Special Journey

Episode 38's

"Assynoltom..." I smiled and greeted Joseph.

"Wa'alaikumussalam." Without looking, he just hugged the pillow and half sat down.

"Are you really healthy? Do you pray zuhur?" Without answer.

I tried to get closer, a little worried. Maybe someone is sick!

Joseph looked back at me. But this time I felt something different. Joseph's gaze was so sharp. A sword ready to strike with a million questions.

I am still trying to be relaxed, maybe Joseph returned to being a cold and ignorant Joseph. But this Stare, not a cold Stare, was more like holding back anger.

Am I wrong?

Or Joseph who has a problem?

I was confused what to do.

"Are you okay Suf?" Look at Joseph's bed in disarray.

"Why see me?" I put the minibag on the sofa.

He was still silent, with no answer, his gaze still trailing where I was moving.

"It... " I gave you the remaining apple.

"Why would you lie to me, Fah?" My steps stopped when I turned around. What does Joseph mean? Lying what is he accusing me of?

I tried to ignore Yusuf's question, "Why would you lie to me?" I still turned my back to Joseph's body.

"I don't understand." My Java without looking at me Yusuf.

"Don't pretend to be stupid, Fah. Just look at me, and tell me one more time that you don't understand what I mean?"

I turned to face Joseph. "Tell me clearly, what mistake did I make?" I looked into Joseph's eyes full of courage, when did I look at Joseph like this.

I used to see warmth and love in Joseph's eyes, but this time full of anger, Joseph's eyes began to turn red and it seemed, he had finished crying.

What's the matter?

Did Joseph not know about Kia?

I began to squint, I threw away the sight of Joseph. I don't want to bring up Kia at the moment, I don't want to miss Kia at the moment.

Turn around, maybe I'd better go.

"AGRRRR."

BRAAKK...

Throwing sound. My feelings are starting to get erratic.

"Why are you making me look like a fool? Why are you hiding the truth from me?"

I'm still sculpting. Still looking back at Joseph.

"I killed Kia. Me! L'm... " Joseph's crying voice was already unable to bear.

He struck his chest many times, "Joseph... Istighfar! Control your emotions! I'll explain what happened to Kia."

"Why do you have to lie to me?"

"Because we want you to focus on your recovery first."

"Now that I've recovered, it's better, why don't you guys still tell me the truth that happened to Kia? How long are you gonna hide this from me?"

"Suf, istighfar!" I dared to look at Joseph in the eyes. It was obvious that he was devastated, and my tears began to fill the space in my eyes.

He's fucked. Just as early as I had to accept the fact that I had to lose Kia. And with Yusuf. He must need some time to accept this fact.

"We have only the care of Suf, the God who is more entitled to Kia, only until here God gives confidence in me, in us to take care of Kia. This is what's best for Kia, for Kia's happiness."

"Do you think I can't make Kia happy? You think I'm just like his father? Even I love Kia more than you do, Fah. You understand?" Joseph looked at me full of anger. Clenched both of his hands, and struck his chest many times again.

So dear to Kia Joseph. In fact he said he loved Kia more than I did. I'm sure Kia was the luckiest child to get such great love from Joseph, who was a nobody.

"Who's your current anger Suf?" Joseph was silent, still in silence. Rubbing his face rough, "do you want to protest with God? You want to be angry with God?" I cornered Joseph more and more so that he realized that God had more power over all life in this world.

"Try learning to accept this fact, you should have given me strength, Suf! Not even the opposite, who loves Kia more in this world than me, her mother! The woman who gave birth to her, I am Suf! I love Kia more than anything."

"I'm sorry I couldn't take good care of Kia, I'm sorry I made you lose Kia." Joseph said softly among his tears, "i am not worthy of you, just keep Kia I can't."

"Istighfar. This is the will of God, even before Kia lahiran Kia way of life has been established by God."

"I'm wrong."

"Those who hit you have also come and apologized, they have met our parents. They've been responsible for all the financial losses for your treatment and Kia's."

"I don't want their money Fah, I want them to be punished in court, whatever their reasons, they still drive with no caution, sorry they can't make Kia come back to life." Joseph is still beeapi-fire.

"Assalamualaikum.., ashtagfirullah! What's this bang?" Fariz came and was shocked to see the whole room in disarray. The pillow that Joseph threw in the direction.

"Sister... " Fariz looked at me, as if asking for an explanation.

"Adek just talk to Joseph. Brother out for a minute." I patted Joseph on the shoulder. And passed away leaving them.

"LT...!" A nurse, who looked very young, approached me. Pryli Ayudija. That's the name on his left chest.

"Yes..." I wiped my tears, "Can I help you?"

He walked closer. Slowly, "forgive me, ma'am, Mr. Joseph forced me to ask to be ushered in the room to trigger, looking for a child named Kia, Kia, I don't know if the child Mr. Joseph is looking for is dead and still kept a family secret, I really don't know and don't mean to be presumptuous, Mom! Please forgive me."

"No problem, sooner or later he will also know the truth. Maybe he got hit because he felt lied to." I patted the nurse's shoulder.

"Once again forgive me, Mom! I also just found out that the son of Mr. Joseph he was looking for is no longer there."

"That's not Joseph's son, but my son, they're just as close, like son and father," I tried to calm him down. "already... Yusuf just needs time, you can go back to work, if your seniors get angry, just say you've apologized." I tried to smile. I know besides feeling bad and feeling guilty, he must also be afraid of his co-workers, what are his seniors.

Again I can only wipe away these tears. If only they were left.

If only there were Kia...

If only I had answered Joseph's proposal sooner...

If only...

If only...

Ahh I don't know. God's destiny is a secret. Surprise to each of His Servants.

***

The night began to crawl, the moon again occupied the highest singasana, replacing the sun.

Walking towards the balcony, looking up at the sky, momentarily enjoying the soothing moonlight.

Again Kia's shadow was again present, even these tears again crept down my cheek, "I'm sorry mom, son who can't let go of Kia." did Kia hear? "Mother misses." To whom I put the word so that Kia can reply.

Three in the morning. My eyes are still on, not even feeling drowsy.

Usually I will do night prayers or other worship, when this fear even comes to the moon, I cannot stretch out the prayer mat to tell God.

I got back my phone. Return to the message Joseph entered after the magrib.

"I deliver you, Khoiratul Afiifah, from my sermon, you may receive the sermon from other men after this."

The message in Joseph I have read dozens of times, said Joseph. He should be fighting for me right now, we should be fighting together through this test, not letting me pass this sharp pebble by myself.

I can only hug both my legs. Maybe this is the time I spent tonight.

Many times I tried to reply to Joseph's message, many times my right thumb erased the words I had assembled.

I can't wait for tomorrow, I want to ask Yusuf, why free me from his sermon!

Did Joseph really love Kia more than I did? So decided to leave after Kia died.

"What's my fault? Explain it!" Annihilated. My patience is over, too long to wait for tomorrow. I want to know the reason for Joseph. I sent a reply to the message Yusuf had sent to me.

15 Minutes 50 minutes... Until 5am, I had no answer from Joseph, only to read without reply.

***

"Are you awake?"

"Have Bun," I passed. Enjoy a morning cup of milk, "Bun, Afiifah go for a minute huh?"

"Where are you going?" Mother looked at me, "It's not like going to the office, where are you going this early in the morning? It's only 7 in the morning, brother." Mother is still standing in front of me.

Be that as it may. I don't know where to go either? My mind is confused. Don't know the direction.

Oh Allah... Give me some peace.

"Yes..." I hugged my mother, the most comfortable resting place at the moment, "So big this test Afiifah feels."

I held back, holding back the tears that again began to boil in my eyes.

"Istighfar son, accepting God's decree with riddho is not easy, but believe me... This is how God loves you." Mother stroked my head.

"Bun... Joseph dropped his proposal for Afiifa, when Afiifa began to expect it."

Mother let go of my embrace, "what do you mean?"

I know you will be confused, you definitely do not believe what I will tell you.

"Hey! Tell mom, explain! What do you mean, cancel the proposal?"

"What a bun, early in the morning it's been a storm." Dad came complete with his proud office uniform.

"Oh well, mother also wants an explanation of Afiifa," Mother left me who still pegged, "Breakfast first, Fah. What do you want to eat?"

"Fried rice."

"A month ago Joseph asked Afiifa to be his wife" I turned over, "but last night Joseph canceled the proposal for Afiifa, when Afiifa began to love her." I saw their incredulous expressions.

Father who stopped his activities, mother who just stared at my words.

"Afiifah go first well, bun. Assalamualaikum." I left them.

Maybe my main goal is the hospital. I just want Joseph to explain what happened.

Slowly starting to drive away from the home environment, many times I said Istighfar.

Fifteen minutes.

Hurry up to leave the parking area. A little quickly this foot stepped. Many times I shed these tears before they fall. I don't want to cry right now. I have to be strong. If Joseph wants to free me from his sermon at least give me a good reason.

I'm ready for the worst possible event.

"I go home first bang, later I ask Brother Afiifah to accompany brother here."

With my hands ready to knock and say hello, I waited for Fariz to leave Joseph, so that I could speak more freely. Fariz doesn't know the problem between us.

"No need Riz, I don't want to see Afiifa."

My chest suddenly hurt, like a heavy load. I decided to listen to their conversation. I'm sorry God, I had to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"What's the bang? Is there a problem with him?"

"I cancelled my application to Afiifa, I have released her from my kthitbah Riz."

"Why bang?"

"Abang was afraid of not being able to make Afiifa happy, brother was afraid of not being able to keep him well."

"Abang feeling guilty about Kia's departure?"

"Didn't... But their brother, all this is also because brother, brother has separated Afiifah with Kia, keeping Kia only brother is not able, how can brother keep Afiifah?"

"Bao... Brother is just not confident right now."

"You're right Riz, brother is not confident to be able to make Afiifah happy. It's enough he suffered with his first marriage, brother wants him to get a better man than brother."

"Abang wants to let go of Brother Afiifah for the second time?"

"What's? Second time?" I said quietly, "what do they mean?" I'm still standing outside.

Momentary silence. No more conversations between the two.

"Abang will regret bang, brother who can most make brother Afiifah happy, seven years already brother waiting, can't brother a little more fight for brother's love? Didn't you often ask God and hope that Afiifah can come back here? Can you be with brother?"

"How self-centered is Riz, why did I expect Afiifah to be separated from that man? I really don't deserve him, Riz."

"It's up to you brother, but brother has made brother Afiifah fall in love, why did brother break his heart again? Can't you be an entertainer for Afiifah right now? It's too weak to bear all this heavy burden bang!"

"He doesn't love me, Riz. He just wanted Kia to have Dad, now that Kia is gone, I would have never expected her again."

"So my brother proposed to Afiifah because of Kia?"

"La. Because I love Kia so much, and I love Kia's mother so much, I want to have them both in this life. I'll make them happy, and grateful for this life."

"Then, believe Afiifah brother again bang, believe that if you really love him, you can have a small family again, you are young, you can certainly soon have children."

"Of course. You go home first. I want to be alone."

"Well bang, think carefully, do not come back to regret and lose brother Afiifah again, maybe this time he will find a good man, and they will never divorce again, he said, as long as you can only love her in prayer and wishful thinking bang, I return first. Assalamualaikum."

I quickly moved away, before Fariz's eyes had heard all of their conversations.

"So I've been the one he's been waiting for these six years? He secretly prayed for me to part from Haikal! How selfish of him." I monologued, and decided to leave, I no longer needed Joseph's explanation, which I had heard already from the answer I wanted to ask.