I WASN'T...

Choices

Glazed the plates of my late lunch. He accompanied me during my time in the hospital, with no comment at all. Tumben really he's a henchman and so obedient like this. Gilang even insisted on feeding me lunch.

"Sir Gilang," Mother appeared from behind the curtain, "the results of Debi's lab have come out. The doctor said, no harm. Debi can go home."

I still remember how pale Mom's face was when Gilang held me in the ER. But, it seems like now that Mother has calmed down again.

"Good!" Crushed my head.

I immediately shook his hand. "Lo owes me ice cream!" I remembered Gilang's words in the car. He said he would buy an ice cream truck if I could survive. The security guard that he dragged because of panic, followed the panic. Mr. Satpam panicked because he was kidnapped by Gilang and his guard post became empty.

"You're familiar, huh?" ask Mother.

"We're dating."

"Yes?"

She embraced me casually. "Mom, we're dating."

My mother looked at me in turn. I dare not speak. "Since when?"

"It hasn't been long."

"Son Gilang can promise Debi?"

Gilang nodded with spirit. "I am reliable!"

Mom smiled at Gilang's reply. "Mom believes in the same Nak Gilang. Please take care of your beloved son, yes!"

"Debbbbiiiii!!!"

I and Gilang exchanged looks. "Rena's coming," we said almost simultaneously.

Justright. Rena came still complete with her school uniform. His eyes were puffy from crying. "Why don't you know me, Deb!?" his great-grandchild was half annoyed. "Gue was surprised not to play your nyari time in class, but you are not there! Keep meeting the security guard who said you were taken to the hospital!"

I forgot to tell Rena so mumetnya my mind. "Now it's okay, Ren," I try to calm down. "So Gilang who anter me to the hospital. I don't want to interrupt my study time. Especially soon for the midterms."

Rena turned to Gilang who was standing next to me. "Make, Lang!"

Suddenly the curtains of my room opened. Satya showed up there. He looked worried, but did not make any sound. I chose to take my eyes off rather than greet him.

"Mom will take care of administration first. You guys wait here, huh? We go home together." Mom passed outside my room, letting an awkward silence come to us.

"Lo's okay?" Satya raised her voice.

I smiled weakly. "Yes, it's okay."

"You're coming home from school straight here?" Gilang diverted the conversation. It seems like he was aware with an awkward tone between me and Satya. "Rena, aren't there ballet lessons?"

"Les ballet doesn't matter, Lang! I have to see Debi first."

"As long as Debi is in my view, everything will be safe" Gilang said with confidence.

I chuckle at hearing it. "Ren, you should have seen how Gilang went to school!"

"Lo's not directional blind?" ask Rena to Gilang. "Lo can get to school too?"

"In ten minutes!" He was even more proud of himself.

"He's wearing a motorcycle because he doesn't know the direction" I corrected. Glory sneered towards me. "Gue can't imagine how he's carrying him when he's on a bell, until his ojek brother wants to speed not because of his anter."

"Danger, Lang!" Rena advises. "Lo has to take care of himself too! You're not a cat with nine lives!"

"Gue just wants to see Debi as soon as possible" replied Gilang. She stroked my hair like she was stroking a puppy. I know, in his heart he stroked me while imagining that I was his pet. "Lo will do the same thing too, right?"

Rena laughed, agreeing with what Gilang said. "Gue can even fly if Debi is in trouble," Rena started hyperbole.

"Have you eaten yet?" ask Rena.

"Say me I ate."

"Not maksa, I nyuapin lo! Romantic name!"

"You wanna go eat dessert?"

Gilang. "Debi should rest. I'll take Debi straight home after this. Food problem or whatever Debi wants, I can order to be delivered to the house."

"Hm... Delicious, yes, have a girlfriend who is effective lo," Rena half-jokingly quipped. "Honestly, I didn't believe you guys were dating at first. There's no sign of mutual love between you for as long as I know. But, it looks like you guys are a good fit!"

"Love comes suddenly."

I shuddered to hear Gilang answer that. He must have taken those words from a book or a song lyric.

"Ren, we're back now" Satya suggested. "There's a cross here. No need to worry anymore."

I watched Satya for a few seconds. Satya avoided eye contact with me.

"Yes, that's right! I was here. I'll make sure Debi's safe at home" Gilang heated up. This kid is so excited to be 'stove'.

"Debi, you should ngabarin me when you guys get home, yeah!" Rena's orders. He was upset because I forgot. "Gue ama Kak Satya first!"

"Be careful on the road!"

Satya passed by without a word. What is he feeling right now? Hearing Gilang who had a big mouth, certainly made Satya's mood worse.

"What happened between you?" Gilang sat back in his chair.

"Satya's brother said he liked me."

"No, right!"

"Don't be loud!" I shut Gilang's mouth before he sniffed with his speakers. "They're not too far away, Rena could have heard!"

Gilang peeked out from behind the curtain, making sure Rena was gone and not eavesdropping on our conversation. "From the beginning I told you, right? You don't want to believe it yourself."

I took a long breath. "She suddenly said so."

"How are you feeling now?"

The shadow of Satya's face when we were in the library, filled my head again. Her sad and hopeless face... I haven't forgotten how to ask for a chance. Within myself, I don't even have the right to be liked that much.

"Lo likes Satya?"

I shook my head quickly. But my voice refused to come out.

"Gue understood how you felt after seeing Rena earlier. He sincerely befriends lo, regardless of the hardships he has to endure."

"Gue can't imagine if Rena knew Satya liked me. This is the first time Rena is serious with a man. I should have supported Rena." I play with the blanket that covers my legs. "Gue doesn't have much life expectancy. I don't want to leave a wound to anyone, including Satya's sister."

"You mean?"

"If I accept Satya as my girlfriend, then Satya will also be hurt. If I didn't exist, he would be sad. Better to be sad for a loss than sad for not being able to meet."

"Wow! Where did that heavy sentence come from?"

"Comics."

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