SURVIVING BECAUSE OF STATUS

ENJOYING FREEDOM

“Janda” status that I was afraid of all this time ahirnya I slang as well. Here, no one will know about my past. So I will enjoy my freedom without burden.

No matter how my story goes, let God decide, my job is to pray and ask. That'sthat's all.

Six months I've been here, enough time alone, time to move on. Register the campus I want. No one recognizes me here so I'm freer without being afraid to meet new people.

Looking for a place to open the business my next plan . I'm the type of woman who can't keep quiet, I have to do something to fill my emptiness.

Busyness is one way that I can forget the bitterness of life so far.

Welcome to a new life, I welcome new people and new surroundings. My adaptation was enough to recognize the ins and outs of this city.I was already able to drive my own car after going through a one-month course. After finding an ad on the side of the road

Thank you to those who are very creative in promoting their efforts. By sticking a brochure on the crossroad pole. Marketing techniques are quite simple, but they help a lot. Especially for people who are just learning to get to know a new environment.

Rania already has a nanny Maryam her name.The person is old but very patient to take care of Rania.

I have been through difficulties in the first three months, Rania was sick because she missed her father. That's what the pediatrician I went to said. Physically weak my son because his psychic lost his spirit, he called his father whenever his body temperature rose. I didn't give up, I gave him the understanding that we couldn't be together anymore.

Is it done, not yet. I know my son every time he sleeps he hugs a picture of his father. I don't mind my son doing that. As long as he stays with me as a life booster. He is my only reason to rise.

Rania began to be active in her new school after going through a difficult period because my son was not easy to live in a new environment.not at home, often crying alone, not wanting to hang out with his classmates. That's according to his homeroom report.

Sadly for sure, I didn't have the heart to hear the teacher's story. But how else.return old life, same as re-open the wound that began to dry. A thousand sorry I said when my daughter fell asleep. I hug him and I say the words reinforce that we are able to get through this.

It seems that my prayer was answered, he not only began to get familiar with his new environment at school, but also began to get familiar with the neighborhood children in my neighborhood.

It turned out that God granted my prayer so quickly, now the stumbling block for me to continue the ideals had begun to shrink, a thousand thanks I said.

“this is the registration file, welcome and welcome to join the large family of civitas of our campus academy” said an administrative officer at the campus where I enrolled while cupping his hands in front of his chest in exchange for shaking hands.

“thank you sir, please guide him because I am new here” replied me, by doing the same

“that's for sure” he replied with a friendly smile, I replied with a smile that was no less friendly as well.

“then, I'll excuse you first. I want to see where I will learn later”kataku on the man who is about forty years old. Her friendly smile never escaped her face.

“oh, please” he stretched out his hand welcome.

I passed with the map in hand, a stack of registration files and the requirements are inside. The campus is quite large. The rectorate building was plastered valiantly at the entrance of the campus as if welcoming every guest who came.

After walking for a long time by following the instructions listed, I arrived at a three-story building. With the dominance of ivory paint, the parking lot is very wide.plastered writing FACULTY OF ECONOMICS with firm.

The yard is cool because there are many well-kept shade trees. I don't know why I feel so good about studying here. Comfortable and clean environment.

I drove my car slowly, recognizing the direction of the road I was passing. Today I have an appointment with the owner of the shophouse that I will rent. I chose a location not far from the campus where I launched my S2 later.

Park the car lined with another car, walking while recognizing the shophouse to be rented. A couple stood in front of the shop yesterday that said contracted, still young about forty years old.

“what will the mbak contract this place?” ask the friendly wife

“iya right, what is the mother of the owner?” ask me to come back with a smile that is no less friendly.

“iya, me and this is my husband. It's nice to meet, please look inside first maybe there is something you need later I will fix” he replied again

We went around, this building is quite spacious, from the description of the wife size of 6x10. The upper floor consists of 3 bedrooms one bathroom, and the kitchen is quite comfortable. Everything looks good. Nothing needs to be fixed.

I see every corner of the building, it looks paint and the walls are new, with a distinctive aroma that stings. The frame made of wood is also still shiny looks just installed.

“because this is close to the campus environment, you should open a mini market business as well as a copy. You see, behind this shop there is also residential residents and boarding students. That seems to fit” a good idea is also acceptable, but for photocopyan I have no experience at all.

Slow down, no need to rush. I've started it from the beginning. Everyone does need a process let alone me here new, do not understand anything about their needs, is the same as where I used to be.

“according to the price we agreed I want for the next two years ma'am, all the money I transfer via mobile banking” I said to the mother who curses this sky blue veil.

Where her husband, beside her faithfully accompany wherever we go. I don't know, I don't feel comfortable talking to men for now. let alone strangers, maybe my new status also contributed to shape my feelings.

Finished the contract business, just to meet the retail company that I will cooperate with. I contacted them from a week ago, but I decided today because the boss can do it today. I just follow.

Fortunately today the person I met the woman, was probably the same age as me. So not too awkward. The people are friendly, we are very familiar. I feel comfortable talking to him.

Okay, enough for today to go home to meet Rania, see her smile to relieve my fatigue one full day.

I opened the door slowly, as usual I entered the house my son would greet me with a smile and run towards me. But why does the house look lonely today.there is only mbak maryam in the kitchen making something.

I approached her, this woman with a sharp nose looked at me, her gaze as if implying sadness.

“what is it, what is Rania today making a plague?”ask me slowly while holding his shoulder slowly. Suddenly I saw tears on her cheeks. She cried, but quickly wiped away the clear water. What's the matter?

I was confused, this woman in front of me just lowered her head weakly

“where Rania” my guess is not good, this is out of the ordinary. I don't hear my daughter's laughter.

“ada in her room ma'am, Rania hot from earlier she did not want to eat” surprised by this woman's statement, of course because before I lived Rania was fine.

I rushed into my son's room, a heartbreaking sight that caught my net. Rania lay down with a blanket covering up her chest. His head looks out.His eyes are tightly closed.His lips mutter one name. Body shivers. Seen from the blanket he was wearing seemed to shake.

“Dad...” only one word came out of my son's lips but it has been able to break my heart. Like a slashing dagger. Suddenly I felt an unbearable pain. Really, the thing that I was afraid of happened, about Rania her sadness was able to cripple the power within me.

I memorized it, sitting on the side of the bed. I touched his forehead with the back of my hand, hot. It's even very hot. Take a thermometer in the medicine box. I've always provided this for a long time. To measure the body temperature of Rania if at any time fever.

39.5 The number that is listed there. oh, what happened to him O God, seeing my daughter's body shivering, I panicked. I lifted her body to my car while hugging my son.

I say countless apologies. Upon selfishness I separated my daughter from her father. But I really couldn't imagine my husband sharing his affection with another woman.

What if one day he and the woman had a child, how Rania would lose her father. I closed my eyes, imagining the pain as if it were real. Let this heart give a distance so that in time I will be found again there will be no more wounds scratched.

I drove the car slowly, Rania behind on the bench mbak maryam. Poor to see this woman's face, sadness is clearly drawn there.I looked at the windshield of the car. The Rania babysitter hugged and occasionally rubbed her forehead. His attention is like his own child, that's what I like about him. She loves Rania so much.

***

“this is the third time ma'am, will be until when mother let mother's daughter have to bear all of this. she is still a child has not understood anything. And he has to bear the pain of being to your selfishness” said the doctor who handles Rania.

Doctor ayu his name, as the name implies his face is very beautiful, said gently anyone will feel at home consulting with him. His description of the diagnosis was quickly understood by a layman like me.

“i am not ready doctor, my heart still can not accept my husband's treatment” well, he is the only person who understands about my household.

When this longhaired woman first urged me to bring Rania to her father. I had to tell you everything. Wishing he would understand and not force me anymore.

“but ma'am, there is no other way to his recovery besides that. Defeat for Rania just for a moment. lower your self-esteem for Rania. I can't bear to hear him calling his father over and over” he said in a wailing tone.

My heart hurts even more. But I can't afford to stare at that man's face for now because my heart is still too fragile.

“begini ma'am, how if met through a video call, who knows by hearing his voice can help mother”'s daughter the suggestion there is a twinkle of hope on the face.

“but sorry my doctor has already dumped all his contacts on my HP, in fact I've replaced the new HP to eliminate the trace when my decision was round to settle and stay in this city” my answer eliminates the twinkle of hope on the face of the beautiful doctor was instantaneous.

Our chat was over, the pediatrician gave in, he didn't know he had to give me any more advice than this stubborn one.

for the next few days my daughter will be treated here. I went to the room where Rania was being treated. She slept while I was staying for a consultation with the doctor who handled Rania.

there are only two of us in this room, mbak maryam I have told you to go home, because I will wait for Rania I want to always be near her no matter what.

“mother...” Rania's voice rambles to me, rushes me over, yokes her forehead gently and I hold her weak hand.The next hand still has an infusion hose attached there. I say sorry in my heart.

“when can Rania meet Dad?” the question was successful in making me weak, these tears can no longer be held back. There was a pain that struck my heart suddenly. I bowed weakly looking for what answer he deserved.

“later if Rania cured, mother will take Rania to meet father, now eat first continue to take the medicine, so as to recover quickly, will be able to meet father” again that word I spewed. Hope I can't possibly grant. Just to get my daughter to heal, and get out of this hospital in good health.

“ Why didn't you just tell me to come here to see Rania, I must also miss the same time Ranai” back sick this attack, like there was an invisible hand squeezing my heart. My tears are flowing more and more.

I was a selfish mother, separating Rania from her father. But imagine my husband is enjoying his happiness with that woman. It makes my heart not want to meet. Especially meeting Rania with Mas Amir. I'm afraid Rania would rather go with her father than me.

Let it be like this for a while, until I'm ready. To bring them together.

Forgive my dear mother, you do this because my heart cannot bear this pain a second time.