Forced Love

Chapters 37. Break Again and Again

August 3, 2013. From morning I was anxious to say that I wanted to finish. Yes, it's really finished. I had a hard time sleeping last night thinking about this. 

"Dhit.." I contacted him through BBM chat. 

"Riii... Thank God you want to ignore me again.. I'm so happy Ri.." Reply Dhito quickly. 

"Hmm yes.. Not for a month... I kept my word Oh, Dhit." 

"Yes, I believe in you Ri.. You how are you?"

"Alhamdulillah I am good Dhit. Directly yes Dhit, I don't want to talk stale anymore... I want us to go through with ya.."

"Wait first... You arrived - suddenly I kept asking. Is it our relationship? Wh why? So in the beginning you asked this time to think of breaking up, huh?"

"Hey... I ask for time to introspect Dhit, I ask for peace of mind. Why until this moment I have difficulty opening my heart completely to you, why until now I am still backstreet from my parents and my family. I don't know why, but you're still patient with me, waiting for me until I can love you completely. I'm terribly impressed, Dhit. As if - will I do not want to make an effort for our relationship, but you do not think about... You want not stop smoking for yourself? Don't you? You know.that's what makes me so hard to know you both know me. I do not want to compare - compare or favoritism with men smokers. But I don't want it when my parents know you're smoking, they're not like you. That's why I want to make you stop smoking... But you always tell me to be patient.. Not easily.. It's not easy, I know that. But I see you don't have any effort, like that Dhit. Well I thought, how can I want a real effort - really love you if you are just that. So I don't think we need to keep the same thing." 

"I'm sorry Ri, you're so angry with me.... I want and try Ri to stop smoking. But yes it is difficult. Because I have been an active smoker for a long time Ri, it is not easy for active smokers to immediately stop. I need some time."

"Judah I don't have time. So we're done." 

"R.. Are you sure?" 

"Related." 

"You don't want to give me another chance? I'm begging.. I promise I want to and can smoke less." 

"You are so good - really promise. Later if I give you a chance, balk again ngerokanyak." 

"I don't mean Ri... Please Ri. Again, give me a chance.." 

"Well, when will we hold on again? It's gonna take a year, Dhit." 

"I promise not long Ri..."

"You always beg gini if I'm tired."

"I ask you for help."

"Here go, break it now. Let each one go first again. If you keep your promise, we'll start again."

"So you're asking for another break now?"

"Yes..."

"How long will you give me?" 

"Anne.. I don't want to be too pinched. Because I get it, you're not going to smoke that fast, are you?"

"Okees.. I'll be trying for a month Ri. But you have to give me a chance.."

"Hmm yes if you really - I really give you a chance. If you don't want to do anything else? Tired Dhit."

"I'll try Ri.. I love you, so I want to work for you."

"Okees. I'll wait another month."

"Thank you Ri, you still want to give me one more chance to try." 

After the conversation we had together in the BBM chat, I no longer paid attention to Dhito's chat as often as usual. It might even be the height of my emotions towards him. Emotions that are silent, not emotions that explode - explosive. I'm tired of maintaining an insincere heart. 

***

This morning, I was more excited to start the day. Even today my college schedule is not tight. 

"Lo's more happy today?" Ask Tami.

"Hahaha time anyway?" My heart while chuckling. 

"Yeah... Why anyway? Story - dong's story." Typical of Tami, she's always happy to hear my story. 

"Hahahaha is very gemesh Tamiii.."

"Hahahaha what the hell is Ri. Let's tell you.."

"Yes yes, I told you.. So I'm breaking again with the Dhito."

"Again?"

"Yeah, I've broken up the real relationship. But he didn't want to, because he still wants to make me love him wholeheartedly and he wants to quit smoking within a month."

"God.. Why is she Ri? The problem is if you keep defending but the same - just as sick for what?"

"Well that.. That's why I gave him one month. After that if he still does not want to change and guenya also still no feel the same she yaudah bye."

"Yes he should not be able to continue - continue tosan dong Ri..."

"Father, this is it he wants effort. I will still appreciate and try Tam. If you can't yaudah."

"Originally you are still willing and patient to survive.."

"No, I'm really impatient. I can not stand the hope, but I do not want to be angry - angry or until the enemy because it is the same him. Because I know he's good. So, jeez, if this month he can't be well later we have to really - really good talk - good again."

"Yaudah, hopefully it can be resolved quickly, Ri..."

"Amiii.... Lo dong now story... I was doing it.."

"Hahaha I don't have any story - what Ri. My relationship with Raza gini - gini aja."

"Aren't you toxic, Tam? He cheated on me often. Keep the same rough. Lo keep the nyamperin to Jogja. Don't do it."

"No, he's not what you value. He's actually good, yes there might be a problem that makes him so it's Ri."

"Yes anyway if you are not strong do not force Tam. If you still want to survive with him yaudah, which is important if you want to tell me the same story yes."

"Yeah Ri... Makasii..." Tami answered while hugging me.

"Oh well hug - hug. What's up?" Mily's voice arrived - arrived.

"Hahahaha gapapa Mil, I just told Tami about my break again with Dhito. This time I only gave him one month. After being felt within a month it can not also yaa already this is actually the last chance. There's no more relationship between me and Dhito." I answered while explaining to Sera, Resty, Aira, Yanti, Fily, Sissy and Viana. 

"Whether it's the spirit and if you want to tell the same story, the story is Ri.." Sahut Fily's.

"Thank you, gang." Answer me with a smile.