Your charms are diverting my love

Don't Add Burden to My Heart

I'm still looking through Vita's cell phone. Actually it should not be, because this is the privacy of Vita. But, I'm so curious. He made me even more curious. I opened the photo gallery, and again using the password. But, fortunately, the password I have memorized. I opened it, and I saw pictures of Vita in her phone. Not many pictures of him. At most. There was a photo foder, and he named the folder love. My eyes went straight to the folder. I opened the folder, and I saw so many pictures of me in it. Even the wedding photos are neatly stored, although this wedding does not mean anything to me

I don't know when he took my pictures. There are a lot of pictures of me in the gallery of his cell phone. He even had a picture of me this afternoon, and this morning. I didn't think he was like this. Am I being too mean to her? I've married her, but for ten months I've had her, I've had her, I've been cold, I don't care how I feel when I say rude, or when I talk and see Nadira.

I'm quite satisfied to explore the contents of Vita's ponslnya. I went to Vita's room to return her phone. I knocked on the door, but there was no word from the inside. Up to three times I called, but there was no reply, I finally turned the door handle, it was not locked the door of his room, I entered his room. I saw him curled up, hugging a bolster pillow. His body was covered in a blanket, until his head. I approached Vita who had fallen asleep. I sat next to him carefully.

I saw his face so stifling. I touched her cheek, only this time I really touched her because my heart wanted to touch her. Her cheeks were wet, and her eyelids were also wet. I'm sure she's been crying. Maybe because he saw a red mark on my neck because of Nadira.

“I'm sorry, Vit.” I said softly, rubbing his head.

I put Vita's phone on the table next to her bed. I was still sitting staring at Vita's face, with my hands still stroking Vita's hair. This is my great-spirited, patient-hearted wife, whom I hurt every day with my words and deeds. A wife I never thought of. But, he's still so good to me. He always met all my needs without me asking.

“I'm sorry, I can't accept this wedding yet, Vit. I don't know until when I can accept that you are my wife. I've always tried to love you, Vit. But, I can't, I love Nadira too much. Loved her. I can't be in a relationship, and I can do it more like a husband and wife without love. Because I don't want to hurt you, Vit. I don't want to hurt you more if I do it without love. And, I don't know when I can love you? It can or not I do not know, because until now I have not felt there is love in my heart for you,” I said by looking at Vita's face and my hands still gently rub her hair.

I kissed Vita's forehead gently, whether there was an urge in my heart to kiss her forehead, and kiss her cheek. I got out of Vita's bed to get out, but Vita's hand held mine.

“Don't go, Mom. Vita was scared,” he said with a face that was indeed frightened.

I scrunched my forehead, why would he delude me like that? I approached again, he still held my hand tightly. I let him go until he let go himself. For a long time he held my hand, I wanted to let go, but it was still very tight, until I felt a drowsiness attack.

I had to sit on the back of the bed, and let Vita hold my hand. I felt Vita's hands getting colder, whether she had a dream, until cold sweat came out. His forehead also looked sweaty, he was completely terrified.

“Vita ... Why are you? What dream are you, Vit?” I whispered softly in Vita's ear.

Vita didn't listen to me talk. He still looked frightened, and clasped my hand even tighter. I let it go, I don't want to disturb his sleep. But my eyes are getting out of control. I was so sleepy, while Vita's hand was still tightly clasping my hand. I rubbed his forehead that was soaked in cold sweat.

^^^

“Mas Dani! What's here?” My body feels in someone's claps.

I squirm, my body feels sore. I blinked both eyes, and saw Vita sitting next to me.

“Awaken up, Vit? You if you dream don't make me sleep here, Vit! What was the dream last night? My hand is held until I sleep?” I said with a loud voice.

“Part of how to mas here?” ask Vita.

“Put your phone, miss it at the dinner table. Vibrate constantly, there are messages from Arif, from Firda, and do not know who else,” I replied.

“If you just put your phone here? How can I sleep on my bed?” ask Vita.

“This is our bed, Vit!” my tukas.

“Apaan! Since you told me to sleep alone, this has become my personal bed!” vita doesn't want to lose.

“Mean it when sleep prays! Don't sleep, so it's not a nightmare. What the hell are you dreaming? Cold sweat comes out, until weeping, built not wake-up, so my hands are not released?” my spoken.

“Yes where I know what I dreamt last night!” the answer. “It's out there!” expel Vita.

I saw the clock in Vita's room, it was still three in the morning Vita was awake. Vita got off her bed, she went straight into the bathroom. It was still early in the morning that she woke up, and it seemed that she was unwilling to continue her sleep. I'm still sitting on Vita's bed. My waist hurts, sleeping while sitting next to Vita.

“You're still here mas? Get out, go back to your room!” titah Vita's.

“You want to sleep again, right? Here sleeping next to me,” my candle.

“Don't joke you, I'll be real, how? Out!” expel Vita.

“If you want yes let's sleep together. Here sleep again, I hug again,” I said.

“Mas get out there! I want to do my job that I didn't do last night!” expel again.

“I'm comfortable here, I sleep here only,” I replied.

I don't know why I curled up in Vita's bed, hugged her roll and continued sleeping.

“Mas! Out!” vita shouted right in my ear. Damnit damnit! My ears hurt.

“No, I want to sleep here! Here sleep!” I pulled Vita's hand, then she fell down next to me. “Sleep, it's still afternoon!” I hugged him.

“Please don't be like this, Mas. Don't make me expect more. Don't add more wounds to my heart, Mom. You can sleep here, but let me go,” pinta Vita.

“I'm sorry, Vit. I have hurt you a lot, I have not been able to accept this marriage, I have not been able to love you, but still you are my wife, Vit,”.

“Please remember your words yesterday, you have indirectly been looking at me, Mas. When you want to ask for a divorce. Maybe if you haven't said that, I can still let you hug me. What are you doing this for, in the end, if you let me go?” said Vita.

Vita turned her body to face me. She looked at my face, our distance was so close, that I felt Vita's warm breath, I could also look at her still natural and beautiful face.

“Don't burden me if we part, Mas. I asked for a split yesterday, and now I remember what my goal was? Please do your goal. I know, you can't love me, you just love Nadira, and I know, you don't want to touch me because you can't love me yet. But, if you do, you'll hurt me even more. Please don't be like this again, Mas,” pinta Vita. “Please don't do anything that makes it harder for me to forget you, Mas. One thing you should know, separation in the household, the most burdened is the woman, Mas. Especially if it has ever taken the seed from her husband, and has children. Perhaps the man who is separated from his wife, does not think about the burden, and does not use anything. But women, will be seen, and will be a burden in his life. Don't make me burdened with it.”

Vita rubbed my cheek, she smiled at me. His eyes were growing more and more as he looked at me. “You are the man who managed to tear my heart apart, Mas,” he said softly. Then let go of my embrace, and left the room.

I was still silent, digesting Vita's words earlier. Yes right, my attitude like this, even more makes himself hurt. But, I don't know why I dared to do that to him. Why do I want to get closer to Vita? From the beginning, I hated being around her.

I came out of Vita's room after a long time I was stunned to think about Vita's words. I headed to the back, I saw Vita was busy in the back, in the laundry, I heard the sound of the washing machine on, I heard, and Vita sat in front of the table on which there was an iron and a pile of clothes that would be ironed.

Does he wake up every hour to wash and iron? Should it be six o'clock and breakfast is available at the dinner table?

“Vit, tomorrow use assistant, yes?” I said behind Vita.

“Since when are you here? I thought you went to bed, Mas?” ask Vita.

“Can't sleep, Vit,” I replied. “Tomorrow I tell Mbok Sum here, yes?” her door.

“For what? Later Mbok Sum said the same mama papa you know, if we sleep separately?” said Vita.

“So you're not tired, Vit. Sleep problems can be set, Vit?”

“It's over, no need. I'm used to this,” he refused.

“Gak Vit, I will find an assistant, you are tired in the office, all day in the office, but at this hour you have been awake, have been busy taking care of the kitchen,”.

“Kan pervious duty, Mas? Sana mas sleep again, at dawn I banguin mas,” said Vita.

Indeed, I was sleepy, because I also sleep less last night, let alone sleep by sitting next to Vuta. Before returning to the room, I made Vita a glass of hot chocolate, to accompany her ironing clothes. I'm really not happy with him, and I just realize stupidly now, if Vita bothers like this, what he does himself, while I'm just delicious, if I'm not happy, and never considered himself to exist. Though the existence of my clothes neat and fragrant, because he who makes my clothes neat and fragrant. Not Mbok Sum anymore, or another assistant at my mother's house who has taken care of all my needs.

I went into my room. My sleepiness is gone, after seeing Vita who is still afternoon has been bothered to do homework. I got that stuff with her. I don't love him alone has ruined his life, let alone torture his mind and physique like this? Ah I'm really a shameless human being. I've let him who struggles to raise papa company, while I'm the son, I'm happy to choose a job according to my wishes. I ignored him, only Nadira, and Nadira who I think about every day, my day is Nadira, while he, he who thinks about my needs every day.

Clean, neat, fragrant clothes. The bed is clean, fragrant and tidy. The floor was always clean, my bathroom was clean every day, my food was always awake, she prepared everything I needed. He did it all himself, for me, for no one. For my family, not for my family. He really sacrificed half of his life for me and my family, but I didn't consider it at all. Never saw his sacrifice and struggle. Never felt his heartache, never felt dizzy and tired he took care of papa's company.

As for me every day, think of another woman I love so much. I was thinking about Nadira.  Think about the feelings I've left behind. Nadira I unify numbers, but there is a woman who is always next to me, who needs me, who always covers all my mistakes in front of my parents, who always understand me, what I need, what I need, but I didn't see him, I didn't think of him, I hated him, I hurt him with my harsh words, every day, every second, every minute and every hour I always said rudely in front of him.

Ten months is not a short time to go through the suffering Vita has been suffering because of me. It was not a short time to endure the pain that I had etched in his heart. Maybe if it was another woman, it wouldn't be this long to stay by my side.

I was tormenting her mind and physique too much. Yes, right he said earlier, I have managed to tear his heart apart. Although he was strong, but his entire body was destroyed.

Adhan Fajr was already reverberating, but I had not been able to close my eyes after seeing the busy Vita in the back. I can't close my eyes anymore, because I'm still thinking about Vita, feeling Vita's suffering that she's been carrying on her own because of me.

I heard my door open, I knew it must be Vita who would wake me up. I rarely locked my door, so Vita would wake me up every morning. But he didn't wake me up. Sometimes I open my eyes a little, and see Vita who put a pile of clothes that he had ironed. Then he put it in a hanging closet. All the shirts and uniforms taught me he hung, and he arranged for the day. From monday to saturday. And for the t-shirts and other clothes, he arranged them in the closet next door. He folds neatly and he sets it in the closet. After the jam, she approached my bed, then woke me up.

I felt Vita rubbing my head, and looking at my face fixed. Then he woke me up, he touched my arm, moved my body, to wake me up.

“It's noon, Mas, wake up,” said Vita. “Later not to dawn,” whispered.

I blinked my eyes, I squirmed my body, pretending to have just woken up, but I did not sleep again after coming from Vita's room.

“Hmmm .. yes thank you for waking me up,” I said with a smile.

“Ya is up!” said it.

I woke up, and leaned my body on the back of the bed. I saw Vita coming out of my room, until Vita was nowhere to be seen.

Is this so-called parent choice the best? He's too good with me, God. I'm so ashamed of Vita. He always gave his best for me, but I've never been good with him.