Aretta & Secrets

Should remain resigned

It was Monday. After the Lord told me to go to the bathroom upstairs, I was left alone again in the basemant room. He did not come to see me again for two whole days, and the hunger that struck me seemed to tear my insides apart because there was nothing that could be digested. My eyes began to adjust in the darkness and now I can also see the small shapes that exist in this space. All Sunday, all I did was pacing back and forth while anticipating his arrival.

The wound he's inflicted on me is infected. Only God knows what the knife was used for before he slashed it into my skin. And again I'd rather not know what it's used for.

My over-imaginative mind went wild with what began to appear in the dark. My blood liquid looks green and it flows to the hand and it hits the finger to make a ring-like shape. I used my saliva to clean it and rubbed it hard. I fizzed when the wound was painful. It's annoying but it reminds me that I'm still alive. I don't want to die in this room.

I was very weak even the absence of light to make me dizzy so it felt like venting anger. I felt like a prisoner who was deliberately left to suffer in this narrow room. As if it was a punishment until I died by myself without leaving a trace.

I knew if it had it would go because there was a drain running from the top floor.

The man was in the bathroom for about 15 minutes and the water flow generated from the water heater managed to pin my body when the hand touched the drain pipe. Although for a while but the warmth managed to calm me down. God can still move as usual even seem to ignore my existence locked in the bus of his house just for his own pleasure. I shudder at what just happened last night. How wide he incised many wounds around the neck to the chest and how he enjoyed his activities without any of these feelings. Even now the one I use feels stiff because the blood that seeps into the fibers of the shirt starts to dry up.

Sometimes I feel grateful because there is no light. Not being able to see makes me calm because I don't have to watch how badly I've been hurt, how messy I am, and how disgusting I look right now. I don't even dare to imagine it either.

When I had no plans to escape, my mind was filled with Aidan. I wondered if he was thinking of me too, whether he would come to pick me up, and whether he still loved me as he had said before.

If I make it out of this room, I'll chase Aidan and never let go. I was determined in my heart. If he saves me, I will dedicate my life to him. I'll chase him first. That simple. But that's only if I succeed.

I still endanger how the people around me enjoy Monday mornings. My friends definitely weren't sitting in biology class in the first hour. They must be wondering why I didn't attend class.

I also thought about Aidan. Does that guy keep chasing when I'm not at school? I want to go my stupid mind. He was just an ordinary teacher and he did not have the authority to take the leave as he wished. Although he did not want to, he still had to go to work because he had a student child to teach him.

I closed my eyes to rest my body. That guy will definitely be in school and that good opportunity I will use as well as I can.

Time is going too slow. There was nothing to be done in that place except just walking back and forth, thinking, resting, pacing, and thinking again. It was I did so many times that it felt like I was already at the point where I wanted to shout because my head felt so full of all sorts of thoughts that I could not sort and understand it.

I screamed because being fucked up didn't make me feel better either. All I did was make my throat hurt.

I walked to the window again and again, letting myself absorb some of the shining sunlight. I could feel the warmth all over my face, but to wish I could feel a gentle breeze through my hair was impossible. After several tries, I knew there was no point in trying to attract the attention of passers-by. They are very far away and also very few. Many of them even use earphones or headphones.

I had sat down, paced, rested and thought a thousand times before I finally heard the sound of the car door slamming quietly from outside. I immediately curled up in a place away from the window and made sure not to cause any problems that I would not be able to avoid.

There are many things I fear in this world. Sharks, criminals, and butterflies. But God is the most dominating figure of all my fears. She has a large body, tattoos that adorn almost her entire arm and shoulder, as well as a severe nicotine scent.

Just a few minutes ago I heard a car outside. But now I have heard again the sound of footsteps starting to enter the basement. I heard the sound of the door opening and forming a wall. Got it where it's going to happen.

"Hallo, baby." He called. His voice makes me shudder great.

I remained silent in my place, still like a statue tightly clinging to a cold stone wall. I remembered to reassemble the paper that covered the window so that he did not know about me who had managed to see the atmosphere out there.

"You!" His voice sounded very space. He also suddenly stepped closer to me while grabbing my chin, "today you look more phcat," he said as he pulled out a packet of snack bars from his pocket.

I did not attempt to reach out and take it, so he with unscrupulous initiative threw it carelessly across the room. He didn't seem to care where it was going to land.

"Come on," he said and grabbed my sore wrist and pulled it. I hissed in pain and tried to pull him back towards me protectively. He doesn't care about my circumstances because all he wants is to use me. She looked at me sharply because I pulled away and this time she pulled my wrist tighter.

I wanted to refuse, but seeing it take me out made me smile thinly. I started following him with passion. Not struggling or withdrawing.