SURVIVING BECAUSE OF STATUS

Chapters 12. ILL

I woke up like someone woke me up. My eyes are round this room. Still in the same place, in my room. Staring at the bed next door, empty. God, this pain back throbbing my heart really hurts. Imagine what mas amir did with that woman. Even though he's kosher but I'm not ridho.

This wound incision is not bloody but the pain is able to paralyze the bone in my joints. Is there a strong woman facing this statement. The fact that her husband was making out with another woman in the same place but in a different room. If there is, please teach me how to deal with it.

This pain cannot be described with words. The shadow of my husband sharing warmth, making out on the bed. And hugged her affectionately like she used to do for me. Now he does it for another woman. The tears flowed again, countless how many have I cried since the arrival of the calamitous woman in my family.

What cruel things they do. Honeymooning in my house, on my wounds as if slapping hard my pride as a wife. Do not fear the woman with karma, if it does not happen to her it could be in her descendants later.

Scroll wall clock, 2 in the morning. But my body cannot be moved, my veins seem to escape from the body, sore and limp. This suffering makes me weak, let alone wake up changed position sitting I can not afford.

I forced her out of bed, though weak I could not give up. Now is the right time to stir up my suffering, pain and hurt to the owner of life.

With great difficulty I finished also taking ablution, after purifying myself I took the face. Occasionally hold on to the edge of the bed because my view was suddenly dark. Rest normalizes the view. My stomach ached for a moment like a hot throat squeeze. My knees are shaking like jelly.

As much as possible I set up prayer 2 rakaat, closed with a rakaat.after the last greeting shed my tears. I pray endlessly, asking for forgiveness of sins. By shedding tears I told my story even though I knew my Lord had known it. Does not my Lord love the whining of his servant who comes to Him. And promised to grant all the wishes of his servant who was earnest in asking. At the promised time of prayer I ask for the power to accept destiny.

I don't want to pray bad because I'm afraid to fall on me first. Begging for the best way because I know what happened today was already on plan. This temptation is either to elevate my dignity or to rebuke the arrogance of me who has exalted the love of his creation.

I'm ready, to love the world. From this day on I will love you more than anything in the world, Lord, I will hang all my hopes on YOU. Teach a more sincere and patient servant.

Rubbing the face with both palms closed sentence amen. Taking the tasbih strands twisting one by one while doing dhikr to glorify your Asthma. Forgive the servant who is often neglected.

Lying down while waiting for dawn, I continued the prayer thread through a round of prayer beads in my hand. My memory goes back to the time when mas amir first proposed to me to be his wife. We did not date me who did not want to, after the incident mas amir with Andara, he often stayed at the boarding bang fatih which happened to be in front of my costan. Occasionally often visit my place to do tasks if there are.

Until the completion of the thesis trial at that time mas amir asked me to be his wife, I was surprised to look at him in disbelief. Do not imagine romantic things because he does not know, there are no flowers or chocolate, which he gives only his hand grip that feels cold.

“my mother wants to meet you later when we graduate, you want ya” sentences that are able to make me speechless, I swear by anything I am really surprised and scared. I never imagined this before. I looked into his eyes in search of the truth there. Damn the look was sincere. My heart's dipping my lips still locked.

“I want to work first, continue S2 after just thinking of household, sorry”. That's all I said from my lips. The man assured me that it could be done after marriage. “We will feel the beauty of dating after Halal”. That said at that time.”we will both continue S2 after being a beautiful husband and wife is not it?” continued. I'm not sure and he's convincing. I finally nodded.

Was I forced, certainly not because a little bit of my heart began to cling to him since our togetherness. I kept it tight. It feels less fitting for a woman to say it first. What I love about him is his hard work, his gentle demeanor and his concern for me. Had made me big head I thought this was just my feeling it was not the man also felt the same.

After graduation he actually proposed to me and we got married after 3 months. Like a new couple in general. My life feels beautiful, really beautiful. one month stay with her late mother we ventured to contract the house together. I didn't want to stay with my in-laws at the time. Then we put job applications in several companies.

I love the pain we feel. Once the money was only five thousand rupiah, confused about what to eat. Finally buy tofu tempeh and vegetables potluck. It felt beautiful at that time. The flowers of love still bloom there. I thought it was my ordeal of going home. Until finally I got a work call and the business of buying and selling mas amir land is getting smoother.

Remembering that my heart throbbed pain. I can't believe that the ordeal has just begun. My tears are back. Imagine my husband being in one room, one bed with my honey. My heart wound throbbed again, like there was a strong squeeze there. If I hadn't loved so much, it probably wouldn't have hurt this much.

The morning prayer rumbles, calling every sleeping soul. Again this pain in the heart whack, when imagining my priest to be the priest of another woman. Then the woman kissed his hand. And mas Amir rubbed his hair gently kissing the forehead afterwards. That's what I used to do yesterday. But now, I don't even get it beside my bed.

Folding the face put in its place again. My gaze suddenly darkened as I stood my body felt limp, nausea violently agonizing. The wall clock shows the number 6, when the sound of my gawau rang loudly. Mother's name is on there.

“assalamualaikum bu...” opens conversation.

“waalaikum greetings, how are you healthy, rania equally amir how healthy is also kan” greeting as usual at the beginning of the conversation. My mother always asks us about our news.

“alhamdulillah we are healthy ma'am,, mother and father how?” reply while sitting on the bed restored my gaze.

“ibu kangen Rania, you g home. I don't know why from yesterday I was the same father to your thoughts. Nothing happens son.”naluri a mother so strong.

“we are good mom, inysaAllah will come home to wait Rania school holiday” tears come back dripping somehow as if I want to hug mom miss the caress in my hair when I sleep on her lap.

“you're okay right, why is your voice so?” there was a worried tone caught on my senses.

“it's okay just syafira suddenly miss mom same father?” my voice is hoarse because it holds back the crying.

“then go home, mom and dad also miss. Tell your husband not to love you too much. Until I don't have a chance to give you mom's love. Tell him you're used to going anywhere yourself don't worry too much. Waiting for the amir to come home will not have time. Your husband is busy.” If you knew what was going on, would you be proud of your favorite daughter-in-law.

“Later fira try to talk to mas Amir bu, if you go home g ushered mas amir g is nothing bu?”. Just trying to make sure my mom really lets me with Rania alone. It's nothing she always asks her favorite daughter-in-law “it's okay mom is very happy, but remember don't go home without permission husband mom will be angry, yes already mom closed, I've closed, later if you want to go home tell ya mother cook food favorite Rania” is no secret that mother's love will switch his kiss. My favorite cuisine is now whatever Rania's favorite.

Closing the talk stand puts the device to the nightstand. But it feels like my bones are not powered. My eyes were completely dark cold sweat soaked my forehead. I was not strong anymore I collapsed after nudging glasses and glass teapots on the nightstand.

Samar heard the door of the room being knocked over while calling my name. The sound of Amir and Rania caught my hearing. I didn't fully faint still able to catch Amir's anxious voice, Rania's loud cry and my honey's soft voice calling out. I really don't want to see the two of them, but I want to hug Rania to ease her crying.

I wanted to caress Rania but my hands couldn't be moved My eyes were hard to open. I am weak, really weak now, after which I can no longer remember. as if I fell asleep very soundly into the dream realm.

Open ones eyes. Glare, that's the first thing I feel. The smell of medicine was so strong, my hand felt something piercing pain. My throbbing head feels heavy like there's a heavy burden tilling over. Dizziness is unbearable. My body was weak, stiff, unable to move, I pressed my hand to bed to get up.

“auh,,”sick once my left hand. I saw an infusion needle stuck in there.

“Rania...”my weak voice is barely audible.

“She's gone home with you earlier, the hospital is not healthy for children. Let him at home”. He casually mentioned that name. I was even disgusted to hear that, she tried to bring Rania closer to my honey I was not willing. I don't want Rania to be close to that woman.

“I want to go home” firmly the sound that comes out of these lips.

“you are sick, we will go home after you recover”. He came closer to me, stretched out a hand to help me sit down

“do not touch me!!!” my emotions can't stand it anymore

“don't touch me with your dirty hands”. My hands were pointed forward, stopping his activities that were about to help me, my husband froze in his place

“my hands are clean, wash their hands using a handsanitizer too.”apparently men do not understand I mean well I will clarify

“hands that have touched other women you said clean, raised!!!”

“Astaghfirullah,, we do not commit adultery we are halal dear. Just like me and you my relationship with him is legitimate even though religiously” presumptuously likens me to him.

“do not compare, we are not the same and look far different. I didn't take you from anyone. So no woman was hurt by our marriage. While he” my anger has peaked. I really should not be confused with that seductive woman.

“can't you accept us, than I sin out there, wouldn't it be better if I stopped, no slander would arise. didn't I promise you will be fair to you guys” again he said fair not even anything he's hurt me this is fair.

“I want to go home” free to argue, will not win. My husband's heart is blinded by love.

“wait to recover first just returned home” his gaze was sharp for me

“I don't want rania close to that woman” hardikku

“what's wrong, she's also my wife's mom so let them near” her tone up, somehow every time I show my dislike to her new wife she will look emotional.

“there will be no connecting mother, her birth mother is still there” my husband is down

“I'm not sick, even really healthy so let me go home”.

“good afternoon, excuse me to visit mom”a middle-aged man with well-groomed hair, a white shirt and a stethoscope attached to his neck stopped our debate. Behind him was a nurse in white and a note in his hand. The nurse checked the hose infusion bottle and switched to the infusion in my hand. Recorded it in the book that was brought earlier.

“what I feel. Still dizzy, or nausea” while directing the stethoscope to the chest.

While the nurse checked my blood pressure. Back he recorded. Then handed my medical records to the doctor.

“can I go home now doctor”. My voice was comforting, hoping this doctor would let me

“sorry mother but the mother's medical record is still not allowed to go home her condition is not stable, blood pressure is still 80/70 low once.Mother's dehydration is severe, the mother's stomach acid is still high. Eat regularly do not forget to take the medicine, I'm sorry first”. The doctor almost passed by after checking my condition.

“please help me doctor, I don't like the smell of the hospital, my low blood it is already common I can still hold it. I'll be sicker here.” Half whined me at the male doctor. Hope granted. Until he came back to my bed.

“hhmmm. If anything happens to my professional mother as a doctor and the name of this hospital is at stake.” He said while taking a deep breath.

“i will guarantee it will not happen, I want to do anything as long as I can go home.” Forcing that my way now whatever you can get home.

Don't ask me where my husband is, he's sitting on a couch with his hands on his forehead. Can't do anything.

“please ma'am,, but there are some conditions that I must meet.” Relieved after listening to the doctor

“admin part, there will be a statement letter mom sign. Remember mom. Because the mother forced to go home in a state that has not healed, if the mother came with the same complaint in less than 6 months. Then mother will not be served here, the second whatever happens after this our hospital is not responsible.

It will be listed in the rest of the statement I can not mention please read your own” if there is no more asked me if you first excuse me”doctor was out of the room where I was treated.

Losing your body in your own room is much more fun. Rania fell asleep next to me. I stroked her straight hair, she fell asleep. His breath was calm and there was peace. It's been an hour since I came home from the hospital. My husband where there might be is having fun with my honey. I threw him out of the room after driving me and put my bag and shirt there. Now at seven in the night there is a knock on the door.

Tini's mom came in, after I told her to. He brought a guest apparently. The beautiful woman was able to bring a smile to my lips. Irina's name, from where she knows I'm sick. “koq can be mbk. I'm sorry, I'm patient ya.” Grit my hand softly. She's Raihan's wife my distant cousin. He's still young. 7 Years with my cousin. Her marriage only lasted 3 years, but she has not been blessed with children. The person is beautiful wrapped in a peach color gamis, with a peach hood floral motif. I asked her to stay over to avoid my husband serving me.

“it's okay, it's better now. Where is raihan.” I asked this woman.

“ada below the same mas amir mbak..” he said search for a moment.

“i just found out mas wife Amir mbak andara. I met under” he continued again like there was regret there. How could he know my honey. That's how popular the seductress is.

“She's my cousin's ex-wife from papah. Divorced for cheating. That's the story I heard from mama.” “hah...”.shocked.that's all that came out of my lips.

“Mas riko is a good person, it's just that time there was a problem in his project. The name of the business is the rise and fall of mbak. At the time of the business Riko mas under his wife cheating with his ex-girlfriend. Mama also told papa's brother. If papa anywhere wants him to take care of soan”. I heard the story of Karina. My suspicions are little evident about the woman.

“if I may give you advice mengingan mbak Syafira go home first, calm the mind in the village. It takes time to accept all of this. But don't wait to heal now. Let aunt same uncle not worry”. Karina called my father and mother my uncles and aunts, following the nickname mas raihan for both my parents.

My lips couldn't tell her story. That means my husband cheated on me when the woman was still married. He also destroyed people's homes. My hate is mounting, the saintly pretender says he's afraid to sin but in fact. What a hypocritical couple.