I WASN'T...

Not Me

My tears trickled unbearably, hearing Rena still thinking about our quarrel at that time. I should have dared to chase after Rena when she turned away. That won't be hard. Rena would have immediately apologized.

"I'm sorry, I'm selfish and I want to see you. Even though you forbid, I don't want to let you go without words."

"Go?" I wiped my tears. "Gue's gone? Where to?"

"Gue didn't overhear Aunt Linda taking care of your transfer when I needed to be in the school committee room."

"Moved?" I'm not understanding anymore. "You mean Satya, I'm planning to change schools?"

Satya's eyes widened. "Lo don't know?" Satya finally understood that I didn't know anything. He ruffled his hair while groaning in frustration.

I took a deep breath, then slowly breathed. I wiped away the remaining tears that were still wetting my eyes and cheeks, along with that, I confirmed my heart for a reality I did not know. "Sister, can you tell me what really happened?" pinta.

Satya shifted her eyes. It is clear that he does not want to fulfill my request. Or, he's afraid something's happened to me, if I know everything. I suddenly realized something. Mother covered up the truth. Some people know, but Mom won't let them meet me.

"Whatever happens, I'm ready to accept it," I say it, though inside I'm not entirely sure that I'm ready. "Gue will not hate Satya or anyone else because of anger. So, please tell me everything Satya Kak knows."

Satya's eyes looked at me fixedly. Concern emanated clearly from the look on his face. I know, he's worried about telling the truth or remaining silent.

"I don't know, this afternoon, I found a significant change in myself. Can Satya see it too?"

Despite the hesitation, Satya nodded. "Loe... More beautiful," said Satya with a smile knot.

"Not that, brother!" deny me. Back, I felt a hot taste on my cheek. "Gue becomes bright and does not collapse easily. My skin color is bright and not pale anymore."

Satya lowered her head, as if afraid to open her mouth. He moved restlessly in his seat. I think he would run away if he could.

"If Satya doesn't want a story, please go home."

Satya finally raised her face. There was sadness emanating in Satya's beautiful eyes. "Bus..."

"Gue does not want to talk to people who do not want to be honest with me" I said, then stood up. "If Sis Satya does decide to be quiet, shut up until the end. I'll also follow Mom's willingness to change schools and never see you again" I tried to pry. Satya looked at me with a pleading gaze. I turned around, about to move.

Suddenly Satya's hand stretched out, catching my hand. "sorry. Don't go," she asked. "Gue will tell you what I know, on one condition."

"What?"

"If you don't feel well, you have to step in to take me to the ER."

The easy conditions. My head immediately agreed. I sat down next to Satya.

Satya brushed her hair, making her look messy. "On the day Rena had surgery, she lost consciousness. I'm trying to get you to the ER as soon as possible. But you don't breathe. Three medical personnel immediately gave heart-lung resuscitation. I don't know exactly what's going on, but I do know that you're on the verge of death."

I leaned back, imagining how I was doing at the time. The last thing I remember is Satya's face from the side.

"Then Rena's parents came."

Satya nodded. "In the midst of the commotion, they came. Aunt Nami and Oom Reka, looking at you for a long time. Then, when your pulse returned, Oom Reka spoke up."

"Oom Reka said what?"

"Oom Reka asked the doctor there to do a heart match examination lo and Rena," Satya replied almost like a whisper. "Lo deliberately put to sleep with drugs. Many checks were carried out for days. Then, the examination results came out. Rena's heart could be the right donor for you."

"Wait!" I rubbed my throbbing forehead. "Rena? Her heart?"

"At that time, Rena was in a coma. The doctor said, whenever Rena can go. The chances of being conscious are very small. The doctor also said, if the breathing apparatus that Rena uses is removed, Rena will not last more than a minute."

I grabbed Satya's hand. I was trembling, fear was controlling me. Is it true what Satya said? Rena was in a coma at the time?

"Tante Nami smiled that day. I saw her take Rena off to be taken to the operating room. Oom Reka stroked Rena's still-breathing head one last time. Aunt Linda hugged Rena, feeling grateful that Rena would donate..." Satya looked at me with pushy eyes, "her heart is for lo."

My body is frozen. I don't even dare to breathe. My eyes were wide, not believing what my ears were hearing.

"Heart transplant surgery is successful. No rejection of your body."

"Rena?" my hissing. I'm not interested in the course of the operation Satya wants to tell me about.

Satya held my hand tightly. "Rena's dead."

The world seems to collapse. My hands and feet trembled at Satya's reply. My heart's hardened, felt to my ears. For a moment, that's all I heard.

I realized there was a touch in my head. When she turned her head, Satya threw an apologetic look. It seems like he feels guilty for telling everything.

Tears fell back. My body went limp and fell into Satya's arms. There was nothing I could do but cry. It felt like meeting Rena, apologizing for taking her heart. Previously, I did not expect much about the heart transplant problem that became a way out of my illness. But, Rena's parents decided to take off Rena for me.

"A-wouldn't Rena's parents really mind?" ask me in between tears. "The cave that made Rena die."

"No. I was wrong because I didn't catch up to Rena that day."

We both cried that day. I don't care if my eyes are swollen. My heart was breaking to realize Rena was gone. My kind friend I will never hear his voice again. Rena disappeared from the face of the earth.

"Gue will talk to Mother" I said as I wiped the tears that kept flowing. "Gue doesn't want to change schools. I'm gonna go see Rena's parents."

"Gue will help whatever you want."

The strange leafan came back when I returned Satya's gaze. The leaflets that make my cheeks feel hot.

Ah... Is this what Rena felt when she met Satya? Pounding is not because you like someone? The heart that beats inside my chest cavity is Rena's. Of course this would react if there was Satya. Rena liked it very much.

The reaction that this heart gives, is the reaction of Rena himself. The reaction of a teenage girl in love. It has nothing to do with me. I'm just the container that Rena uses. Maybe Rena wants me to know how much she loves Satya. I have no right to claim that this is mine.

***