SURVIVING BECAUSE OF STATUS

Chapters 10. Wedding day

Maroon gamis black combination, with hijab dominance color matching black color combination decorate the edge of the hijab that I wear now is the gift of Amir mas from Andara said I was told to wear it. All the family members wear the same uniform.

I don't understand what kind of concept the wedding will be. Today is the wedding day of Amir and Andara. I had to come to see my husband marry another woman in front of my own eyes. Whether I will be strong I do not know clearly mas amir just want me to be present according to his promise to andara and his family.

It's not great that my husband keeps the feelings of others in check. What about my feelings, following his wishes was his order. Seeing the reflection in the mirror, I will not be able to compete with my honeymoon candidate is far different. My face deserves to be pitied. Puffy eyes after last night crying too much sleep deprivation is for sure. Which wife will be able to see her husband with other women.

The pain and hurt I felt would only be useless, would not be able to change anything. My water is dry. Want to scream as loud and loud as you want but I can't. It feels like my energy has drained, regret and locked myself in the room did not solve the problem.

“sayang let's sneak later” rushed me step out of the room his voice like people can't wait to see the clock in his hand. After half an hour I stood in front of the mirror. Not dress up because I can't, more lament fate, prepare myself to be strong especially from the view of people later.

Stepping down the stairs in a gontai, my husband wore a typical maroon dress of the groom. Handsome, but I hate to see it. I also wear clothes of the same color. If I had the strength I would want to run, not see what happens today. Far as I can. But what, this love that has made me stupid. Maybe in the presence of others will look the same I'm pathetic.

This is not about letting go, but about making peace with pain. Never be sincere if asked even willing it feels heavy . whose heart is willing to be divided. Seven years I had it alone clinging in the perfection of love. It's just me and him. There's nothing else.

If anyone asks me if I am here to see my soulmate with another, I am not. And until any time never will.

I just wanted to make sure that in that second he was no longer all mine. Watching with my own senses we never believed what people said. Even watching today's events will add to the heartbreak is fine. It would be even more devastating if I heard it from someone else.

The man in my eyes has almost perfection in his every move, my priest who always guides me in goodness. After this day he will be a priest for another soul mate. I want to be greedy not to share. Just want to have you completely can?.

But that woman, I didn't expect that in my man's heart there was still such a beautiful place for him. I was put in which part? if there is still him why should there be me or am I just his escape to avoid the pain. I love him with all my soul and my body all my breath in me and in every stream of my blood. Look at him only loving me half-heartedly. Stupidly I didn't realize that all along.

I think his attention, his jealousy, his gentle behavior, and the responsibilities he gave me have illustrated a complete love for me.

The car was running at medium speed, it was still quiet we locked lips together. Kulrik mas Amir's. His gaze focused forward there was a nervous look drawn there. Rania was sitting in the back seat as still as I was as if understanding the hardness of my heart. Even though if in the car there are only his behavior either singing or asking what he saw on the road.

I am fully aware, after today my heart will be hurt a lot. Maybe after today my patience will continue to be tested. May God strengthen me for Rania.

The car entered a simple house yard measuring 10 x 20 m. No tent in the yard. This blue painted house has begun to crowded people, there is no sound of music typical of weddings. Cars lined up along the road to this house. After entering the yard of this house only a few visible motorcycles parked there.

Mas Amir came down and rushed to open the door and walked to get to me immediately I went down before the amir opened the door. His face was surprised I didn't care. I opened the middle door of the car carrying Rania. The guy outside the house looks at our collar.

My chest was pounding not because there was pain infiltrating, considering that I would soon see my husband justify another woman in front of me. Strengthening my heart so that later I would still be aware of witnessing events that I should not have to witness.

“Syafira why did you come son..”a middle-aged woman approached me about 55 years old, wearing clothes with the same color as the hijab adorned her head. I looked at her, my in-laws the one who gave birth to Amir.

“You shouldn't have come, it's going to torture you so much, son, ”there are tears that almost spilled there in both of his net . It's the wedding day of his son, the woman in front of me is sad, it's really strange. I thought that only I was sad, in fact no, this woman before me was as hurt as I was.

“Why mom outside, let's go in bu” it's the sound of mas Amir reaching his mother's hand to be held. “you have mir, why you bring syafira, mother like not knowing the mother's child, you change. Did you know that you did this already hurt syafira” so much his voice was low but full of emphasis my in-laws half whispered saying that to my husband. His gaze sharply struck. There were tears dripping down both of his old cheeks.

“Nothing ma'am, insya Allah is strong shafira. let's go in we will see the marriage of mas Amir pity others have been waiting in” my gaze is sharp I was hurt, I was hurt, especially seeing the tears dripping down both cheeks of my in-laws. As I recall, the woman before me right now is not a crybaby. Ever since her husband left she was a very strong woman raising her two children alone.

Enter the living room, a beautiful table there. Andara sat next to him an old man with a thin stature. While his mother Andara sat on the other side accompanied by a man who was handsome and handsome despite his age. Look charismatic from the look of her wearing her hair coat neatly arranged and the look of her eyes shaded. Two more people I saw wearing sarongs and peci like a religious leader and behind him there was a man with similar clothes. I don't see any files or papers on the table.

All eyes looked at us shortly after we entered the room where the event was to take place. Guests behind you can be seen starting to whisper. Their looks are different. Someone looked at me with pity. Some were looking at me cynically, some were ordinary, expressionless gazes. Looks classy beautiful women like andara standing holding a drink glass in her hand looking at me cynically.

Wait a minute, the clothes you wear are Allah, why Amir did not rebuke him. A full sequin kebaya that looks very luxurious with a very low cleavage looks like her cleavage poking. Behind the half of his back looks only decorated with sequins that are very transparent. How can he show his aura while in this room a lot of men. Is not uncomfortable. I'm the only one who sees it.

He walked up to the amir mas and flanked his hand towards the table. “mas Amir was long awaited from earlier, his show was about to start” his whining spoiled.His eyes radiated a twinkle of happiness.

Mas Amir smiled gently holding the hand of andara who was holding her arm. The batik motif skirt worn there is a long section, showing the legs to the thighs are level. Is it true that Amir's mas allowed Andara to wear this or just this woman's will. I don't see Amir mas uncomfortable he's ordinary.

My man never let me out without closing the aurat even though I sit at home, “aurat you be my responsibility” he said to me at the time. I who used to wear the clothes that covered my aura was very grateful to have a good priest lead me on the right path. But today the other side of a new Amir sharifudin I know, the man looked relaxed with the clothes worn by his bride-to-be.

Mother walked with my hand, on my left side Rania took my hand we walked into the room. Sitting lesehan on the carpet that has been provided. I don't stop holding my hand while patting me softly every once in a while. Repeatedly rubbing my shoulders gently. The three of us sat right behind Mas amir.

“Can we start the show?” that's the voice of the father wearing the scabbard the forerunner probably. Instantly the room was silent, the invited guests who had been standing began to sit behind the two brides. Wedding prayers are recited until the Ijab kabul event begins. My body is here holding them, I know my eyes are blank My mind is out of nowhere.

I saw the skinny old man clasping the hand of mas amir when he was about to be glued ija kabul. Turns out his father and father's birth father might. Who sits next to his mother?

The word legitimate echoed throughout the room, sounding Hamladalah reading in unison spoken of all the invitations present. I felt that moment also like something was missing in my heart, there was pain creeping up my chest. I can't hold back these tears. I hate to cry in front of people other than my husband. But I can't stem it. My shoulders were shaken by tears so rushing they flowed without excuse.

My heart was like it was slashed by thousands of knives, there were many invisible wounds but I felt them. I swear by whatever hurts I can't hide anymore.

“your strong darling,,, my love Rania daritadi see you come cry also” I do not realize since when rania is not next to me. My in-laws stroked my hands patting my shoulders gently over and over with bracing words but I heard nothing. He was just as sad as me.

I focus too much on this pain, the pain of losing my soulmate. It was ruined to see him say the ijab qabul by calling another woman before me. I raised my head because there was another hand holding my shoulder. My husband and the woman who a few minutes ago had legitimately become his wife. Both of them looked at me with pity.

“forgive us mbak,, thank you mbk Syafira already want to come give our blessing”. Whahuh? restu said he cih, if you do not remember the shame of wanting me to spit on this woman's face. Catch it up to the beautiful bun that decorated his head unfolded. I silently stared with my two neutrals still shed tears nonstop. And look at my husband can only be silent down, even looking at his wife even seems reluctant savage you mas Amir.

“forgive the father he has hurt you, as a parent I failed to educate him. Because he was under the care of his mother all this time “old man who was holding his hand mas amir said softly full of regret.

I know now that I'm the center of attention of the guests in this room, I don't care if my lips are locked, unable to say a word. Until my in-laws hand guided me to my feet, looked at my husband and madman cynically and led me out of this chest-stifling room.

Bowed with tears still dripping, the pain was as unspoken as having just lost my precious treasure. The car went slowly, I didn't know where my in-laws would take me.

“you don't deserve to cry for them, your tears are too precious. Forgive the mother who can not educate the child mother well” from earlier I have many times heard my in-laws say sorry for what happened today.