Amnesiacs

Suffering is Opium

The next day, I sat in the hospital garden, accompanied by curiosity, I noticed, the leaves began to fall, the atmosphere felt sad.

"So, sorry to interrupt the timing, just talk to me for a second"

"I'm sorry I'm busy"

"It's about Silvi!"

"Oh, this is the guy Silvi told me about, looking so weak, I wonder he can like you"

"sorry, is there a relationship between the two of you?, if you're her boyfriend, I'd like to take care of her"

"it's sad, someone like you expected Silvi, you won't be strong to face her burden"

disgusting, I realize, whatever I do I feel wrong, I am blind, without direction and without hope.

I feel confused, I don't know what else to say, all I think about now is Silvi's happiness with whoever she is, the important thing is that she is happy.

"Be a man, you don't want to disappoint him, do you?"

"Yes"

"I am only Silvi's family doctor, now you are too weak, even Silvi is very strong, she bears it alone, you must learn and must be stronger if you want to be with her"

"I'm sorry"

"Had he not told you yet, you're this weak"

"What do you know? what he's hiding from me"

"Just ask Silvi, and strengthen your mentality first, you actually do not deserve him at all"

actually, without him even saying I understand, I am indeed unworthy, to love Silvi.  Even the ants there knew it, I should have realized my destiny, I was destined to be a loser, forced to be a hero, but was it wrong for love to choose me?, affection came to me is it wrong?

I spoke with emotion, my hands clenched, I was disappointed with my own situation, who had no idea what was going on. But now I understand, I have to be stronger, I have to be stronger, you have to learn a lot for her sake, for Silvi who already wants to love me unconditionally.

The next day, I spoke to Silvi, on the rooftop of the school.

"Anyway I will love you no matter how hard it is, I have met him, your family doctor, so what exactly are you hiding, tell me, let us bear with your unrest"

My body trembled, my soul groaned, the weight of the words I spoke. Then the wind blew against her face, Decomposing her beautiful hair, she turned and she was silent.

silvi looked surprised to hear my words.

"Until now I don't understand why you chose me, but I'm not a special person, just a colorless human being, but because you chose me, I believe I can learn to be better for you, I really want to hear all about you, even I want all your problems we shared"

He looked back at me, with a sad look and an empty soul, his face showing helplessness, his tears describing all the suffering he was going through, even the usual laughter painted on her face was just a mere decoration, the beauty she showed was the closing form of her weakness.in her cries she said

"Ura, I have a strange illness, even if it's only 6 months away, I hope you make me happy, and we'll make all the sweet memories you can remember, hopefully I can remember them too" silvi said with a smile

I was swept away in silence after that, the air that pierced my lungs, felt chest tight, I saw a smile on his face, but I felt a very cruel agony.

My hands tremble, trying to brace myself for soul-scratching honesty, despair comes tearing my soul apart, I will drown, but if I die in this suffering what about the one who feels it firsthand, I imagined the fear he felt every day, but he could still laugh.

"For as long as I am there, I will be happy, I will bear this suffering together, I will fight it with you, until our hearts are content to do it all, and then you will never die, you will always be with me, living in my soul"

Silvi he just smiled, but I doubt with sincerity, he said everything as if there was no suffering, even though his soul refused to feel it.

today, there is one thing that we do not end up discussing, namely sadness and suffering, sadness that sustains suffering, such as bones that support the flesh, while the body that stands tall is happiness. that's what you are, a strong woman with a fragile state.

after today, I don't know if I'm going to cry or laugh, time is going to go fast, but let it all flow as it is, let the future remain a secret, and hopefully it will be simple news, which I can understand without you saying again.

that's how Silvi is a woman who will only share laughter and happiness, while the fatigue and pain she eats by herself, it feels like she's like me, who is starting to get addicted to suffering and sadness.

"Silvi marry me"