SURVIVING BECAUSE OF STATUS

Chapters 17. LIFE MUST GO ON

“*Seeing the wounds in his eyes made me feel guilty. I was too cowardly just to say that he was the full owner of my heart. Even I was too afraid to tell the truth of my affair. Whatever I do always hurts her. I could only hug her that night, let my tears represent how much more hurt I was with the injustice I created*”

Amirs.

The desire to change is there, changing the appearance to look more beautiful in the eyes of my husband. But I know enough myself, as much as I change will not make Mas Amir leave the woman by his side.

There is no harm in trying. Meanwhile, I fold neatly clothes my negligent negligence. I reopened my shirt when I got married, before Rania.

Home clothes with short-sleeved shirt tops, pleated mini skirts above the knee. I used to love it when I wore it. Like a high school boy he said. Only used in the house when still uncomfortable memamaki negligee.

Alhamdulillah still fit. Polishing thin makeup on face, soft color lipstick. The hair that is usually curled up this time I let it blend with the bando pulkadot motif decorate the hair.

Imagining her embrace last night made me even more excited. I gripped myself in front of the mirror and smiled, ready to welcome my morning.

Come down with a sweet smile. Breakfast I have made neatly arranged at the dining table.just wait for Mas Amir. She was in the bathroom when I got off. I have the office clothes ready in my bed.

“good morning mbak, last night Mas Amir slept with mbak ya” his aura is not friendly. He looked at me from top to bottom again.

“iya” I answered briefly without caring about his gaze.

the face of the cat, the typical messy hair of people waking up. The wall clock in the TV room shows the number 6.30. Muslims only in this female ID card. Sitting at the dinner table looking up the stairs, looking for her husband maybe. I don't care

“bunda” my son's voice forced me to turn. I approached her kissing her hair softly. “ Rania shower first new breakfast “ deliberately hardened my voice so that my madku understand that the rules in this house facing food must be in good condition at least membashi face with ablution water to look fresh.

“Bunda is so beautiful..”the first person to praise me. Glad it didn't feel wasted.

“thank you yes...”ku took his hand to Rania's room.

Fifteen minutes later I got off, after Rania was neat in her school uniform.

Mas Amir was sitting sweetly at the table eating, neat with his office clothes facing Andara.

I was sitting next to my husband, Rania at the end of the table next to mine. This dining table has 6 chairs four facing each other and the other two facing each other lengthwise.

My husband looked at me, a sweet smile I gave him. But wait for his gaze to be sharp as it held back anger. What's wrong with my appearance today. He stood facing me, my reflexes were standing. The atmosphere suddenly turned tense. Kulrikik Rania, he looked at us alternately there was a frightened face there.

“what happened to you today huh....!!!!!” his voice rose, his gaze terrifying, both of his hands clenched tightly. I was shaking so much this was the first time I saw a flash of anger on my husband's face after seven years. Andara stood staring at us as tensely.

“What's wrong?, I prepare breakfast bathing Rania, while waiting for the mas down what's wrong” answered me confused. Where did my husband who was last night hold me full of warmth.

“see your appearance,,,,!!!! where to go,,,,!!!, want to be a cheap woman, yes,,!!!!!” the sound of his screams filled every corner of this house, blaring with anger. Rania was crying in fear. This is the first time my son has seen his father this angry in front of him.

I carried my daughter trying to calm her down, hugging her in my arms hoping her cries would subside.

I expect praise from him as I used to but it is an insult I get, is there a feeling more broken than this. This morning I was made to hurt.

“mau is shown to whom your body is,,,!!!, quickly change your clothes,,,,!!!! I don't want to see it.....!!!” a loud voice filled with anger forced my tears to flow profusely, I was fixated where I stood.

What's wrong with this man in front of me...?????

“but, aa..a..ku.....” I said stammered, my tongue suddenly stiffened, even just explaining why I wear this shirt even I can not afford.

“don't argue,,,,!!! I've never had a disputing wife......!!!!” our faces are only one inch apart. He screamed in front of my face. Heartache, shame, and disappointment mingle with tears that become increasingly uncontrollable.

Can he not embarrass me in front of my honey. Allahs....

“hani, don't pity Rania petrified” my honey voice may be trying to dampen my husband's anger. But being caught in my senses is like an insult. As if to affirm that he is more considered than I am. How precious I am before my husband.

Even firmly my proud man says I'm a cheap woman. Rubbing rough tears with the palm of the hand.

“well, I am a cheap woman. But at least I expressed my heart before my husband, not in front of men is not halal to me. Trying to please my husband in this way I was wrong.... I've never taken anyone and I've never hurt another woman. One more thing, I'm not a female destroyer of people's households, so who's more cheap here” my voice is slowly full of emphasis.

Didn't want to scream because rania was in my door. Let my husband know that I'm not the woman he's accused of. To make her realize it was much more cheap to know who to dress, me or the woman she was proud of.

Now I realize how great it is for an Andara to take my place in this house. His shouting, anger and his clashing already confirmed that I was no longer in Mas Amir's heart.

No matter how much my sacrifice will never be considered. know enough yourself, keep your distance so that the heart does not get hurt more. The one who accompanies from zero will eventually lose to first love.

It was a bright morning but not with my heart, here I am now after dropping off Rania at school. Sri was suspicious of my eyes. He wanted to ask but was afraid.

Serving endless buyers. At 10am it was getting quiet only one two came.

“Astaghfirullah sri. May you please invite Rania, it's 10 to forget” I panic over half an hour Rania menggu at school hopefully she's not angry.

“ini later want to be delivered to the house what was brought here bu” replied obediently

“antar here sri”

“lho koq..?” he was surprised

“it's okay to borrow your room above for Rania ya” the beautiful woman looked at me full of investigation

“iya bu” I give you my motor key, his face is still confused.

“be careful, just slow down g need to speed, if rania tanya says I am busy many customers sri” afraid sri wrong answer may not want to go home before I pick up

Fifteen minutes later the sound of a motorbike rushes out to greet the princess. Before sulking

“mother koq g pickmup” fix,, she protests her face angry but in my eyes remains funny

“mommy is busy many people shopping, the important thing is Rania has gone home let's go upstairs to change clothes hand washing feet” pecking cheeks.

“you if lunch, usually buy where” asked on sri

“in the front fork there is a new chicken soto open, good bu” he replied

“ya already, ask for help buy ya, 2 servings of rice just the same sauce separated” I give two blue-colored money with a spectacled hero.

“koq two bu” asked, umpteenth time he I made confused today.

“iya, me both, rania g will run out” I look at sri, so as not to protest much

“but it's really good you know ma'am, if less I don't want to be told back to buy again.the queue longh” visit this child.but it's okay I've been idle like a brother.

“ya, have bought three, where the money I exchange” exchange money with the red color picture soekarno smiling.

It's been half an hour waiting, but Sri hasn't come yet. Rania I live upstairs with a toy I've prepared from home. I don't know I'm so lazy to go home. Mas amir's attitude this morning still looms over my head.

How did he stop being angry when Andara rubbed her shoulders. Sitting back at the table eating set his hunting breath after venting his anger at me.

I don't know what's wrong with me until he's so angry. Even the more open clothes Youara never reprimanded even though. When out, the hemisphere of the long skirt until the thigh belongs to you never get a reprimand.

Where lies the justice that he predicted when going to polygamy. I was the only one to mourn the pain and suffering that followed. While he and his woman are enjoying the sweetness of marriage on my wound.

“mom daydreaming ya” I'm surprised my body jumped, reflex I turned. I don't know since when sri was behind me.

“ih, you ngagetin” I hit his hand that still holds my shoulder

“mau eat, what was put first bu” tanya lift the black crackle, show me.

“direct eat sri, I'm the same Rania has not eaten from earlier” uh, I was wrong

“soalah keburu earlier Rania wake up bad luck” rush kuralat my speech before sri brain traveling. For now I am not ready to tell my household problems to Sri.

“above ma'am let me take care of shop” hand me the black crackle

“thank you sri, I want to go up rania allo” I went up after saying goodbye, Sri nodded.

“since when do you have a sri laptop?” ask me after going downstairs

“new buy ma'am, the plan I want a list of lectures, only good enough to learn” my employee explained strangely he did not dare to look at me.

“alhamdulillah, the rest of the money sent to my village saved” he looked at me

“pinter you manage money sri” replied me

“ spirit yes, good luck later can campus according to your wishes.” Always pinned the best prayer so that he can boast of his parents in the village.

“oiya bu, sales who yesterday offered mother cooperation with her company come again, later mother will be the sole distributor here. So I just look for a wider store, this shophouse so it becomes a warehouse he said.” He looked at me seriously. There was seriousness in his eyes.

“just accept ma'am, this is an umpteenth offer, but mom always refuses. Remember the simplicity does not come twice lho” his gaze is still fixed, waiting for an answer.

“seems like I'm starting to be interested later I consider first. Your phone number save yes, later I contact the person” replied me sad.

“alhamdulillah,, hopefully everything is smooth yes bu” my employees look very strange happy, strange,

“from now on I will work harder for Rania. His future is a priority now. Whatever happens life must still go right..” I murmur softly there is pain that infiltrates this gap of the heart. There's nothing more to expect from my marriage now.

It's time to think about not relying on Mas Amir. But at least there's still Rania to encourage my life.

“hah...????, mom and dad are fine right?” his eyes suddenly glared

“hah???” I looked at sri. His gaze probed, like wanting to skin my body

“don't think, if I'm ready will definitely be a story but for now not yet. Sorry ya”

Patting his shoulders slowly.

A gift of pain after abuse from my husband, forcing me to tighten my shoulders.

Life must go on. Being financially independent is my goal right now. Learn to let go slowly. In time, I will run away from the pain, facing a happier future.

Expecting my husband to change is like saltwater. Anyone knows, Andara is the woman that Mas Amir wanted, then now. Maybe forever.

I was just an escape from her disappointment first.