I WASN'T...

Open an Eye

I opened my eyes with great difficulty. The incredible drowsiness overwhelms my five senses. The smell of medicine I recognized as soon as I inhaled the air. As I was about to swallow, something stuck in my throat. My nose is sore, it looks like the NGT hose is plugged through my nose. I blinked a few times because my eyes felt blurred. How long have I been in the hospital?

While my eyes were trying to restore his sight, my mind returned as I drooped limp over Satya's back. I tried to hold on to being aware of that time. I looked at Satya's cheeks that were brown due to sunburn. The fragrance of perfume mixed with sweat, still clearly imprinted in my smell. Satya's airy back made me feel comfortable. Satya is so, always spreading a sense of comfort wherever he is. His voice was heavy, even making longs.

Deg, deg, deg, deg, deg!

I snorted. I panicked myself because my heart was suddenly pounding fast, but this time without any pain.

"Debis? Already conscious?" someone entered the curtain. I still can't see clearly. But that voice, I recognized it. "You're sick?"

I tried to shake. I blinked a few more times.

"Hm... Your vital signs are good. Your pulse is a bit elevated, maybe because you just woke up?"

"Uhuk! uhuk!" only coughs come out when I want to answer.

"Drink first!" he thrust something into my mouth, which I later realized was a straw. I sipped the water slowly. "Slow down.." he warned.

My eyes can finally see clearly now. Ma'am Feli stood bent over beside me while holding the glass of water that I had been drinking. I was in the ICU?

"Mbak will tell your mother," said Ms. Feli as she put the nurse's call button into my hand, "make sure your mother is happy to hear this news."

After stroking my head, Ms. Feli disappeared behind the curtain. My ears have found their ability again. I heard the monitor sound this time. The ICU's distinctive light-brown curtains stretched over my room.

I tried to raise my left hand. An infusion hose with four branches stuck there. Then, when raising the right hand, in addition to grasping the call button, there was an infusion hose with six branches there. How long have I been here?

Feeling no work other than winking, I counted my own breath. There was no sound around me other than the sound of the monitor.

"Debis? Debi!" Mother came when I breathed my fifteenth breath. Mom's tears melted, wetting her cheeks. I just feel like, or Mom's getting thinner, huh?

Without words, Mother bent over me, her eyes scrutinizing my face closely. Mom's hand cupped my cheek, the warmth was soothing, just like when Satya held my hand. Mom occasionally wiped her tears.

"My boy... Debi's Mom's son..." He kept repeating the word, as if making sure I heard it clearly. "Darling, can you see Mom? Can you hear Mom's voice? Is anyone sick?"

I'm trying to shake. Seeing Mom worry to the point of crying like this, made me feel guilty. What happens until I have to be treated like this? Usually I don't get excited.

"Want a drink?" Mother asked again. I answered him with a slab again. Mom smiled, not stopping to caress my head. "You should recover soon, Deb! There are two people waiting for you outside. They were given the same warning as the hospital guards."

Rena's? Is it Rena who is waiting outside? I don't care about anyone else, but I want to meet Rena. As soon as I see his face, I will apologize. If necessary, I will bow down in front of him. Whatever I'm gonna do to make things right back with Rena.

"Mom's relieved you've come to your senses" I thanked her. "Mom will tell them that you are conscious. So, they can go home for a break. I'll be right back," said Mom.

Today, skip first, as you want. I will recede for a lot of rest so that my condition will improve soon. I miss the blue sky, the morning air, my brother's cendol in front of my school, and I miss the same thing as Rena.

My eyes closed again. Beautiful shadows flashed through my mind incessantly. Slowly but surely, it brought me back to dreamland.

"Bus..."

I looked at the source of the voice. Someone stood behind me. His long wavy hair I immediately recognized. "Rena!" I am excited. For a moment, I was confused because the hoses and wires attached to my body, disappeared. My surroundings have changed too. I stood on the ground covered in green grass barefoot.

I also realized that I was dreaming. It's okay, even though in a dream, this is one of my chances to apologize to Rena.

"Rena!" call me again, this time louder. I ran to him. "Rena, I'm sorry!" I said without further ado.

Rena turned around just as I was about to arrive behind her. He returned my gaze, but his gaze was empty. Her perfect beautiful face looked somewhat pale. His mouth was tightly clenched.

"Rena? You're still angry, aren't you? Although this is in a dream, I'm sorry, Ren..."

Rena is not flinching. He looked at me without making a sound. Her beautiful eyes look beautiful. Her lips are not as red as they are in my memory. Rena is different than usual.

"Gue wants to see you..."

Rena shook her head slowly hearing my request. My chest feels sore because I got a rejection from Rena. I know very well that what I did made others suffer was wrong.

"Ren.." I'm clear. "Gue please, give me one chance. I want to fix everything. I can't see you getting angry like this."

Rena doesn't answer anymore. He kept looking at me with his blank look. His long hair moved gently in the wind.

Needless to say, I know for myself that what I am doing will be hard to forgive. I've hurt the man Rena loves. Satya became worse because I could not explain well, what exactly was on my mind.

"If you wake up later, I'll keep apologizing to you, Ren!" i insist. "If necessary, I'll kiss your feet to get an apology. We've been in office for a long time and I don't want to end up in a fight."

Rena blinked her eyes once, then turned back to me again. Slowly, its existence faded away like steam fusing with air. Within seconds, Rena disappeared completely from my sight.

I flinched, shocked myself when I opened my eyes the next time. In front of me lay the ceiling of the ICU. The smell of fresh pasture was replaced by the pungent smell of medicine. My head is throbbing painfully.

What was that just now? I dream? So want to meet Rena, I dream of her?

***