SURVIVING BECAUSE OF STATUS

A BLAND HEART

Somehow my heart is sad to see Andara packing, this morning she will return to her house, finished her duty to take care of my parents, I will continue.

I hug kenzy in a sling, this puffer boy is so funny. She hugged me tightly As if it was hard to part.

One month I knew him, I felt an emotional closeness to this boy.I hated him for misunderstanding, but now I love him. Even really loved him.

“i say thank you sir.sorry if there is something wrong during taking care of your father” kissed your hand, the woman sobbed. I don't know why I don't want to be separated from him. I do not know the old Andara, the new Andara now exists, the nature of both is like heaven and earth.

Whatever his past mistakes were, I have forgiven him. Everyone must have a mistake. And everyone deserves a second chance, if his heart really wants to change. God has given you guidance. He became a much better man.

She did the same for my mother, hugging my mother tightly while sobbing.

“keep your pregnancy not tired, listen to the advice of the doctor, according to what your husband said. Get rid of your stubborn head first even for good. Your health and your baby's primary. You heard me, right, son?” really, I got goosebumps hearing mom's long advice for Andara. Haru I can't stand it.

“Andara listen mom, thank you for loving Andara. Like a biological child himself.may God bestow health for father and mother” they take off hugs. mother rubbed tears on your cheeks. I'm happy to see it.

The pregnant woman turned to look at me, tears still welling up in her eyes

“I'm sorry, I made you suffer. Will Fira forgive me” I can't hold back these tears I hug her tightly, even very tightly.

“does fira forgive me?” ask her again

“hush, what do you think I hugged you for. Stop saying sorry. Mbak should thank you because you have helped the same father mother” I said, we were just sobbing. This chest tightness was as if there was a heavy burden overlapping.

“can't you stay here for a while, I still want to be with kenzy” I beg. I'm not lying I don't want to be away from this funny boy.

“because Mbak Fira is here. I want to take care of the Angga mas, while preparing to wait for the birth.”ansiannya.we release a hug. Stand face to face.

“mbak, if anything happens to me later please don't hate kenzy. He doesn't know anything. I'm his mother who deserves to be hated” what you're talking about I don't understand.

“don't talk so, you'll give birth safely, and live happily with your little family, so don't think bad that will only affect your pregnancy” I'm confused by this pregnant woman's remark.

“tante, kenzy don't take Rania no friends” Raniaku whining

“then kenzy can play here” Angga replied, the man from earlier was just a spectator of our novelty, as well as Rania's father.

“i excuse me mbak” voice Angga. Once everything is ready. After, Mas Amir helped him, putting all your belongings into the car.

We all waved until the car disappeared from view.

We went into the house, somehow the atmosphere of this house feels lonely after Youara. There is one thing that holds my heart. Mother's advice to Andara. I'm curious.

“ibu nasehati andara lengthened earlier actually what is it?” I held my mother's hand inside. This woman breathed heavily like a burden was about to be removed

“kentenzy's birth was a miracle, mother and son survived” pause

“doctors don't advise you to get pregnant again, but she insists. Even after her pregnancy was four months old she just said if pregnant again.fear told to abort her husband because it is too risky.”oh, ahirnya I understand now, but what disease?

“sayang, today you are the same Rania go to the office yes, we go for a walk. One month here you haven't gone anywhere” solicited her father Rania, but I'm lazy. Really, I'm not making it up. Ahir-ahir this I feel tired fast body.

“other time alone today I'm tired” replied me origin.

“Come mother, yesterday I promised you would take Rania to Daddy's office.want ya?” her voice was enthusiastic, for the sake of not disappointing Rania. Alright

“lho, isn't the company bankrupt?” just me. That's also what Fatih said when she took me to dinner.

“that's why I didn't pick you up right away, I prepared everything. So when you go home the company has risen again” oh, yes.. actually I want to ask how can the company rise again. But I'm sure this man will be big-headed.

“ alright, but remember I did everything for Rania” I said firmly

“oke, mas understand”

The car runs slowly, I am still not interested in talking to this creature beside me.

“sayang..” call him slowly

“hmmm...” that's all that comes out of my lips

“are you still angry?” what's my reason for being angry, isn't the problem obvious, just misunderstanding.

I'm actually embarrassed to admit that I was wrong, let alone apologize. I don't know if I don't know how I feel right now. My heart is ordinary to Rania's father.

“no...”tatapanku focus out the window, pay attention to the line of trees on the side of the road.

“you want to promise one thing” what the hell he is. Indeed I have to promise what.My gaze was sharp towards him.

“do not get angry first, promise from now on if there is a problem discussed not avoided, sometimes mas do not understand the fault where” language softly as to keep my feelings, sometimes mas do not understand the fault where language softly, but what came into my ear was an innuendo that led to humiliation.

“bunda..put down her voice” Lord, I forgot that there was Rania behind.

“iya,,,iya,,mas sorry mas salah” I was so upset. My breath hunts.

From this argument can be concluded, women are never wrong, and it is no secret that the guilty are more violent. I admit to the case three years ago I was guilty.

I don't know why seeing the tortured face of her father Rania gives my own satisfaction.

we went down in front of my husband's office, the atmosphere was still the same as it was three years ago. Nothing has changed.

“Cool dad has his own office” voice Rania.

“ thanks to the prayers of mother and Rania, the effort goes smoothly” replied Mas Amir rubbed Rania's head.

“login babe” take him. Rania holding her father's left hand the man reached for my hand to hold, I did not want me to be held. His face was confused looking at me, I pretended to be stupid.

“welcome mother Syafira, as the employees I passed stood up from her chair welcoming me. I put on a sweet smile.

“thank you for the welcome, please work back I just look around briefly” I said to them

Seated back. I walked to my work room. Amir came before me and opened the door for us.

“wah, better than that time. There are many photos of her mother with Rania here. It was also there, there also” his finger pointed at some photos attached to the wall.

There are a lot of pictures of me and Rania here. There were both of them, alone. At the workbench, the photo of the three of us that was taken by wefie at that time, mas amir who held the camera.

“father put your photos here as an encouragement, if you feel tired, kangen, continue to feel alone.father will sit here looking at your photos, while imagining someday we will live happily as before. After that the spirit of my father rose again” replied my husband, my heart was filled to hear it.

I know her determination to change is very strong but my heart feels bland. There was no sense of being touched by all the good he did.

Someone knocked on the door, Mas Amir opened it. I saw Edo give the file to Mas Amir's hand.

“sayang ,see this financial report for three years” submitted file tiu to my hand. I sit on the sofa.

I open one by one, sheet by sheet this report. The graph of the first six months of my departure is still stable. The next six months the chart is freefall. After that it starts to rise and continue to crawl up until it shows the nominal profit that is now. Honestly, I was amazed at how this guy worked.

I saw the report after the collapse. I was curious where he came from while he turned down Fatih's offer. Written capital own report.

“you can from where the business capital when it went bankrupt yesterday” really I was curious

“ouangmu darling, sorry yes mas use first because mas do not like to borrow capital dibank” my money, is not the money recorded I have drained all the contents”

“so, profit from this company every month mas enter into your account, until when mas need, first borrow for business capital. Now back, more. You will see at home. Mas has printed every month” there is a proud face printed there. cih, I do not sympathize at all

“sorry not that I am arrogant, my money is also a lot. So don't be pretentious just save the money” I don't want in the cap girl matre. Same people don't want but same money wants.

“mas knows, but this is your company mas just run it” why he is not angry huh. Should he be insulted to keep getting angry I would be happy to see his disappointed face. Well I'll fish another way.

“you know what makes me happy”.his face sparkles, so confident he is when I say that

“what say”bright smile appears on his face.

“you were fired from the SOE office, make it your dream from the past” I am satisfied to say it.

“oh yes, same dong. She is happy too. So can be more focused on taking care of this company, try to see the profit graph before and after Mas does not work anymore” I hate to see his happy face I want him to be open, disappointed because of my words earlier.

“already does not matter also in the discussion”his annoyance me, failed my efforts to make him miserable.

“sayang why? ” asked Rania's father to be surprised to see my attitude change.

“why mother if the same father is angry continue” I keep quiet, because it's better now.I'm also confused with his father Rania's innate want to be angry only.

I don't hate Mas Amir, my heart is no longer the same.This feeling I really can't force.

" may I be honest? " i said slowly, I have to say this I don't want Mas Amir to expect more

"say Mas will hear you" his smile sincerely, he sat down on the isofa next to me. Rania sits at her father's desk.

"my heart is no longer the same, I don't expect much from this relationship. If one day there is a much better woman, I will sincerely let go. because I can't possibly force us to always be with I no longer love you." I said slowly

he came closer to me clasping my hands together, staring at both balls of my eyes.

"Mas will not make mistakes again, Mas promised not to force, because your heart deserves to be happy.stay beside me do not need you to love me. let me love you. I don't want to be miserable anymore because of your loss" who usually speaks like a crocodile. Now she says sincerely. her eyes are teary.she hugs me tightly, rubbing my shoulders occasionally she kisses my head covered in hijab.

I resigned, let my way of life God set it.