long. Seeing how fast he came, I can't imagine how he carried him on the road until his brother's ears were hot and chose to speed.

"What's this?" Mr. Satpam approached us. "Where are you going, brother?"

"My girlfriend had a heart attack!" Gilang answered. "We're going to the hospital now!"

"really this?"

"If you don't believe me, come!" Gilang dragged Pak Satpam into the car.

***