Blue Berets

24. The Delayed Desire

The day after the entire wedding procession was over, Raihan and Kirana packed her suitcase. Both will be leaving for Bandung tomorrow morning. Raihan had wanted to take Kirana to Bali, but the girl instead asked them to take a walk in Bogor. Kirana also said she wanted to drive around in the botanical garden. Raihan just followed what Kirana wanted. His name is also a wife, if his request is not obeyed he can sulk and the consequences of sulking a wife can be fatal. At least that's what Papa told him.

Finished packing her suitcase and Kirana, Raihan placed it close to the wall. Raihan grabbed his pillow and then walked out of the room. He threw himself on the 2nd floor sofa. Covering her legs with a blanket and supporting her neck with a pillow. He is cool playing hp to expel his sleepiness because he still has to make sure Kirana sleeps first. Fearing that if she slept first and Kirana needed her help, she would not dare to wake Raihan up.

Kirana and Raihan's entire family knows that Raihan is still sleeping separately with his wife. Raihan himself asked his parents and both his parents-in-law to understand his decision. She did not want Kirana to be shocked and trigger that trauma back. Other than holding hands, Raihan had not even dared to hug Kirana because he still felt his wife's hand tremble in fear.

If seen it is shiny, but how else. He also did not want to force Kirana. He did not want his beloved to be in pain and fear for forcing his wounds to heal.

“Raihan, you sleep with Adnan in his room. If you sleep on the sofa later your body hurts all,” said Mama.

“Bentar Ma, Raihan does not want to sleep yet. Because Kirana also has not finished cleaning up,” he replied.

“Kirana is done Kok Bang. You can sleep now. Brother yesterday asked Kirana not to be tired but Brother himself did not think about the health of Brother. It's not fair the name,” said Kirana made Raihan smile.

“Ya has entered the room. Tomorrow morning please wake up Brother yes, we pray at dawn together,” Raihan said to his wife.

“Abang sorryin Kirana,” says Kirana.

“Shtt, I'm sorry tomorrow again. Are you not bosen mnta maa? Sana enter aja, your face is tired already sleepy,” said Raihan again.

To be honest it wasn't just Raihan who was struggling. Kirana herself has always fought for the trauma to go away, but always. Whenever he is close to a man, his memory returns to that dark day, and when forced, he can be hysterically frightened. It was fortunate that her husband did not demand much. Her two in-laws were also so kind and understood her condition.

Raihan held a folding mattress in Adnan's room. After putting his phone on the table Raihan began to daydream. He was actually tired, but somehow his eyes still reluctantly closed.

“Han...,” call Adnan who also has not slept.

“Hmm?”

“Why are you so good?” ask Adnan.

“What's the problem?”

“Soal Kirana.”

“Consequences. I'm the same kepengen Kirana, yes it means I have to be able to accept whatever the condition,” said Raihan with a straight look at the ceiling.

“But you are married to me. How do you and Kirana continue to exercise the rights and obligations of husband and wife? Lo also how do you hold to not touch my adek?” ask Adnan.

“Entahlah. In my mind, I only know how to cure Kirana. If the trauma could not be cured, but at least he would not be afraid of me. I just want to treat her wounds with certainty. If I hadn't married her, she would have thought I was playing games. How can he trust me?” said Raihan.

“It is also true, but your sacrifice will be very heavy Han. Are you sure you can?”

“Gue is definitely capable. If I deny the same promise I will have lo who will ngingetin me. You have every right to anger me until I hurt Kirana. Lo her brother, you know Kirana better than me,” said Raihan.

Adnan remained silent. Raihan knows that in the mind of his best friend is raging so many questions and things that are uncertain. Adnan was just as scared as Kirana. Her guilt for feeling like she failed to protect her sister was as heavy as Kirana's own wounds.

“Adek lo safe in me. So now you can step up to invite your own happiness. Pity Lucy if you hang it later. Girls may have been used to waiting, but they still have a limit of patience If you take too long, Lucy can just go. What the girl is looking for is just one Nan, certainty,” said Raihan.

“Anjir why do you make me jump anyway?”

“Lagian you are not ashamed of what? How many people do you know when you don't bother? The rules should be married first elo Nan. Kebangetan lo sampe tucked adek lo own,” said Raihan.

“Bajigur loro **,” complained Raihan who was sick because his lips were hit by the monkey's eye bead.

“Han, take care of my beloved monkey. Never do you hurt, his smile everything for me,” said Adnan who suddenly became serious.

“Without asking, I will also take care of you. Because from now on your beloved monkey becomes my full property. You know, as much as I belong to me?” ask Raihan.

“Gue trust same lo.”

“Thanks Bro. I will not betray your trust,” said Raihan.

The night is getting late. Raihan was the first to fall asleep while still hugging Adnan's monkey doll as if it was Kirana who he was hugging. It's a lie that Raihan says he doesn't want more than just holding hands, but he doesn't dare to force his will either.

If he forced Kirana now, he could have lost even more in the future. That was why Raihan with full confidence tried to restrain himself from suppressing that desire so as not to get bigger.

...***...

The next morning, after the morning prayers Raihan and Adnan did his morning routine. Already a few days they do not run in the morning and exercise so this morning the two together run around the complex. After 3 rounds, Adnan completed it first. He should immediately prepare to depart while Raihan still survives running a few more laps.

At about 7 o'clock he returned to his house. First he relaxes his leg muscles by taking a light walk. As soon as she got home, there was already Kirana who greeted her with towels and drinking water in hand. Raihan smiled, not expecting that the girl would be so considerate of him. After feeling his legs were better, he sat on the terrace and received the drinking water brought by Kirana.

“Abang run can how many rounds? Until it gets wet like this,” Kirana said.

“Ndon't know. Last time your brother got 3 rounds after that Abang run do not know how many rounds added,” said Raihan.

“Can-can be,” says Kirana.

“You've had a shower yet? We leave at 8, right?”

“Iya. Kirana has taken a shower. Stay waiting Brother,” said Kirana.

“You've eaten, right?”

“Not yet. Can wait Brother,” said Kirana.

“Yuk. We eat first and then you take a bath,” said Raihan then invite Kirana to enter the house.

Another one of his desires that was so piercing. Raihan always imagined going to hug his wife when he was cooking. Raihan wanted to feel his wife hugging from behind then sip the scent of his body mixed with soap. Later his wife will give him morning kiss. In fact, all his expectations must be delayed. All the things he wanted to do with his wife should he hold on until at least Kirana's hand no longer shook when she held it.

Right now Raihan was only able to stare at Kirana who was making two warm tea glasses beside the stove. Raihan who was staring at Kirana's back started to lose his patience and almost forgot his promise. With a flash of lightning Raihan neutralized his heartbeat. In front of him was a plate of fried tempeh that became his impingement. Raihan grabbed it then put it in his mouth.

“Uhukk...!”

Kirana immediately looked back and found her husband coughing from choking. Fortunately, the tea was ready. So she could give it to her husband.

“Be careful Bang is still hot,” Kirana said when Raihan tried to drink it just like that.

“Hmm..., thank you dear,” said Raihan who did a small experiment by changing his call to Kirana.

Raihan could see Kirana currently blushing in embarrassment. He even lowered his head and did not dare to look into his eyes. Raihan smiled when he saw the pink hue on both of his wife's cheeks. In his heart he was grateful. At least Kirana didn't reject it. He just hasn't been able to fight his fears.