Your charms are diverting my love

You and I Are Hard to Be Us

“Hmm ... Start today? Mas Dani, I know it's you.” Nadira said as I closed her eyes from behind.

Finished teaching, we as usual met in the library. Nadira went there first, because he finished first. He teaches fourth grade. Unlike me, I'm the homeroom teacher in sixth grade. My responsibility is big, I have to be able to get the kids to get the best grades when the national exam is coming up.

I sat down next to Nadira, and gave her the book that Nadira wanted to borrow from me. “This book, right?” my many.

“Iya, right,” answered. “Eh is neat once?”

“Oh yes yesterday repaired Vita, when it fell scattered his pages, he helped me tidy it up, and fix the book,” I replied as is.

“Oh assisted his wife? Just getting more familiar like that? So dong, when are you going to gini? Try receiving Vita?” nadira said with a sad look.

“Nad, don't talk like that,”.

“Then what should I say, Dan? The reality is like that? You also have to get used to it, have to learn to accept it, also learn to love it,” said Nadira.

“I can't, Nad.”

“You should be able to, Dan. Me and you it's hard to be us, I give up, Dan,” Nadira said.

“Hey don't talk like that. We met here not to discuss Vita, already do not discuss about him,” said I.

“This is what I'm going to discuss, Mas.”

“You mean?”

Vita silently sat down with her finger wiping the corner of her wet eyes. I don't know what Vita wants to talk about.

“I think we should put an end to all this, Dan.” His voice with a trembling voice held back the cry.

“Nadira .. I don't want to, I don't want us to get here. Be patient, I will find time to say with both my parents,”.

“Say what? Want to marry me to be my second wife?”

“Not.”

“Then?”

“To part with Vita.”

Nadira looked up, then wiped her tears back, saw her smile with a forced smile. “You are not wrong to separate with Vita? She's the one your parents wanted, Dan? Very funny you!”

“I'm serious, Nad. Why do I have marriage but no love? I just love you, Nad. I can't keep going like this, I want us to be together, knit our dreams that had stopped,” I said seriously.

“There will be no more of our dreams, Dan,” he said softly.

“There, Nad! Believe me, we will be together, we will be like before.” I kept convincing him.

“No, Dan. Enough, I don't want to ruin your household.”

Nadira just shut up, then looked at me. I saw her eyes red and teary. I wanted to hug her, but I knew a place, this was in the library, even though there were no students, but there was still ethics in school, let alone I was married, she said, and all the teachers here know I'm married. But, they also know I'm still in touch with Nadira, because I'm married to an betrothed and don't love Vita. Most of my co-workers were supportive, but some were not, and advised me that the choice of parents was the best. Some do not like and gossip our relationship, our relationship is wrong, but our relationship has been since long ago, since we were in High School, even though I was already tied to Vita.

“Already, yes? I beg you not to talk about this again. You are patient, wait for me to finish everything with Vita.” I kept convincing him.

“If Vita is pregnant how?”

“You asked if Vita was pregnant? I haven't touched it, Nad?” my answer.

“Eight months, Dan? You haven't touched it?” nadira asked in disbelief.

“Iya, not at all yet,” I replied honestly.

“When you were married for two months, you said you haven't touched it, I believe it, even strongly believe it, because it's only natural for two months. I really don't want to discuss what you went through with Vita, because I don't want to know my household affairs. Yes, I know you touched it.

“Not yet, Nad. By Allah I have not touched it.”

“Eight months, Dan? Have you moved in your new home for two months? Then at your mom's house? Are you one room? There's nothing you want to touch him, smell, bend, or how?”

“No desire for it, Nad. I just kept quiet, didn't make a sound or ask if it wasn't important. Don't hug, kiss or do it. Just ask him to talk I don't want to?” my answer.

“If you don't want to talk to her how can she fix this broken book?” nadira asked by showing me my book.

“I—that's because he's the one I talked to first, and want to help fix?” my answer.

Indeed, two months after I moved to a new house, I talked more and more with Vita. Back then at my mom's house, I still rarely spoke to her because there was Mbok Sum. I can ask him what I need, in the new house I can not bring Mbok Sum, and Mbok Sum also said he wanted to go home, because he was old.

“After being in a new house, I don't know who else to ask for help with but Vita, who else to talk to besides Vita? It's just me and him at home, so I asked him anything. You know for yourself, from the first all my needs Mbok Sum prepared, from the smallest thing, Mbok Sum who knows. Now Vita instead so Mbok Sum, I've tried nothing myself, the results even messy,” explained me.

“Only the two of you should be getting closer, and of course many demons are disturbing. Do demons like to disturb women and men who are alone in the room? No one just the two?” he said by giving her a beautiful smile.

“Gini dong smile? From just pouting?” my spoken. “How will the devil bother us? I'm the same Vita is both silent, he also if I don't ask will never talk, unless it's very important he talks. Sleep as we are apart?” my clear.

“Iya if you sleep apart anyway I know, but you guys are a lot of time together at home, for example if breakfast, dinner, sometimes also lunch Vita home, right?”

“We have breakfast just normal, no chat, at the most, good morning, the same as saying I'll be home late, Mas, maybe until night. That's it,” I replied.

“You think she's a maid, huh, Dan? Have your clothes washed, ironed, cooked, cleaned? He worked full day, though? Not easy to work him, different from me and you who have come home at one noon, if there is a meeting yes until three? He's till night?Is he not sleeping? When to wash clothes iron, cook, and clean?”

“Partially you think so much? Let him who wants to?” my answer. “Have not spoken to her, I don't want you to cry anymore. Trust me, we can definitely be together.”

“Yakin can? I'm a girl, Dan. I need certainty, I don't want to wait long, you've been married eight months, and I still continue to be next to you, without any certainty, and my status was your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, and I'm still there, now become a bully of your household,” he said.

“Do not melow again darling. I'll try as soon as possible to talk about all this to Vita.”

Nadira just nodded. I should talk to Vita right away. I can't be like this. I tried to accept Vita as my wife, and tried to love her, but still I couldn't. Why does my marriage to Vita go on, if there is no love in my marriage and Vita? Doesn't building a household have to be based on love? How can I do my duty without love? I don't want to give my duty to Vita without loving her, it will make her even more sick, if I force it, and finally I leave because I don't love Vita.