SURVIVING BECAUSE OF STATUS
LIFE LESSONS
From you I learned, that the bad will not be forever bad, rising up to improve is the key. Strong will is his support.
The good will be good if we keep it. What is more dangerous is that we always feel good until a sense of pride arises. feel the greatest self, so do not want to hear the advice of others.
I stood in the cemetery of the man I once hated, the man I once despised for my caliphate. And the man I forgive for his sincerity so that from him I took many lessons.
This was the end of his struggle in the world, he had already made a sense of loss for many people . leaving a deep sorrow for those who loved him. Leaving a good impression for everyone was no exception to me.
On top of the mound of soil that is still wet looks fresh flower strands adorned on it. The smell of jasmine mixed with roses and pandan leaves burst into my senses. Add to it a sense of sorrow for mourners.
Light rain after the funeral, added to our grief.The mourners began to leave the place one by one, the remains of me and some of the closest relatives who still survive.
wreaths lined up around the final resting place of a sincere hearted woman some of the speech also defended condolences.
I was still as excited, occasionally wiping my tears with a tissue. In the arms of Rania's father I shed all my sorrow, all my sorrow for her loss.
Rania took her father's right hand. Amir's left hand hugged me tightly. Occasionally kiss my head covered in black hijab. And his hands did not stop rubbing my shoulders gently.
There was a little cry from the doctor. The man was embraced by a beautiful woman who I knew was her brother who accidentally came home from abroad after receiving news of grief.
No less slashing cries sounded from above the wet mound of earth. Well, aunty kamila her mother Andara cried like an unconscious person.
“forgive mom son, who can't be a good mother to you. Forgive me for wasting you so many years. Mama lament” and a series of apologies that can not be strung clearly.
The woman hugged a tombstone inscribed with the name Andara, by kissing her many times. Tears of regret that will be meaningless for today.
A thin-looking man holding a tombstone at the other end cried silently, looking down in the same show of regret.
The hearts of parents who will not be destroyed find their children only lost their lives when fighting for other lives at a young age.
No less heart-wrenching, seeing Kenzy asleep in her grandmother's arms.
God, what will he do when he finds out his mother is gone. What if midnight wakes up looking for her mother.
My tears are flowing again. My breath tight can't contain this sense of loss.is this a sign that you will leave when saying goodbye to me.
“if there's anything with me, don't hate kenzy. I am his mother who deserves to be hated” Allah, if I had known that it was a part for ever I would have embraced him long ago and I would have said sorry repeatedly. But death no one knows when it is.
***
Coming home feeling devastated, I still feel this sorrow. My sobs haven't stopped us getting into the living room. The slides of Andara and Kenzy's shadow are clearly depicted.cooking, watching TV, playing with kenzy. It was as if the shadow was real. Someone hugged me from behind
“still sad?”I turned around to hold her tight. My height is only her chest. I hid my face there, whether this is a cry I don't know. What was clear was that Rania's father hugged me tightly kissed my head, rubbing my shoulders with soothing words.
“all human lives already existing set. Even in the Quran it is mentioned. Not a single leaf fell without his will. The provisions of human life are written before the present world. We just run it with sincere” he said slowly.
Putting me on the couch in our TV room sitting there.this guy still holds me tightly” Rania sitting next to me.
“pity kenzy mother, I do not want mother to go time to give birth to a sister like aunt Andara” mas amir rubbed the head of Rania.
“will not be dear we will be together waiting for sister Rania. And together until Rania mature” said my husband
“mother do not forget to drink milk, take vitamins, do not be tired” I take off the arms mas Amir change to hug Rania tightly. I can't imagine that I'm going through a fate like Andara.
Who will raise Rania. There are other women who can love Rania as much as I love her. And there are many more questions that haunt my mind.
***
It's already night time. This house feels quiet. The mood we still feel. He is not my brother, we have no blood ties but his kindness can make me feel the greatest loss.
“eat first, drink milk just as much vitamin” sound Rania's father approached me in the room as I lay down.
I sat on the side of the bed, staring at Amir's mas carrying a tray and placing a tray on the nightstand. Take a plate of rice.
“mas bribe yes, from this afternoon you have not eaten” take rice on a plate stirring rice ready to bribe me.
“mas... “call me slowly. I want to say it now.
“yah..my wife calls?” he said he looked at me softly.
“maaf...” is just one word. But it took me hours to think about it. A word that signifies the collapse of my arrogance. This taste is starting to melt. The story of Andara gives me the power to do all this. I started sobbing.
“hei,, what's the matter?” I know my husband is confused. Maybe he was surprised. For a few years since I left it, this is the first time I've ever apologized.
“sayang what's going on, you're okay right?” I'm not strong, my sobs the harder I hold her tight. My lips are tightly locked these tears are flowing with great force.
“ada the sick?” this man is getting confused. Finally he hugged me tightly, giving in because there was no answer. I want to learn what happened to me. Throwing all hate and vengeance in my heart.
I'm scared when I go. At least I left without a burden. If something happens to me during childbirth. At least I'll leave quietly after I forgive and apologize. I realized I'm not a perfect human being.
All my behavior will not escape from the Khilaf I did not realize. The one who felt the most hurt left the same sorrow for those who loved me.
I thought I was the one who suffered the most, it turns out my mother's father even Andara experienced the same thing.
I feel that the word sorry will not be enough to erase my mistakes at least this is a good start next I will try my hardest to change even better in the future.
You could why I didn't. The woman managed to erase the hatred in the hearts of others. Leave a good impression when facing the creator.
“teach me to be more sincere” is the only word I can say.
“apa today mas make a mistake” asked while taking off my embrace. Cupping both cheeks with his hands. I just shakes unable to get the word out.
“what's her sister Rania getting naughty?” ask her again.I still faithfully lock lips. Just a head gesture in response.
“travel you do not need to think too much, now how do we continue life to be useful for others.” His advice.
“don't be sad, there's me and Rania we will together wait for her sister Rania born into the world. Be happy. God gave that trust to you once again” sincerely.
Even he did not bring up my treatment all this time.my words that never feel good to hear.
"do you hate me?" I asked Mas Amir
"there's no reason I hate the mother of my children"
"my attitude, my words"more.
she shook.
"your sincerity of caring for and conceiving children cannot be exchanged only for your faults which are only a speck" of this man's sincerity. Allahs....
"don't you think your attitude is really hurting me. don't believe me at all Mas willing to do this all. if the pregnancy can be replaced. Mas will do. I want to endure all your misery, pain, bitterness, but I can't. God has given each one a portion"
he looked at me gently.
"so, do not mind much. go through this pregnancy happily like Rania's pregnancy first"
this time I was completely moved by his words.he was the same man I married 10 years ago.
note: this time short first, InsyaAllah stay 2 or 3 more parts to finish.
Thank you for the support of all.whatever your comments believe it is your own motivation for the author.
