SURVIVING BECAUSE OF STATUS

CHAPTER 8. RESIGNEDLY

When all the ways have been taken but did not produce results, what else can be done other than resigned.I turned into a quiet woman. It was as if the gloomy day I had gone through had already forced my heart and tongue to freeze. I live in my own world, like a living statue, what can I do, I don't even hear a sound other than silence, crying, screaming my body feels too weak.

I hate anything, hate myself for believing too much in that son of a bitch with the title of husband. Hating Amir who deliberately betrayed me, must play tricks on my feelings. Hating even more the doom-bearer woman in my household, the devil-hearted woman who deliberately seduced my husband. Curse it!!!

I'm deeply wounded, this wound is too severe. The wound is too deep. This was my first heartbreak. I never liked men for fear of disappointment, but this, even the person who had promised to protect me, had broken my hopes. Destroying my happiness in a cruel way.

“mother....”knocking sound on the door of the room where I locked myself from yesterday.

Rania.that's my little daughter's voice. This grief has even made me forget about my Rani.

Rotate the door handle after previously unlocking. Well, I locked the door not wanting to meet anyone.

I hugged tightly after the door opened, even I forgot that he was the reason I had to be strong now, but not yet able to. The power was lost somewhere. This embrace grew tighter and tighter, I was weak, too weak a love that had weakened me.

“Mother why cry...delay sick?” my little girl cupped my face with her tiny hands. “mother don't get sick, who will Rania be?” oh, God, what have I done. From yesterday I did not meet this boy. Until he forgot who he was, had eaten what not. Hugging Rania again I couldn't answer her question.

“Rania hungry,,, um umpteenth foolish”, forget my responsibility to my little girl. Wipe these tears holding her down to the kitchen I'm still mute. Suddenly my steps stopped in the middle of the stairs, the scene below, the jerk sitting at the table eating, if not thinking about Rania's stomach, of course I will run back to lock the door in the room. Meeting him just makes me sick.

I continued to step into the kitchen, with all my heart holding back the urge to scratch his face right now. “Mother, hungry father” still talk sweet savage that savage, I don't care to eat or not it's none of my business.

Ma'am Tini has gone home of course, because it's already 7 p.m. I set foot into the freezer looking for the remaining groceries. I don't even know what I've been cooking all day, my life is too messed up because of the cruel man looking at me with that pity. Rania eats all day what she does at school who takes bath, who transfers.

Taking chicken and vegetable soup, frying chicken first given instant seasoning, not my habit believe me I just want to quickly go from this place is one place with cruel men make me more emotional. Cutting vegetables as soon as possible, I don't care if the shape is finished quickly. Put into the pot that has been boiling do not forget the instant seasoning also I put.

The stove fire is set to the maximum to quickly ripen, all of which I never did. Cooking in a hurry is not my habit.

Rania looked, I knew my girl was confused, because dinnertime was the time for her father and I to talk, tell her a lot of things. Listen to Rania's story all day from her school friends, to friends around this complex. Interspersed with laughter in the tv room until Rania slept. That was yesterday, before the disaster came.

Bribing Rania, the first bribe she looked at me with a strange look

“bunda salting, g no aroma celery”. Looking into the kitchen.well, the salad is still there. Not yet entered the pot. “ga anything dear, the important thing is that Rania is full tomorrow make again mother promise tomorrow will be better” smile with forced, I know my smile must look bitter.

“mom ga eat?”. Her clear eyes looked at me.

“later Rania new mother ya.” Convincing efforts. Because my appetite went nowhere. Don't ask me where this wounded man is, he's in front of me eating voraciously. He doesn't usually eat vegetable soup without a tucked sambel. Scroll him with the tail of the eye, ravenously. Maybe starving I don't care.

Looking at me, as fast as lightning I turned my eyes, feeding Rania as soon as possible. Avoiding meeting this man is my goal.

“Rania will not eat again if you do not eat”. My little girl shut her mouth. I prepared my mouthful of rice to comfort my son. Bitter, it feels, no wonder because from yesterday only drink water. Even my food at the cafe this morning I could not touch. That woman, I don't care about eating or not. Remembering that back my blood boiled all the way to the head.

“Rania finished eating directly in the room yes, Same father Mother wants to talk” that sound that I do not want to hear. As much as possible refrain from berating. “oke” raised a thumb to his father with a smile and his head tilted slightly. Had it not been so stiff like this, I would have kissed my daughter's wrath.

“Do not do a way to thwart my plans, it will only be in vain” to the point. I'm sure the woman***** has already told you about the incident . It's funny that she told people's husbands, wanted me to laugh out loud. After Rania entered the discussion room that I did not want.

“the preparation is mature, tomorrow the day after we will be there together. You must also present”. We, this man says we

“for what”. My cynical look directed

“you think of the feelings of others, while I am your wife you trample her feelings, her self-esteem” my voice rises My patience is up, mumpung no man I will spill all. Although not being able to undo his plans at least my anger could be vented.

“I know, but I can't keep lying to you. Bringing you to ask for your permission to marry me is my honesty to you, from the beginning we were married to have promised whatever happened to be open to each other, honest to each other no matter how bitter. And now I'll be honest I still want you to be my wife” she looks at me in this man in front of me talking lightly like a sinless person.

“your honesty is too painful, I can't accept” my chest goes down, my breath feels tight, I hold back tears that start to pool. I don't want to look stupid and ugly in front of him.

“what if I don't give permission”. I looked into his eyes sharply

“I will still marry andara” rebuttal fast our gaze collide

“then why did you ask my permission”

“Because you're my wife”. Debate that is free, stubborn will not make me able to shake his wishes.

“then divorce me”it's my voice in my heart, if I had the courage I'd like to say it out loud. But this love has made me stupid. The fear of not smelling heaven also forced me to speak only inwardly. I left him alone, no matter how he called my name, heeding the ear of his words that said I was selfish, of the justice he designed ahead. Too bad he was considered easy to do fair. Let's see how he proves his words.

It's Sunday at 8am, hurrying to change my clothes. Green box shirt with matching color hijab color. Blue jeans color skirt I wear. I prefer casual, simple makes me comfortable. Picking up the bag and motorcycle keys to get ready for the shophouse that I left two days ago.

Avoiding that man was also my main goal being one place with him made me stifle. Don't ask him last night he slept where I don't care. Since entering I finished arguing with him I locked the door.

Down the stairs through the kitchen, the family room to the living room and the door. But wait, I know the woman sitting in the living room seat. Amir was having a guest apparently, deservedly from earlier I did not see him, I thought he slept in his woman's house.

He stood looking at me, smiling sweetly a smile that made me sick. What drama will it show me.

“How are you Syafira still remember the teasekan.”sapanya gently, but sharp to my ears. Amir pulled my hand and took me to sit down to meet his guest. “sayang this aunty kamila, mama andara, you still remind me?”. Duh, it's so sweet of my husband that he called me dear in front of his future in-laws as if to show me well let's see the next show.

“The arrival of aunty here wants to ask your permission, tomorrow Amir will marry Andara, it feels bad if you are still not sincere, aunty feels guilty as you forgive aunt, for now and what happened in advance”. After his son came his mother, the female devil fighter, still a child mama apparently.

“Do syafira object Andara married nak Amir”

“Sure, will aunt cancel”. I answered quickly with a loud voice, a cynical look quipped at him, gone is my respect eroded hatred increasingly mountainous. No matter how old I am, fuck me, want me to show you how much I hate my happiness-destroying family.

“sayang, can't be a little polite” the lukewarm voice of the best actor this year, did not know he had a debate last night had shown how disgusted I was with him and his future wife.

“it's okay, son amir reasonable syafira still angry later long time he will get used to”. "Regular" he said, there are people who will get used to it for a long time. Uh, wait for him to call son Amir, it's so sweet that it sounds familiar apparently since when, I really miss the information.

“If I were so you maybe I would have had some embarrassment, considering how you used to throw the amir mas like trash, and now pick it back up after the trash was worth it. Where did the self-esteem that used to be held so high” emotions make my breath ngosan like run out of the marathon, let me finish all of you, I did not look for him, he who came to me for me humbled me no matter.

“The ambition and love of the difference is too far away, the lust and ego that make the difference are disguised, and I am sure your ego and your daughter are still very high, looking for an established man to become a new backer because otherwise, how could she divorce her husband and tease the husband of the people”. Just leave this man next to me I don't care that my sharp gaze is still on the middle-aged woman in front of me.

“Still remember how you used to arrogantly drive away this man” I pointed to amir. “or you forgot, I want to remind, maybe your memory has been consumed by age.”i do not care to be satisfied this berpek although the way I will not change anything, at least it has been able to make two people in this room not comfortable. The male kulirik beside me he lowered his head deeply as his lips chanted istighfar.

“istighfar dear, do not let the devil rule you” hold me tightly, I clap his hands to stay away I rise up to leave them. Scroll over the woman. She's teary-eyed I don't care.