SURVIVING BECAUSE OF STATUS

CHAPTERS 20. STOP BEMOANING FATE

“I can see your whereabouts, but I can't feel it. You've turned into another figure I don't recognize. Even to touch you feels unattainable to me. We're like two strangers who don't know each other"

Amirs

Opening the door of the house while holding a sleeping Rania, at 8 p.m.

I came in because the door wasn't locked. Entering the family room, I saw Mas Amir sitting on the sofa while watching TV. By ourselves. I passed it, as my feet were about to climb the stairs sura Mas Amir Stopped me.

“Where are you at this time just returned home” his voice is full of emphasis. He came up to me I didn't care if I stepped in to put Rania in his room.

“Begin your behavior now” his voice is getting higher

I put Rania in her room, she followed me behind me no matter if a word didn't come out of my mouth. I went down the stairs and followed me with angry questions.

Until the family room couch I sat down. Sharp look. He still stood up to me no less sharply, his eyes red withstanding anger

“Where is my submissive wife, huh....!!!, even my question is not heeded at all” her breath hunts, her chest rage as if to explode.

“sit down, maybe your anger can be lost” said I tried to be as calm as possible, not anything, today I was really tired. Until it feels like arguing is not capable.

he sat on the end of the sofa a short distance away.

“I'm from the store, come home late because a lot I take care of, you don't need to know” my voice remains low. I wish we could talk well this time

“You are my wife, your duty is to serve me if this is your way. Starting tomorrow I forbid you to go to the store, if necessary close the store, his voice starts to rise. Well I'll serve, there's both of us. If you want to fight

“Wife?” cynical

“wife that you do not appreciate its existence for 3 months, and your wife one more where?, your wife now there are two if you forget, that means the responsibility of serving you is also the responsibility. Do not just want to obey his will also demand responsibility” . if I can guess Andara has not returned home. It's too late if he comes home now.

“You are starting to argue with me now, where was the once submissive Syafira, who changed you like this hahhh...!!!” he started yelling, if he started yelling at me my guts would be shriveled but not by now, just look.

“I've changed and you changed it” I changed “aku you” I've lost respect to the figure beside me this.

“I lost my husband but I never protested. I realize compared to you I have nothing. Ever since you brought that woman into this house, since then I don't recognize my husband” continued, it's time to express my heart no matter what confession I have not changed my husband

“i am not a weak woman who will roar to mourn fate. I will not whine because my whining you will never hear, because melodious defeat with my honey whimper” the man was silent his head lowered in whatever he felt I did not understand. I have the heart to not cry.

“forgive me” that's all that comes out of his lips. After the many wounds he inflicted were there no other words. Cih, that sucks.

stepping up the stairs, I want to clean myself up and sleep, my fate tomorrow. My business with the owner of the shophouse and looking for other alternatives if it turns out that the decision tomorrow is not in accordance with my expectations. I don't want to tell Mas Amir my problem let alone ask for help. I have always been used to being independent.

“tau where?” the voice stopped my steps in front of the stairs

“I want to rest tired” I replied without turning my head.

“wait” he caught up with me

I stepped up not caring about it. He taught me my steps

“can't you forgive me” oh, he's just chasing my apology. I quit

“From the beginning I always forgive you, but it always repeats the same mistake. I pray that my heart does not numb” replied I looked towards Mas Amir.

“ tonight I want to sleep with you can?” he looked at me for approval.

“whatever” I set foot up the stairs into the room I don't care if he follows me or not.

My husband followed me into the room. I went to the bathroom after picking up a change of clothes first. I want to linger here. I don't know why I'm lazy to meet Mas Amir. Filling the bath with warm water, dripping little by little the aroma of therapy. Time to relax. Business tomorrow let me think again.

It turns out that soaking makes me calmer. Ah, my busyness makes me forget just to pamper myself even for a moment. Someday if my efforts are smooth it seems good also to pamper myself in the candidate. I'll think about it later.

There was a knock on the bathroom door, I looked up. The sound of that knocking was heard again

“sad you took a long bath” it was the voice of Mas Amir. Ah, cook it I'm old

“honey, are you okay. Open the door..”Call him once again there is an anxious tone there.

Opening the door after neatly returning with my clothes, mas amir's face looked tense. What's wrong with this guy

“you were almost an hour inside I called no answer, I almost broke down the door, what's up, you're sick?” both hands cupped my cheeks ah, cook that long I fall asleep

“sayang, answer..” he rocked my cheek.

“I'm okay” I replied briefly.my husband is very sweet if there is no honey.

“Sleep you must be tired” memapahku to bed, strange behavior Mas Amir I like a sick person only. If he's still worried like this why he can be indifferent if there is Andara.

“sleep here” he patted his chest after falling next to me. I don't know why there's this awkward feeling of sleeping in one bed with my own husband.

“no need, it's better like this” replied I lay staring at the ceiling of the room. Almost 10 o'clock. Andara hasn't come home yet but this guy just relaxes. I came home at 8 he was already excited. The atmosphere was silent, only the sound of a wall clock.

“honey, I'm sorry I knew from the beginning I was wrong. But trust me everything I do for your sake and Rania” I glimpsed at a glance his face flat staring at the ceiling of the room.

“i never found any good in treason, so don't make up stories. Your affair has hurt me. Plus the injustice you created has destroyed my enrichment.Which good you talk about” mumpung both. I'll finish it. There's no answer.

“I know, but believe me I love you so much I want us to be like we used to be and make a sister for Rania, you want?” he turned his body to face me, his smile. The smile that always paralyzes my heart. But that was then now, just plain.

“do not talk nonsense, the situation is no longer the same. There is Andara in your heart. Sleep you must be tired” I turned my back on him.

My eyes could not be closed for some reason, Mas Amir's words flashed. "Wind it like old times, make Rania's sister". There's an Andara who can give him a child. Why should I. I'm sorry, but Rania has lost her father, not her sister Rania. Again sorry. I am a wicked wife but my resolve is already unanimous.

Silence back. Maybe my husband is asleep when I sleep too. Prepare your energy for tomorrow. My eyes were almost asleep I was almost lulled in a dream. Until ahirnya.

“sayang...” the sound is soft to the ears. Ah, no more precisely in my ears there was a warm gust of greeting the back nape. I'm taget but trying to calm down. The feathers of my nuduk bristled

“you've slept” ah, the sound is heavy how this I can't, really I'm not ready to do it. The shadow of that betrayal was clearly neatly stored in my memory.

“I know you haven't slept, I still recognize well when my wife is sleeping. His heart never beats. Just slowly. his breath is also regularly not hunting like run out away” degh.how is this, it feels like I disappeared. He knew I was nervous.

“It's okay. Your husband is not angry koq” she said in a voice holding back laughter. In the past I would have laughed while hugging him tightly, buried my face in his chest in embarrassment. Until he lifted my face and kissed my forehead softly. And we'll laugh together. Now enough I curl up behind him the blanket I pull up the neck.

“if I told you about the truth of the reason for my affair with Andara, would you accept me back. Can we live happily as we used to?” that's a question or a request. I don't know.

“can I tell you?” he pulled my right shoulder back. And pull my shoulder to face him. He's got me soft. A look I have long missed. This man is still the same as before. I miss him, really.

I looked into her eyes gently, seeking honesty as before. Turns out he's still my husband who used to shine his eyes the way he used to. There was love and warmth there.I was lulled that gaze obliterated all my heartache

“i met you about 9 months ago, at the lawyer's office. She's with her husband. I take care of my company file Andara's husband is the same. The difference is that he took care of the file fraud report that befell his company which at that time was problematic. Projects worth hundreds of billions of dollars. Her company was declared bankrupt because it was deceived by her own men.When her husband consulted in I was in the waiting room with Andara. We're chatting normally. Ask the news, ask the busyness, ask the number of children. I said I took care of the change in my company status from CV to PT. I also told him about my position that had just been appointed as manager. He listened to me enthusiastically. The one from not caring suddenly he asked for my number. Finally we exchange contacts.” I listened to my husband's story carefully. There was pain there all along but she never told me anything

“She called me often, she said that if she was unhappy with her marriage her husband was often rude because he could not give her son” my husband held my hand tightly. I don't know why there was such a sudden sense of pity against me.

“Until the end, I knew that..” had not finished finishing his sentence a hard knock on the door sounded.

“hani, I came home.” that melodious voice, suddenly my husband tensed up he walked quickly to open the door.

“iya,,,hani has gone home..how is today fun?” what's wrong with my husband. Why did he suddenly become warm with Andara. Ah, naw. It always is not.

“mbak sorry yes, I got off first”ucap andara while holding my husband

“thank you for accompanying him” he continued again as it passed.

My husband doesn't even look at me. His haughty attitude. He would be with me if Andara.

And what he said earlier, living happily as before. Giving rania a sister.

That quickly he turned into another figure I did not recognize. Allah.this pain again whack. It was as worthless as I was in front of my own husband, and foolishly I was almost lulled. I thought he was going to change, but it was just my wish.

Maybe it's good I started to consider Kirana's advice. Split up, if that's the best option.